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Fellowship with people

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Snow White, May 25, 2022.

  1. Snow White

    Snow White Veteran Member

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    Do you get along best with a particular type of person or people?

    My own answer: I'm a bit sensitive, maybe even a bit emotional, and I find I get along best with people who go to the length of understanding boundaries and also not doing certain things in my presence.

    If it's a public setting, anything goes for me. But a more private setting, one-on-one, I tend to stick to my rules.

    People acting proper around me on initial meetings is rather important to me. Things can get much more informal over time, but if I'm treated differently in a private conversation than if we were having this chat in the middle of a public Walmart store, I sometimes get uncomfortable.

    So even if the conversation is online, I err on the side of liking to use terms like "Please" and "Thank you". If things end up too much like a show on Cartoon Network instead, in terms of how people treat me or each other, I tend to bow out, and possibly get frustrated.

    Context is important too, I think. If I reach out to a person first and upon first contact, I feel I shouldn't expect them to follow many of these rules. But if they reach out to me, especially in cases where they want something from me, like my expertise on a subject, it kind of matters to me.

    I'm not really the type of person where if someone asks me "Get a beer?" where I would just grab a coat and say "Sure." and just leave. I'm more the type that spends a hour getting ready for dine-out, and wants to be told two days ahead about it. Plus a bar probably wouldn't be my first choice.

    And sure, of course, you may see me in the Games forum holding my own against the other jesters, but some of it's role-playing, everyone knows I only morph into a wolverine like once every couple of months in real life :) :) :)

    And what I said may sound all rules-y and complicated, but I think a good rule of thumb would be I tend to (probably) put up with about as much as one's girlfriend or wife would, except in public settings like a public forum, I try not to generally lose my cool as I treat it more like a boxing ring.

    Other things matter too, like my previous history communicating with the person. Like I'd much rather be called a dunce by someone I've been talking to for two weeks, than someone who can't seem to even walk a straight line in my presence.

    Part of my pickiness has to do with me not wanting to be hurt or taken for granted, because doing so may affect me a bit more than someone who's not a little bit "special needs". Oftentimes, nothing bad ever happens, but if things get ugly somehow, a normal person might be able to brush it off in half a day, but it takes me a bit longer, possibly even several days or more, to just kind of mentally process things.

    So when I don't want to really be around someone, they probably didn't do much, but I can often see the strong potential for a clash, and sometimes I take preventative measures, though I'm kind of working on that too, because my old way of handling such a scenario wasn't really helpful or effective.

    And not everything's something you can analyze or have a hard, fast rule about either - sometimes two people just click, or sometimes they go together like toothpaste and orange juice.
     
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  2. Mock Turtle

    Mock Turtle Putin' on the Blitz!
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    Do you get along best with a particular type of person or people?

    I'm not too judgmental (hopefully), but I can tell you which types I don't tend to get on with - those too full of themselves (so as hardly to even acknowledge another intelligence being present); those seemingly fixated on whatever beliefs they might have; those who are not even bothered to check out the information/facts as to where their beliefs came/come from; those who sharply discriminate between humans and/or even non-human life (because a belief might dictate such); those who seem to lack empathy or compassion for others, apart from when it suits them; and those who pursue various aims with no regard as to the welfare of others (as to financially or as to personal wants, for example), amongst others.

    Apart from this, I tend to get along with most reasonable people - as of course I see them as being - and some unreasonable ones too. :oops:
     
    #2 Mock Turtle, May 25, 2022
    Last edited: May 25, 2022
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  3. joe1776

    joe1776 Well-Known Member

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    Do you get along best with a particular type of person or people?

    I think I'm self-confident. I'm not sensitive to criticism and I get along best with people who aren't sensitive to criticism. I don't like having to "walk on eggshells."

    Since tone is missing, I'm willing to take greater care not to offend when writing online, obviously. I enjoy debates that end with mutual respect on both sides of the issue.
     
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  4. ChristineM

    ChristineM "Be strong" I whispered to my coffee.
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    I don't get on well with extremes, fanatics, evangelical lefties or righties or religious, yes even evangelical atheists can rub me the wrong way.

    Lucky that leaves a lot of "normal" folk i can get on with.

    Ok, my view of normal folk is those i can relate to, other people have different views. That's up to them, it's their life
     
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  5. Viker

    Viker Spirit in Black

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    I can get along with almost anyone but extremists and posers. I'm laid back and tend to gravitate towards others like that.

    Most of the human race is good by me. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, I can't befriend or hangout with billions of people.
     
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  6. stvdv

    stvdv Veteran Member

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    Just curious:
    Are you sensitive to criticism voiced by people who are sensitive to your cricism?

    Do you feel less comfortable with sensitive people, and more comfortable with people who are less sensitive? If so, how come?
     
  7. stvdv

    stvdv Veteran Member

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    :)
    Definitely no killing innocent living beings in my presence, or misbehaving otherwise

    I like boundaries; can be good and useful
    I rather be around Dharmic people
    Avoiding Adharmic people
    Who create trouble

    Note: Dharmic means righteous. So respectful and considerate people who, know and respect boundaries of themselves as well as boundaries of others
     
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  8. joe1776

    joe1776 Well-Known Member

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    Not usually. I know my flaws. I only get pissed when they are right.:)

    As I wrote earlier, I don't like having to "walk on eggshells" with super-sensitive people. I'll avoid interacting with them as much as possible.
     
