Forgiving myself and others

[Trailblazer]

I can forgive people as long as they do not keep doing me wrong. However, in certain cases, forgiving someone who does wrong is not doing them a favor because it just gives them permission to keep doing wrong. The following passage comes to mind...

“O ye beloved of the Lord! The Kingdom of God is founded upon equity and justice, and also upon mercy, compassion, and kindness to every living soul. Strive ye then with all your heart to treat compassionately all humankind—except for those who have some selfish, private motive, or some disease of the soul. Kindness cannot be shown the tyrant, the deceiver, or the thief, because, far from awakening them to the error of their ways, it maketh them to continue in their perversity as before. No matter how much kindliness ye may expend upon the liar, he will but lie the more, for he believeth you to be deceived, while ye understand him but too well, and only remain silent out of your extreme compassion.” Selections From the Writings of ‘Abdu’l-Bahá, p. 158​

We first have to determine whose fault something was, if anyone is to blame. I am going through this with a tenant of mine right now. He thinks what happened is my fault but I think it is his fault. He has an attorney accusing me and making demands on me, I have an attorney who is going to respond denying the allegations and offering something to the tenant to resolve the matter. Of course each of us thinks it is the other ones fault, but I see my part in what happened so I am willing to compromise. I do not know yet whether or not the tenant will accept my offer.

The thing is that this tenant has been a liar and a deceiver from the day he moved in, and I have all the e-mails he sent me, back and forth, and how I responded, so it this went to court I don’t think he would have a leg to stand on. Before that happens, I will show his attorney those e-mails. From the letter I received from his attorney it is obvious he lied to his attorney. I can straighten him out if I talk to him but he won’t talk to me if I have an attorney. I have not retained an attorney yet because I do not think that I will need one, but I get free legal advice and one letter on my behalf because I am a Legal Shield member. After that letter is written I do not know what will happen.

But back to forgiveness. It really depends upon the situation whether we are willing to forgive or not. If my husband cheated on me I think I would forgive him, as long as he never did it again, but in cases of money owed, such as by tenants, I am not forgiving that because it is unjust. I have a tenant who moved out of my rental about a year ago and she owes me $6700 in back rent. She promised to pay that after she moved out and then she eluded me. Why should I just forgive and forget? That is unjust. I am willing to give her a chance to make small payments on the debt but if she keeps ignoring my e-mails I will take it to small claims court and that will affect her credit and ability to get other rentals in the future or purchase a home. I have held off on doing any more with this because I am dealing with the tenant who has the attorney and that is a more pressing matter, till it is resolved. Then I have another tenant in another house with no heat because the furnace died about a week ago.

I have no way to know if the tenant with the attorney knows that he has any culpability for what happened at the rental. He might know it is not my fault but maybe he had a plan to scam me all along. Because he has lied from the beginning, I cannot trust him anymore. I never lied, that is completely against my religion to lie.

When that tenant placed an ad in the Housing Wanted section of Craigslist, he was honest about being a two time Level 2 sex offender because he knew that any prospective landlord would find out when they screened him. Not only that but he did not have very good credit and he had no rental history, so I cannot see anyone renting to him, given rentals are in short supply in this area. I rented to him knowingall of that because it only mattered to me that he always paid the rent, since the previous tenants had not paid itall the time and I did not want to go through that again.

I forgave a debt from a previous tenant who I sued in court about five years ago. I could have sent the bill collectors after her but I just let it go. That was $4500 so I am not willing to let go now with the tenant who owes me $6700. Enough is enough.

The thing is that if you do not stand up to injustice you are just allowing it to happen. In the case of bullies someone might just be protecting themselves by not fighting back, but that is much different than a financial matter. I was bullied in school and I did not stand up but rather ran away by not going to school because I was so frightened. After my mother found out I was skipping school she put me in another school, a Catholic girl’s school, so the bullying stopped.

(Continued on next post...)

