Half thoughts, mid-thoughts, and random images from a mind

[amorphous_constellation]

- A hamburger smell for blocks, noticing insects, enthusiasm from the dog people - at dogs jumping around on the newly softened dirt - the season seems to have changed. A little more warmth, a little more smell in the air, and then I will say it officially is not longer winter

- I saw a shooting star, in a long arc, ending in a green-fizzed lime soda taste

- I am midway through a book on logic, and memorized baye's rule. I don't/can't understand what I ever do with it, but it's just a thing in the universe. I hate formal logic, and don't want to read another book on it. Well, maybe I don't hate it, maybe it's just that I definitely don't have a mathematical mind.

 

[amorphous_constellation]

Tarot, Arcanum 19, the Sun

The dream I had was about parallel universes. In infinite parallel universes, the Beatles have written and sung an infinite number of Beatles songs. There are endless Beatles albums. There are endless places you have gone. Your footsteps cover the entire world. You have said everything, at every moment. You have done everything, and mastered everything. You have failed at everything. You have felt everything. You have remembered everything, and forgotten everything.

The card, arcanum 19, goes on in an infinite pattern, of some kind, in the upright and reversed position. Perhaps even in other ways.

It is a challenging card to understand, and I don't think I quite get it. Maybe I can't

There is a wall in the card, and below that wall, and that card, there is another sun card, another 'star,' or 'universe' symbol, and another set of actors. These are same people as in the first card, but perhaps they act in different ways. The sun can burn through the wall. It can perhaps, lead to another parallel reality. Perhaps a better one, and maybe a worse one?

The actors are perhaps, not in front of the wall, but they are stuck in the wall. They are perhaps, being born into another universe, from the one they were in?

If the card is reversed, perhaps the actors are now falling into the sun, and it is gravity at work, instead of will. What does it matter? Well maybe the sun represents the third person, in a trinity. Maybe this person has the most 'gravity' in the personality matrix, of all the three. Or maybe this person is inspiring, and so they inspire the other two actors to break through the wall they are stuck in.

It is difficult to understand, but this is part of the puzzle

 

[amorphous_constellation]

Using vacation time till next month, not sure what to do. Should I go to sleep now, or stay up all night, like I would for work? There's really not much else I want to do. Today I meditated, read a couple chapters of a book, practiced guitar for an hour, played video games, took a power-walk, and listened to an hour of a podcast. All of that was goal-oriented, till I got to this moment now.

So now the world is dark and quiet, and this is the time I would have worked.

I don't have any snacks here, though that seems to be something I want. I'm in too inert of a mode or mood to go do something about that: to get a bag of cheesy, crunchy stuff, or get donuts and a cappuccino. If I had instant noodles, that would be enough.

All I got is a bottle of kombucha, which I suppose I am about to drink, while maybe watching a bushcraft video (a genre of video about camping).

And then I suppose, I should make a decision on whether I want to stay up all night, or go to bed. To greet the dawn, or sleep through it.

 

[amorphous_constellation]

That Tarot...

Does the Emperor get along with Fool? The Fool walks forward from the beginning. Some of the people may seem indifferent to him, depending on how you see it, and some converse with him.

It seems hard for me to imagine the Emperor can be very good friends with the Fool. The Fool just wants to learn - he represents openness, in one aspect. The Emperor looks at him, resting proudly, with an air of ego. Does he want to command the fool, and stop him walking? To tell him something sarcastic? But the fool must journey on, and the king can stay where he is, in his rusting regalia.

 

[amorphous_constellation]

Various combinations of the wand suit add up to 9. I had drawn the 7, then the 2. Then I caught a glimpse of the 'hermit,' as I reshuffled. So, perhaps what was trying to be described, by the deck, is the Hermit's staff. This might be taken to represent his wisdom, or some aspect of his power, or perhaps art. I guess I might not be totally sure

In any case, the hermit is the '9.' 7 and 2 equal 9, and so the 9 wands or staffs represent this quality of the hermit. The 7 seems a rather complicated number, as it is indivisible, and the wands are woven together in a complex manner. The 2 seems simpler, and more practical. So in this case, the hermit's wisdom/art is 7/9ths hard to understand, but the 2/9ths seem to make it rewarding. The hermit has gained something like twice as much wisdom as any other man?

 

[amorphous_constellation]

Last day of a long weekend here, and am trying to avoid, with lukewarm success, that which is hectic, i.e. work or responsibilities.

I am both sun-burned and bug-bitten, or sun-bitten and bug-burned, or bug-scorched and sun-feasted. So then, the patchy red on my forearms and head could have come from either source.

But I noticed now, that I am actually starting to tan, and it is turning out to be an overcast day today. So maybe I am not trapped in here

I had walked all the way to walmart yesterday, and got two packs of instant noodles, a thing of potato chips, and a lemonade. I had finished a three hour long joe rogan podcast.

