Emotional Sensitivity and Intensity

[dybmh]

There is increasing awareness and recognition that individuals who are diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder are also "Hyper-Empathic". These individuals; while having innate talent in recognizing and accurately interpreting emotional content, they also suffer deeply because of it.

The challenges for those of us ( myself included ) who are "Hyper-Empathic" are many. But it is not all bad. Here is the beginning of an article from the website "Psychology Today" that describes this in more detail.

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Excerpt from PschologyToday.com: ( emphasis mine )

The Unexpected Gifts Inside Borderline Personality: May 17, 2018 (link)

"Why do I feel and see so much? If it is a gift, why do I suffer so much?"


It is increasingly being recognized that many individuals who receive the diagnosis of borderline personality disorder (BPD) are highly intuitive and perceptive. What was previously thought of as a genetic vulnerability may reflect an innate talent.

People who were born emotionally intense, sensitive, and gifted with heightened perceptivity are like powerful sports cars. It is as if they have a potent engine that requires a special fuel and a specific kind of care.

In the right condition and with the right keeping, they can be one of the most high-performing machines in the world and win many races. The problem, however, is that they may not have been taught how to run this powerful machine. To borrow a metaphor from psychologist Edward Hallowell, it is like having a Ferrari with bicycle brakes, and these brakes are just not strong enough to control such a powerful engine.

Many emotionally intense people are diagnosed or misdiagnosed with various mental disorders throughout their lives; some of the most common ones are mood disorders, including bipolar disorder, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), eating disorders, and personality disorders. While these conditions are real and extremely painful, we should not immediately assume that they are signs of a defect.

Drawing on psychological research and theories, we see that many people who struggle with BPD do so as a result of two combining factors:

** Their innate intuitive talents, and the specific developmental requirements that go along with it.
** A childhood environment that fails to meet their emotions needs.

The person with BPD often experiences feelings as rapidly changing or spiraling out of control. These symptoms go alongside impulsive self-soothing behaviors and a chronic sense of internal hollowness.

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[PoetPhilosopher]

I don't think I quite have that, nor was I ever diagnosed with it.... but rather than me being hyperemotional I think, my brain is hyperactive. I can count by the power of 2, to 65536, forward and backwards in little time and it helps me relieve stress to do so.

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

When I'm upset, I try to solve moderate math problems like the fillrate of a computer graphics card, which is the units multiplied by the clock speed. It soothes me (not joking).

 

[dybmh]

@KAT-KAT ,

I have always recognized your brilliance, even when we first met. Perhaps I don't take the time to tell you that often enough.

So... to make up for lost time: Please know that I think you are amazing, super smart, and very special.

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

Thank you dybmh. It means a lot.

Now when I'm feeling really disturbed, I get online and look up the triangle/second output of a particular graphics card, then picture myself making a video game, divide the previous value by 60 frames per second and additionally more if I'm going to make a 3D model of multiple passes like Normal Mapping, then figure out the number of characters I would want in a 3D scene, and compute in my head how many polygons each 3D model can be. Then I half that to take into account performance lost by texture mapping and lighting.

 

[dybmh]

When I'm upset, I try to solve moderate math problems like the fillrate of a computer graphics card, which is the units multiplied by the clock speed. It soothes me (not joking).

You bring up a very important point, thank you.

Note: I am not claiming you are like this. OK? I'm not talking about you at all. I am just speaking from my own experiences as someone who suffers due to my own sensitivity.

In the linked article, it addresses this idea ( the challenges ) of being "upset" for a person who is emotionally sensitive. Take a look at this:

"
People with high empathy are better at recognizing emotions in others. However, they also have a "bias" towards negative emotional expressions, meaning that they are more sensitive and alert to negative feelings in others. Perhaps due to these propensities, they are also more likely to experience "empathic distress" (Chikovani, Babuadze, Tamar Gvalia, Surguladze, 2015).
"

Please notice the "bias towards the negative". Now, apply that to some of my recent behavior here on RF regarding the folks in my own religion who behave like school yard bullies. Most people don't pick up the negative behaviors ( teasing, mocking, insults ) like I do. For most people it's just flotsam and jetsam. And so, my reaction towards these Uber-Negative people seems unwarranted. And I am not beyond admitting that my reaction may indeed be excessive.

But.

My assessment of these people is accurate. They do HATE. They are bullies. And they are poisoned by their own ego. I have my own problems, no doubt. And I have a huge ego, too. But I do not apply that ego for the purpose of pleasuring myself at the expense of others. And that... is my assessment of these people. That is what is happening on the inside of these people. I am very very good at recognizing this negative emotional content. And it is pouring off these people. I can almost smell it coming off of their posts.