 

[Trailblazer]

It is much easier for me to forgive other people than to forgive myself. The two things I find it hard to forgive is if a cat dies because I did not get it to the veterinarian when necessary or if I make a mistake that costs me money. I do not have the problem with the cats anymore because I always take then to the veterinarian even for minor things, so if they die it would not be my fault. I have spent all my money on them, thousands of dollars, but sometimes there is nothing that can save them.

Not being able to forgive oneself leads to guilt and guilt can lead to depression. I know that only too well. I used to try to blame others or God for my mistakes or for things that were nobody’s fault, just so I would not feel guilty, in order to avoid that horrible feeling. I finally got over that, but I still blame myself for things that went wrong, especially in money matters. About a week ago I found out the furnace died in my rental house and the technician said that it looked like the filter had not been cleaned in years.

I immediately tried to determine whose fault that was, mine or the tenant’s. I found out that by law I could not hold the tenant responsible, and even if I could I would only get the depreciated value of the furnace, and since it is 18 years old, that would not be very much money. I do blame myself for not either making sure the tenant cleaned the filter or sending the HVAC service technician to service it. However, the tenant has been behind on his rent for over two years so the last thing I was thinking of was the furnace. That tenant owed me $10,800 about a year ago, talk about forgiving! Anyhow, everyone said I should evicted him long before his debt got that high, but I took a chance and waited. He did pay almost all of it and now owes me only about $2000. He has promised to pay it and I know he will pay that because obviously he is good for his word.

About a week ago, I got close to going into a depression over what happened with that furnace because I could not forgive myself. It felt as if someone had died and it was my fault. I finally worked through it because I got a lot of help from people I talk to on forums, many of whom are my good friends. I am still not happy about what happened but I have faced the reality and am now trying to decide what kind of heat to put in that house, since I am not even sure that the same furnace/heat pump setup is the best option.

I have so many things going on right now all at once and I am barely able to manage. In addition to what I noted above, I have another bigger thing I will have to forgive myself for – I am so angry at myself right now I could kill myself if I did not believe in an afterlife. This sounds completely ridiculous to everyone to whom I tell the story. In my mind, for the last eight years, I had thought the last of my three mortgages would be paid off this fall, and I was so looking forward to that because I could retire debt free right now if it is paid off. Now I am coming to realize I made a mistake, remembered it wrong, and maybe I just was not paying enough attention when the loan officer told me the loan term. I have no idea what happened. I also have no idea how much I have left to pay on the mortgage. I have never looked at any of my mortgage statements. I could find out what I owe with one phone call to the credit union, but I cannot face it so I have been avoiding it.

But yesterday I used the mortgage calculator online and I determined that it is probably about two more years I owe on that mortgage, so it will be September 2020. I do not know that for sure, but given when the mortgage started and given my interest rate that is what it comes out to. I am really depressed over this but there is nothing I can do about it but try to decide whether to pay it off sooner of just wait till it is paid off. How could I make such a stupid mistake? Does anyone here have a mortgage that they lost track of? I highly doubt that.

Meanwhile, my mortgage payment will never be late because it comes out of my account automatically and I have plenty of money in that account. This is so worrisome that I have not even opened my mail from the credit union in three months. I already hate myself for making this mistake so if I find out it is worse than I thought I will hate myself even more. That is why I do not want to find out. Nobody understands why I do not just find out and get it over with because they do not understand my psychology.

But this is not only about feeling guilty and hating myself, it is about the repercussions of my inability to keep track of my mortgage. I keep track of all my other finances but for some reason I just ever thought about this, because I thought I knew it was this fall. If it is not this fall it is probably two more years. That is a long time when I had my eye on being able to retire this year. I have worked for the government for over 40 years. Two more years feels like a lifetime.

It is not as if I do not have any money. I have enough money to pay off the mortgage but I don’t want to spend that money just because of my stupid mistake. I have money in my bank account and in my stock portfolio that I could get to pay this mortgage off but I do not want to dip into those. Rather, I feel that I should be punished for making this mistake by working two more years. I am so depressed right now.

