• Welcome to Religious Forums, a friendly forum to discuss all religions in a friendly surrounding.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Access to private conversations with other members.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon!

Help, GF Assaulted but doesn't want to do anything about it.

Cacotopia

Let's go full Trottle
I am in a long distance relationship with a woman, she was just attacked by her landlord. He tried to rape her, she managed to get away. She is staying at a friend's place, she has talked to just me and the friend she is living with.

But she refuses to take action about this POS bag of expletives that literally lives next door to her. She won't tell her family, I even threatened to break up with her unless she tells someone anyone, the police. I don't care. The landlords wife? I mean jibber effing crabst what the hell can I do if I am stuck 6000 miles away. She has a kid whom she has gone great lengths to defend from harm but she won't lift barely a finger in defense of herself. I DON"T UNDERSTAND.

If I were there I would probably have pout the guy in a wheelchair or a breathing tube for the rest of his natural life. But she won't do anything, I'm at a complete loss here. i have talked to her for hours trying to convince her to tell her family, maybe they can help. She says the landlord also works for the local government and that her friends also say nothing will happen if she tells anyone so what is the point.

I mean this **** has to end! and all these dirt bags need to die in my opinion, PUBLICLY. I don't know what to do. She just let's people run over her but is a rock against the fury of the storm for her child. Mirror opposites in behavior I don't want to do. So I am asking for your advice, the only solutions I can think of end in bloodshed, I am too close to this to think rationally.

Help Please.

EDIT I wasn't going to break up with her and yes I know it was stupid and callous. I just didn't know how else to get her to think she needs to take some kind of action to her predicament. I don't do that sort of psychological warfare in the first place, well I guess that's a a lie cause I did this morning. But I wouldn't ever do it under normal circumstances. i really feel bad about that.

I was desperate and I knew it was wrong. I just I dunno, did out of desperation.
 
Last edited:

Cacotopia

Let's go full Trottle
A tiny part of me is glad I am not there, i have a very wide imagination and have thought of a giant list of unspeakable things to do to this person already.
 

danieldemol

Well-Known Member
Premium Member
It’s a tough situation, if I were there with a mob of likeminded people we’d be at the gates of parliament demanding his resignation from the political sphere and a cell be reserved for him.
 

Cacotopia

Let's go full Trottle
It’s a tough situation, if I were there with a mob of likeminded people we’d be at the gates of parliament demanding his resignation from the political sphere and a cell be reserved for him.
He wouldn't even make to a cell if I were there, his dismembered corpse would have been feasted on by carrion crows and feral dogs by now.
 

Curious George

Veteran Member
My advice is to apologize for threatening to abandon her. Ultimatums are a power play. You essentially threatened to deprive her of emotional security if she did not bend to your will. The intent behind this action is to create an anxiety within her that forces her to act according to your will.

If you would truly contemplate terminating your relationship because she did not seek help then perhaps you should just terminate the relationship and not attempt emotional manipulation of a victim of sexual assault. If doing so is the only way to preserve your sanity, then that is justification enough.

If however you are willing to suffer the emotional turmoil of seeing a loved one suffer in order to provide a respite then continue to engage her and offer advice on how to ameliorate the situation.

It is hard to know whether or not she going to the authorities would help notwithstanding her belief to the contrary. If she chooses not to contact the authorities, perhaps she at least has trusted friends she can ask to accompany her or with whom she can stay, until she can move to a different residence.
 

Subduction Zone

Veteran Member
I don't know what to say. I am sorry that your girlfriend was attacked. And sadly many women are afraid to report people, especially those that have some power over them. If she charged him it could make her living situation difficult.

And I thought of a suggestion. She should at the very least get in touch with a rape crisis center. They would not make her file a police report and at least she would have a complain on file with a reliable agency if she moved and wanted to charge him later.

ETA: And yes, as others have pointed out apologize for threatening to abandon her in her time of need. Hopefully she will understand.
 

Father Heathen

Veteran Member
If she's not going to report, the very least she should do is remove herself and her child from that situation for safety's sake, because if he gets away with it, it will only reinforce his behavior. Next time she might not be so 'lucky'.
 

Sunstone

De Diablo Del Fora
Premium Member
My condolences to you and your girlfriend both. I've had friends who have been assaulted and I know it is not only hard on the victim, but also on everyone who loves the victim.

That said, I think you need to immediately apologize to her for having attempted to pressure her into taking action against her will even to the point of threatening to abandon her. And then you need to quit doing it.

Please try looking at it from her point of view. She has just had her person violated by someone she trusted, and now someone she trusts even more than she trusted her landlord is trying to force her -- against her will -- to once again do something she doesn't want to do. Can you imagine how she's feeling about that?

I don't blame you for doing what you did because I suspect you're in shock. But please -- for her sake and yours -- don't continue doing something you are sure to one day hate yourself for having done.

Give her every bit of support she needs right now. That might give her the strength to report this incident to the police.
 

Jumi

Well-Known Member
I understand what you're going through. I was in a similar situation many years ago and not only once or with one woman. You just have to try to think what's best for her in this situation or rather what she wants. You have to strive to be emotionally solid like rock to support her. Dealing with the * is secondary.
 

Cacotopia

Let's go full Trottle
I already apologized for that. I couldn't see any other way to try and convince her to talk to someone with some kind of authority, when every one of her friends is telling her to keep her mouth shut.
 

Cacotopia

Let's go full Trottle
Kenya is a messed up place, where women are for the most part blamed for being raped and ostracized or abandoned if they are assaulted. What kind of savages behave like that.
 

Cacotopia

Let's go full Trottle
I also have never done that before ever, 'power play' threaten to leave someone if they don't do X, it's not in my character to act that way in normal situations. But this isn't a normal situation. And she won't talk to people, anyone that matters anyways...I can't do anything. I can't go there cause I'm too poor to even get a ticket there, it costs 3200 coach to fly there from where I am, I already looked at that option.

I have no course of action to consider. Except talk to her which i am, but I can't do anything beyond that. This is the worst situation to be in, to know someone is suffering and be unable to aid them physically in any way shape or form.
 

Cacotopia

Let's go full Trottle
I even looked up where to go outside the police to report rape, but all of it says it needs to be done right after it happened. and she didn't do it...now...now I don't think anything can be done.
 

Cacotopia

Let's go full Trottle
I gave her the numbers of the courts, of the closest police station, the pro bono women's association of rights offices for sexual assault, help line numbers advice on how to cope with sexual assault, pro bono psychologist numbers for therapy, I sent her literature on where she can go in her town, what else can I possibly do?!?
 

Subduction Zone

Veteran Member
Kenya is a messed up place, where women are for the most part blamed for being raped and ostracized or abandoned if they are assaulted. What kind of savages behave like that.
Sorry, I missed that it was in Kenya. A rape crisis center may not be present. I am now lost on how to help your friend.
 

Subduction Zone

Veteran Member
I gave her the numbers of the courts, of the closest police station, the pro bono women's association of rights offices for sexual assault, help line numbers advice on how to cope with sexual assault, pro bono psychologist numbers for therapy, I sent her literature on where she can go in her town, what else can I possibly do?!?
Support her as a friend is all that I can suggest right now. It may not seem like much to you, but unwavering support may make a huge difference to her.
 

SalixIncendium

अग्निविलोवनन्दः
Staff member
Premium Member
I'll echo the sentiments already left in this thread. Just listen to her be there (psychologically, not physically, of course). You can offer advice, but it's ultimately up to her if she wishes to follow it or not. I understand the inclination to protect her, but attempting to force her to make a decision she doesn't want to make does harm as well.
 
Top