Family Estrangement

[The Hammer]

Is on the rise.

What are your thoughts on this?

Have you encountered people who have, or have you cut off contact with family? Is this a positive thing for people in the long run, or will it do more harm than good overall?

Family estrangement: Why adults are cutting off their parents

 

[JustGeorge]

My husband has no contact with most of his family other than one brother.

The members of his family range from dangerous, to dramatic, to mooch-like. There are some he tried to keep contact with, but cut ties because they are unable to hold a normal relationship(only call for drama or to ask for things, but never just to connect).

Honestly, I think estrangement should be a worst case scenario. If a person has demonstrated they are dangerous, stay away. Stay far away. But sometimes permanent estrangement causes too much drama. I have a sister I don't prefer. I don't call or reach out to her, but its nice to not make a declaration of enemies. Avoiding family gatherings because one member makes me uncomfortable would be putting way too much importance on my own feelings(and I think a lot of time, we,(us in modern culture), do that. Besides, one day she may kick the booze(I think she is starting to, actually), and may join the rest of us in decent humanity.

My dad was a total jerk to me growing up(he admits that now). It took years to repair that relationship, but what if I hadn't ever allowed him to make amends? That would be a loss on my part.

 

[Sgt. Pepper]

Is on the rise.

What are your thoughts on this?

Have you encountered people who have, or have you cut off contact with family? Is this a positive thing for people in the long run, or will it do more harm than good overall?

Family estrangement: Why adults are cutting off their parents

As a matter of fact, I'm going through this now, because I cut off my mother, father, and brother over a year ago. I've blocked their phone numbers, and I blocked my mother and brother on Facebook. I haven't had any contact with them since I made the decision to cut them out of my life. I won't share any details on my situation with my family, because it's very personal, and painful.

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

I have no contact with any of my relatives. No contact with my dad or his side of the family since the mid '90s when he ran off, none with mom's side of the family since the late 2000s, my mom died in 2016 and I stopped talking to my oldest sister earlier this year that relationship is too broken.

I have no family. (I'm not looking for sympathy with this.)

 

[The Hammer]

I have no contact with any of my relatives. No contact with my dad or his side of the family since the mid '90s when he ran off, none with mom's side of the family since the late 2000s, my mom died in 2016 and I stopped talking to my oldest sister earlier this year that relationship is too broken.

I have no family.

 

[Sgt. Pepper]

I have no contact with any of my relatives. No contact with my dad or his side of the family since the mid '90s when he ran off, none with mom's side of the family since the late 2000s, my mom died in 2016 and I stopped talking to my oldest sister earlier this year that relationship is too broken.

I have no family.

I second that...

 

[Shadow Wolf]

Is on the rise.

What are your thoughts on this?

Have you encountered people who have, or have you cut off contact with family? Is this a positive thing for people in the long run, or will it do more harm than good overall?

Family estrangement: Why adults are cutting off their parents

I cut off ties with my second oldest nephew after my brother died (he's not talking to his mom (because shes a **** parent) and didn't go to the funeral because she was there). My dad as well, because I asked him to drop the family feuding and fighting for that time and he refused.
And my parents after I move out again because I've realized moving back in with them that a healthy, happy, semblance of a family can't happen with them. I realized they're too authoritarian, verbally abusive and emotionally neglectful, confrontational, and have no interests or desires in even helping with my needs and wants. They've even done damage to my car and didn't offer to fix or replace things, with my mom still to this day insisting the AC knob just broke on its own.
I can't say for all, but for those abused at least there is potential to heal and grow once the separation has begun.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

My dad was a total jerk to me growing up(he admits that now). It took years to repair that relationship, but what if I hadn't ever allowed him to make amends? That would be a loss on my part.

A couple years, after I moved to California, I began to wonder why I was the only one in my family who hadn't moved on from the past amd forgive my dad for his past wrongs. He visited me and I wanted to try to have a relationship. While he was visiting he wouldn't shut the **** up about some ***** he was talking online, and of course "don't tell your mom." That's a lot of what he did that led to my parents divorcing in the first place.
I decided then when I get to legally changing my first name I'm also changing my last name.

