Emotional Regulation and Parental Modeling

[The Hammer]

Many of us have been on the planet 30, 40, 50+ years and STILL have trouble managing our emotions. Why do we expect children who have been here just a few years to manage all of their big emotions?

Because we were not shown the GRACE we DESERVED as children. Our brains were still growing, lots of parts weren’t developed and people required us to be damn near FLAWLESS. We were yelled at and hit for behaving EXACTLY how children should behave.

Please don’t repeat this cycle with the children you care for.

-Reparent yourself
-Get as much support as you can
-MODEL, MODEL, MODEL the behavior you want to see.

When I learned to stop forcing my girls to say sorry, they would harm each other or me and almost NEVER apologize. I used to get mad and wish they would but I learned forcing them encourages them to lie and be inauthentic.

So I kept modeling apologizing to them when I MESSED UP.

Now…if I tell them they hurt my feelings with their words, they think about it, almost ALWAYS offer a GENUINE apology, and shift their behavior WITHOUT BEING FORCED. It took some time but it worked. Keep going. MODELING is the answer.

This was stolen from an FB post my wife shared, full credit to the person in the photo, as it's their original post. But I agree with the sentiment 100%, and believe that this needs to be shouted from the rooftops, so all take heed and listen.

 

[Aštra’el]

Many of us have been on the planet 30, 40, 50+ years and STILL have trouble managing our emotions. Why do we expect children who have been here just a few years to manage all of their big emotions?

Because some people struggle with the concept of discipline their whole lives, does not at all mean children can not excel at controlling their emotions. Oh they can, and many do.

Throughout college, when I used to be an SI at a dojo, I worked with what felt like countless adults and children both. I encountered many children who’d learned to control their anger and rage and stay focused on the here and now, and even utilize those emotions in a way that was beneficial to their training. I watched some bury whatever pain or depression they were going through and progressively improve and eventually overcome it. I watched as children would contain their laughter if something amusing happened, and control their excitement when achieving a new milestone, all to maintain an atmosphere of respect and discipline. It was an honor to witness people develop a significant level of self control as they improved their bodies and became more self confident.

Parents are responsible for their children’s development, as their actions help shape who their child will become. Helping them develop discipline at a young age is an invaluable strength, and will be useful to them their entire lives.

 

[SomeRandom]

Many of us have been on the planet 30, 40, 50+ years and STILL have trouble managing our emotions. Why do we expect children who have been here just a few years to manage all of their big emotions?

Because we were not shown the GRACE we DESERVED as children. Our brains were still growing, lots of parts weren’t developed and people required us to be damn near FLAWLESS. We were yelled at and hit for behaving EXACTLY how children should behave.

Please don’t repeat this cycle with the children you care for.

-Reparent yourself
-Get as much support as you can
-MODEL, MODEL, MODEL the behavior you want to see.

When I learned to stop forcing my girls to say sorry, they would harm each other or me and almost NEVER apologize. I used to get mad and wish they would but I learned forcing them encourages them to lie and be inauthentic.

So I kept modeling apologizing to them when I MESSED UP.

Now…if I tell them they hurt my feelings with their words, they think about it, almost ALWAYS offer a GENUINE apology, and shift their behavior WITHOUT BEING FORCED. It took some time but it worked. Keep going. MODELING is the answer.

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This was stolen from an FB post my wife shared, full credit to the person in the photo, as it's their original post. But I agree with the sentiment 100%, and believe that this needs to be shouted from the rooftops, so all take heed and listen.

Well I mean we are all at different stages I guess.
Many of my younger nieces and nephews excel at controlling their emotions.
The only ones who don’t are literal toddlers, which is fair enough. I’ll admit I wasn’t always great at it as a young adult. But I attribute that to my own mental health issues and responses to grief.
That’s not to say I think we should shame a person for not being able to control their emotions. I think I largely agree with you.
I think schools and parents should arm young people with the tools necessary to help them understand and control their emotions. In fact my school often tried that. With random health seminars through the years of my education designed to do just that. May be out of date by today’s standards but at least they tried