• Welcome to Religious Forums, a friendly forum to discuss all religions in a friendly surrounding.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Access to private conversations with other members.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon!

How posting my poetry made me realize I need higher standards in dating


Veteran Member
After I posted my poetry this morning on RF, most of which was about past relationships and indicated to me that upon reflection, I often got the short end of the deal in human relationships, I realized a lot of bad relationships would have been avoided had I had higher standards. I used to settle for less than I deserved, thinking that love was enough to make things work. But love is not enough if it is not mutual and supportive. Love is not enough if it makes you feel insecure or unhappy.

I decided to compile a small list of what I'll look for in a person now, for a romantic partner. These are not unrealistic expectations, but rather the minimum requirements for a healthy and fulfilling relationship, I feel. Here they are:

1. I'm tired of always being the one who initiates everything in dating. I'm tired of sending the first message, making the first call, asking for the first date, planning the first outing, leaning in for the first kiss, and so on. I'm tired of feeling like I'm chasing after someone who may or may not be interested in me. I'm tired of being the only one who puts in effort and shows enthusiasm.

That's why I've decided to change my approach to dating. From now on, I'm requiring others be willing to make the first move at times, or things are indicative of that enthusiasm, before I'll date them. I want to feel wanted and pursued, not just tolerated and accepted. I want to see signs that they are genuinely excited to see me. I want to know that they are not just settling for me or playing games with me.

What do I mean by making the first move or things being indicative of that enthusiasm? Well, it could be anything from sending me a thoughtful message, complimenting me on something, asking me out for a drink, inviting me over for dinner, holding my hand, hugging me or hugging my arm, etc. It doesn't have to be something big or dramatic, just something that shows me that they care and that they are not afraid to express it.

I'm not saying that I will never initiate anything again. I'm not saying that I will sit back and wait for them to do all the work. I'm not saying that I will play hard to get or be passive-aggressive. I'm just saying that I will not be the only one who takes action and risks rejection. I'm saying that I will expect some reciprocity and balance in dating. I'm saying that I will value myself more and tolerate a little less.

2. I have valued intellect and education. I have worked hard on improving my mind even in the face of difficulties, learning new things, and expanding my horizons. I have pursued my passions and interests, challenged myself and others, and sought to make a positive difference in the world overall, I feel. I have not done this for fame or fortune, but for the joy and satisfaction of trying to be a better person.

I believe that intellect and education are not only important for personal growth, but also for romantic compatibility. I want to be with someone who shares my curiosity and enthusiasm for knowledge. Someone who can stimulate me mentally and emotionally. Someone who can appreciate my insights and opinions, and offer their own. Someone who can have deep and meaningful conversations with me, and also have fun and laugh with me.

I'm not looking for someone who is exactly like me, or who agrees with me on everything. I'm looking for someone who is open-minded and respectful of different perspectives. Someone who is willing to learn from me and teach me. Someone who is not intimidated by my intelligence, but rather inspired by it. Someone who challenges me to grow and supports me in my endeavors.

I know that intellect and education are not the only factors that matter in a relationship. I know that there are other qualities that are equally or more important, such as honesty, loyalty, kindness, and growth. I know that there is more to a person than their IQ or degree. But I also now feel that intellect and education are essential for me to feel connected and compatible with someone.

I have worked hard on my intellect and being more educated, and I'd need someone who valued that, in order to potentially see us as romantically compatible. I hope that by doing so, I will attract someone who matches me intellectually and emotionally. Someone who is not only my lover, but also my partner, my friend, and my soulmate. Because long term relationships can end up very, very long, in some cases - sometimes the rest of one's life.


These are the qualities that I will look for in a person now, for a romantic partner. I know that no one is perfect, and neither am I. But I also know that I deserve better than what I have chosen before for myself. I need to stop digging my own ruts. I need to set a plan, and pursue it going forward as dating opportunities come into my life, or if I continue to use dating sites.