How to deal with suicidal thoughts/depression/loneliness?

[Dorothy Dandridge]

I'm a very lonely person. I...was going to kill myself last New Years Eve. I even thought about the means, and just thinking about doing it brought a smile to my face that this will bull**** life would be over. I was talked out of it not by people in real life, but online friends. They actually called me and actually tried to help me and I've never met a single one.

I'm 29, and I have no friends. My family could not think of me anymore invisible. I've really tried. I try to be involved in peoples lives and check up on them because I love, but no one does the same for me. I haven't had a birthday party and no one has asked about my birthday or a party since I was a teen. I try to be a good friend, I try to be a good person, at least I think I'm those things, but effort never matters.

I had a learning disability, and it feels like that gets in the way of my communicating with people. The pattern is that people always end up going away. The obvious answer is myself, and I know it's my own clinging to these friendships and the desire to not be lonely, but it really ****s with my head, self esteem, and self worth. It's hard having compassion for myself when everyone I've ever been involved with socially has either died, moved, or just plain doesn't want anything to do with me.

I have tried so hard. Friend I've been asking about for a year ends up in the hospital? I'm the last to find out, and no one wants to tell me how to reach him. Someone's birthday party? Get ready to not be invited, as you sit at your desk miserable looking at the pics realizing you weren't invited to begin with. Send texts to family and friends? Expect for no one to respond. Hey Naomi, want to go do this or do that? Oops, never mind you're not invited. Family wants to stay over so I can help him find a job? I'd be glad to go and help him with the application process, he's my cousin. Oops, turns out the only reason he came over was to fake interest in a job, sneak into my room at night, and steal personal possessions. from my room when I'm not looking.

I try and not one single person seems to respond. I'm always taken advantage of, and there's no one ever there for me when I'm crying, need support, and just a simple hug.

I tell myself that I won't end up killing myself in the end. That it's not worth it. But there's a little piece inside me that always reminds me that my life will, in fact, end by my own hand - I'm just in denial that I won't do it.

I don't know what to do or how I can fix this. Any thoughts?

 

[Bunyip]

Don't give up hope Dorothy, there are so many wonderful people and experiences waiting for you. Join a few groups - like a drawing class, a sports team or anything. Meet some new people.

Next time I have a party at my place, I'll invite you - even if you are in a distant country. But then at least you know you were invited.

 

[Revoltingest]

I'll sound like a broken record, but I recommend professional counseling.
If medication can help, they'll be able to make that happen.
Go with what works.

 

[psychoslice]

Of course you are seeing a doctor about this, well I hope you are ?.

 

[Dorothy Dandridge]

I'm not seeing a doctor currently. I want to because I used to and it really helped.

 

[Acintya_Ash]

Maybe you should pray to God. All you need is Love, God is Love!

 

[Dorothy Dandridge]

No thank you.

 

[jeager106]

Of course you need much more than love.
Love is an emotion, cannot relieve derpession any more than will power can relieve it.
Get professional help and do so soon.
About love.
YOU ARE LOVED HERE!
There is no lack of love from people here.
We will all love you.
Listen: I'm a retired police officer.
I've seen the aftermath of a lot of suicide. It's painful and ugly.
You do NOT want that for yourself.
No matter how "easy" you might think it is to take your own life it isn't easy at all.
No matter the path chosen it ends in pain, struggle, vomiting, bleeding, gasping and is freaking ugly.
You deserve better.
Get better.
Keep in touch with us and we'll help you.

 

[psychoslice]

I'm not seeing a doctor currently. I want to because I used to and it really helped.

Well that would be better than trying to get info here on such a important matter.

 

[Twilight Hue]

Remember it's you alone that makes the decisions and determinations in life.

Don't expect miracles nor disasters either. If your feet stay on the ground with a realistic outlook, you could be able to deal with issues as they crop up and subside. It's you who steers your own ship in life.

Best of luck and well being.

 

[DawudTalut]

....
I don't know what to do or how I can fix this. Any thoughts?

Peace be on you.
1-Pray to God the Exalted.
2-Make a purpose of life, try to be part of a real group which helps needy, disabled people.
3-As you said, "any thought" i would humbly suggest to find Ahmadiyya-Muslim-ladies in your area to have righteous company.
World need you, whether you realize or not.
May happiness come to you. Aameen

 

[Curious George]

I'm a very lonely person. I...was going to kill myself last New Years Eve. I even thought about the means, and just thinking about doing it brought a smile to my face that this will bull**** life would be over. I was talked out of it not by people in real life, but online friends. They actually called me and actually tried to help me and I've never met a single one.

I'm 29, and I have no friends. My family could not think of me anymore invisible. I've really tried. I try to be involved in peoples lives and check up on them because I love, but no one does the same for me. I haven't had a birthday party and no one has asked about my birthday or a party since I was a teen. I try to be a good friend, I try to be a good person, at least I think I'm those things, but effort never matters.

I had a learning disability, and it feels like that gets in the way of my communicating with people. The pattern is that people always end up going away. The obvious answer is myself, and I know it's my own clinging to these friendships and the desire to not be lonely, but it really ****s with my head, self esteem, and self worth. It's hard having compassion for myself when everyone I've ever been involved with socially has either died, moved, or just plain doesn't want anything to do with me.