But.

All it takes is a change of heart in these Uber-Negative people, and then it's all good. Why? Because I can see that clearly too, just as clear as the mocking, bullying behavior. I can see the change of heart just as clearly as I can see the bullying behavior. In fact it's already happened. One person whom I would consider and Uber-Negative person has already shifted their tone here on RF. It is less negative and less cancerous. And I appreciate that. How long will that last, I don't know... But I still appreciate it for as long as it lasts.

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

I have a great many stories of when I developed schizophrenia. There are many stories and many angles I can look at it. But I'm going to focus more on when I overdosed on caffeine and how it may have contributed to health problems:

I wanted to escape reality due to job stress. That and well, this is going to sound ridiculous, but it just seems I was starting to get mild contact from the spirit realm. My family has a long history of dabbling in this stuff despite being Christian. And it came upon me too. I noticed that I was prone to have more supernatural experience when I got past a certain specific amount of caffeine. So nothing bad happened to my health. I would just dose up and have these experiences. Then I wanted more. I had correctly predicted a few, not all, winning lotto numbers, though I didn't buy a ticket, and after that, I was starting to feel a stronger push from the spiritual realm. I took twice as much caffeine this time as the already horrible amount I was. I was seeing visions in real time during that period. After an hour or two, things went back to normal. Then I decided just a little bit more, so I can follow through to completion these findings and where these entities that were starting to talk to me would take me.

I ended up in the hospital, with newly developed mental illness, perhaps from the caffeine overdose, and temporary learning problems. I've made it a long way back, but I still suffer from anxiety.

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

Note: I am not claiming you are like this. OK? I'm not talking about you at all. I am just speaking from my own experiences as someone who suffers due to my own sensitivity.

Yeah. I'm just trying to provide informative posts and branching conversation.

 

[dybmh]

Thank you dybmh. It means a lot.

Now when I'm feeling really disturbed, I get online and look up the triangle/second output of a particular graphics card, then picture myself making a video game, divide the previous value by 60 frames per second and additionally more if I'm going to make a 3D model of multiple passes like Normal Mapping, then figure out the number of characters I would want in a 3D scene, and compute in my head how many polygons each 3D model can be. Then I half that to take into account performance lost by texture mapping and lighting.

I honestly think that this is the sign of a genius.

However, at it's core, I think that you can get the same relief from someone who loves you and recognizes your value.

When you do this ( the graphic card math ), I think it simply encourages you and demonstrates your own self worth in a way that is easily ... uhhhh ... digested ( for lack of a better word ) by your consciousness.

But there's a problem... people who seek validation from others often appear self-centered. I know that's NOT you. So it's a very narrow path that separates seeking healthy validation and pushing people away.

 

[dybmh]

Yeah. I'm just trying to provide informative posts and branching conversation.

I Love it. I just wanted to be sure.

 

[dybmh]

I have a great many stories of when I developed schizophrenia. There are many stories and many angles I can look at it. But I'm going to focus more on when I overdosed on caffeine and how it may have contributed to health problems:

I wanted to escape reality due to job stress. That and well, this is going to sound ridiculous, but it just seems I was starting to get mild contact from the spirit realm. My family has a long history of dabbling in this stuff despite being Christian. And it came upon me too. I noticed that I was prone to have more supernatural experience when I got past a certain specific amount of caffeine. So nothing bad happened to my health. I would just dose up and have these experiences. Then I wanted more. I had correctly predicted a few, not all, winning lotto numbers, though I didn't buy a ticket, and after that, I was starting to feel a stronger push from the spiritual realm. I took twice as much caffeine this time as the already horrible amount I was. I was seeing visions in real time during that period. After an hour or two, things went back to normal. Then I decided just a little bit more, so I can follow through to completion these findings and where these entities that were starting to talk to me would take me.

I ended up in the hospital, with newly developed mental illness, perhaps from the caffeine overdose, and temporary learning problems. I've made it a long way back, but I still suffer from anxiety.

Yes, I remember all of this from your posts. I have practically memorized every word of every post that I have read from you ( and others )...

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

Yes, I remember all of this from your posts. I have practically memorized every word of every post that I have read from you ( and others )...

Maybe you're the genius, then.

 

[dybmh]

For those readers who are ready for the next piece of the puzzle...

Emotional Sensitivity is often correlated with "Giftedness". In America children are labeled "Gifted" based on standardized test scores given in public elementary schools. If a child is in the top 3% they are labeled "Gifted" and are often transitioned into classes with accelerated curriculum.

