Spiderman
Veteran Member
This sobriety stuff is just super strange to me. Since May 11, 2021 I have abused drugs 3 times. Before that, It was nearly every day since 2015, and I have basically worshipped drugs and alcohol since I was 12.
I look back at my lifestyle and just cringe.
It has been jails, institutions, homelessness, psychotic breaks, and some near death experiences.
This is what my teacher "heartbreak" has taught me:
When you sober up, the memories will just haunt you to death.
The heartbreak/heartache is ever present and chronically flaring up. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, You've got to learn how to be my friend.
Let go of things that are not in your control. Desire leads to suffering. Desire not what you can't have.
Learn to love the heartbreak. Life will be a crucifixion. You can feel it everywhere. This world is not your home. This world will be brutal to you, because you are not of the world. You are an alien in a strange land.
The world is nuts, and you've got to accept it , and love it the way it is, or you'll get scared , angry , and crushed over it.
Remember that big, ugly, hairy wolf spider that crawled into your cell. Spiders were your greatest fear. By facing your fear, holding your fear, letting your fear bite you, you realized you loved your fear, and fear lost it's power over you.
I've said it before. Crucifixion leads to the glorious resurrection. Take away the suffering, you take away the growth, purification, maturity, strength, and glory. Your reward shall be in the next life. Do not lose hope.
The "Capitol Hill Queens" you pray to, all died tragically. When tragic things happen to people, you love them more as a result. Like a good Mother is most concerned for her children who are most sick or suffering the most, the Kami are more close to you when you suffer.
That is the sermon heartache/heartbreak taught me today. Thoughts?
I look back at my lifestyle and just cringe.
It has been jails, institutions, homelessness, psychotic breaks, and some near death experiences.
This is what my teacher "heartbreak" has taught me:
When you sober up, the memories will just haunt you to death.
The heartbreak/heartache is ever present and chronically flaring up. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, You've got to learn how to be my friend.
Let go of things that are not in your control. Desire leads to suffering. Desire not what you can't have.
Learn to love the heartbreak. Life will be a crucifixion. You can feel it everywhere. This world is not your home. This world will be brutal to you, because you are not of the world. You are an alien in a strange land.
The world is nuts, and you've got to accept it , and love it the way it is, or you'll get scared , angry , and crushed over it.
Remember that big, ugly, hairy wolf spider that crawled into your cell. Spiders were your greatest fear. By facing your fear, holding your fear, letting your fear bite you, you realized you loved your fear, and fear lost it's power over you.
I've said it before. Crucifixion leads to the glorious resurrection. Take away the suffering, you take away the growth, purification, maturity, strength, and glory. Your reward shall be in the next life. Do not lose hope.
The "Capitol Hill Queens" you pray to, all died tragically. When tragic things happen to people, you love them more as a result. Like a good Mother is most concerned for her children who are most sick or suffering the most, the Kami are more close to you when you suffer.
That is the sermon heartache/heartbreak taught me today. Thoughts?