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Giving up on dating (why women are difficult to date today)

PoetPhilosopher

Veteran Member
You don't know that? In fact I implore you to actually listen to the lyrics of this:


If you listen to the lyrics it'll tell you how "nice guys" turn bitter after being hurt....If you get past the name of the song and actually listen to the lyrics.

Here's what's really happening:

> Said men weren't told by their parents that when they date someone, it won't be a fantasy world

> They approach women and aren't used to a relationship. Said woman probably did have emotional baggage and express themselves in a bad way, but so do men

> The female race then gets characterized yet again as being evil
 

Epic Beard Man

Bearded Philosopher
They probably think you're a total fail, mate. Honest, as soon as your mindset starts considering how worthy a woman is they'll start checking you out, and they'll see all the stuff that you can't.

Where did you get this nonsense? you don't even know the intricate details (aside from what I've disclosed here) to even make a correct assessment of my dating experiences. your bias, not to mention ignorance of my personal situation aside from what I've told you have concluded your thoughts on the subject, but I'm telling you, you're incorrect. There are things that I've dealt with when it comes to the personality of some of these women. For example one woman has a habit of smoking weed I'm not fond of and have a tendency to make up things because she had memory problems due to her "chronic" marijuana use. That is just one example of problems I've encountered.

Humans all have emotional issues.

Yes. But there is a difference between having emotional issues and bringing them along in a new situation. If I have some mental instability it is not rational to bring that in a new situation.

If you can't listen to a person's sadnesses then you'd better stay home, which is what you're going to do which is a really good idea for now.

I can listen to a person's problems all day in fact that is what I do! But when it comes to new situations like dating it is unhealthy and actually a red flag, that a person upon meeting a new individual still harbors over the last person.

You ain't healed yourself! :D
You ain't!

You deduce this how?

You seem to think that you are the balanced foundation of emotional stability, but I'll bet that you just want women to be and do what will serve your body and ego best.

Wow, just wow. So let me get this straight. If I have standards and prefer a woman to come into a dating situation with a stable emotional and mental health and who displays attractive personal qualities that are compatible to mine I am somehow a control freak? We all have standards I'm just displaying mine. If I think it's unhealthy for a woman to dwell on her past while getting to know me I'm somehow in the wrong? What world are you living in?

But it's not just men that can be like this. A colleague of my wife's has many boyfriends; they very soon move in with her and get called 'her partner' and she speaks of each one as if her life's love. The relationship is very close until 'one day' the man says or does something that shows that he is settling in to the humdrum of a life together (like couples up and down the road) and lickety-split she dumps him, because she needs the excitement of the courting and romance, not considering how many toilet-rolls they need for a week.

Either I'm tired or what because I did not get this.....

How would you describe your ideal perfect partner?

There is no ideal perfect partner....

If I were to describe the personality trait best compatible to mine its:

1) Compassionate

2) Loyal

3) Intelligent (Academic and street wise)

4) Worldly

5) Fun (or funny)

6) Understanding

My Missus reckons the smart females are dodging you like when at the fairground. :D

You don't even know me and quite frankly your assessment is quite disrespectful. but you're old and out of touch with the dating world so I reckon you like Sunstone with your limited understanding of the dating world today ought to just remain silent. Look you don't like my assessment of my experiences then that is fine but these are my experiences. So far I'm being badgered by some old men who are married or who are out of touch with the dating world. I can at least respect @David1967 who at least said he had nothing to add. If you aren't dating currently or know what its like then who the hell are you to make an assessment on me especially if I'm the one experiencing this?
 

Epic Beard Man

Bearded Philosopher
Said men weren't told by their parents that when they date someone, it won't be a fantasy world

I was told by my mother "women take kindness for weakness"

I experienced said woman and it is true. A lot of women take kindness for weakness and said woman or women use men of this caliber thus creating and promoting the cycle of emotional abuse.

Said woman probably did have emotional baggage and express themselves in a bad way, but so do men

But we aren't talking about men. This is a given. Said woman or women need to understand and own their emotional baggage and heal not use relationships like band aids to patch up emotional trauma.

The female race then gets characterized yet again as being evil

Females aren't a race. Females need to take responsibility as do men. If I'm hurt I need to own the hurt, not bring the hurt into a new situation which affects the other person.
 

