help me understand these things

[WisdomAddict]

i was going to post this in here for maybe like a year or even more but today is the day...finally...



i have a cousin who have an bold intelligence for her age, she is 10,but she is growing up fast a little..
and she have an sense of exploring and questioning about many things including philosophy and different other things of such.
but her mother(my aunt) , she is let say a 'little bit weird' or strange person which she is an escapist in life and she was most of the time on prescriptional pills and food abuse abuse and alcohol sometimes i didn't meet them for while. and she also raised me for couple of years so i have little history with her and i kinda know what kind of person she is lets say... anyway

every time my cousin asks about various things including both sexuality and existential issues
she gets down every time but also gets or hears no answers from her mother,sadly...

i mentioned she is 10 but she already explored her self about sexuality and those stuff and she is aware of this energy in human beings lol

but my point is her mother. my aunt!

i can't understand the logic behind of that to not give answers to her kid
and i really want to know why?!
how and why people do this?
they have no answers?
guess what,
she once told me,
being ignorant is way better and makes life easier than being awaken

wow!

and how could this make any sense at all??

in my experience an ignorant person always lives in fear and suffering from many aspects that i would say the person has no sense of living...

i see the situation for me myself that if my future child would ask me such questions how i would reply.... which is pretty ok for me if my child asks such questions
but
situation is more complicated than that, she already ******up her other 2 kids, and i don't know why had this empathy for someone is not even my kid
which i get over that,
but what if all these called social persona s are messed up these days that my cousin cames to me and askes me sometimes about her philosophical questions and somone gave her answers instead of nonsense and she was felt very good about it, i felt good also answering her

i would be glad to hear some of your thoughts on this topic

 

[Rival]

i mentioned she is 10 but she already explored her self about sexuality and those stuff and she is aware of this energy in human beings lol

This is wrong. This is not 'lol'.

 

[The Hammer]

This is wrong. This is not 'lol'.

There are age appropriate ways to talk sexuality with kids, without making it crude, vulgar or even "sexual", especially at an age where they are starting to develop their own sense of Self, and 8-12 is when this is occuring.

 

[Rival]

There are age appropriate ways to talk sexuality with kids, without making it crude,.vulgar.or even "sexual", especially at an age where they are starting to develop their own sense of Self, and 8-12 is when this is occuring.

I still don't think it is right at all. Of course there are age appropriate ways to talk about sexuality with children but this reads to me as though this child is sexual. A 10 year old should not be sexual like adults.

 

[The Hammer]

I still don't think it is right at all. Of course there are age appropriate ways to talk about sexuality with children but this reads to me as though this child is sexual. A 10 year old should not be sexual like adults.

I didn't get that from this. But I see your stance.

 

[Brickjectivity]

i can't understand the logic behind of that to not give answers to her kid
and i really want to know why?!

I think it is not your business. Do you provide for the kids, and did you spend hours at night putting them to sleep, teaching them and worrying every second that something might happen to them? No. Your concerns are relatively petty compared to the parent's concerns.

situation is more complicated than that, she already f, cked up her other 2 kids, and i don't know why had this empathy for someone is not even my kid

Yes, they are not your kid. Your empathy is misdirected and probably illusion. Just stay away from them. The situation does not end well for you if you interfere, and it could also damage the relationship between kids and parents leaving you open to a lawsuit.

 

[SomeRandom]

I still don't think it is right at all. Of course there are age appropriate ways to talk about sexuality with children but this reads to me as though this child is sexual. A 10 year old should not be sexual like adults.

In fairness the OP doesn’t seem like a native English speaker. So it might just have been phrased clumsily.
And children that age, younger actually, do explore sexuality. In more ways than just asking questions. It’s more like an involuntary biological phenomenon really. I’m not in any way shape or form saying children are sexual beings, perish the thought. Even typing that out grossed me the hell out. But they are curious and tend to explore their own bodies. (Excuse me while I go take a shower now. Bleh!)

I have seen the damage such “in the dark” approaches happens with kids. Both who were and weren’t abused. Honestly it’s far more damaging in either scenario, unfortunately.
And I can’t help but feel bad for the position the OP is in. This is not their child so they can’t really intervene without stepping on toes. And more often than not even with good intentions people tend to double down when confronted about their parenting skills. Even if they may be unintentionally harmful

 

[Nakosis]

 

[PureX]

There are things a 10 year old should know about life, sex, and so on, and things they do not need to know about, yet. Also, generally speaking, girls mature faster than boys both physically and mentally, so she may have question that seem a bit beyond her years, but that are not.

I would suggest just answering her questions simply and honestly, but without going too far beyond what she asked. She can ask for more information later, if it occurs to her. She deserves honesty. That's important. As we all do. And she will most likely know to seek information at her own pace.

And don't be afraid to just say you don't know, if you don't know.

 

[sun rise]

The OP asked why people are the way the aunt is. There is no easy answer that can be given in a single post. Even a single college-level course in psychology is not sufficient to answer the question in depth. To go further, people are still researching why people are the way they are.