Meanwhile, my husband who is 10 years older than me is at home alone and he might not live much longer, which is the main reason I want to retire. He does not have any serious medical conditions but he is 76 now so anything is possible. I really have no real reason to keep working because we have so much money and assets and I can get my full pension now, even my social security. But I will punish myself by continuing to work if this mortgage has a lot more time on it. How could I make such a serious mistake? Nobody can understand it. Nobody can understand how I would not know how much I owe on my house all these years, since 2010.

I suppose the main reason I am the way I am is because of something that happened in childhood, but so what? I have already spent over 20 years in counseling and they cannot help me so why go back? I am who I am and knowing where that originated is not going to help me. It helps most when I get different perspectives which is why I post this on forums.

God is not going to help me now. If God was going to help me, He could have helped me by getting me to think about the mortgage all these years; but no, God did not care enough to help me so here I am, stuck holding the bag.

I feel like dropping out of the Baha’i Faith and forgetting about God right now, getting a second job so I can pay the mortgage. God knows that if I had not spent every minute of my waking hours for the last six years on forums talking about Him and His religion I would probably have been thinking about the mortgage and the furnace. Who is to blame for this, me or God? Surely it was God who enjoined me not to live for the world and to only care about Him and His religion, so I hold God partly responsible for this. I just read the marching orders and did my best to march to them. Meanwhile, my entire life went to hell in a bread basket.

 

[YmirGF]

I feel like dropping out of the Baha’i Faith and forgetting about God right now, getting a second job so I can pay the mortgage. God knows that if I had not spent every minute of my waking hours for the last six years on forums talking about Him and His religion I would probably have been thinking about the mortgage and the furnace. Who is to blame for this, me or God? Surely it was God who enjoined me not to live for the world and to only care about Him and His religion, so I hold God partly responsible for this. I just read the marching orders and did my best to march to them. Meanwhile, my entire life went to hell in a bread basket.

Sometimes we need to sit back and take stock. It's no small thing to admit this. Congratulations and I hope you can turn things around.

 

[danieldemol]

It is much easier for me to forgive other people than to forgive myself. The two things I find it hard to forgive is if a cat dies because I did not get it to the veterinarian when necessary or if I make a mistake that costs me money. I do not have the problem with the cats anymore because I always take then to the veterinarian even for minor things, so if they die it would not be my fault. I have spent all my money on them, thousands of dollars, but sometimes there is nothing that can save them.

Not being able to forgive oneself leads to guilt and guilt can lead to depression. I know that only too well. I used to try to blame others or God for my mistakes or for things that were nobody’s fault, just so I would not feel guilty, in order to avoid that horrible feeling. I finally got over that, but I still blame myself for things that went wrong, especially in money matters. About a week ago I found out the furnace died in my rental house and the technician said that it looked like the filter had not been cleaned in years.

I immediately tried to determine whose fault that was, mine or the tenant’s. I found out that by law I could not hold the tenant responsible, and even if I could I would only get the depreciated value of the furnace, and since it is 18 years old, that would not be very much money. I do blame myself for not either making sure the tenant cleaned the filter or sending the HVAC service technician to service it. However, the tenant has been behind on his rent for over two years so the last thing I was thinking of was the furnace. That tenant owed me $10,800 about a year ago, talk about forgiving! Anyhow, everyone said I should evicted him long before his debt got that high, but I took a chance and waited. He did pay almost all of it and now owes me only about $2000. He has promised to pay it and I know he will pay that because obviously he is good for his word.

About a week ago, I got close to going into a depression over what happened with that furnace because I could not forgive myself. It felt as if someone had died and it was my fault. I finally worked through it because I got a lot of help from people I talk to on forums, many of whom are my good friends. I am still not happy about what happened but I have faced the reality and am now trying to decide what kind of heat to put in that house, since I am not even sure that the same furnace/heat pump setup is the best option.

