How to be a Better Socialist

[Nakosis]

How many Socialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one, but when it inevitably fails, they will be sure to inform us it wasn't a real light bulb.

Why can't you tell socialists a joke?
Because not everyone will get it.

Why did the socialist drop out of high school math?
Because there were too many damn inequalities.

A Communist, Socialist and Capitalist all agree to meet at a cafe.
The Communist and the Capitalist arrive on time but the Socialist is late.
A hour later, the Socialist rushes in.
'Sorry I'm late guys' he said, 'I had to wait in line for a sausage'.
'What's a line?' asked the Capitalist.
'What's a sausage?' asked the Communist

I didn't realize how cold it was outside today...
... until I saw socialists with their hands in their own pockets

What's the difference between a capitalist world and a socialist one?
In the first, man exploits man. In the second, it's the other way around.

What did socialists use before candles?
Electricity.

A guy is visiting San Francisco, and walks into a small store in Chinatown.
He notices a small bronze statue of a rat.
He asks the owner "how much", and the owner replies "$50 for the bronze rat, and $1000 for the story behind it."
The guy says, "forget the story", and buys the rat.
As he's walking down the street he notices two live rats following him. As he continues to walk, more rats start following him.
He starts to get a little concerned, and heads for the waterfront. By the time he gets there, there are thousands and thousands of rats following him.
He walks up to the end of the pier and throws the bronze rat into the bay, and the rats all follow and leap off of the pier and drown.
The guy rushes back to the store and walks in. The owner says, "Ah!, so your back for the story".
The guys says, "No, I was wondering if you have a bronze Socialist Liberal Democrat?"

The 60+ Best Socialist Jokes - ↑UPJOKE↑

 

[Revoltingest]

How many Socialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one, but when it inevitably fails, they will be sure to inform us it wasn't a real light bulb.

What did socialists use before candles?
Electricity.

I picked my 2 favorites.

 

[Revoltingest]

Some from...
The Best Jokes About Communism

A farm worker greets Josef Stalin at his potato farm.
“Comrade Stalin, we have so many potatoes that, piled one on top of the other, they would reach all the way to God,” the farmer excitedly tells his leader.
“But God does not exist,” replies Stalin.
“Exactly,” says the farmer. “Neither do the potatoes.”

An American is visiting the Soviet Union. He’s taking a train from Leningrad to Kiev and listening to his handheld radio when a Soviet man leans over to talk to him.
“You know, we make those better and more efficiently here in the Soviet Union,” he says.
“Oh?” Says the American.
“Yes,” the Soviet man responds. “What is it?”

After years of saving up, a Soviet man finally has enough to buy a car. He goes to the appropriate ministry and informs them that he would like to purchase a vehicle.
“There are currently shortages, it will be three years before your car is available,” the minister informs the man. “We will have it sent to your house when it’s ready.”
"Three years," he responds. "What month?"
"August," says the minister.
"August? What day in August?" Asks the man.
"The Second of August," says the minister.
"Morning or Afternoon?" Asks the man.
"Why do you need to know?" Asks the minister, getting exasperated.
"The plumber is coming in the morning," the man responds.

Under communism, every man has what he needs.
That's why the butcher puts a sign up that says "nobody needs meat today."

 

[Guitar's Cry]

A conservative gets into a car accident with a bus full of socialists.
"Are you guys alright?" asks the conservative.

"No, we're mostly left."

 

[shmogie]

How many Socialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one, but when it inevitably fails, they will be sure to inform us it wasn't a real light bulb.

Why can't you tell socialists a joke?
Because not everyone will get it.

Why did the socialist drop out of high school math?
Because there were too many damn inequalities.

A Communist, Socialist and Capitalist all agree to meet at a cafe.
The Communist and the Capitalist arrive on time but the Socialist is late.
A hour later, the Socialist rushes in.
'Sorry I'm late guys' he said, 'I had to wait in line for a sausage'.
'What's a line?' asked the Capitalist.
'What's a sausage?' asked the Communist

I didn't realize how cold it was outside today...
... until I saw socialists with their hands in their own pockets

What's the difference between a capitalist world and a socialist one?
In the first, man exploits man. In the second, it's the other way around.

What did socialists use before candles?
Electricity.

A guy is visiting San Francisco, and walks into a small store in Chinatown.
He notices a small bronze statue of a rat.
He asks the owner "how much", and the owner replies "$50 for the bronze rat, and $1000 for the story behind it."
The guy says, "forget the story", and buys the rat.
As he's walking down the street he notices two live rats following him. As he continues to walk, more rats start following him.
He starts to get a little concerned, and heads for the waterfront. By the time he gets there, there are thousands and thousands of rats following him.
He walks up to the end of the pier and throws the bronze rat into the bay, and the rats all follow and leap off of the pier and drown.
The guy rushes back to the store and walks in. The owner says, "Ah!, so your back for the story".
The guys says, "No, I was wondering if you have a bronze Socialist Liberal Democrat?"

The 60+ Best Socialist Jokes - ↑UPJOKE↑

You know what is a terrible socialist waste? A bus full of them going over a cliff with an empty seat.