PoetPhilosopher

Veteran Member
Wow, just wow. So let me get this straight. If I have standards and prefer a woman to come into a dating situation with a stable emotional and mental health and who displays attractive personal qualities that are compatible to mine I am somehow a control freak?

You're not a control freak. But based upon this criteria, you'd probably better save up your money for someone who acts perfect, as relationships are about honesty and seeing each other's flaws.
 

Epic Beard Man

Bearded Philosopher
relationships are about honesty and seeing each other's flaws.

I can compromise what I see are flaws. I've compromised women who smoke weed (I hate smokers of any kind). I've compromised women who have kids and who cannot bare kids (I want kids of my own). I've compromised women who don't have money. I've compromised women who what I believe to have emotional baggage. I've compromised women who have trust issues by being a consistent and understanding person. My problem is compromising my standards for the other person. When you compromise your standards you become accepting to what could end up being toxic.
 

PoetPhilosopher

Veteran Member
I was told by my mother "women take kindness for weakness"

I experienced said woman and it is true. A lot of women take kindness for weakness and said woman or women use men of this caliber thus creating and promoting the cycle of emotional abuse.



But we aren't talking about men. This is a given. Said woman or women need to understand and own their emotional baggage and heal not use relationships like band aids to patch up emotional trauma.



Females aren't a race. Females need to take responsibility as do men. If I'm hurt I need to own the hurt, not bring the hurt into a new situation which affects the other person.

I just think you're being a little unrealistic. What I will point out is that it's fine to have high criteria, but you have to really be loaded and have a great smile and charm to get the trophy woman you seem to be looking for.

I mean, I would have defended your points had you been talking about online dating as a whole. But throwing females in a pit while you talk about how the male race is innocent to anything?
 

PoetPhilosopher

Veteran Member
I can compromise what I see are flaws. I've compromised women who smoke weed (I hate smokers of any kind). I've compromised women who have kids and who cannot bare kids (I want kids of my own). I've compromised women who don't have money. I've compromised women who what I believe to have emotional baggage. I've compromised women who have trust issues by being a consistent and understanding person. My problem is compromising my standards for the other person. When you compromise your standards you become accepting to what could end up being toxic.

It's not standards you're talking about, its expectations.
 

Epic Beard Man

Bearded Philosopher
I just think you're being a little unrealistic.

I'm being very realistic.

What I will point out is that it's fine to have high criteria, but you have to really be loaded and have a great smile and charm to get the trophy woman you seem to be looking for.

You are making the mistake of conflating my idea of a stable woman with being a "trophy" which itself is not only an incorrect assertion of my standards, but also disrespectful to the women as you presume I'm looking for an object to display which is incorrect.

But throwing females in a pit while you talk about how the male race is innocent to anything?

Apparently you're having trouble reading my points because you yourself are reading with a bias. first off go back to the first page and read the very first paragraph. I distinctively made it clear that my experiences have no baring on the women outside my experiences. I've made it clear that my frustration is purely allocated to the experiences I've encountered. In addition, I made no mention of men being perfect. It's really frustrating that you guys are making all these assumptions and not really reading my damn post. Stop with the BS bias and read my damn post.
 

Epic Beard Man

Bearded Philosopher
It's not standards you're talking about, its expectations.

No. It is standards. However we all have expectations of what a stable person ought to be. I don't expect a woman I'm dating to spend her time harping over her last guy. That alone is a deal breaker. Women expect the same from a man.
 

PoetPhilosopher

Veteran Member
I'm being very realistic.



You are making the mistake of conflating my idea of a stable woman with being a "trophy" which itself is not only an incorrect assertion of my standards, but also disrespectful to the women as you presume I'm looking for an object to display which is incorrect.



Apparently you're having trouble reading my points because you yourself are reading with a bias. first off go back to the first page and read the very first paragraph. I distinctively made it clear that my experiences have no baring on the women outside my experiences. I've made it clear that my frustration is purely allocated to the experiences I've encountered. In addition, I made no mention of men being perfect. It's really frustrating that you guys are making all these assumptions and not really reading my damn post. Stop with the BS bias and read my damn post.

