How do I stop judging people?

[Spiderman]

I live with over 25 drug addicts currently, and I find myself judging them.

I see myself in them.

Today I judged one of the new guys and I don't know anything about him or haven't heard a single word from him.

I don't want to be a judgemental person. It isn't easy. I can't just flip a switch and suddenly, "I'm not judgemental anymore".

I truly love people. I just find it difficult to like them sometimes.

I think it is just often very ugly, immature, and selfish, to be a drug-addict, and a lot of these people are not trying to change, grow, be mature, or get well.

I was there. What I find ugly in them is I see myself.

Do you ever struggle with that? What works?

It isn't as simple as "try your hardest not to judge". I tried that already. Doesn't work.

 

[John53]

Human nature I think. Possibly a survival instinct? I think we all do it to some extent.

 

[Unveiled Artist]

I live with over 25 drug addicts currently, and I find myself judging them.

I see myself in them.

Today I judged one of the new guys and I don't know anything about him or haven't heard a single word from him.

I don't want to be a judgemental person. It isn't easy. I can't just flip a switch and suddenly, "I'm not judgemental anymore".

I truly love people. I just find it difficult to like them sometimes.

I think it is just often very ugly, immature, and selfish, to be a drug-addict, and a lot of these people are not trying to change, grow, be mature, or get well.

I was there. What I find ugly in them is I see myself.

Do you ever struggle with that? What works?

It isn't as simple as "try your hardest not to judge". I tried that already. Doesn't work.

Can you do a writing exercise like write down their names (maybe just first) and beside it put a good trait you see in them that you want to see in yourself.

For example, I have a tendency to judge but it's more bias like looking at someone as if they were different but not call them names (I don't do that anyhow). So I write Jane Smith and next to it something crazy like she has wild hair. She's very brave to wear it even though people stare.

Something little serious or not. That and if you judge yourself maybe use this technique for you and find things you like about you.

For example, I read recently (don't quote me) that you said this is the only place you feel like you're intelligent. In my opinion I don't think it's that, I think you're intelligent offline and just you don't have many outlets to express it (a writer without a pen! Can you imagine?)

Try that. Affirmations can help though I find them a cliche. Action works better IMO.

 

[Alienistic]

I say: judge away internally if with self-awareness, without hypocrisy, and also the ability to have compassion, mercy, and empathy. Sound judgement never has to come with blaming, guilting, shaming, condemning anyone. Or judging anyone openly.

Ie: When one becomes deeply aware of their own stupidities or former stupidities, they will see stupidities in others and discern/judge more accurately.

 

[Nakosis]

I live with over 25 drug addicts currently, and I find myself judging them.

I see myself in them.

Today I judged one of the new guys and I don't know anything about him or haven't heard a single word from him.

I don't want to be a judgemental person. It isn't easy. I can't just flip a switch and suddenly, "I'm not judgemental anymore".

I truly love people. I just find it difficult to like them sometimes.

I think it is just often very ugly, immature, and selfish, to be a drug-addict, and a lot of these people are not trying to change, grow, be mature, or get well.

I was there. What I find ugly in them is I see myself.

Do you ever struggle with that? What works?

It isn't as simple as "try your hardest not to judge". I tried that already. Doesn't work.

I think it is ok to judge just don't be a hypocrite about it.
Someone told me this is what Jesus meant.
We have to judge to survive. We have to judge behavior at least to decide when a certain behavior is bad for us.
And remember the struggle you had they are still going through.
They have to choose to stop the bad behavior, not only once but several times a day.
It may take a very long time until they decide the consequences of bad behavior is no longer worth it. The quick momentary fulfillment that bad behavior brings.

 

[JustGeorge]

Keep judging. Just do it neutrally. Judging doesn't have to be bad; you can size a person up to see how you can best aide them(or if that isn't possible, and whether its better to stay away).

You say you love people, but find it hard to like them. Honestly, I think that might be part of the problem. We don't negatively judge people we like nearly as much. Love is almost like an obligation(I love grandma, even though she's a turd), but you choose to befriend someone. When you meet someone, try to think of things you like about them, even if they're little things.

I used to be kind of judgy when I was young. My job helped me get over it. I had to work with a lot of people I'd have never chosen to hang out with outside of work, but I learned I liked them(and they liked me, too). When someone walked in the door, they were my friend(even though they didn't know it yet). As time went on, it became second nature.

 

[King Phenomenon]

I live with over 25 drug addicts currently, and I find myself judging them.

I see myself in them.

Today I judged one of the new guys and I don't know anything about him or haven't heard a single word from him.

I don't want to be a judgemental person. It isn't easy. I can't just flip a switch and suddenly, "I'm not judgemental anymore".

I truly love people. I just find it difficult to like them sometimes.

I think it is just often very ugly, immature, and selfish, to be a drug-addict, and a lot of these people are not trying to change, grow, be mature, or get well.

I was there. What I find ugly in them is I see myself.

