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Excuse my ignorance, but a question about lesbians

Discussion in 'Sexuality' started by Skwim, May 6, 2013.

  1. Skwim

    Skwim Veteran Member

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    My understanding was that when two lesbians couple-up and one is butch the other would be feminine. And to a lesser degree this is also true of gays. However, the other day I saw two very butch lesbians together, and was informed that they're a committed couple. Now, I assume there's some kind of gender role dynamic that takes place when a butch lesbian hooks up with a fem lesbian, but does this also hold true in any way with two butch lesbians , or, for that matter, with two fem lesbians?
     
  2. Tiberius

    Tiberius Well-Known Member

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    Your understanding is wrong.

    In a lesbian couple, there does not need to be a butch one and a feminine one. A lesbian couple needs only two women who are in a relationship. Some butch lesbians can prefer feminine women, but then, the butch ones may also prefer butch women. Likewise, feminine lesbians can prefer other feminine women, not just butch women.

    Your experience is proof of this.
     
  3. Me Myself

    Me Myself Back to my username

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    Being a lesbian means atraced to other women.

    Any other add on may be a tendency, but not an obligation.

    So sure, some lipstick les like other LL, and some butch like other butch.
     
  4. MysticSang'ha

    MysticSang'ha Big Squishy Hugger
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    I've been attracted to and have been intimate with both feminine and masculine women.

    I wish I could explain it rationally or give a process of how I process the attraction or the relationship. But I can't. All I can say is when I met the women I've been attracted to, the electricity hit me suddenly, and it's pure hormones and instinct.

    I'm sorry. Wish I could help.
     
  5. Revoltingest

    Revoltingest I have the kavorka
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    Pictures would help.
     
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  6. fallingblood

    fallingblood Agnostic Theist

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    I think this rises from a misunderstanding of gender roles. In western society, there has been the idea that gender is binary; as in, there are set roles for males and females. This is then often also taken and assumed to be true for lesbian and gay couples.

    The problem is that gender is not seen as a continuum as it should be. The stereotypical gender roles that are associated with masculinity or femininity are not necessarily best placed there.
     
  7. Penumbra

    Penumbra Veteran Member
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    There are butch/femme lesbian couples, butch/butch couples, and femme/femme couples, and various points in between. They don't necessarily have any specific gender role dynamic.

    There are heterosexual couples where the woman and man operate in 'roles' that may be seen as inverse of the stereotype. There are heterosexual couples where there are no observable specific roles between the people.
     
  8. Iti oj

    Iti oj Global warming is real and we need to act
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    lol seconded
    hahah
    picts or it didn't happen
     
  9. MysticSang'ha

    MysticSang'ha Big Squishy Hugger
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    Stop it. :slap:

    You too. :slap:
     
  10. Skwim

    Skwim Veteran Member

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    Pictures or not, thanks people. [​IMG] I appreciate clearing this up.
     
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  11. Aquitaine

    Aquitaine Well-Known Member

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    RF won't let me Frubal you again until I spread 'em around a bit, consider yourself owed. ;)
     
  12. Gaura Priya

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    I love all people, and I have some good friends who are gay and lesbian.

    Heck, there are some in my church too! XD

    While relationships for heterosexual couples still generally divide through gender roles, in same-sex relationships the general dynamic is based on sensual roles instead, i.e. passive, or active. However, because same-sex relationships have begun to have national or federal acceptance these days and thus are still newly integrating into societal fabric, there is less of an expectancy to follow certain norms within same-sex couplings, besides being two people of the same sex, in love.
     
  13. Meow Mix

    Meow Mix Well-Known Member

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    Seems this question has been thoroughly answered; was just going to throw out there that Alicia and I are both femme in terms of looks, but neither very feminine nor masculine in our "roles."

    So yeah, there is a great variety, it's definitely not just butch/femme with masculine/feminine roles.
     
  14. Alceste

    Alceste Vagabond

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    Gay people are just people. The majority of gay folks I know don't fit any obvious gender stereotypes, just like the majority of straight folks I know.
     
  15. Meow Mix

    Meow Mix Well-Known Member

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    Excuse my ignorance, but I have a question for the lesbians too.

    ...what are you wearing? ;)
     
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  16. Me Myself

    Me Myself Back to my username

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    really? o.o

    that sounds interesting. A bisexual friend of mine fit into the affeminate category some time even before he found out he was bisexual, and by looking and interacting with other LGTB acquantances gained by new boyfriend, I most say almost all fit on some stereotype.

    Not saying its a need at all, but most of them talked about a "gaydar" being real, and for that, you would need to recognize patterns and such.
     
  17. Jainarayan

    Jainarayan ॐ नमो भगवते वासुदेवाय
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    Q. What does a lesbian bring on a 2nd date?
    A. A U-Haul trailer.

    From a "guy gay man" (a gay man who appears straight) who prefers other "guy gay men" only (as compared to "gay gay men"): "If I wanted to be with a woman, I'd be straight".
     
  18. Meow Mix

    Meow Mix Well-Known Member

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    "Gaydar" obviously only picks up discernable patterns, though -- it isn't accurate in discerning whether ANYONE is gay, it's only "accurate" in discerning those who are *discernably* gay to a higher precision than those without "gaydar" senses can pick up.

    I don't think anyone disputes that there are gay social stereotypes that some people do exhibit (and that's okay), but I think what Alceste is (correctly) saying is that it's not indicative of how all homosexuals and bisexuals are.

    You wouldn't be able to tell I'm a lesbian just from interacting with me, for instance, if I didn't say anything about it.
     
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  19. dgirl1986

    dgirl1986 Big Queer Chesticles!

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    I never understand where this understanding comes from, maybe its from the stereotypes that you see in movies or something like that?

    I don't consider myself femme but I am not butch either. I wouldn't class my girlfriend as either of those as well.
     
  20. lewisnotmiller

    lewisnotmiller Grand Hat
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    All makes perfect sense. Small addition on your last point though...
    There was a gay guy working at the same factory as me whilst I was working my way through university. He was pretty blokey, and also realised that there was a fair level of prejudice at that place, so he in no way volunteered that he was gay.

    The two of us worked back one night, and were having a chat. Somehow girlfriends came up in the convo, and he said he didn't have one. I then asked him if he had a boyfriend, which I wouldn't normally. Anyways, was all good, but later he wanted to know how I 'spotted' him, since he was trying not to be spotted.

    I still don't know, but the closest I could guess is that there were some things he didn't say, rather than did. Maybe most guys would say they were single, or...I dunno. Probably a bunch of small things adding up to a lucky guess on my part. I'm kinda thinking 'gaydar' is really just taking all the various cues available, and determining based on them. Some will be better at it than others, and some things will be on a pretty much sub-conscious level.
     
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