Funny signs

[Deut 13:1]

This was posted on another forum, but it was funny enough that I decided to share it.

Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

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The Fasting &Prayer Conference includes meals.

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The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon
tonight: "Searching for Jesus."

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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.

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The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.

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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

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Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a
nursery downstairs.

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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

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Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more
transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests
tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.

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The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir
will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."

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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the
church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.
Music will follow.

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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be
"What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of
several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park
across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All
ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S.
is done.

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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation
would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the
Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to
attend this tragedy.

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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.

Please use large double door at the side entrance.

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The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign
slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours

 

[lilithu]

These are awesome! Thanks so much for sharing!

It reminds me of a story related in Dick Gibert's book, "The Prophetic Imperative." Every week the minister of a church would lead the congregation thru the liturgy, ending each part with "The Lord be with you." (or something like that) and the the congregation would respond "And also with you." They did it so much it had become rote. One day, the minister was having problems with the audio and said, "There's something wrong with the mike" to which the congregation readily responded "And also with you."

:biglaugh:

 

[Feathers in Hair]

I love these! Oh, curses! My book of these types of thing is currently in hiding. *will be searching for it*

 

[Jaymes]

Ah... I love ambiguous sentences.

 

[Katzpur]

This was posted on another forum, but it was funny enough that I decided to share it.

:biglaugh: I've seen these before, but I laughed as hard this time as the first time I saw them.

 

[michel]

Binyamin, those are awesome !:biglaugh:

 

[Linus]

At the church where I attend, announcements are made before the worship service begins. These are just announcements regarding the church. They usually include prayer requests, upcoming events, specail needs, etc. I love it when people make the really awkward-sounding ones. My favorite is, "please pray for those that are sick of our congregation."

And once, at a church I was visiting, the guy making announcements said, "We'd like to thank you all for coming, especially everyone."

Also, I found this web site a while back. I thought it was a lot of fun.

http://www.churchsigngenerator.com/

 

[glasgowchick]

very good, thanks for sharing, I was needing a good laugh...