To be fair, you made a few statements that can be easily misread. This is the internet. However, I'm going to assume you meant well, I think you actually did -- just remember that your views still aren't great to be carrying with you in your heart, and may affect your dating life if you're not careful.
 

Epic Beard Man

Bearded Philosopher
To be fair, you made a few statements that can be easily misread. This is the internet. However, I'm going to assume you meant well, I think you actually did -- just remember that your views still aren't great to be carrying with you in your heart, and may affect your dating life if you're not careful.

I'm a fair guy. I don;t meet a woman and say "yeah she is like the rest of them" to be fair, like anyone I meet in real life I give you the opportunity to shoot your own-self in the foot. But yes a few people here misread my post. That is the problem when you read a post coming from a biased perspective you totally dismiss the person's point of view.
 

PoetPhilosopher

Veteran Member
I'm a fair guy. I don;t meet a woman and say "yeah she is like the rest of them" to be fair, like anyone I meet in real life I give you the opportunity to shoot your own-self in the foot. But yes a few people here misread my post. That is the problem when you read a post coming from a biased perspective you totally dismiss the person's point of view.

Some of us have itchy trigger fingers. It can sometimes hurt people, but other times, it has helped create social progress in the world by getting people to stop using hurtful terms, etc. I fathom part of the knee-jerk reaction is that more neutral terms could be used on a message board that isn't a men's locker room.

For example, there are some horrible experiences on online dating sites, half of them including women. But if I wanted to talk on the subject, I'd probably blame society and the conditioning on social platforms, rather than women.
 

Epic Beard Man

Bearded Philosopher
Some of us have itchy trigger fingers.

That's the problem here in this thread.

It can sometimes hurt people, but other times, it has helped create social progress in the world by getting people to stop using hurtful terms, etc.

I have a huge problem here when a bunch of adults with no significance in my personal life nor whom I've never met, can make an assessment of who I am. I chose my words carefully perhaps you and others should have as well instead of making incorrect judgments on what kind of person I am. I have standards, and I have every right to not be used and abused when I'm courting a woman. My intent here was to get some opinion from men preferably those who are currently in the dating pool.

For example, there are some horrible experiences on online dating sites, half of them including women. But if I wanted to talk on the subject, I'd probably blame society and the conditioning on social platforms, rather than women.

I don't do online but real life. Yes, I could go into the psychosocial aspect of behavior through socialization based on such and such, but mainly this was more about being frustrated at the state of affairs in dating. I am not the only one that shares this sentiment, but I mistakenly brought this up here considering the relationship status with a lot of the people here.
 

Dan From Smithville

What's up Doc?
Staff member
Premium Member
I have, but I just do not find myself as sexually attracted to men as I thought and did prefix this by saying I am more into women. Most men make me feel like a prostitute, honestly, and I have not time for that. The main reason I'm single is because I'm 'too religious' for most people and expect my partner to be as religious as I am. In any case, I still fail to see what's so bad about my list as it can basically be broken down into 'Be sexually attractive to me and have a life that's showing not just telling'.
I completely missed this post prior to responding to your other posts. If I hadn't, it would have saved me some questions.

From what I get, you know what you want. You are fortunate. A lot of people do not. I suppose what confuses me is how you can be so assertive and desire dominance at the same time. But thinking about it, these two characteristics are often found expressed together in men. The CEO that wants to be dominated by a woman in private, for instance. So women expressing them simultaneously in intimate situations is probably only unusual to my limited thinking and not in fact.
 

oldbadger

Skanky Old Mongrel!
Where did you get this nonsense? you don't even know the intricate details (aside from what I've disclosed here) to even make a correct assessment of my dating experiences. your bias, not to mention ignorance of my personal situation aside from what I've told you have concluded your thoughts on the subject, but I'm telling you, you're incorrect.
By reading what you write, so we can learn about you.

There are things that I've dealt with when it comes to the personality of some of these women. For example one woman has a habit of smoking weed I'm not fond of and have a tendency to make up things because she had memory problems due to her "chronic" marijuana use. That is just one example of problems I've encountered.
So don't date her!
If she bores you, stay home!
:D

Yes. But there is a difference between having emotional issues and bringing them along in a new situation. If I have some mental instability it is not rational to bring that in a new situation.
It's good to be open with folks.
Openess is clarity is honesty.
And the flaws in us become a patina on our humanity.