Children in this top 3% are actually at a higher risk of child abuse. And they are more likely to be disruptive in class, become outcasts, and thus... do not develop coping skills in spite of their emotional and intellectual talents.

Gifted Child + Abusive Parents = Borderline Personality

Here's the elements that define Emotional Sensitivity and Intensity in Gifted Children: ( link )

• In the body – the body mirrors the emotions and feelings are often expressed as bodily symptoms such as tense stomach, sinking heart, blushing, headache, nausea

• Inhibition – timidity and shyness

• Strong affective memory – emotionally intense children can remember the feelings that accompanied an incident and will often relive and ‘re-feel’ them long afterward

• Fears and anxieties, feelings of guilt, feelings of being out of control

• Concerns with death, depressive moods

• Emotional ties and attachments to others, empathy and concern for others, sensitivity in relationships, attachment to animals, difficulty in adjusting to new environments, loneliness, conflicts with others over the depth of relationships

• Critical self-evaluation and self-judgment, feelings of inadequacy and inferiority.

 

[dybmh]

Maybe you're the genius, then.

No.

I'm just strange.

 

[dybmh]

@KAT-KAT ,

This is something that is important for me to share.

Abuse comes in all shapes and sizes. Sexual abuse is the most confusing for a child because it miss-represents Love and Affection in the child's mind.

Compliments do not always render happy memories for a Child who was abused. Often compliments are the precursor for Abuse. Think of it like pavlov's dog...

The child who is abused has been conditioned, just like pavlov's dog. Here's the conditioning:

Compliments / Gifts / Affection >>>> leads to >>>> abuse

after the abuse...

abuse >>> leads to >>>> Compliments / Gifts / Affection from the parent trying to "make up for it" or cover it up.

do you see the cycle? are you seeing the conditioning?

If a Child is abused early and often there is no escape from the conditioned response. Just a like a dog. Sometimes compliments do not feel good to a person like this. It just reminds them of being abused.

 

[Terry Sampson]

Maybe you're the genius, then.

Takes one to know one.

 

[Harel13]

Hey @dybmh, how do people with BPD learn they have it? By going to a psychologist? Or is it something that even a school counselor or a family doctor can pick up on?

 

[dybmh]

Hey @dybmh, how do people with BPD learn they have it? By going to a psychologist? Or is it something that even a school counselor or a family doctor can pick up on?

No. No one ever looks for BPD. Western Clinical Psychiatry is not science. It is art mixed with trial and error. BPD is usually the last in a chain of other failed diagnoses where all other mental illnesses have been ruled out.

Also, BPD patients are difficult to work with, so most Psychiatric Practitioners will avoid any patient who claims they have BPD. This means that people who have it, are often left with no medical support. And if a patient starts asking about BPD it is strongly discouraged by their Dr.

But besides that...

Essentially BPD is all about lacking coping skills and is usually correlated with Child Abuse.

It's important to note that PTSD is very similar in a lot of ways to BPD. But PTSD is not a lack of coping skills. It's a result of being repeated exposed to trauma. It's a shock to the psyche. That's why military folks are trained the way they are. It's intended to acclimatize the soldiers to battle-field stress. The training is supposed to help so that the trauma is not such a shock to the human psyche.

These two ( BPD and PTSD ) are so similar that the treatment for both is the same in many cases. But PTSD is a lot easier to diagnose and Psychiatric Practitioners are not "afraid" ( for lack of a better word ) of PTSD patients.

 

[Harel13]

No. No one ever looks for BPD. Western Clinical Psychiatry is not science. It is art mixed with trial and error. BPD is usually the last in a chain of other failed diagnoses where all other mental illnesses have been ruled out.

Also, BPD patients are difficult to work with, so most Psychiatric Practitioners will avoid any patient who claims they have BPD. This means that people who have it, are often left with no medical support. And if a patient starts asking about BPD it is strongly discouraged by their Dr.

But besides that...

Essentially BPD is all about lacking coping skills and is usually correlated with Child Abuse.

It's important to note that PTSD is very similar in a lot of ways to BPD. But PTSD is not a lack of coping skills. It's a result if being repeated exposed to trauma. But, these two are so similar that the treatment for both is the same in many cases. But PTSD is a lot easier to diagnose and Psychiatric Practitioners are not "afraid" ( for lack of a better word ) of PTSD patients.

I'm sure no one wants to be diagnosed with any condition, but how would any person pick up on BPD?

 

[Harel13]

Usually when some adult asks: "What the hell is wrong with your kid?" and a parent or guardian says: Who? Jack? (or Jill?) He's/she's always been like that." And the other adult says: "Well, you need to get that fixed. Take him/her to a doctor or an exorcist."

Is BPD noticeable enough?