Spiderman
Veteran Member
So, I am actually very altruistic, in the sense that I want everyone euphoric, happy, peaceful, want all dreams come true.
I want the blameless to find their reward first and foremost, but I even want the Devil, demons, antichrist, damned souls, and the mother of harlots (Babylon the Great from revelation, woman who rides the beast), to all find total relief from pain and suffering, find joy, laughter, bliss, and some version of Heaven, even for damned souls in hell some day, because I don't want anyone to suffer.
I have done many charitable deeds most people wouldn't do, when I'm able to, and I'm able to love some monsters, who do some pretty bad things, even people who have victimized me, and I love murderers and rapists, blasphemers, school shooters, abortion doctors, and Dictators, because I think those are some of the most poor, bankrupt, tortured souls, sometimes the most unloved, sometimes the most abused.
The problem is, in my love for monsters, because I know how much they are suffering, I will go to many lengths to provide entertainment or amusement sometimes, to those kinds of people, saying or writing things, or behaving in ways that will cheer them up, or that they can appreciate, at the expense of myself causing great offense to the pure of heart, the modest, the humble, the law abiding, the chaste, the meek, or the innocent.
Also, quite frankly, I don't want God to damn anyone to Hell, so when I read the Bible talk about God having an attitude, where most people are not saved, and says he painfully killed the whole world with a curse, and multiplied the labor pains women go through during childbirth, to the point that was the main reason the average woman didn't live to see the age of 30 for thousands of years, (dying during painful childbirth), it makes me see God as a worse monster than the serpent who told Eve to eat the fruit, because the serpent didn't kill everyone for crimes they are not guilty of, or have them born cursed, so that they are naturally inclined to sin, and feel separated from God.
That was entirely the decision of God, and it has made life torture for a lot of people, agony, and gives everyone the fear, pain, and grief of death, or that of their loved ones.
Sorry, I talk about Jacob a lot, if you have read it too many times from me, sorry, maybe some have not.
So, in view of that, I feel the most noble thing I can do is oppose God, because Jacob fought with God, Scripture says he fought with God and won, committing physical violence against him even, not letting Go when God asked him to, and his name was changed to Israel, which means "contender with God". Although Scripture says he committed violence against a man or Angel, that man or Angel makes it very clear that it was God he was physically assaulting.
Jacob also was blessed for committing Idolatry with a woman, and he had loyalty not to God, but only a woman, obeying her telling him to wear his Twin's clothing, take credit for her work as if it was his, lie to his father and say that he was his Father's favorite son Esau, (who did the most difficult work to please the father), the first born, the Father's favorite of the two by far, and steal from his brother and Father, the blessing that didn't belong to him, the greatest blessing in Scripture "blessed are those who bless you, cursed are those who curse you, in you all people shall find their blessing".
That actually is the only reason Jacob became the Father of the twelve tribes of Israel, the most holy sacred bloodline coming to the world through him and his descendants, salvation and the Messiah descending from him, the only reason was, because he lied, he stole, he dishonored his father, he deceived, he impersonated someone else, and he committed Idolatry, by placing a woman as someone he had unflinching loyalty to, without respect for the laws of God, or the wishes of his Father, whom God placed over him as the superior of the household by Divine decree.
Jacob was given an extremely great reward, a blessing, a bright future, success, by essentially being a criminal and breaking multiple of the ten commandments. He also used forbidden sorcery to change the colors of sheep, to deceive someone for financial gain. Using sorcery for noble causes isn't considered okay in the Bible, but to use it to deceive, trick, for financial gain, and then be blessed, yet again, blessed by God for it, is bizarre.
Then to make it far more bizarre, he commits physical violence against someone that it says is a man, some translations say an Angel, then it becomes clear that he was fighting with God, refusing God's request to let go of him when asked, demanding that he will not let go until God gives him what he wants, essentially saying "You know what Mr. God, your desires come second to mine, your wishes come second to what I want, and I'm holding onto you, refusing to obey your request to let go, until you do my will, give me what I want, I don't care what you want", then being told he fought with God and won, and his name is changed to "Contender with God", that almost sounds like him being rewarded for demonic behavior, acting like the Devil, because the Devil is also a contender with God, trying to fight with God and win, like he did.
So, because I want universal salvation, I want everyone to be happy, I want heaven to be brought even to the Devil and damned souls, so no one suffers, and I kind of find it irrefutable that the Bible says God killed everyone for crimes they didn't do, (crimes Adam and Eve were guilty for), and multiplied pain women go through giving birth, (which for many centuries killed a large percentage of women), it seems to me the most noble altruistic thing to be doing, the most charitable thing to be doing, that is going to relieve the most suffering, is to try and find a way to be like Jacob, fight with God and win, be blessed for doing things that are forbidden, all of which he accomplished, and Scripture makes that clear, but do it always with altruism, and relieving suffering, as the motive and goal. That sounds good to me.