I have so many things going on right now all at once and I am barely able to manage. In addition to what I noted above, I have another bigger thing I will have to forgive myself for – I am so angry at myself right now I could kill myself if I did not believe in an afterlife. This sounds completely ridiculous to everyone to whom I tell the story. In my mind, for the last eight years, I had thought the last of my three mortgages would be paid off this fall, and I was so looking forward to that because I could retire debt free right now if it is paid off. Now I am coming to realize I made a mistake, remembered it wrong, and maybe I just was not paying enough attention when the loan officer told me the loan term. I have no idea what happened. I also have no idea how much I have left to pay on the mortgage. I have never looked at any of my mortgage statements. I could find out what I owe with one phone call to the credit union, but I cannot face it so I have been avoiding it.

But yesterday I used the mortgage calculator online and I determined that it is probably about two more years I owe on that mortgage, so it will be September 2020. I do not know that for sure, but given when the mortgage started and given my interest rate that is what it comes out to. I am really depressed over this but there is nothing I can do about it but try to decide whether to pay it off sooner of just wait till it is paid off. How could I make such a stupid mistake? Does anyone here have a mortgage that they lost track of? I highly doubt that.

Meanwhile, my mortgage payment will never be late because it comes out of my account automatically and I have plenty of money in that account. This is so worrisome that I have not even opened my mail from the credit union in three months. I already hate myself for making this mistake so if I find out it is worse than I thought I will hate myself even more. That is why I do not want to find out. Nobody understands why I do not just find out and get it over with because they do not understand my psychology.

But this is not only about feeling guilty and hating myself, it is about the repercussions of my inability to keep track of my mortgage. I keep track of all my other finances but for some reason I just ever thought about this, because I thought I knew it was this fall. If it is not this fall it is probably two more years. That is a long time when I had my eye on being able to retire this year. I have worked for the government for over 40 years. Two more years feels like a lifetime.

It is not as if I do not have any money. I have enough money to pay off the mortgage but I don’t want to spend that money just because of my stupid mistake. I have money in my bank account and in my stock portfolio that I could get to pay this mortgage off but I do not want to dip into those. Rather, I feel that I should be punished for making this mistake by working two more years. I am so depressed right now.

Meanwhile, my husband who is 10 years older than me is at home alone and he might not live much longer, which is the main reason I want to retire. He does not have any serious medical conditions but he is 76 now so anything is possible. I really have no real reason to keep working because we have so much money and assets and I can get my full pension now, even my social security. But I will punish myself by continuing to work if this mortgage has a lot more time on it. How could I make such a serious mistake? Nobody can understand it. Nobody can understand how I would not know how much I owe on my house all these years, since 2010.

I suppose the main reason I am the way I am is because of something that happened in childhood, but so what? I have already spent over 20 years in counseling and they cannot help me so why go back? I am who I am and knowing where that originated is not going to help me. It helps most when I get different perspectives which is why I post this on forums.

God is not going to help me now. If God was going to help me, He could have helped me by getting me to think about the mortgage all these years; but no, God did not care enough to help me so here I am, stuck holding the bag.

I feel like dropping out of the Baha’i Faith and forgetting about God right now, getting a second job so I can pay the mortgage. God knows that if I had not spent every minute of my waking hours for the last six years on forums talking about Him and His religion I would probably have been thinking about the mortgage and the furnace. Who is to blame for this, me or God? Surely it was God who enjoined me not to live for the world and to only care about Him and His religion, so I hold God partly responsible for this. I just read the marching orders and did my best to march to them. Meanwhile, my entire life went to hell in a bread basket.

I would recommend concentrating on work more, you may not get reward for your service to God if it is done begrudgingly so better to do a lot less service and be happy with God.

All the best finding the right balance

 

[Trailblazer]

I would recommend concentrating on work more, you may not get reward for your service to God if it is done begrudgingly so better to do a lot less service and be happy with God.