All we can do is our best to deal with them.

 

[SomeRandom]

Just my dumb layman opinion?
People like to ignore sex talks with their kids because they don’t like being uncomfortable and like quick fixes. This might stem from how they are raised. Hate to say it but a number of religions do actively shame sex. Even non Abrahamic ones.

I try to gently nudge my friends and family away from this “ignorance is bliss” approach in general. Not because I think I know better than a parent. I don’t. But because I wholeheartedly believe in arming young kids with tools to help them navigate the world around them. And it is recommended that you be open and honest about sex with kids, not only so they don’t learn bunk info from other sources. But it often empowers them in a number of ways. From being comfortable enough to discuss issues with their parents down the road when they are going through puberty to being able to openly discuss any health issues that may stem from sexual activity, minimising harm. It can even help kids recognise warning signs in abusive situations which they can then report to a trusted authority.
Knowledge is power. Always

 

[Eyes to See]

If the kid is not taught the age appropriate stuff about sexuality someone else will. They might hear it from classmates, or from something on social media, or a stranger on the internet, and these people may lie and say things that are untrue and harmful. You have to teach a kid about sexuality in an age appropriate manner to protect them from this wicked world and the evil people in it that prey on little children and give them a distorted view of what sexuality is about.

ETA:

I think I need to add that this should be done by the parents.

 

[WisdomAddict]

This is wrong. This is not 'lol'.

well thats her parents fault,

 

[WisdomAddict]

I think it is not your business. Do you provide for the kids, and did you spend hours at night putting them to sleep, teaching them and worrying every second that something might happen to them? No. Your concerns are relatively petty compared to the parent's concerns.


Yes, they are not your kid. Your empathy is misdirected and probably illusion. Just stay away from them. The situation does not end well for you if you interfere, and it could also damage the relationship between kids and parents leaving you open to a lawsuit.

of course i left the situation,
i was playing dad because
and that i was not chose to do it
and thats why i didn't go around them nomore because they were just too toxic for me

 

[WisdomAddict]

The OP asked why people are the way the aunt is. There is no easy answer that can be given in a single post. Even a single college-level course in psychology is not sufficient to answer the question in depth. To go further, people are still researching why people are the way they are.

All we can do is our best to deal with them.

exactly, thats what i want to know
the approach of my aunt toward her kid

edit:

i mean why she is doing this?

 

[Eyes to See]

exactly, thats what i want to know
the approach of my aunt toward her kid

It's not that complicated. It's a person's upbringing, and a lack of education that make them that way.

 

[WisdomAddict]

exactly, thats what i want to know
the approach of my aunt toward her kid

It's not that complicated. It's a person's upbringing, and a lack of education that make them that way.

and also plus a little bit of
'ignorance is a bliss'
idea...

 

[WisdomAddict]

Just my dumb layman opinion?
People like to ignore sex talks with their kids because they don’t like being uncomfortable and like quick fixes. This might stem from how they are raised. Hate to say it but a number of religions do actively shame sex. Even non Abrahamic ones.

I try to gently nudge my friends and family away from this “ignorance is bliss” approach in general. Not because I think I know better than a parent. I don’t. But because I wholeheartedly believe in arming young kids with tools to help them navigate the world around them. And it is recommended that you be open and honest about sex with kids, not only so they don’t learn bunk info from other sources. But it often empowers them in a number of ways. From being comfortable enough to discuss issues with their parents down the road when they are going through puberty to being able to openly discuss any health issues that may stem from sexual activity, minimising harm. It can even help kids recognise warning signs in abusive situations which they can then report to a trusted authority.
Knowledge is power. Always

thank you so much for your answer.
my friend...

i got my answers on sexuality from your reply,

but also

what about existential and philosophical discuss with kids?

when they ask...

 

[Evangelicalhumanist]

This is wrong. This is not 'lol'.

Kids begin exploring their own sexuality much earlier than that! What they need are adults who can help them understand what they are feeling -- but also help them understand what should be private, and what should not be done at all. Touching yourself -- all kids do -- is one of those "private" things, but the child should not be made to feel dirty about it -- that would be wrong.

 

[Evangelicalhumanist]

There are things a 10 year old should know about life, sex, and so on, and things they do not need to know about, yet. Also, generally speaking, girls mature faster than boys both physically and mentally, so she may have question that seem a bit beyond her years, but that are not.

I would suggest just answering her questions simply and honestly, but without going too far beyond what she asked. She can ask for more information later, if it occurs to her. She deserves honesty. That's important. As we all do. And she will most likely know to seek information at her own pace.

And don't be afraid to just say you don't know, if you don't know.

I awarded you a Winner frube -- but had to state publicly, this is, in my opinion, the post of the week! I highlighted the best bits.

I might add one tiny thing after the "say you don't know," comment, which is to ask her "how could we find out together?"