Tonight there are fireworks over the lake. Rather than watch them in the big crowd, maybe I'll watch them from some lonely, forested dead-end road. Last year I did that too

Oh yeah, if I walk out to the stores again, I'll have to remember to get bug spray. Or possibly a thermacell, I am sort of curious how those work

In the middle of another cup of coffee, an earthy cup. I have a macro-photography camera, and probably will go scan the sidewalk for ants, carrying loads

 

[amorphous_constellation]

She always wrote books where the main character, or some other character with a prominent or important role, was 35. 35 seemed the perfect age. Not too old so as not to run with the young bucks, but also at the door of grey wise-ness. A mixture of muscle, and the toned experienced mind and life. Seeming to represent a certain culmination point. A place where the two worlds are straddled, between 25 and say, 45 or beyond. They say however, all we have is the present, no matter our circumstances. I suppose this as possibly being half-true

 

[amorphous_constellation]

Sitting here, rather lethargic and annoyed. Perhaps slightly short on sleep. I need to make slightly better choices, I think, to have better energy when I want it. Diet-wise, time-wise, energy-wise. Disgusted by political debates, that I fall asleep to. Not liking the precarious 'state of the world.' The weather however, is nice. Someone left a collapsed tent by the water-tower, it's been there for days, weird. Well I suppose I should go outside, though I am kind of sick of the same old trails around here. But I need to get the energy in me moving

I need inspiration, to think and create. Other-wise creativity becomes like a prison within, that somehow imprisons. Video games might usurp my energy to. But for some reason I don't feel like moving off this bed right now. People seem annoying to me, they seem frantic, aloof, and they don't listen. One time I had a dog on a leash, and this woman with an unleashed dog seemed flustered and angry that I encountered her and her unleashed dog.

 

[Aupmanyav]

- to be older, and grayer. My hair hasn't even changed color yet, except a few beard lines, out of a thousand.. At 35, you find that novelty is hard to come by. I find that I have to work with what I know, as things out there fail to surprise me

-Better sleep today after two days with 5 hours. Though maybe it's because it's warmer? No, maybe because it just takes that long to shift back into better sleep

I don't know anything about Ukraine, but that sounds rather concerning

..It's time for me to get up, and go to work again. Repetition, certainly.

If I will be wiser in 10 years, in 20 years, 30 years, to what end? How many books will I have in my kindle by then? Hundreds? What will be the product that will result from all that, the product that is then within me? Knowledge? A foundation, but then, by then, I will be retired. And then, how is it even to be used.

See, that is how fuzzy logic works, the monkey mind.

 

[amorphous_constellation]

These earbuds have broken. They always get broken or lost. I had lost a pair in the marsh. I think I had lost another in the woods, and this latest pair simply cuts out after a few seconds of powering on. Ok. Enough of my miserable materialistic grandeur. Some people have nothing. So then, I will have to wear these big floppy headphones now, for a while at least, while I saunter around

I came to talk slightly more about the Tarot, again. The 6 of cups to my right - these bring the memories of my childhood, the magical inspiration of seeing and doing things for the first time. I now lose such a thing in the dimming grayness of my upper 30's. The 8 of coins to my left - material stability. It represents a slab of hard earth to lie on, that somehow paradoxically provides eternal comfort, cool but refreshing

The ace of pentacles at my feet - it looks like a rooted-insect, basically plant/insect combination. It is planted beneath my feet, and sends its roots up through my body. From the center of the beating heart of the planet, to the electrical cycling motions of my brain

Finally, strength is placed under the pillow. You combat the animal of yourself, in your dreams. You master that animal, subconsciously. Only if the card is reversed, does the animal get the upper hand - not something I want. So strength is planted in the head. To make the head-plant grow well

Now sleep. Wake up, and out of the deck, falls the 8 of swords. There is no sword there on the card - there is something like a star, a concentrated verbal state, a concentrated brain state. And I suppose I feel that way now - it is a feeling of stable knowledge, monk-like.

----

6 of cups and 8 of pentacles, placed on either side of the body. Ace of pentacles below the feet. Strength card under the pillow. 8 of swords, to study upon waking.

This is not a recommendation, just something I did

I would like to call it the 'Material focus and renewal charm.' I will likely do this more, though it might still be in the editing phase, kind of

 

[amorphous_constellation]

Dream. 3 brother-like men, all travelers, through midwestern rivers, and even mountains. Morphing their bodies into different people, they eventually came together. Hobo avoiding jail, collector of backpack parts. A great forest, with dome-like canopies. They explored it, before construction workers took it. You needed a compass, that looked like a large gold watch. The perimeter was dug up by construction workers. Huge ditches, pits, everything covered in mud. Some of them could lift cars. They rammed big machines around. Sometimes their wives came.

In the forest, there were large bobcats, that lived off of massive spiders. In the deepest part of the forest, there was a great buffet. The three brothers ate until they were sated. Big metal vats, filled with rice and broccoli. Jim said he felt like the mayor.