Do you ever struggle with that? What works?

It isn't as simple as "try your hardest not to judge". I tried that already. Doesn't work.

You can judge situations all day long and behaviors. I’m sure god would want that. Actually it’s needed for your protection and well being

 

[`mud]

Maybe....some of the people that are looking at you, wondering about what makes you tick, or overly criticize them !

Patience and acceptance and of understanding their dilemmas, might work ?

 

[Shaul]

Never judge a person, but learn to judge the actions they do. Learn from the mistakes of others. Be humble enough to let others learn from your mistakes.

We are not here to judge others. We are here to pursue Justice.

 

[Kenny]

I live with over 25 drug addicts currently, and I find myself judging them.

I see myself in them.

Today I judged one of the new guys and I don't know anything about him or haven't heard a single word from him.

I don't want to be a judgemental person. It isn't easy. I can't just flip a switch and suddenly, "I'm not judgemental anymore".

I truly love people. I just find it difficult to like them sometimes.

I think it is just often very ugly, immature, and selfish, to be a drug-addict, and a lot of these people are not trying to change, grow, be mature, or get well.

I was there. What I find ugly in them is I see myself.

Do you ever struggle with that? What works?

It isn't as simple as "try your hardest not to judge". I tried that already. Doesn't work.

Sometimes, if you just pray for them you will find yourself judging less.

 

[lewisnotmiller]

I live with over 25 drug addicts currently, and I find myself judging them.

I see myself in them.

Today I judged one of the new guys and I don't know anything about him or haven't heard a single word from him.

I don't want to be a judgemental person. It isn't easy. I can't just flip a switch and suddenly, "I'm not judgemental anymore".

I truly love people. I just find it difficult to like them sometimes.

I think it is just often very ugly, immature, and selfish, to be a drug-addict, and a lot of these people are not trying to change, grow, be mature, or get well.

I was there. What I find ugly in them is I see myself.

Do you ever struggle with that? What works?

It isn't as simple as "try your hardest not to judge". I tried that already. Doesn't work.

I've become pretty good at not judging, but it's taken time. And, equally, I'm not interested in getting to a point where I don't judge anything, and I'm completely Kumbaya with whatever. Some things SHOULD be judged, and given that I don't believe in some all-powerful being to do that, I'm giving myself the right to instead.

However...
I have moved beyond judging things that don't directly impact others, and I've done so pretty well.
In the context of your local drug users, I'm really not judging them for whatever they inject into their veins. I would judge them if they committed armed robberies in order to fund what they are injecting into their veins.

Whilst this might seem like a subtle...or even incoherent distinction, given the obvious link between motivation and behaviour, this isn't about me okaying any particular behavior. It is literally about me being able to draw a line between where it's 'appropriate' to judge others, and where it becomes self-serving or self-aggrandizing behavior. I mean...I haven't walked in these people's shoes, so who am I to judge?

But...when they directly impact others...they too are judging people outside their own shoes. Judging them victims, judging them unworthy of respect, etc.
My wife, who works in mental health, would see this differently, and argue that some people are incapable of rational judgements at all, and so would see it as unfair to judge them in the way that I do. Fair enough, and I daresay she has a point in some circumstances. But I draw the line at that. If someone is directly impacting others, they are allowing judgement to be made on them, imho.

I realise this is a little less liberal than some people here might assume I am, but to be fair, I never really claimed to be a liberal in any modern sense...lol...

 

[Nimos]

I live with over 25 drug addicts currently, and I find myself judging them.

I see myself in them.

Today I judged one of the new guys and I don't know anything about him or haven't heard a single word from him.

I don't want to be a judgemental person. It isn't easy. I can't just flip a switch and suddenly, "I'm not judgemental anymore".

I truly love people. I just find it difficult to like them sometimes.

I think it is just often very ugly, immature, and selfish, to be a drug-addict, and a lot of these people are not trying to change, grow, be mature, or get well.

I was there. What I find ugly in them is I see myself.

Do you ever struggle with that? What works?

It isn't as simple as "try your hardest not to judge". I tried that already. Doesn't work.

Personally I would look at it like this.

You don't know what these people have been through in their life, maybe they were unlucky and got hooked on it? some might have be traumatized for whatever reason? poor childhood with abuse? Maybe their life collapse when losing someone? Lots of terrible things could have caused them to end up where they are. Which you probably don't know about.

Its easy to judge or look down at people which have it worse than oneself and simply assume that its their own fault, or that they could just do better etc. But the truth is that we don't know and therefore shouldn't judge them, but help them instead.

Lets assume one of them lost their whole family in an accident and their life collapsed as a result, would you judge them for that?

 

[Spirit of Light]

I live with over 25 drug addicts currently, and I find myself judging them.

I see myself in them.

Today I judged one of the new guys and I don't know anything about him or haven't heard a single word from him.

I don't want to be a judgemental person. It isn't easy. I can't just flip a switch and suddenly, "I'm not judgemental anymore".