 

[anna.]

have you cut off contact with family? Is this a positive thing for people in the long run, or will it do more harm than good overall?

Yes, I have but don't want to go into why.

I think if it's positive or not, or if it does more harm than good is pretty subjective, depending on a lot of things including if you did the cutting off (I did) and feel good or at least neutral about it or were cut off yourself and feel badly about it. Whether there was abuse involved (emotional or physical), or neglect, or some other thing that has to be escaped and left behind. Whether you're matter-of-fact about it (no regrets, don't think about it) or it eats at you daily.

I'm not on Facebook (because family) but even though a lot of people say FB helps them stay in touch with family, I've seen just as many if not more say that FB tore them apart (particularly over politics).

 

[JustGeorge]

A couple years, after I moved to California, I began to wonder why I was the only one in my family who hadn't moved on from the past amd forgive my dad for his past wrongs. He visited me and I wanted to try to have a relationship. While he was visiting he wouldn't shut the **** up about some ***** he was talking online, and of course "don't tell your mom." That's a lot of what he did that led to my parents divorcing in the first place.
I decided then when I get to legally changing my first name I'm also changing my last name.

I don't blame you at all. He sounds like a real jerk, and that he had no intentions of changing that.

It took me a long time to accept my dad was actively working on changing. In his case, he demonstrated over many years that he was working(and succeeding) in ending behavioral patterns he participated in in the past. Had he not, him and I would still have no relationship.

 

[Sgt. Pepper]

They've even done damage to my car and didn't offer to fix or replace things, with my mom still to this day insisting the AC knob just broke on its own.

Oh my gosh, my mom is that way too! She will go to her grave denying that she's done anything wrong. I was told by a couple of my aunts that she's telling anyone who will listen that I'm just being mean to her, and she has no idea why I'm upset with her.

Fortunately for me, everyone in my family who knows her, and knows the situation, is well aware that my mother is full of it. I'm not exaggerating when I say that my mom honestly believes that she is always right, everyone else who disagrees with her is wrong and mean-spirited for disagreeing with her, and she goes out of her way to portray herself as an innocent victim. She thinks that anyone who disagrees with her or argues with her is out to get her. She even blamed me for turning her family against her. Seriously, I can go on and on. I say this with the most sincerest honesty... It's a true miracle that I came out of my childhood with a sound mind.

 

[Revoltingest]

Is on the rise.

What are your thoughts on this?

Have you encountered people who have, or have you cut off contact with family? Is this a positive thing for people in the long run, or will it do more harm than good overall?

Family estrangement: Why adults are cutting off their parents

Family estrangement can be good.
Some people should just be avoided.

 

[Secret Chief]

There's a lot of it about. My partner cut off all contact with her parents and sister decades ago. I cut off all contact with my brother about 5 years ago. In both cases, definitely complete positives and there are no regrets.

 

[Revoltingest]

There's a lot of it about. My partner cut off all contact with her parents and sister decades ago. I cut off all contact with my brother about 5 years ago. In both cases, definitely complete positives and there are no regrets.

Aye, 1 brother & 1 sister, & their entire families.
Good riddance. Thieving, hostile, & the disgusting
hypocritical religiosity....ugh.

 

[Secret Chief]

As the saying goes: We choose our friends, not our families.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

Oh my gosh, my mom is that way too! She will go to her grave denying that she's done anything wrong. I was told by a couple of my aunts that she's telling anyone who will listen that I'm just being mean to her, and she has no idea why I'm upset with her.

Fortunately for me, everyone in my family who knows her, and knows the situation, is well aware that my mother is full of it. I'm not exaggerating when I say that my mom honestly believes that she is always right, everyone else who disagrees with her is wrong and mean-spirited for disagreeing with her, and she goes out of her way to portray herself as an innocent victim. She thinks that anyone who disagrees with her or argues with her is out to get her. She even blamed me for turning her family against her. Seriously, I can go on and on. I say this with the most sincerest honesty... It's a true miracle that I came out of my childhood with a sound mind.