I can listen to a person's problems all day in fact that is what I do! But when it comes to new situations like dating it is unhealthy and actually a red flag, that a person upon meeting a new individual still harbors over the last person.
The last person is a phrase, sentence or chapter in their life and is a part of them.
If you love people you will take interest in every part of them.

You deduce this how?
Just by reading what you write.
If your introductions about yourself are anything like your posts then most smart women will be sneaking looks at their fit-bits. :)

Wow, just wow. So let me get this straight. If I have standards and prefer a woman to come into a dating situation with a stable emotional and mental health and who displays attractive personal qualities that are compatible to mine I am somehow a control freak? We all have standards I'm just displaying mine. If I think it's unhealthy for a woman to dwell on her past while getting to know me I'm somehow in the wrong? What world are you living in?
If you read that para again to yourself you might just get an idea about just how demanding you are.
You don't want to date a real kicking screaming vibrant woman with feelings. You need one of those programmable IT dolls to sit opposite you, and then she'll be everything that you wanted. But you'll be bored in one minute, I reckon.


[QUTE]Either I'm tired or what because I did not get this.....[/QUOTE]
No, you didn't.
That was a test to discover just how much you are interested in other people.
And you don't get 'em, do you?


There is no ideal perfect partner....

If I were to describe the personality trait best compatible to mine its:

1) Compassionate

2) Loyal

3) Intelligent (Academic and street wise)

4) Worldly

5) Fun (or funny)

6) Understanding

What!!! ??
You want what?? !!
You've already shown us that your compassion, understanding and sense of fun are poor but she has to have all that?
And I personally guess that if this date was very intelligent and highly qualified that you'd feel a bit niggled?



You don't even know me and quite frankly your assessment is quite disrespectful.
I think that @Sunstone is a very intelligent bloke, mate, but he and I don't talk that much....... but neither he nor I would wish to hurt you.
We just know that short sharp shocks of truth are not only remembered, but they can be very very helpful in the long run... is all.
 

Epic Beard Man

Bearded Philosopher
By reading what you write, so we can learn about you.

Well apparently you didn't comprehend the in-depth explanation of my frustration.

If she bores you, stay home!

Notice where I said "example" I obviously don't date women who specifically smoke weed, if you read carefully I was highlighting my compromise of characteristics/behaviors that I find in some women that are opposite of mine.

It's good to be open with folks.
Openess is clarity is honesty.
And the flaws in us become a patina on our humanity.

This absolutely has nothing to do with someone bringing their negative baggage into a new relationship.

If you love people you will take interest in every part of them.

This absolutely have nothing to do with dating. Yes we have issues that we rectify and take with us which helps us grow as people, but if those issues linger and become a problem to where they've become toxic, it is problematic.

If your introductions about yourself are anything like your posts then most smart women will be sneaking looks at their fit-bits. :)

This is your opinion. You're castigating me based on my frustration in dating. You don't even know me and even what I write comes from my ideas and experiences who I am here is not entirely what I am in the outside world. Your attempt to be insulting is amusing considering that I have no issue with getting women and women don't have no issue with me, again I'm talking about the emotional issues and the unstable minds I uncover in some women I've dated.

You don't want to date a real kicking screaming vibrant woman with feelings.

No I do not want to date a woman who has emotional issues who is set on comparing me to her last boyfriend no.

You need one of those programmable IT dolls to sit opposite you, and then she'll be everything that you wanted. But you'll be bored in one minute, I reckon.

13771ad3b717b83c37ffae3459d581fa.jpg


You've already shown us that your compassion, understanding and sense of fun are poor but she has to have all that?

Um ok.....

but neither he nor I would wish to hurt you.
We just know that short sharp shocks of truth are not only remembered, but they can be very very helpful in the long run... is all.

I realize you're old and all but your post was bizarre and a bit out of touch with reality. I sincerely hope nobody gets advice from you.
 

Rival

Si m'ait Dieus
Staff member
Premium Member
I completely missed this post prior to responding to your other posts. If I hadn't, it would have saved me some questions.