I truly love people. I just find it difficult to like them sometimes.

I think it is just often very ugly, immature, and selfish, to be a drug-addict, and a lot of these people are not trying to change, grow, be mature, or get well.

I was there. What I find ugly in them is I see myself.

Do you ever struggle with that? What works?

It isn't as simple as "try your hardest not to judge". I tried that already. Doesn't work.

You said "I see myself in them" Maybe it be that you actually have been judging yourself in seeing the people who are what you used to be? And when you see they do the same mistakes you used to do, that instead of helping, you judge them as something negative? (I don't know if you help them or not )

 

[Spiderman]

You said "I see myself in them" Maybe it be that you actually have been judging yourself in seeing the people who are what you used to be? And when you see they do the same mistakes you used to do, that instead of helping, you judge them as something negative? (I don't know if you help them or not )

I try to help them.

 

[Spiderman]

Personally I would look at it like this.

You don't know what these people have been through in their life, maybe they were unlucky and got hooked on it? some might have be traumatized for whatever reason? poor childhood with abuse? Maybe their life collapse when losing someone? Lots of terrible things could have caused them to end up where they are. Which you probably don't know about.

Its easy to judge or look down at people which have it worse than oneself and simply assume that its their own fault, or that they could just do better etc. But the truth is that we don't know and therefore shouldn't judge them, but help them instead.

Lets assume one of them lost their whole family in an accident and their life collapsed as a result, would you judge them for that?

I try to help them.

They seem very blind and unable to help. I was there, so I shouldn't judge them. That's why I started this thread. I don't want to judge people who are guilty of defects that I once had or even worse, still struggle with.

But I did speak with a young man about a week ago, and I prayed with him, and he started weeping and said that I helped him more than possibly anyone he ever met. He is a rare exception to the general rule though. But he means a lot to me, and I cherish his words. And I value him as a human being.

Anyone who is making a daily effort at growing more wise and mature, I don't judge much if at all. I'm quite tolerant of human frailty. It's people who make no attempt at change and are constantly blasting loud annoying music and rap that glorifies crime, drug use, fornication, hedonism, and shallow-mindedness, and immaturity!

 

[JustGeorge]

Anyone who is making a daily effort at growing more wise and mature, I don't judge much if at all. I'm quite tolerant of human frailty. It's people who make no attempt at change and are constantly blasting loud annoying music and rap that glorifies crime, drug use, fornication, hedonism, and shallow-mindedness, and immaturity!

We're all at different stages in our growth. We don't become upset with an infant for wetting itself, but we'd become pretty ticked off at a grown man who did the same(provided he was sound of mind/body) for doing the same.... because he knows better.

Not all adults 'know better' yet. So when one sees people like this... sometimes they're not changing, because they're not mentally/spiritually mature enough to do any better. Its a waste of energy to judge them. Just move on.

And as for those who blast the crap music you're talking about... I find sometimes that's a cover up. They don't want to let the 'real them' out, because they don't think its safe to do so, so they surround themselves with vulgarities to deter others. No need judge them; they're already hurting enough.

 

[Sand Dancer]

I live with over 25 drug addicts currently, and I find myself judging them.

I see myself in them.

Today I judged one of the new guys and I don't know anything about him or haven't heard a single word from him.

I don't want to be a judgemental person. It isn't easy. I can't just flip a switch and suddenly, "I'm not judgemental anymore".

I truly love people. I just find it difficult to like them sometimes.

I think it is just often very ugly, immature, and selfish, to be a drug-addict, and a lot of these people are not trying to change, grow, be mature, or get well.

I was there. What I find ugly in them is I see myself.

Do you ever struggle with that? What works?

It isn't as simple as "try your hardest not to judge". I tried that already. Doesn't work.

It is difficult to like people sometimes. I try to see people as people first, then any other qualifiers about them. I realize that I don't know exactly what has and is going on in their lives, so I can't say I would do differently had I had the same experiences. What is that saying again, "There but for the grace of god go I."

 

[Truth&Hope]

I live with over 25 drug addicts currently, and I find myself judging them.

I see myself in them.

Today I judged one of the new guys and I don't know anything about him or haven't heard a single word from him.

I don't want to be a judgemental person. It isn't easy. I can't just flip a switch and suddenly, "I'm not judgemental anymore".

I truly love people. I just find it difficult to like them sometimes.

I think it is just often very ugly, immature, and selfish, to be a drug-addict, and a lot of these people are not trying to change, grow, be mature, or get well.

I was there. What I find ugly in them is I see myself.

Do you ever struggle with that? What works?

It isn't as simple as "try your hardest not to judge". I tried that already. Doesn't work.[/

First, I have to stop being so self-righteous, remember that I am no better than anyone else, and that I have no clue what it feels like to be that person. So, ask and then listen.

Finally, ask God how to show love and acceptance. That’s a blessing!!