It is not done begrudgingly, as I do it for other people more than for the sake of God, and I do not expect a reward. I just do it because Baha'u'llah enjoined me to do it. God is another matter altogether.

All the best finding the right balance

Thanks, I am really working on that after I finally realized I fell off the teeter-totter.

 

[PureX]

It's easy to confuse forgiveness with a controlled response to an offense against us. Causing us to imagine that if we "forgive" someone, then we are tacitly accepting their behavior toward us. Which is untrue.

Forgiveness is something we do within ourselves. It is not by definition necessarily an outward response to someone else's behavior. We can forgive those who offend us, internally, while still choosing to hold the offender (or anyone) to our standards and expectations of behavior. All the more-so once they have already breached those standards, once.

Forgiving a car thief doesn't mean we give them the keys to our car.

 

[Trailblazer]

The thing is that I could not even face the possibility that I was wrong about my mortgage being paid off in September 2018, when I started to realize that in October 2018, but now that I am almost 100% sure that I was wrong, and consequently it will be two more years before it is paid off and I can retire. I cannot face that reality at all. So I was right about myself all along, that reality would just be too much for me to handle if it became fully verified. So I am still trying to be in denial, hoping I will wake up and that reality will be different, like waking up from a bad dream, kind of a like a mother whose long lost daughter was not actually murdered after all, hoping she will come home eventually.

So now what am I going to do? I just lost two years of my life. I will probably not even try to find out where I stand with the mortgage because I cannot face it. Where is God when you really need Him? - Nowhere. I will just keep on working till September 2020 and play the same game all over again. I am so depressed I can barely function if I even think at all, so I am trying to keep my mind occupied 24/7. My husband just does not understand at all. He has been retired for almost three years and he could care less if I ever retire. He gets to stay home and do what he wants to do, so maybe it is better that I just keep working. I am of course trying to rationalize to try to make myself feel better.

Meanwhile all my atheist friends tel me this is the only life I have and I am starting to realize that, finally, now that it is too late, after I whiled away the last six years of my life on various forums. I just cannot understand that if this mortgage mattered that much to me as I now know it does, how could I not have checked before this, how could I have just taken it for granted that what I remembered eight years ago was absolutely correct?

Finally, I have to wonder if this whole thing is a cheap trick that God is playing on me to teach me some kind of life lesson, another lesson. Right now I wish God did not exist at all. If I knew He didn't then I would not be in this mess right now. I know that and God also knows that but I doubt He cares at all. If He did, He would have done something to help me before I got to this point. An All-Loving God does not enjoy watching people suffer, as my atheist friend on another forum said today. So the only logical conclusion I can come to is that God is not All-Loving.

Oh sure, the beleivers on this forum are going to tell me it is all for a good reason, but good luck trying to prove that. You cannot prove that, so it is just more religious apologetic. And how absolutely lacking in compassion is that, about as lacking as God's compassion.

 

[Dawnofhope]

I feel like dropping out of the Baha’i Faith and forgetting about God right now, getting a second job so I can pay the mortgage. God knows that if I had not spent every minute of my waking hours for the last six years on forums talking about Him and His religion I would probably have been thinking about the mortgage and the furnace. Who is to blame for this, me or God? Surely it was God who enjoined me not to live for the world and to only care about Him and His religion, so I hold God partly responsible for this. I just read the marching orders and did my best to march to them. Meanwhile, my entire life went to hell in a bread basket.

It sounds as if your financial circumstances are better than many people.

That being said, it sounds as if you have a tendancy to neglect some of your responsibilities and become distracted with the internet. I believe attending to your duties in life is just as important as Teaching the Faith. If you believe God is telling you to devote vast amounts of time on internet discussion groups to the detriment of other activites, maybe you have misunderstood God?

On a practical note, having written lists can be helpful for prioritising.

 

[Trailblazer]

It sounds as if your financial circumstances are better than many people.

That is true, but that does not change what happened and how I am dealing with it.