From what I get, you know what you want. You are fortunate. A lot of people do not. I suppose what confuses me is how you can be so assertive and desire dominance at the same time. But thinking about it, these two characteristics are often found expressed together in men. The CEO that wants to be dominated by a woman in private, for instance. So women expressing them simultaneously in intimate situations is probably only unusual to my limited thinking and not in fact.
It's common Assertive Women Are More Likely to Fantasize Submission

5 Reasons Why Dominant Women Are Often VERY Submissive In Bed
 

oldbadger

Skanky Old Mongrel!
Well apparently you didn't comprehend the in-depth explanation of my frustration.

Notice where I said "example" I obviously don't date women who specifically smoke weed, if you read carefully I was highlighting my compromise of characteristics/behaviors that I find in some women that are opposite of mine.

This absolutely has nothing to do with someone bringing their negative baggage into a new relationship.

This absolutely have nothing to do with dating. Yes we have issues that we rectify and take with us which helps us grow as people, but if those issues linger and become a problem to where they've become toxic, it is problematic.

This is your opinion. You're castigating me based on my frustration in dating. You don't even know me and even what I write comes from my ideas and experiences who I am here is not entirely what I am in the outside world. Your attempt to be insulting is amusing considering that I have no issue with getting women and women don't have no issue with me, again I'm talking about the emotional issues and the unstable minds I uncover in some women I've dated.

No I do not want to date a woman who has emotional issues who is set on comparing me to her last boyfriend no.

Um ok.....

I realize you're old and all but your post was bizarre and a bit out of touch with reality. I sincerely hope nobody gets advice from you.

Sure, I'm old, and my advice is of little value to some kinds of people.

I hope that, when you try dating again, that you find exactly what you seek. Straight up...... I do.

And good luck with your career.

:)
 

Stevicus

Veteran Member
Staff member
Premium Member
You know I don't know why people put much emphasis on me saying that I understand these types of groups. These men are no different than rap artists making music talking about "b**** aint sh**." When I say I understand why these groups form I'm talking about how men who come from a place where we are taught chivalry and respect can become hurt and bitter when used by a woman. Despite women being a historically discriminated demographic there are toxic women ought there who create cycles of pain because of their ow chemical and environmental imbalances.

I can see where these types of groups are coming from, too. It's likely a combination of factors, along with some genuine confusion and mixed messages.

I'm not sure if this is really all that new, though. There are women who have used and manipulated men going back to ancient times; it's an ancient Biblical trope, but the same phenomenon can be found in other cultures as well. This is how they justified imposing unequal restrictions upon women to keep them under the thumb of the patriarchy, as it is sometimes called.

But now that many of the old traditions have been torn down and discarded, the rules have changed - and this may be part of the confusion. As men, we're taught the whole thing about "chivalry and respect," while also being told that women are now to be treated as equals who can be just as strong and independent as any man. There are strict rules in place in various aspects of society regarding this. However, in the world of sex, dating, and romance, a lot of people still seem to value traditionalism while still feeling entitled to indulge in the hedonism of the sexual revolution.

The typical example might be people who were wild and crazy in high school and college - indulging in wild sex, drugs and similar activities. But later on, they still want their "traditional" white wedding with all the trimmings - the house in the suburbs with the white picket fence, the 1.3 kids, etc. There's still a strong sense of societal conformity towards that particular model.

So, that may be part of the disconnect, since there's an inconsistency about challenging and tearing down the old order while still desiring to conform to some of the more superficial aspects of it. Many people reacted negatively to the world of the Cleavers in Leave it to Beaver, yet in practice, that's apparently what so many people are aspiring to be.
 

Epic Beard Man

Bearded Philosopher
I can see where these types of groups are coming from, too. It's likely a combination of factors, along with some genuine confusion and mixed messages.

Right. I don't think these men naturally has misogynistic tendencies, I think it largely has to do with what you're talking about.

There are women who have used and manipulated men going back to ancient times

Right I know, but the problem today is there lacks responsibility among women of these types. I'm sure hardcore feminists like the Mackinnon's of the world would most certainly think that women of this type is the result of patriarchy.

This is how they justified imposing unequal restrictions upon women to keep them under the thumb of the patriarchy, as it is sometimes called.

Eh I don't think the abusiveness of women prompted unfair treatment by men in power.

Other than that good post.
 
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