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For Christians: Frustrated...sexually

Discussion in 'Christianity DIR' started by MormonDadTX, May 28, 2009.

  1. MormonDadTX

    MormonDadTX New Member

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    12
    My wife and I are both in our 40's. I've noticed that over the last 2 years her desire for sex has significantly decreased while mine has remained the same, if not increased. Our "normal" used to be 2 to 3 times a week. Now its down to 2 to 3 times a month. The issue has began causing arguments. Because I love my wife, I have no desire to look else where, and because of religious reasons, masturbation is also not an option. I've tried to talk to her about it, and she refuses, just saying nothing is wrong. The world would say to have an affair, leave her, or take things into my own "hands". These aren't options, but to satisfy my beliefs do I need to be so miserable? What do I do?
     
    zenzero likes this.
  2. blackout

    blackout Violet.

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    16,126
    Is that Mormon doctrine? No masturbation?
     
  3. MormonDadTX

    MormonDadTX New Member

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    12
    First, masturbation is against Mormon doctrine because it's giving into the desires of man. Second, I have tried the romantic dinners, favorite restaurants, roses, jewelry...etc. We have tried to talk, but end up stopping before it causes too much of an argument. She has reluctantly given in and provide release by hand, but then I feel guilty so whats the point.
     
  4. Dream Angel

    Dream Angel New Member

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    2,490
    Cant believe I am even discussing this topic, but why is it OK for your wife to "give you relief" but not yourself?

    (by the way I dont want an answer to that...it was just a question for you personally to consider)
     
  5. gzusfrk

    gzusfrk Christian

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    803
    She won't even lend you her HAND?
     
  6. DallasApple

    DallasApple Depends Upon My Mood..

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    Enjoy the the two three times a month is what I say.

    If your desire is to be with your wife(sexually) why would you even compare having sex with her to masturbation or finding another woman to have an "affair" with?

    And I'll tell you another thing.."arguing" with her about it wont help.Even if you got "more" sex from your wife as a result..Do you want to have sex with your wife because your argued her into it?

    How would that be sir?..What is sex for you anyway?

    Do you call that "intamacy"?

    Or are you just looking for a sexual release?Im not saying you dont "love" your wife..but dont claim "lovign her is " having sex with her when the only reason you dont masturbate or have sex with another woman is because of your religious beliefs but those are alternatives in your mind to "replace her" you just arent permitted.

    Love

    Dallas
     
    Last edited: May 28, 2009
    ayani likes this.
  7. DallasApple

    DallasApple Depends Upon My Mood..

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    18,418
    Im sorry that is sick.

    And believe it or not if you are going to go through that much trouble its easier to just "lend" somethign else out..Its a lot "quicker".

    If you're not in the "mood" you're not in the mood.And that includes anything sexual.Hand "work" is sexual and requires sexual effort.

    Love

    Dallas
     
  8. Dream Angel

    Dream Angel New Member

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    2,490
    Im sorry, but I am going to have to ask this....is this a genuine issue? or have you just made it up? I dont mean to be horrible or anything, my instinct is just telling me that something is not quite right and my instincts are usually pretty accurate!

    Sorry if this is a genuine problem....
     
  9. DallasApple

    DallasApple Depends Upon My Mood..

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    18,418
    Its probably real..It happens all the time.It doesnt ring "not true" to me.Its sexual desire and libido differences.

    "typically" its the man "wanting" more sex..But it can be the reverse..with a woman wanting it more and the man just not interested..

    But 2-3 times a month is not starvation.

    Love

    Dallas
     
  10. DallasApple

    DallasApple Depends Upon My Mood..

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    18,418
    Oh..and my big mouth goes on..

    I cant argue with you over your beliefs..But if occasionally "relieving" your self through masturbation keeps you from "arguing" with your wife and takes care of your higher "physical" needs I dont see how thats a bad thing.

