How Can People Have a Happy Marriage in Today's World?

[JayJayDee]

In these uncertain time, marriage has never been on more under threat.

According to World Marriage Data 2012, which provides a comparable and up-to-date set of national data on the marital status of the population by age and sex for 221 countries and areas of the world, the following statistics are interesting.....

The data base contains data on four key indicators: Marital status of men and women, Currently married men and women, Ever married men and women and Singulate mean age at marriage (SMAM).

For each of these indicators and to the extent that data are available, data are presented for five reference dates: 1970, 1985, 1995, 2005 and the most recent data available. Major sources of data on marital status presented in World Marriage Data 2012 are censuses, sample surveys and national estimates based on population register data or on estimation methods using census data. Information on the definition of each indicator, data sources and criteria for data source selection, limitations and data coverage is provided in the metadata file. The data base presents data available as of January 2013.


There are more stats in the link.

World Marriage Data 2012

These statistics are telling us that marriage is a failing institution for a number of reasons.

What can Christians do to make their marriages work in this day and age, when those who should be married don't want to be, and those who are married can't say together?
Even the definition of marriage is undergoing change. Everything has been turned on its ear.

There is some good advice in the following link.

Your Family Can Be Happy | Happy Family

Can marriages be saved by putting this advice to work?

Do you see anything in this publication that is impossible to implement? Are families worth sacrificing for?

 

[lewisnotmiller]

In these uncertain time, marriage has never been on more under threat.

According to World Marriage Data 2012, which provides a comparable and up-to-date set of national data on the marital status of the population by age and sex for 221 countries and areas of the world, the following statistics are interesting.....

The data base contains data on four key indicators: Marital status of men and women, Currently married men and women, Ever married men and women and Singulate mean age at marriage (SMAM).

For each of these indicators and to the extent that data are available, data are presented for five reference dates: 1970, 1985, 1995, 2005 and the most recent data available. Major sources of data on marital status presented in World Marriage Data 2012 are censuses, sample surveys and national estimates based on population register data or on estimation methods using census data. Information on the definition of each indicator, data sources and criteria for data source selection, limitations and data coverage is provided in the metadata file. The data base presents data available as of January 2013.


There are more stats in the link.

World Marriage Data 2012

These statistics are telling us that marriage is a failing institution for a number of reasons.

First of all, sincere apologies for stepping into the JW DIR. I am more than happy to step back out, if requested. No-one else responded, and I saw it as an interesting topic, so I have answered. But please feel free to not respond, etc.

In terms of the topic, I couldn't see any sort of explanation or rationale in the linked data which suggests marriage is failing.
In many ways I don't disagree with you, but after downloading the dataset, they appear simple stats, without extrapolation for cause. Further, they span many countries, so in what ways are you drawing a single coherent and consistent conclusion?

What can Christians do to make their marriages work in this day and age, when those who should be married don't want to be, and those who are married can't say together?
Even the definition of marriage is undergoing change. Everything has been turned on its ear.

You know what they say about change. It's constant. I think what is important is how the people being married define marriage. In particular, that they have the same understanding of what marriage entails, what it is meant to achieve, and what it does NOT achieve. Anyone who watches too much Disney might come to the conclusion that the marriage is a happy culmination of a courtship (and they lived happily ever after) which is skewed in so many ways.

There is some good advice in the following link.

Your Family Can Be Happy | Happy Family

Can marriages be saved by putting this advice to work?

I have a biased view on this, which you can probably understand, but I'll try and ramp back my bias.
In a way, I think marriages could be saved by putting the advice to work. However, to my mind the key thing is that both partners have the same ideological approach to marriage, and have matching expectations.
So, if BOTH partners saw the advice here as sensible, and used it as a communication tool, and as guiding principles, then I think it can help.

I don't think all the advice is objective (but is instead subjective). However, there are basic principles which seem repeated, and I think are positive, around empathy and communication, and trying to avoid negative assumptions, etc.

Do you see anything in this publication that is impossible to implement?

I think ANY generic marriage advice needs to be read with the recognition that it can only ever be guiding principles, or discussion points. Ultimately what matters are clearly communicated beliefs and expectations about marriage from the two people directly involved, and a recognition of the importance of the union.

For me and my wife, some of the advice would not be helpful or even possible to implement. It differs from how BOTH of us view the world. However, I can happily understand a message suggesting that both partners need to constantly work at a marriage, that each partner should have the other partners needs first in their mind, and that communication and agreed expectations, etc are vital.