That being said, it sounds as if you have a tendency to neglect some of your responsibilities and become distracted with the internet. I believe attending to your duties in life is just as important as Teaching the Faith.

Maybe that is true that I neglected some things, but the horse has already bolted from the barn. I cannot change what happened now. Live and learn.

But where in the Writings does it say that attending to our duties in life is just as important as teaching the Faith?

If you believe God is telling you to devote vast amounts of time on internet discussion groups to the detriment of other activites, maybe you have misunderstood God?

If Baha’u’llah speaks for God I do not think that I have not misunderstood God at all...

“Wert thou to consider this world, and realize how fleeting are the things that pertain unto it, thou wouldst choose to tread no path except the path of service to the Cause of thy Lord. None would have the power to deter thee from celebrating His praise, though all men should arise to oppose thee.

Go thou straight on and persevere in His service. Say: O people! The Day, promised unto you in all the Scriptures, is now come. Fear ye God, and withhold not yourselves from recognizing the One Who is the Object of your creation. Hasten ye unto Him. Better is this for you than the world and all that is therein. Would that ye could perceive it!” Gleanings From the Writings of Bahá’u’lláh, p. 314

“O ye beloved of God! Repose not yourselves on your couches, nay bestir yourselves as soon as ye recognize your Lord, the Creator, and hear of the things which have befallen Him, and hasten to His assistance. Unloose your tongues, and proclaim unceasingly His Cause. This shall be better for you than all the treasures of the past and of the future, if ye be of them that comprehend this truth.” Gleanings From the Writings of Bahá’u’lláh, p. 330

“Gird up the loins of thine endeavor, that haply thou mayest guide thy neighbor to the law of God, the Most Merciful. Such an act, verily, excelleth all other acts in the sight of God, the All-Possessing, the Most High. Such must be thy steadfastness in the Cause of God, that no earthly thing whatsoever will have the power to deter thee from thy duty. Though the powers of earth be leagued against thee, though all men dispute with thee, thou must remain unshaken.” Gleanings From the Writings of Bahá’u’lláh, p. 339​

Baha’u’llah should not have written stuff like that if He did not expect us to take it seriously. These are not metaphorical writings, they are direct injunctions. I for one take them seriously to mean what they say, that the world is not important at all. That is how I got in the mess I am in now.

On a practical note, having written lists can be helpful for prioritising.

Thanks, but I do not do any kind of planning. I know exactly what I have to do, and I am doing it as soon I am able to.

 

[Dawnofhope]

That is true, but that does not change what happened and how I am dealing with it.

Maybe that is true that I neglected some things, but the horse has already bolted from the barn. I cannot change what happened now. Live and learn.

But where in the Writings does it say that attending to our duties in life is just as important as teaching the Faith?

If Baha’u’llah speaks for God I do not think that I have not misunderstood God at all...

“Wert thou to consider this world, and realize how fleeting are the things that pertain unto it, thou wouldst choose to tread no path except the path of service to the Cause of thy Lord. None would have the power to deter thee from celebrating His praise, though all men should arise to oppose thee.

Go thou straight on and persevere in His service. Say: O people! The Day, promised unto you in all the Scriptures, is now come. Fear ye God, and withhold not yourselves from recognizing the One Who is the Object of your creation. Hasten ye unto Him. Better is this for you than the world and all that is therein. Would that ye could perceive it!” Gleanings From the Writings of Bahá’u’lláh, p. 314

“O ye beloved of God! Repose not yourselves on your couches, nay bestir yourselves as soon as ye recognize your Lord, the Creator, and hear of the things which have befallen Him, and hasten to His assistance. Unloose your tongues, and proclaim unceasingly His Cause. This shall be better for you than all the treasures of the past and of the future, if ye be of them that comprehend this truth.” Gleanings From the Writings of Bahá’u’lláh, p. 330

“Gird up the loins of thine endeavor, that haply thou mayest guide thy neighbor to the law of God, the Most Merciful. Such an act, verily, excelleth all other acts in the sight of God, the All-Possessing, the Most High. Such must be thy steadfastness in the Cause of God, that no earthly thing whatsoever will have the power to deter thee from thy duty. Though the powers of earth be leagued against thee, though all men dispute with thee, thou must remain unshaken.” Gleanings From the Writings of Bahá’u’lláh, p. 339​

Baha’u’llah should not have written stuff like that if He did not expect us to take it seriously. These are not metaphorical writings, they are direct injunctions. I for one take them seriously to mean what they say, that the world is not important at all. That is how I got in the mess I am in now.