But in the process of all that, I tend to believe sick, disordered, perverted, wicked people, they simply cannot help themselves, and I find myself trying to entertain or amuse them, and I have a love for people no one else can love, and it causes me to lose a lot of friends, especially Christians, because they see how I behave, the things I do to try and entertain or enhance such people's lives, and the thing that scandalizes them the most about it, is it isn't expected at all.
Because I am very naturally altruistic, (back when I had my jobs remodeling and delivering papers, or stimulus checks, had money to give, I gave much larger percentage of what I had away, than the vast majority of Christians would, far more than tithing), and I also spend a lot of time in prayer, and am always feeling the pain of others, and compassionate, so it leaves people thinking I'm a good Christian, so completely shocked when they see my dark side, or my love for monsters.
It is far more scandalous to a Christian or the pure of heart, than if they saw that behavior coming from someone who obviously had no morals, because the shock of it coming from someone you think is virtuous, is more likely to leave people cynical, apprehensive, or feeling like they were deceived, played by a con artist!
It isn't how I want to be, but like the yin and yang, I have a very dark side, a light side, and I tend to especially be concerned about lovers of darkness, whom God has rejected, and I try to ease their misery, because they strike me as being the most tortured, and the ones with the worst agony in store.
The lovers of light, I don't worry about much. They have their reward in this life, and especially in the next.
Also, let's not forget, King David was the most anointed blessed man of his time, a prophet, a priest, a King, and he had a very holy man, his right hand man Uriah, violently murdered, so David could get away with getting his wife pregnant.
King David was actually renowned for his humility and holiness, called "a man after God's own heart", yet even I in my worst darkness and depravity, wouldn't have intercourse with a woman I know has a husband, and I especially wouldn't have her husband murdered so that I could get away with it. I think we shouldn't ever be too scandalized by how even prayerful people we think are virtuous behave, even if they are behaving like the Devil himself!
But, I cause a lot of scandal, fear, worry, confusion, offense, and discomfort, to some very good people, people that I like very much. Sometimes I feel perhaps possessed, or filled with darkness, cursed. Let me know what you think. Your prayers are appreciated. God bless you!
I want the blameless to find their reward first and foremost, but I even want the Devil, demons, antichrist, damned souls, and the mother of harlots (Babylon the Great from revelation, woman who rides the beast), to all find total relief from pain and suffering, find joy, laughter, bliss, and some version of Heaven, even for damned souls in hell some day, because I don't want anyone to suffer.
I have done many charitable deeds most people wouldn't do, when I'm able to, and I'm able to love some monsters, who do some pretty bad things, even people who have victimized me, and I love murderers and rapists, blasphemers, school shooters, abortion doctors, and Dictators, because I think those are some of the most poor, bankrupt, tortured souls, sometimes the most unloved, sometimes the most abused.
The problem is, in my love for monsters, because I know how much they are suffering, I will go to many lengths to provide entertainment or amusement sometimes, to those kinds of people, saying or writing things, or behaving in ways that will cheer them up, or that they can appreciate, at the expense of myself causing great offense to the pure of heart, the modest, the humble, the law abiding, the chaste, the meek, or the innocent.
Also, quite frankly, I don't want God to damn anyone to Hell, so when I read the Bible talk about God having an attitude, where most people are not saved, and says he painfully killed the whole world with a curse, and multiplied the labor pains women go through during childbirth, to the point that was the main reason the average woman didn't live to see the age of 30 for thousands of years, (dying during painful childbirth), it makes me see God as a worse monster than the serpent who told Eve to eat the fruit, because the serpent didn't kill everyone for crimes they are not guilty of, or have them born cursed, so that they are naturally inclined to sin, and feel separated from God.
That was entirely the decision of God, and it has made life torture for a lot of people, agony, and gives everyone the fear, pain, and grief of death, or that of their loved ones.
Sorry, I talk about Jacob a lot, if you have read it too many times from me, sorry, maybe some have not.
So, in view of that, I feel the most noble thing I can do is oppose God, because Jacob fought with God, Scripture says he fought with God and won, committing physical violence against him even, not letting Go when God asked him to, and his name was changed to Israel, which means "contender with God". Although Scripture says he committed violence against a man or Angel, that man or Angel makes it very clear that it was God he was physically assaulting.