  9. RayofLight

    RayofLight Pronouns: they/them/their thon/thons/thonself

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    Most people get along with me provided they are accepting of differences. Many people are even protective of me. I mean when i was in a mental hospital there was a girl in there with homocidal tendiences. I got along great with her and she was real friendly towards me. I kinda felt bad she had such difficult intrustive thoughts of wanting to kill folk to deal with. I was glad she was getting the help she needed and told her she should see a therapist after she leaves the hospital. She was real protective of me in the hospital as she didn't get along with anyone hated pretty much everyone but she liked me and often would open up to me over opening up to other folk. Very troubled girl in need of help. But as i said she got along with me and was very protective of me.

    Yet folk who try to harm me I dont get along with. Folk who are abusive pushing boundaries and hating on me for things out of my control I don't get along with. You have to be able to accept differences to get along with me cuz im far far from the norm. Surprisingly tho even those bigoted towards trans people, ableists, those who hate religious minorities etc tend to like talking to me and often ive been able to change minds.

    Basically what im trying to say is i can be kind to the worst of folk. And most people genuinely like me. But you got to have some level of respect of differences and of my boundaries to get along.
     
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  10. stvdv

    stvdv Veteran Member

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    Aha, so you are sensitive, which is a good thing from my POV

    And knowing our flaws seems a good first step to me in solving them (if we want to and are ready for it of course; some take me a long time, before I am ready to deal with them:rolleyes:)

    I heard that before of others too

    Personally I have no problem with super-sensitive people. If they (or anyone) can't admit their flaws, then usually good and true contact is impossible. If they admit flaws, but can't change is fine with me (unless it's hurting others)

    I do avoid people calling themselves super-sensitive, as in feeling themselves more special (I've seen that happen), esp. when it just means they are incapable to handle less sensitive situations.

    But even for less sensitive people certain sensitive or emotional situations can be hard to deal with

    e.g.: Recently there was a thread asking how to deal with someone in grief. I rather process my own grief myself in silence, hence I am not the person to help others with theirs (would be difficult for me)
     
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  11. Ella S.

    Ella S. Vulcan

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    I prefer people who are stern, straightforward, and professional. I dislike the needless chatter.

    I am not interested in "getting to know" anyone or sharing my life story with them, and I dislike small talk. I like when people give me my own space, understand that I am heavily introverted, and only bother me when necessary.

    For the people that I have engaged in recreational activities with, this usually means an in-depth discussion about a topic we have a shared interest in, which benefits both of us in gaining new information and an outside opinion. I prefer to have these over email, which I may neglect for months so that I can put more time and care into my responses when I get around to them.

    As ironic as it may seem, I do not generally like talking about religion or politics. If someone is vocal about their religious or political worldview, or even tries to mention current events in real life, they go on my mental list of people to try to avoid. Experience has shown me that these people are chronically judgmental and confrontational, no matter how innocuous they might seem when they first bring up the topic.

    The general theme is that I do not enjoy talking to other people and try to avoid it as much as I can. I do not talk to people recreationally or with the intent to make friends, but to cooperate for the sake of serving mutual interests. I do try to help others when I can and answer the questions they might have, if they aren't too private, but I do not enjoy doing this and I only do it because I think it's the right thing to do.
     
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  12. JustGeorge

    JustGeorge Unknown Member
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    I get along with most people. I find it hard to befriend people though, as people are often off put by my very low use of of body language and facial expression, and typically flat tone of voice.

    I tend to be drawn towards people on society's 'outskirts', those who may be outwardly odd, or who just don't fit into the scheme of things around them. I find they are more likely to have similar interests or values, have more interesting things to say, or at least be more tolerant of me.

    Deal breakers for me... well, they're not many, but folks that treat other folks like pawns. I can't stand that. We humans are not tools for other humans to use. As soon as I get a hint that a person is the type to use another person to gain something, my attitude changes towards them from being the pleasant background support to overbearing ***** who is watching and making sure you don't overstep with my own people. (It shocks people, because they don't know I have that in me.)

    Thievery is another, for obvious reasons.
     
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  13. Snow White

    Snow White Veteran Member

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    I don't know what input to add, but I'll just say I've always seen you as pretty special since you joined. You seemed to stand out from the crowd early on, just not in an overly showy way.
     
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  14. RayofLight

    RayofLight Pronouns: they/them/their thon/thons/thonself

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    I have video chatted with you in the past. I like the lack of tone and lack of body language. Makes you seem laidback to me
     
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  15. Snow White

    Snow White Veteran Member

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    I sometimes think I come off a little dry, 'rulesy', and authoritarian, on the public forums. That my Christian upbringing shines through rather than the way I try to be today.
     
  16. JustGeorge

    JustGeorge Unknown Member
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    Thank you. :) I am usually laid back.


    Hm! I wouldn't have described you as such at all, and I honestly don't get much sense of the fact you were raised Christian. I can pick up the impression that you're sensitive, though you seem fairly open and charismatic to me.
     
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  17. Snow White

    Snow White Veteran Member

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    I come from a Southern style family with ministers. I was more of an atheist growing up. I tried to teach myself things through Japanese-originated video games, they taught me to do things like multiply and divide - several grades before school covered it. Solving some of the hard puzzles in games sometimes required it. I think for me, life seemed pretty "routine" the first 18 years.
     
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  18. Snow White

    Snow White Veteran Member

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    For those who haven't heard the story, I'll add that I overdosed on caffeine years later, had to kind of relearn critical thinking and also be careful not to be, for lack of better words, too naive. There was a process.

    I think I had been heading for a crash back then either way, though. I acted too much like a Vulcan but one who had feelings of not enjoying life, just sifting through. I thought intellect was all there was to life.
     
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  19. JustGeorge

    JustGeorge Unknown Member
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    As a parent who's homeschooling with the 'unschooling' method, I find your math tale particularly awesome!
     
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