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How does one forgive?

Discussion in 'General Debates' started by MissAlice, Jul 13, 2010.

  1. MissAlice

    MissAlice Well-Known Member

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    And after that, how does one move on?

    I think this is my upper choice and I would like to know if anyone can go beyond the coicniquences. What do I do? I'm not sheeples herder, I could never want death sentence.
     
  2. Revoltingest

    Revoltingest Libertarian Capitalist Atheist Bokononist
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    Revenge....either before or after forgiveness.
     
  3. LuisDantas

    LuisDantas Aura of atheification
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    Difficult question. IMO forgiving is learning to be at peace with a perceived shortcoming of someone else. It may come out of accepting that the other person did its best, but not always.

    Moving on usually involves letting go through a period of pain and sorrow that sort of bears witness to the reality of the loss. After that is done, it is possible to find new meaning in new perspectives.

    Sorry, I don't follow you.
     
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  4. MissAlice

    MissAlice Well-Known Member

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    Funny how so much Jesus emphsized this quote with no money, I wonder.....
     
  5. MissAlice

    MissAlice Well-Known Member

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    It still hurts, how does one go through a life within another? How does one go through a life even knowing how another did it?
     
  6. Terrywoodenpic

    Terrywoodenpic Oldest Heretic

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    All too cryptic for me...
    not good at guessing games...
    Give us a clue what you are on about.

    In general... Forgiveness is like grief... You have to give things time to move out of the foreground.

    The pain has to dull before you can either forgive or stop grieving.
     
  7. *Anne*

    *Anne* Bliss Ninny

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    Very well worded. ^

    I always start on the path to forgiveness by reminding myself of my own shortcomings. (It's easy to overlook our own faults while focusing on the failings of others.)

    I deeply appreciate being forgiven and/or being given second chances. Naturally I must offer the same to others.
     
  8. Onkara

    Onkara Well-Known Member

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    The philosophy of the Bhagavad Gita and Sanatana Dharma and SGGS helped me. I see people's actions being compelled by desire, lust, blind passion (rajas) fear, anger, sorrow or sloth (tamas) accordingly. (There is also goodness, unlimited love and kindness (sattva) but that is not the topic).

    I no longer attribute intelligence to others action or assume they could have ever acted differently... including other's kindness and my own regrets and mistakes, desires and sadness. I now see how my mind is pulled towards making decisions and thoughts based on these too. Once I put a person on a pedestal and assume they were completely in control of their actions, I could never forget, forgive or move on. Not being able to forgive is itself energy draining and disabling; lets not waste this life, I say. Better to adopt a postive philosophy than to live in the shadows of other's wrong :D
     
    #8 Onkara, Jul 13, 2010
    Last edited: Jul 13, 2010
  9. Brickjectivity

    Brickjectivity Suffrin' Succotash
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    I have been looking at examples of successful forgivers. I have found some extreme methods of forgiveness:
    • In the past what people do is make a treaty. They all agree to overlook the past and pretend they don't see it, and along with this there is acceptance of specified conditions which make forgiveness easier. This requires participation by all involved. It may also require an enforcer who guarantees the conditions. What comes to mind here are modern restraining orders, but from ancient times treaties were used. You could think of the modern justice system as such a treaty.
    • Memory alteration through meditation, drugs or through medical procedures. People do it. I wouldn't recommend it. I think some belief systems might encourage this and to consider that the harm is in your mind and that the mind creates reality. That is not my point of view, so that would not work for me. If you are psychotic then you may imagine slights which never happened, so in that case it might be one way to proceed -- forgetting them.
    • Increase distance and time. Get away from a situation that cannot be forgiven. Forgive in safety.
    • Hold it in. Most likely this results in a buildup of hate, but you might be able to handle it for a time.
    • Trade anger for sadness, remorse. Sometimes it can be done. Crying may help. Some people may find they are able to channel their emotions this way. It helps if the offender apologizes and reforms or the situation changes.
    • Accept the injustice, the unfairness. Its begging the question of how to forgive, but maybe semantically it helps to think of it this way. Forgiveness means that you participate in an injustice that has been done to yourself. You own it.
    I have also been thinking about situations where forgiveness requires accepting a false situation. What if you were wrongly convicted of a crime? Sometimes people with a psychotic mental illness falsely believe wrongs have been done to them. Suppose this is someone near to you, someone you marry or someone in your family. How can you accept their forgiveness? Their act of forgiving you would be at the same time an accusation!

    How do you forgive someone who can't change, like a heavy smoker? How do you forgive a baby whose only sin is to be continually unhealthy? These are not wrongs done to you but someone you care about.
     
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