Are families worth sacrificing for?

Yes. If I forgot I was in a DIR, this is where I would mention that conflating 'family' and 'marriage' is an interesting and biased spin. but since I am in a DIR, I won't.

 

[JayJayDee]

First of all, sincere apologies for stepping into the JW DIR. I am more than happy to step back out, if requested. No-one else responded, and I saw it as an interesting topic, so I have answered. But please feel free to not respond, etc.

Since it was posted in the JW DIR it obviously has its target audience. It is meant to be a topic that applies to Christians, since I think that most who claim to be Christians couldn't argue with the Biblical definition...."what God has yoked together, let no man put apart"....but those words of Jesus have come to be somewhat meaningless in today's world, even in the churches. "Till death do us part" has been replaced with "till divorce do us part".

Marriage in most cultures is a religious ceremony, so I think it is good to explore what marriage means now, compared to what it meant in ancient times and even in more modern times, say, even decades ago.

In terms of the topic, I couldn't see any sort of explanation or rationale in the linked data which suggests marriage is failing.

Studies show that only about half of all young people will marry as opposed to living together without marriage...and of those who do marry, a third of them will be divorced before they are 30.

We live in a "throw away" society and this applies to relationships too. If something doesn't work anymore, you don't repair it, you throw it away and get another one. When it's a marriage mate that we throw away, then we end up with fractured families who often fail to "blend" when the "new one" moves in.

In many ways I don't disagree with you, but after downloading the dataset, they appear simple stats, without extrapolation for cause. Further, they span many countries, so in what ways are you drawing a single coherent and consistent conclusion?

Well, I guess the conclusion is only of interest to those who live in a particular culture and what is happening to marriage as an institution there. In the west, marriage is under serious threat. Those who should enter into Biblical marriage, don't want to...and those who do can't make it work for the most part. There is no doubt that we as a species, are designed to be monogamous. Some other species are too. But it's in their programming, rather than a matter of their conscious decision.

You know what they say about change. It's constant. I think what is important is how the people being married define marriage. In particular, that they have the same understanding of what marriage entails, what it is meant to achieve, and what it does NOT achieve. Anyone who watches too much Disney might come to the conclusion that the marriage is a happy culmination of a courtship (and they lived happily ever after) which is skewed in so many ways.

Couldn't agree more.

I have a biased view on this, which you can probably understand, but I'll try and ramp back my bias.
In a way, I think marriages could be saved by putting the advice to work. However, to my mind the key thing is that both partners have the same ideological approach to marriage, and have matching expectations.

Which is why it should work for Christians. They have the same set of rules and recommendations for a compatible and lasting relationship. But it only works to the extent that it is followed by both parties. Though it can still work if only one follows the guidelines. It just requires more patience and selflessness. I guess that's why it's not recommended in the Bible for believers to marry unbelievers. It is an uneven yoking.

So, if BOTH partners saw the advice here as sensible, and used it as a communication tool, and as guiding principles, then I think it can help.

That is what the Bible does. It provides guidance....if we are Christians, we ignore it at our peril.

I don't think all the advice is objective (but is instead subjective). However, there are basic principles which seem repeated, and I think are positive, around empathy and communication, and trying to avoid negative assumptions, etc.

These things are always beneficial in any relationship. Sometimes understanding that you don't always have to understand, and that you don't always have to "fix" things is a good starting point. It's not a case of being right or wrong...just different.

I think ANY generic marriage advice needs to be read with the recognition that it can only ever be guiding principles, or discussion points. Ultimately what matters are clearly communicated beliefs and expectations about marriage from the two people directly involved, and a recognition of the importance of the union.

True..."a recognition of the importance of the union", is vital when there are children born of the relationship who have a right to be raised by the people who made them. The definition of "family" has changed, but I don't think it's for the better.
I don't see that people are happier for sacrificing family for personal gratification.

For me and my wife, some of the advice would not be helpful or even possible to implement. It differs from how BOTH of us view the world. However, I can happily understand a message suggesting that both partners need to constantly work at a marriage, that each partner should have the other partners needs first in their mind, and that communication and agreed expectations, etc are vital.

It's hard to find people who are committed to the relationship, so kudos you you and your wife.

Yes. If I forgot I was in a DIR, this is where I would mention that conflating 'family' and 'marriage' is an interesting and biased spin. but since I am in a DIR, I won't.

Thank you. I did not find your response in the least disrespectful.