Help needed in struggle with faith

[Akivah]

Any mature input or advice from this community would be utterly appreciated and I am happy to discuss any of the matters mentioned.

First, there is no such thing as a place of eternal torment. G-d is not so cruel as to inflict eternal punishment upon mortal beings.

Second, all of us will eventually die. Since this is a given, there is no reason to focus your energies on the time after your death. It is just a waste of time, and we only have a finite amount of time.

It seems to me that you are in a habit of being melancholy. You said

...we are doomed to die without meaning or purpose. This drove me down so deep that I could barely function as an adult. I could not be the man I could be.

Since we are all mortal, we need to make our own purpose within our own lifetimes. We do that by making choices, with our G-d granted freewill. We each can become the person that we can be, by making choices and actions and working towards our goals.

In Judaism, we are to work towards doing mitzvahs (commandments from G-d). We say that the reward for doing a mitzvah is the ability to do another mitzvah. And that each time we do a mitzvah, it becomes easier to do another mitzvah. This means that we make habits of doing positive actions. To apply this to yourself, if you start doing positive thoughts, choices, and actions, it will make it easier for you to do more positive thoughts, choices, and actions. Eventually, it could become a habit for you to continue doing positive actions. Within your lifetime, you can be the man that you could be. It only takes your choice.