My main recollection of Orson Bean was a story he told on TV (Johnny Carson Show?) in the 60's.
The short version...
Some years ago an elderly Chinese gentleman and his entourage went into the most expensive brothel in Texas. "I wish to speak to the Madame", he said. When the Madame came into the room, he told her he wanted "a girl, six foot seven inches tall weighing 97 pounds". The madame was a bit flustered explaining she had no one like that but she would certainly be able to find such a person. An agreement was reached, money exchanged hands.
A nationwide search was undertaken to find a girl, six foot seven inches tall weighing 97 pounds. After a brief period of time a girl, six foot seven inches tall weighing 97 pounds was found.
She took a plane to mainland China. A smaller plane deep into the Chinese hinterlands. Finally by oxcart for a three day trek. She came upon a fabulous palace and was escorted inside.
The elderly Chinese gentleman summoned her, the girl, six foot seven inches tall weighing 97 pounds. He instructed his staff to bathe her and dress her in a diaphanous gown with a single strap at the neck.
After a brief time the girl, six foot seven inches tall weighing 97 pounds wearing a diaphanous gown with a single strap at the neck, was brought into his presence. He looked at the girl, six foot seven inches tall weighing 97 pounds wearing a diaphanous gown with a single strap at the neck, and said, "Summon my daughter".
His nine-year-old daughter was ushered into the room. The elderly Chinese gentleman looked at his daughter and then looked at the girl, six foot seven inches tall weighing 97 pounds wearing a diaphanous gown with a single strap at the neck. He approached the girl, six foot seven inches tall weighing 97 pounds wearing a diaphanous gown with a single strap at the neck. He undid the single strap on the diaphanous gown and it fell to the floor. The elderly Chinese gentleman turned toward his daughter and cried out, "You see what happen when you don't drink your milk!"
I love telling this story at big family gatherings like Thanksgiving dinners with kids of all ages present. I enjoy watching the elders squirm at the beginning and laugh (with a sigh of relief) at the ending.