 

[amorphous_constellation]

And it's one of those tired, cold days. Short on sleep, too much time. Can't do that much, brain soup, like a tractor stuck in the soup of the mind. Stare out the window, try to read... Hume of all things. If only I could teleport back in time, and tell the man to get to the damn point. It's like he's trying to cook a 10-course meal of ideas, all at once. Oh well, whatever. Now the big cat has come to my side, feeling the coolness of fall. I carefully pet it, but it is a biter. But it insists on laying alongside me

 

[amorphous_constellation]

It goes from the perfectly Neat to the Sloppy. Yes it does - from the perfectly spherical, aesthetically beautiful, atom. The platonic, and objective electron. Perfect symmetry and shape - it goes from that, to the slop you see now. The tattered and battered tennis ball, saliva chewed. Snot. The hangnail, and the feeling it gives. 1000 miles of rotting stumps, and vegetation. How do you know you're not a machine?

 

[amorphous_constellation]

Dream of stinky socks. Offensive to the nose, and brain - to the laundry with you. Spin and spin, in a futuristic machine, to make them perfect?

 

[amorphous_constellation]

Ok, now it looks like I made some kind of a personal diet blunder. Keep in mind, I am not giving anyone advice, I'm just describing a thing about myself. And that is, that I am in my late 30's, and I ate a bag of baked mozzarella sticks with some pizza rolls, and the whole thing became some kind of a big glutenous, cheesy mass in my gut. Not long ago, I felt bloated. I drank a bunch of water, and ate a banana, all in effort to quell what I did. Nope

Also, for the past few days I was having a cup of coffee after my night at work. That also seems to be a mistake. But I wanted to see if I could get more energy into the machine, so I could do more. But instead, it seems like the machine just throws sparks, and wants to lay on the bed sleeplessly, after I do this. It does not feel good in the chest either. So, I guess I will only pour coffee into it before working

 

[Riders]

I like your thread. I might try some random thoughts myself.

 

[amorphous_constellation]

I like your thread. I might try some random thoughts myself.

Maybe give it a try. Well for me, it seems like it's sort of random thoughts everywhere. In random notebooks, in other threads, on other social media, I just mostly put the random stuff that comes to mind. The only thing I neglect to do a lot of is poetry, and it seems like I can kind of do that

 

[amorphous_constellation]

Tarot. I need to become more organized about it, though it is difficult. The most recent draw seemed worth remembering, a very linear energy path, though all of it is able to be reversed, for reversed effect ?

The Empress, reversed --> The Four of Coins, reversed --> The Ten of swords in upright position --> The four of swords, reversed

The Empress within is reversed, I don't see this as a good starting point for me. I think she represents, at best, a justified kind of ego state, for me, but the reversal indicates that this falls out of balance. Her best idea, in one hand, and her best tool, in the other, both cease to be effective, or seen in proper clarity. She no longer flies with her wings, (which I see behind her, where others might see a chair) and so she flies down into the clouds.

My great garden of money gets rained on, and in being washed out, money no longer grows there. Following that, the sword suit shows up: the ten of swords looks to me, like a kind of headache. The card contains minimal vegetation, and ideas seems to clash instead. Finally, the four of swords is reversed, so general clarity is a bit more obscure

But if all this can be reversed, with the Empress being upright, etc., then the product of this change could indicate an opposite of effect? What also of replacing the pip cards with other suits of the same numerical class. If we replaces the 10 and 4 of swords with the 10 and 4 of wands, it might instead refer to productive capacity. Then, in synchronicity, I suppose the Four of Coins would have to be changed to the Four of Cups

Hmm.. Well it's all somewhat interesting, I guess

 

[amorphous_constellation]

Breaking the math equation down a different way: multiply what is in the round brackets. A four of of cups, in the position where it spills, is in the position where it plants. Wands are made of wood, they spring up from this. The 10 of wands is too maze-like, another headache like the 10 of swords. Not much productive plant-life can grow here, as it looks like a maze - tangle of brambles?

Then with a reversed 4 of wands, which I take to be more difficult to interpret. Production that is less than ideal

 

[Riders]

Tarot. I need to become more organized about it, though it is difficult. The most recent draw seemed worth remembering, a very linear energy path, though all of it is able to be reversed, for reversed effect ?

The Empress, reversed --> The Four of Coins, reversed --> The Ten of swords in upright position --> The four of swords, reversed

The Empress within is reversed, I don't see this as a good starting point for me. I think she represents, at best, a justified kind of ego state, for me, but the reversal indicates that this falls out of balance. Her best idea, in one hand, and her best tool, in the other, both cease to be effective, or seen in proper clarity. She no longer flies with her wings, (which I see behind her, where others might see a chair) and so she flies down into the clouds.

My great garden of money gets rained on, and in being washed out, money no longer grows there. Following that, the sword suit shows up: the ten of swords looks to me, like a kind of headache. The card contains minimal vegetation, and ideas seems to clash instead. Finally, the four of swords is reversed, so general clarity is a bit more obscure

But if all this can be reversed, with the Empress being upright, etc., then the product of this change could indicate an opposite of effect? What also of replacing the pip cards with other suits of the same numerical class. If we replaces the 10 and 4 of swords with the 10 and 4 of wands, it might instead refer to productive capacity. Then, in synchronicity, I suppose the Four of Coins would have to be changed to the Four of Cups

Hmm.. Well it's all somewhat interesting, I guess

Yes I tried to teach myself the tarot and I could not figure out how it works, But when I had my tarot read it was right on target.