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Eight Signs Of Partner Abuse

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Sunstone, Jan 25, 2007.

  1. Sunstone

    Sunstone De Diablo Del Fora
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    Here are eight signs of partner abuse. Please answer "yes" or "no" to each statement.

    I am afraid of my partner.

    I cannot express my opinions or my feelings without being afraid of my partner's reaction.

    I always ask my partner for permission to see my family or friends, to spend money, or to buy something for myself.

    I constantly manipulate myself, my children and my environment in order to make things "just so" for my partner.

    I try and try to please my partner only to be criticized again.

    I sometimes feel like I am living with two people, a Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde.

    I am confused about the difference in the way my partner views our relationship and the way I see it.

    I am beginning to believe all the terrible things my partner says about me and accuses me of. Sometimes I'm not sure what is real anymore. Maybe I'm going crazy.



    If you answered "yes" to four or more of these eight signs of partner abuse, you are being abused. Please talk to a doctor, therapist, counsellor, pastor, or other professional about it as soon as possible. If you do not have the option of talking with a professional about it, talk with a friend or someone you respect.
     
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  2. antimica

    antimica New Member

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    Good Deal !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
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  3. Puglove

    Puglove New Member

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    i think it is important to know when your partner is abusing not just for women, but in some cases men, thanks for posting this Sunstone
     
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  4. Hema

    Hema Sweet n Spicy

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    Yay, my answers were No. :D

    Yes, in many cases men are abused. There are guys who can never bring themsleves to make a woman suffer and some women take advantage of this. When men are abused they are ashamed to talk about it because society might see them as "unmanly". :(
     
  5. anders

    anders Well-Known Member

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    Counting from the perspective of my last several-years-relation, I then had one or two "yes". They were at least five too many. I managed to escape, not too disabled, and am now as happy as could be imagined. But as a preliminary check, the OP might be a help.
     
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  6. willything

    willything Member

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    mmm interesting . good thread .
     
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  7. Somkid

    Somkid Well-Known Member

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    In my last marriage I answered "Yes" to all of them. Thinking about my current marriage the questions made me laugh because I can't see my wife ever being any of those things.
     
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  8. Circle_One

    Circle_One Well-Known Member

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    Ooohh... I got 5 out of 8 yesses... That's not good, is it?
     
  9. Halcyon

    Halcyon Lord of the Badgers

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    I'd imagine a great deal of people answer yes to number 7.
     
  10. Charity

    Charity Let's go racing boys !

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    It would be nice if a lot of people could see this early on in a relationship.
    Very good information I'm sure a lot of people can identify with it. :sad4:
     
  11. Worshipper

    Worshipper Active Member

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    I think there's a kind of abuse that happens in relationships that's sort of the flip side to all this. I was once in a relationship with a woman who did number 2 even though I was always pleased, supportive, and excited when she shared her opinions; she did number 3 and it always annoyed me, because I kept having to tell her she could do whatever she wanted; she did number 4 and I hated being catered to. And she was always number 1. All this made me feel like I was abusing here even though I wasn't and it was all made up. Eventually, I felt like number 8, beginning to believe that I really was an abusive, controlling monster and that made me lose my self-respect and eventually become completely unsure of who I was anymore. That wasn't happy!

    Acting abused when you're not is an especially twisted way to abuse someone. We expect the possibility of being abused by people who want to control us. Being abused in the opposite direction can make for a real blindsiding.
     
  12. .lava

    .lava Veteran Member

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    good info. IMO the last one is the worst, could be seriously damaging and depressing.


    .
     
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  13. Sunstone

    Sunstone De Diablo Del Fora
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    I've been in a similar relationship Worshipper, so I can relate to what you've described. I don't know how to make such a relationship workable, either. It's quite damaging.
     
  14. Shadow Wolf

    Shadow Wolf Crazy Diamond

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    Good thread Phil.
    While I myself can answer yes to two of those, the spending money because allthough I can manage money, I'm not the best at it, and the Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde because she has bi-polar and borderline personality disorder, but our relationship still works great.

    There was an episode of the Maury show not too long ago, of abusive relationships. Some lady had half of her face shot off by her husband, who became abusive towards her. Definitely not a good situation to be in.
     
  15. Rhennyah

    Rhennyah New Member

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    I've noticed, prior to the relationship being 'established'...that the abuser often comes across as exceptionally charming...any comments on this?

    Rhennyah
     
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  16. thirtytwopaws

    thirtytwopaws New Member

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    Wow, I only said yes to one of them, and it was nothing.

    I know my husband loves me.
     
  17. Stellify

    Stellify StarChild

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    If they acted abusive from the start, I doubt they would get many second dates. :p

    Also, a typical pattern of abuse is: everything is good, abuse occurs, abuser apologizes/begs for another chance/promises to change, amends made & everything is good, abuse occurs, abuser apologizes..
    So, if they are really charming in the beginning, I would think that would make their apologies easier to believe. If you know they're capable of being wonderful and charming, there's hope that an abuser can go back to that. :shrug: To keep someone in an abusive relationship, abusers tend to be pretty manipulative...I've heard similar things about rapists.

    I think everyone has had an experience where someone was awesome to date in the beginning, but once a relationship was established and the person got "comfortable", things changed for the worse.....Everyone is always on their best behavior in the beginning. It's once the new-ness wears off that you see how they really are on a day-to-day basis. :rolleyes:
     
  18. Inky

    Inky Active Member

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    From my experience, the best thing to do is to bring it up in a gentle and supportive way and see if they can break the habits with some encouragement. Whether or not they're aware of the behavior themselves, it can be hard to get rid of on your own. I left a four-year relationship that involved at least mild elements of...probably 2, 5, 6 and 7, and went into a relationship with a great guy who didn't understand why I constantly apologized to him for random things that weren't my fault. It was just a reflex by that point. He made a habit of pointing it out to me when it happened and reminding me that whatever it was wasn't actually my fault, and I soon got over it and was much more confident. It's one of the things I remember most fondly about him.
     
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  19. Darkwater

    Darkwater Well-Known Member

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    I am *yes* to 6 out of 8,the exceptions being 4 & 8.......as well as these 6,she likes to indulge in some husband bashing & would ideally like to divorce my head from my body.

    I am going to confront her with the *truth*.

    :)

    oh,in No 6 she is permanent Mrs Hyde.......

    Maybe she just understands me too well?
     
  20. Charity

    Charity Let's go racing boys !

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    Any kind of abuse should not be tolerated....but I too, was caught in that trap for a while.....I don't know which is worse the verbal abuse or the physical, they both leave scars.....and they both hurt......
     
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