Today, I saw a friend of mine for lunch, and admittedly, this friend and I have had some tense moments, here and there. She is a good Christian friend, who is always talking about the goodness of Jesus, etc. And means it, not just paying lip service to her faith. Who am I to judge though, right?
When I was an atheist, she and I didn't spend much time together, but since I've returned, it's like time stood still and we have rekindled our friendship. But, there's like two sides to this friend of mine...on the one hand, she is a great listener, and a beautiful person inside and out...on the other, she is very vindictive and gossipy. Well, today we talked about her childhood, she sort of brought it up out of the blue. She shared with me that she was molested by a family member when she was growing up. He ended up being arrested, and spent time in jail. There is one side of her family of origin, who wants nothing to do with my friend. She was a little girl when this happened, how could they even begin to blame her? Needless to say I was stunned, because in the time I've known her, she's never even hinted to anything like this happening in her childhood. But, not like such a topic pops up for conversation every day.
As she was telling me this story, I realized that maybe some of why she is vindictive against friends, etc is because of what happened to her as a child. Not that it's an excuse for that behavior, but it's at least...a reason. It got me to thinking how every single one of us has a backstory. And our backstories really shape who we are, and why we make the choices that we do, good or bad. Not that we should pardon all those who are dangerous and incarcerated for example, but they too have a backstory, I imagine. If only there were enough people in the world to hold the hands of those in need, so that they could safely share their backstories. I wonder if the world would be different, or if it would be the same. I wonder if more people shared their backstories without shame, if they'd not have lost themselves in alcohol, drugs, or sexual addiction.
I think the world would be different. But, so many people are afraid to share their backstories, afraid no one will care or afraid that they will be shamed for their story. It might stand to reason that counselors are so well utilized because people just want to share their backstory with someone. Anyone. Without judgment. There's something about paying for someone to listen to my woes that doesn't sit too well with me, to be honest. I like the idea rather of a trusted friend listening...for free.
Anyway. Today marks a day I will remember...and with it, I'll cease to jump to quick conclusions about someone's negative behavior. Because everyone has a backstory, and an internal battle they are dealing with.
When I was an atheist, she and I didn't spend much time together, but since I've returned, it's like time stood still and we have rekindled our friendship. But, there's like two sides to this friend of mine...on the one hand, she is a great listener, and a beautiful person inside and out...on the other, she is very vindictive and gossipy. Well, today we talked about her childhood, she sort of brought it up out of the blue. She shared with me that she was molested by a family member when she was growing up. He ended up being arrested, and spent time in jail. There is one side of her family of origin, who wants nothing to do with my friend. She was a little girl when this happened, how could they even begin to blame her? Needless to say I was stunned, because in the time I've known her, she's never even hinted to anything like this happening in her childhood. But, not like such a topic pops up for conversation every day.
As she was telling me this story, I realized that maybe some of why she is vindictive against friends, etc is because of what happened to her as a child. Not that it's an excuse for that behavior, but it's at least...a reason. It got me to thinking how every single one of us has a backstory. And our backstories really shape who we are, and why we make the choices that we do, good or bad. Not that we should pardon all those who are dangerous and incarcerated for example, but they too have a backstory, I imagine. If only there were enough people in the world to hold the hands of those in need, so that they could safely share their backstories. I wonder if the world would be different, or if it would be the same. I wonder if more people shared their backstories without shame, if they'd not have lost themselves in alcohol, drugs, or sexual addiction.
I think the world would be different. But, so many people are afraid to share their backstories, afraid no one will care or afraid that they will be shamed for their story. It might stand to reason that counselors are so well utilized because people just want to share their backstory with someone. Anyone. Without judgment. There's something about paying for someone to listen to my woes that doesn't sit too well with me, to be honest. I like the idea rather of a trusted friend listening...for free.
Anyway. Today marks a day I will remember...and with it, I'll cease to jump to quick conclusions about someone's negative behavior. Because everyone has a backstory, and an internal battle they are dealing with.