Thanks, but I do not do any kind of planning. I know exactly what I have to do, and I am doing it as soon I am able to.

Don't you just love these discussions.

I think you are doing very well and are you are just being hard on yourself. Because of your upbringng you tend to look at the glass that's half empty rather than the glass that's half full.

Because you like Baha'i quotes so much;

In regards moderation.....

We believe in balance in all things; we believe in moderation in all things—we must not be too emotional, nor cut and dried and lacking in feeling, we must not be so liberal as to cease to preserve the character and unity of our Bahá’í system, nor fanatical and dogmatic.
(Shoghi Effendi, quoted in The Universal House of Justice, 1997 Aug 13, Science and Religion, p. 2)

Whatsoever passeth beyond the limits of moderation will cease to exert a beneficial influence.
(Bahá’u’lláh, Gleanings from the Writings of Bahá’u’lláh, p. 216)

Yet another sacred duty is that of clinging to the cord of moderation in all things, lest they who are to be the essence of detachment and moderation be deluded by the trappings of this nether world or set their hearts on its adornments and waste their lives.
(The Universal House of Justice, Messages 1963 to 1986, p. 437)

In regards attending to your work as a landlord....

It is enjoined upon every one of you to engage in some form of occupation, such as crafts, trades and the like. We have graciously exalted your engagement in such work to the rank of worship unto God, the True One. Ponder ye in your hearts the grace and the blessings of God and render thanks unto Him at eventide and at dawn. Waste not your time in idleness and sloth. Occupy yourselves with that which profiteth yourselves and others. – Tablets of Baha’u’llah, p. 26.

In the Baha’i Cause arts, sciences and all crafts are (counted as) worship. The man who makes a piece of notepaper to the best of his ability, conscientiously, concentrating all his forces on perfecting it, is giving praise to God. Briefly, all effort and exertion put forth by man from the fullness of his heart is worship, if it is prompted by the highest motives and the will to do service to humanity. This is worship: to serve mankind and to minister to the needs of the people. Service is prayer. A physician ministering to the sick, gently, tenderly, free from prejudice and believing in the solidarity of the human race, he is giving praise. – Abdu’l-Baha, Paris Talks, p. 176-177.

In regards trustworthiness...

Trustworthiness is one of the great qualities which must characterize Bahá’ís, and the new believer therefore, far from repudiating any commitments entered into before becoming a Bahá’í, must be ever more conscientious in discharging them.
(Universal House of Justice, Lights of Guidance, p. 144)

If a man in his own home doth not treat his relations and friends with entire trustworthiness and integrity, his dealings with the outside world—no matter how much trustworthiness and honesty he may bring to them—will prove barren and unproductive. First one should order one’s own domestic affairs, then attend to one’s business with the public.
(‘Abdu’l-Bahá, The Compilation of Compilations vol II, p. 339)

In regards wisdom and retraint with teaching...

Not everything that a man knoweth can be disclosed, nor can everything that he can disclose be regarded as timely, nor can every timely utterance be considered as suited to the capacity of those who hear it.’ Such is the consummate wisdom to be observed in thy pursuits. Be not oblivious thereof, if thou wishest to be a man of action under all conditions. First diagnose the disease and identify the malady, then prescribe the remedy, for such is the perfect method of the skilful physician.
(‘Abdu’l-Bahá, Selections from the Writings of ‘Abdu’l-Bahá, p. 268)