1. Welcome to Religious Forums, a friendly forum to discuss all religions in a friendly surrounding.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Access to private conversations with other members.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon!

Feeling drawn to real people...

Discussion in 'Journals' started by SigurdReginson, Nov 26, 2020.

  1. SigurdReginson

    SigurdReginson Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 12, 2019
    Messages:
    1,015
    Ratings:
    +1,157
    Religion:
    None
    You know, my best friend pointed something out to me today. I've been changing the way I put myself out there to people- especially potential friends.

    In the past, I've always been very guarded. I never really let anyone in that closely to me. I swallowed my problems and just dealt with everything on my own.

    The past few times I've made friends, I've put a whole lot of myself out there. This has had mixed results.

    I have a lot of problems... And it's a sure way to scare someone off by unloading some of those problems for them to see. In one case I've made a damn good friend who has been there for me, in another I made a friend of a sort, but she blocked me off from taking it past anything more than just as an acquaintance.

    I'm not sure it's such a bad thing to let my vulnerabilities show a little, though... I find I would rather come to know if someone is down to earth than to just have one more fair weather friend.

    I dunno... It's all new ground for me. I feel that in acknowledging and respecting my issues, it gives them a face for me to conquer, and it makes me a stronger person in general.

    Should I reel myself back a little, or is my time too valuable to waste on people who I don't think are meaningful friends to have?
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
    • Useful Useful x 1
  2. Twilight Hue

    Twilight Hue The gentle embrace of twilight has become my guide

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2009
    Messages:
    31,887
    Ratings:
    +12,876
    Religion:
    Philosophical Buddhism
    I think friendship is earned. Theres no shame in distancing and taking time to assess the intent and sincerity of people around you.
     
    • Like Like x 2
    • Useful Useful x 1
  3. Gargovic Malkav

    Gargovic Malkav Active Member

    Joined:
    Jul 30, 2020
    Messages:
    338
    Ratings:
    +366
    Religion:
    I worship and believe in the One I see as the Source of Everything as a result of experience and faith. Label me as you see fit.
    Maybe I'm not the best advisor regarding this, as I'm mostly a loner and not exactly gifted in social skills, but I'd like to give it a try,

    What you should really be careful of is expectations and personal desires in my opinion. If your expectations of a good friend are very high and perfectionist, it's likely that people will disappoint you over and over again, making it more tempting to believe that friendship is an illusion or that "all people" are bad or fake.

    But this very mentality can turn you into the kind of person that you don't want to be, because if your expectations of a good friend are too perfectionist, there is a risk that you tend to treat others as "imaginary friends".
    Imaginary friends can be made the way you want them to be, and when you're done, you can forget about them without having to feel guilty about it or take responsibility for it. But I consider it bad when real people are treated that way. Obviously this counts for you as well as your (potential) friend.

    Experience taught me that showing your vulnerabilities and acknowledging your imperfections often encourages others to be honest about themselves as well. But this should be done with care. Because when you try to get deep and intimate conversations with people who don't know you that well, you might come across as clingy, desperate or even as a complete nutcase which is often so awkward for the other that they don't really know how to deal with you, causing them to avoid you.
     
    • Useful Useful x 1
  4. SigurdReginson

    SigurdReginson Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 12, 2019
    Messages:
    1,015
    Ratings:
    +1,157
    Religion:
    None
    You guys have some wonderful advice! Thank you so much.
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
  5. Estro Felino

    Estro Felino Believer in free will
    Premium Member

    Joined:
    Jun 28, 2014
    Messages:
    13,140
    Ratings:
    +4,491
    Religion:
    Pelagianism
    I understand you perfectly.
    You should be proud of your character, imho.
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 2
    • Like Like x 1
  6. SigurdReginson

    SigurdReginson Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 12, 2019
    Messages:
    1,015
    Ratings:
    +1,157
    Religion:
    None
    Ehhh... I have worked real hard on myself over the past few years. I've also been lucky in having honest friends who don't just tell me what I want to hear, but tell me the truth as they see it.

    I feel like even though I've been changing rapidly over the past month. All these changes were already waiting under the surface, and had been for a while; it just took a catalyst to bring them out into the light of day, but they all came crashing in at once.

    I guess that's what I'm thankful for on this Thanksgiving day. :D Chaos; but a positive, revitalising, and controlled chaos.
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
Loading...