I have tried so hard. Friend I've been asking about for a year ends up in the hospital? I'm the last to find out, and no one wants to tell me how to reach him. Someone's birthday party? Get ready to not be invited, as you sit at your desk miserable looking at the pics realizing you weren't invited to begin with. Send texts to family and friends? Expect for no one to respond. Hey Naomi, want to go do this or do that? Oops, never mind you're not invited. Family wants to stay over so I can help him find a job? I'd be glad to go and help him with the application process, he's my cousin. Oops, turns out the only reason he came over was to fake interest in a job, sneak into my room at night, and steal personal possessions. from my room when I'm not looking.

I try and not one single person seems to respond. I'm always taken advantage of, and there's no one ever there for me when I'm crying, need support, and just a simple hug.

I tell myself that I won't end up killing myself in the end. That it's not worth it. But there's a little piece inside me that always reminds me that my life will, in fact, end by my own hand - I'm just in denial that I won't do it.

I don't know what to do or how I can fix this. Any thoughts?

You've got a friend in me

Seriously, start a thread and tag me. I will come along. Let's talk about life or death or something in between.

But, best advice I can tell you is just jump in. Many people may be jerks but there are a lot of nice people too.

When I was just a young lad, I was went to a school assembly(elementary school)-- I was quite the jaded, bitter youth. I harbored anger at the haves of the world; I didn't enjoy school; I thought much of it was foolish. I had just moved to a new city (moved roughly 22 times in 17 years, not counting moving about when we were homeless), I digress--anyhow, I was in this assembly and the person that was visiting asked for a volunteer. I couldn't believe that those morons(my peers) were waving their hands to be volunteers. Afterwards, I thought about that moment (I am very analytic and continually analyze events). Several days later, I came to the conclusion that while I did still think the assembly was a waste of my time, me not being able to jump-in because of my poopyhead attitude(as revoltingest might term it) only made the experience worse . Consequently, I decided I needed to jump-in more. Even if I didn't like that to which I was jumping. This of course led to all sorts of memorable experiences and misadventures. But, as stupid as some of the things were, I learned a lot and cannot think of anytime where jumping in was a cause for regret.

So, if talking with me on rf just doesn't do the trick, I would suggest volunteering, ask random people out to drinks, strike up a conversation, say hello to 12 people a day, smile a lot, and laugh everytime you feel the urge.

Whether life be cyclical or linear; whether there is a million gods, one, or none; whether you want to or not jump-in.

 

[Laika]

I try and not one single person seems to respond. I'm always taken advantage of, and there's no one ever there for me when I'm crying, need support, and just a simple hug.

I tell myself that I won't end up killing myself in the end. That it's not worth it. But there's a little piece inside me that always reminds me that my life will, in fact, end by my own hand - I'm just in denial that I won't do it.

I don't know what to do or how I can fix this. Any thoughts?

listen to that little piece inside of you, for it is sanity. the world can be very cruel, but that does not mean we must necessarily be cruel to others or to ourselves. Sucicide will seem like an escape, a relief from the world and it's torments- but it isn't. Rather than be angry at what the world has done to us because we are trying to be nice to bad people and false freinds, we sacrifice our boundaries, our sense of self and turn the anger inwards to be suffocated in the depths of our own mind. we fall into the abyss wanting someone to hold us and tell us "I love you".
I have felt sucicidal, and have gone past it. there are moments when it occassionally returns, but only very breifly out of an accute sense of futility. However the sense that there is "no-one" around is one which keeps me feeling depressed and I'm still yet to figure out how to overcome that one. it is an illusion however, as what I make up for the lack of freinds in real life, online I can be more like the person I want to be and to be myself and to know that people are grateful for me being around here, even if it's something very small and simple like going on chat.

My advice is to be selfish and to live. Be defiant and assert that you have a right for this moment on this earth and know that there is enough love in your heart to heal all wounds, to forgive all wrongs and to mend ourselves and to overcome the deep anger and hatred of the world that hurt us deeply. it's a long journey, but if you listen to yourself and trust yourself, eventually you will know it is one worth taking.

 

[FTNZ]

See a doctor as soon as you can, please. Tell them you have been having suicidal thoughts and symptoms of depression.

I don't know what country/state you live in, but in most places there is a suicide or depression helpline, and they can give you information on how to get help, and provide a listening ear. They are usually there 24/7 and you can call them as often as you need to.

Depression is treatable. There are people who can help you set up the kind of life you want and deserve. You are valued by us.

 

[Wirey]

First, say hi to Otto for me.

Never let life push you down. Call your doctor, make an appointment, and get help. My dad battled depression his whole life. And so did most of the girls I dated.

 

[jeager106]

I have been treated for depression, anxiety disorder, chronic intractable pain, for over 20 years.
I've had glimmers of sucidal thoughts over the rough times.
I dismis those thoughts for several valid reasons.
Being a Christian I don't have the right to take away the life the God of my understanding has given me.
The affect of a suicide on family and loved ones is traumatic.
Every suicide I investigated was so terribly ugly.
People that overdose on meds vomit and struggle to live, often the bowels let go well before death.
People that shoot themself with handguns in the head always struggle and bleed to death fully conscious and
unable to help themselves.
And other methods are just as low, painful and ugly.
Far better to get help NOW while you can.
You are loved far more than you realize. You simply let that love roll in like an ocean wave and wash over you
with the joy of knowing that you matter to us.
We do love you so much.