    I have searched and searched..There is NOTHING in the Bible that prohibits or says masturbation is wrong.

    Actually it never even adresses it from what I know.

    Love

    Dallas
     
  11. Dream Angel

    Dream Angel New Member

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    2,490
    I guess its just because its a very sensitive topic to have as your first post on a forum you dont know.....

    But anyway, if your OK with your wife doing it, then there is nothing wrong with you doing it, its your body!

    And think of it this way...if your wife doesnt want sex...its then not "making love" with your wife but "giving into mans desires" which you want to avoid....

    I am not an expert on the subject, but from speaking with some very open friends of my mothers...at that age a few times a month is the norm....
     
  12. Wandered Off

    Wandered Off Sporadic Driveby Member Staff Member

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    12,748
    Religion:
    Generally a bad idea
    * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * STAFF ADVISORY * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *​

    This thread is in the Christianity Discuss Individual Religions (DIR) area, which means that only self-identified Christians may respond with content other than respectful questions. A few posts were removed, and the title was edited for clarity.

    Thanks. Staff
     
  13. DallasApple

    DallasApple Depends Upon My Mood..

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    Some people come to forums and their first post is pleading for help and advice.

    Thats common.

    Love

    Dallas
     
  14. Dream Angel

    Dream Angel New Member

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    2,490
    Just a thought, but maybe it would be better in the LDS DIR - that way he can get advice specifically from an LDS perspective and based on LDS beliefs....?

    I am guessing as a new member, he has just not found that part of the forum yet!
     
  15. Wandered Off

    Wandered Off Sporadic Driveby Member Staff Member

    Messages:
    12,748
    Religion:
    Generally a bad idea
    If the OP author expresses his preference, whether it be LDS DIR, Christianity DIR, or the Sexuality area where anyone can respond, we can accommodate it and restore any deleted posts if necessary.
     
  16. Katzpur

    Katzpur Not your average Mormon

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    25,144
    Religion:
    LDS Christian
    In all honesty, I don't think the OP is a serious inquiry and I don't think the poster is LDS. Just a hunch.
     
  17. sandandfoam

    sandandfoam Well-Known Member

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    11,158
    :eek:









    :D
     
    Breathe likes this.
  18. MormonDadTX

    MormonDadTX New Member

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    Well I found the LDS thread and posted there. My post was removed because, silly me I used the same title. So rather than start over I came back to this one. Besides, I kind of liked some of the feedback. Ladies, you're right, what kind of "love" would it be if we had to argue about it. And maybe 2 or 3 times per month isn't bad, but compared to what we had.....
    Also, the more I think about it the more I realize it's the closeness, the intimacy that I miss. Sure I mentioned masturbation and getting a release, but those are physical things. I am missing the emotional closeness that making love brings. Now this totally contradicts my first post, but you know us men, it takes us some time to figure things out. In short, I'm lonely. So given that, I guess what I was saying is that I can see why some men, in a moment of weakness, would/could have an affair. I reaffirm my conviction that this is not an option, just wanted to explain why I may have mentioned it in the first place. Still at a loss. She has agreed to a date tonight. Nice dinner, movie. I'm hoping we'll find a spark.
     
    DallasApple likes this.
  19. Smoke

    Smoke Done here.

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    19,902
    Something changed about two years ago. What was it? Is it possible that your wife has been feeling less emotional closeness and that's why her desire for sex has decreased? Have you placed too much emphasis on the ways in which she's not meeting your needs, without considering the ways in which you may not be meeting hers? Could she be suffering from depression or physical problems? Could she be feeling unattractive for some reason?

    Have you noticed that when a woman says, "There's nothing wrong," she usually means, "If you were paying attention, you could figure it out"?
     
    CelticRavenwolf likes this.
  20. linwood

    linwood New Member

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    7,048
    For you perhaps.

    For me it`s a dealbreaker.

    Posts like this make me thank god I`m an atheist.
     
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