My mom is the same. Doesn't matter what, she's done no wrong. Everybody else just doesn't get it, took her wrong, made assumptions, and it's always someone else's fault.
Unfortunately it's mixed on who sides with her. She puts words in my mouth once, said I'd do something even though I never actually said I would. I would have, but I told her I don't like words being put in my mouth. My dad defended her and said "i hope to understand you one day."

 

[beenherebeforeagain]

My son a couple of years ago cut off contact with his mother (my ex), although recently they've been 'sharing' through some therapy online. I've made it a point to not take sides...it's their relationship, and I only have a relationship to my ex because we have an adult disabled son who requires ongoing care...

 

[Vinayaka]

Is on the rise.

What are your thoughts on this?

Have you encountered people who have, or have you cut off contact with family? Is this a positive thing for people in the long run, or will it do more harm than good overall?

Family estrangement: Why adults are cutting off their parents

Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do. If estrangement is the less toxic of the two, then that's the wise choice.

 

[Leahpolitan_icecream]

Is on the rise.

What are your thoughts on this?

Have you encountered people who have, or have you cut off contact with family? Is this a positive thing for people in the long run, or will it do more harm than good overall?

Family estrangement: Why adults are cutting off their parents

Family estragments hurt a lot
My sister is estranged because she broke house rules from our daddy and he kicked her out, no one knows where she is or what she did for 6 years now

Some cousins left their house over money arguments and being toxic to have around now no one speaks to it feels like half the family it all blew up over nothing

Everyone I know with broken families are sad, its a sad evil thing

Love your family but you cant fix what they did

 

[Sgt. Pepper]

My mom is the same. Doesn't matter what, she's done no wrong. Everybody else just doesn't get it, took her wrong, made assumptions, and it's always someone else's fault.
Unfortunately it's mixed on who sides with her. She puts words in my mouth once, said I'd do something even though I never actually said I would. I would have, but I told her I don't like words being put in my mouth. My dad defended her and said "i hope to understand you one day."

My dad is apathetic when it comes to my mom, and he has always taken an apathetic approach to her behavior by saying, "She's always been this way." My mom got really upset with me and my husband when we first told her that we were getting married. I told her my husband and I were planning a church wedding, with his father officiating (my father-in-law was a pastor at the time). Well, she didn't like that at all. She blatantly told us no, and she and my dad weren't paying for a church wedding. She said, "You're going to the Justice of the Peace to be married." My husband said, "No, my bride-to-be has asked for a church wedding, and that's what she'll have." My mom replied with, "You don't have anything to do with it. You just show up and say, 'I do!'"

As you can imagine, that didn't go over well with me and my husband.

My husband and I left her and my dad out of the wedding plans, because she was being such a witch. My dad didn't say a word to dispute her, so that was very frustrating and hurtful. My husband, my in-laws, and his sisters paid for our wedding.

My mom shows up at my bridal shower (not invited), and she's hateful to everyone, and gives the cold shoulder to my future mother-in-law. She was griped out later by my grandmother (her mother) and my aunts (her sisters), so she doesn't come to the wedding rehearsal or to the dinner afterward. My dad told everyone at the dinner rehearsal that my mom had a bad headache.

The morning of my wedding, my parents abruptly left the house, and they didn't come back. My dad mumbled something about getting ready for the wedding reception. My mom didn't speak to me. My wedding is at 3:00 in the afternoon. I had no family there with me at my parents' house, because none of my relatives wanted to be around her. I'm miserable and alone, so I call over to my in-laws' house, and I'm crying my eyes out. My father-in-law comes and picks me up, and I spent my wedding day with his family and friends at my in-laws' house. They tried hard to make my wedding day special for me, and they did. It was nice, considering.

I arrive early at the church for my wedding and I see my mother wearing a BLACK DRESS. She was scowling and rude to everyone. My dad walks me down the aisle, but he hardly says two words to me. She was rude to everyone at my wedding reception, too. I was so embarrassed, because of the way she was acting. My uncle told my father-in-law, "We're not like her." Yeah, my parents...