Jacob also was blessed for committing Idolatry with a woman, and he had loyalty not to God, but only a woman, obeying her telling him to wear his Twin's clothing, take credit for her work as if it was his, lie to his father and say that he was his Father's favorite son Esau, (who did the most difficult work to please the father), the first born, the Father's favorite of the two by far, and steal from his brother and Father, the blessing that didn't belong to him, the greatest blessing in Scripture "blessed are those who bless you, cursed are those who curse you, in you all people shall find their blessing".
That actually is the only reason Jacob became the Father of the twelve tribes of Israel, the most holy sacred bloodline coming to the world through him and his descendants, salvation and the Messiah descending from him, the only reason was, because he lied, he stole, he dishonored his father, he deceived, he impersonated someone else, and he committed Idolatry, by placing a woman as someone he had unflinching loyalty to, without respect for the laws of God, or the wishes of his Father, whom God placed over him as the superior of the household by Divine decree.
Jacob was given an extremely great reward, a blessing, a bright future, success, by essentially being a criminal and breaking multiple of the ten commandments. He also used forbidden sorcery to change the colors of sheep, to deceive someone for financial gain. Using sorcery for noble causes isn't considered okay in the Bible, but to use it to deceive, trick, for financial gain, and then be blessed, yet again, blessed by God for it, is bizarre.
Then to make it far more bizarre, he commits physical violence against someone that it says is a man, some translations say an Angel, then it becomes clear that he was fighting with God, refusing God's request to let go of him when asked, demanding that he will not let go until God gives him what he wants, essentially saying "You know what Mr. God, your desires come second to mine, your wishes come second to what I want, and I'm holding onto you, refusing to obey your request to let go, until you do my will, give me what I want, I don't care what you want", then being told he fought with God and won, and his name is changed to "Contender with God", that almost sounds like him being rewarded for demonic behavior, acting like the Devil, because the Devil is also a contender with God, trying to fight with God and win, like he did.
So, because I want universal salvation, I want everyone to be happy, I want heaven to be brought even to the Devil and damned souls, so no one suffers, and I kind of find it irrefutable that the Bible says God killed everyone for crimes they didn't do, (crimes Adam and Eve were guilty for), and multiplied pain women go through giving birth, (which for many centuries killed a large percentage of women), it seems to me the most noble altruistic thing to be doing, the most charitable thing to be doing, that is going to relieve the most suffering, is to try and find a way to be like Jacob, fight with God and win, be blessed for doing things that are forbidden, all of which he accomplished, and Scripture makes that clear, but do it always with altruism, and relieving suffering, as the motive and goal. That sounds good to me.
But in the process of all that, I tend to believe sick, disordered, perverted, wicked people, they simply cannot help themselves, and I find myself trying to entertain or amuse them, and I have a love for people no one else can love, and it causes me to lose a lot of friends, especially Christians, because they see how I behave, the things I do to try and entertain or enhance such people's lives, and the thing that scandalizes them the most about it, is it isn't expected at all.
Because I am very naturally altruistic, (back when I had my jobs remodeling and delivering papers, or stimulus checks, had money to give, I gave much larger percentage of what I had away, than the vast majority of Christians would, far more than tithing), and I also spend a lot of time in prayer, and am always feeling the pain of others, and compassionate, so it leaves people thinking I'm a good Christian, so completely shocked when they see my dark side, or my love for monsters.
It is far more scandalous to a Christian or the pure of heart, than if they saw that behavior coming from someone who obviously had no morals, because the shock of it coming from someone you think is virtuous, is more likely to leave people cynical, apprehensive, or feeling like they were deceived, played by a con artist!
It isn't how I want to be, but like the yin and yang, I have a very dark side, a light side, and I tend to especially be concerned about lovers of darkness, whom God has rejected, and I try to ease their misery, because they strike me as being the most tortured, and the ones with the worst agony in store.
The lovers of light, I don't worry about much. They have their reward in this life, and especially in the next.
Also, let's not forget, King David was the most anointed blessed man of his time, a prophet, a priest, a King, and he had a very holy man, his right hand man Uriah, violently murdered, so David could get away with getting his wife pregnant.
King David was actually renowned for his humility and holiness, called "a man after God's own heart", yet even I in my worst darkness and depravity, wouldn't have intercourse with a woman I know has a husband, and I especially wouldn't have her husband murdered so that I could get away with it. I think we shouldn't ever be too scandalized by how even prayerful people we think are virtuous behave, even if they are behaving like the Devil himself!
But, I cause a lot of scandal, fear, worry, confusion, offense, and discomfort, to some very good people, people that I like very much. Sometimes I feel perhaps possessed, or filled with darkness, cursed. Let me know what you think. Your prayers are appreciated. God bless you!
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