1. Welcome to Religious Forums, a friendly forum to discuss all religions in a friendly surrounding.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Access to private conversations with other members.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon!

Don't settle for happiness?

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Geoff-Allen, Jan 12, 2019.

  1. Geoff-Allen

    Geoff-Allen Resident megalomaniac

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2014
    Messages:
    10,627
    Ratings:
    +2,127
    Religion:
    Universalist
    Hope you're all well.

    Here's an interesting article I found just recently -

    I suspect that many of us fall into this trap: We’re “supposed to be happy,” and in trying to be so, we push aside feelings that seem contrary to bliss. We suppress the uncomfortable feelings, thinking that will make room for happiness; but when we suppress any feeling, we suppress all feelings. Instead of increasing happiness, rejecting those “negative” feelings just creates numbness.

    Even worse, this emotional favoritism makes it extremely difficult to move forward. Emotions serve to signal opportunity and threat, and at the core, we have them to solve problems. We use mathematical data to solve math problems, we use emotional data to solve emotional problems. If we decided only to use even numbers, we’d have a hard time with algebra – the same thing happens with emotions and the algebra of relationships.

    In craving happiness, if we reject and devalue sadness, and a host of other valuable emotions as “in the way of happiness,” paradoxically we lose great data that would actually help us find a more profound and lasting happiness.

    Don’t Settle for Happiness: Emotional Intelligence and Life Worth Living • Six Seconds

    Enjoy!!
     
    • Like Like x 2
  2. exchemist

    exchemist Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2018
    Messages:
    4,063
    Ratings:
    +2,924
    Religion:
    RC (culturally at least)
    Perhaps I'm unfair but this reads to me like a very American - or perhaps New World - issue.

    I do not think that people in Europe feel a relentless pressure to be happy. Have a couple of drinks with a Frenchman or a Russian - or indeed an Englishman - and you soon find out what they are not happy about in their lives. But, when I lived in the USA, I was very struck by the social pressure to be upbeat, the whole time. I found it rather wearing - and suspected it to be fake, cynical Brit that I am.

    On the headline issue, I certainly agree that simply seeking happiness is a shallow goal in life. I suspect it is probably doomed to failure. Far better, I should have thought, to seek fulfilment. From that will come a certain amount of happiness - or at least contentment, as a side effect.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  3. Nowhere Man

    Nowhere Man Bompu Zen Man with a little bit of Bushido.

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2009
    Messages:
    23,642
    Ratings:
    +8,832
    Religion:
    Zen Buddhism
    It's a matter of false expectations. A reason why I'm a realist on so many things.

    If a person goes around in life saying I'm supposed to be happy and it simply does not happen then the disappointment is considerably magnified. That's why detachment is stressed. Not to turn you into an apathetic person, but rather give you the ability to navigate through the realities of life and to appreciate and enjoy all the more those aspects that are pleasant and comforting without the hang ups once they pass.
     
  4. Geoff-Allen

    Geoff-Allen Resident megalomaniac

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2014
    Messages:
    10,627
    Ratings:
    +2,127
    Religion:
    Universalist
  5. Geoff-Allen

    Geoff-Allen Resident megalomaniac

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2014
    Messages:
    10,627
    Ratings:
    +2,127
    Religion:
    Universalist
    We humans are creatures of habit. We are remarkably resilient and have an extraordinary ability to adapt to our surroundings. When it comes to our sense of well being, we have something called a set point for happiness.

    The set point for happiness is psychological term that describes our general level of happiness. Each of us has a different set point—some have a high set point, meaning we are mostly happy; some of have a low set point, meaning we are mostly unhappy; while others fall somewhere in between. Our set point for happiness is based on our genetics and conditioning. While we may have emotional ups and downs throughout our lives, these are temporary. No matter what life throws at us, over time, our happiness bounces back to the same set point.

    More here -

    https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/meditation-modern-life/201709/your-set-point-happiness

    :)
     
  6. Geoff-Allen

    Geoff-Allen Resident megalomaniac

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2014
    Messages:
    10,627
    Ratings:
    +2,127
    Religion:
    Universalist
  7. Geoff-Allen

    Geoff-Allen Resident megalomaniac

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2014
    Messages:
    10,627
    Ratings:
    +2,127
    Religion:
    Universalist
    More from recent browsing -

    Am I able to love myself with all of my positive and negative qualities?

    https://www.aconsciousrethink.com/9417/questions-about-life/

    Happiness articles at that site! -

    https://www.aconsciousrethink.com/mind/happiness/

    The Happiness Myth

    Blog | The Happiness Myth

    From my beginner's guide to reality ...

    Happiness set of skills that can be taught

    Brene Brown happiness

    World's happiest man - a few!

    Happiness resources - an inspired choice!? - yet 2 fully explore them all ...

    Embrace your vulnerabilities

    Enjoy your day!

    :)
     
  8. DavidMcCann

    DavidMcCann Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 9, 2014
    Messages:
    2,549
    Ratings:
    +1,427
    Religion:
    Hellenic Polytheist
    Like Aristotle and Mencius, I believe that cultivating the virtues is the best route to happiness. It won't guarantee happiness, any more than regular exercise and a balanced diet will guarantee health, but it's certainly a necessary start. But you certainly can't say "Today I'm going to be happy" — it's a gift, not a choice.
     
  9. Geoff-Allen

    Geoff-Allen Resident megalomaniac

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2014
    Messages:
    10,627
    Ratings:
    +2,127
    Religion:
    Universalist
    Fair enough!

    I try and remind myself to be as kind & compassionate as I can manage. And the more I practice the better I can manage it.

    Cheers!
     
  10. Geoff-Allen

    Geoff-Allen Resident megalomaniac

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2014
    Messages:
    10,627
    Ratings:
    +2,127
    Religion:
    Universalist
  11. Geoff-Allen

    Geoff-Allen Resident megalomaniac

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2014
    Messages:
    10,627
    Ratings:
    +2,127
    Religion:
    Universalist
    If you could create the world on your own terms, what elements would you most want to include? What specific characteristics would provide the greatest benefits for everyone and everything concerned? When we asked ourselves this question, the answer was clear. Our choice is to live in a world where love and happiness abound. Lots of people complain about the challenges we face individually and collectively. These people view themselves as victims of forces that are much larger than themselves. Less of us focus on the solutions. As we learn more about how our reality works, both from philosophical and scientific perspectives, whining and complaining make less and less sense. On the other hand, choosing a more joyful and living life makes a lot of sense.

    More in this pdf document -

    http://maudios.com/pdf/doses.pdf

    Cheers!
     
  12. Geoff-Allen

    Geoff-Allen Resident megalomaniac

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2014
    Messages:
    10,627
    Ratings:
    +2,127
    Religion:
    Universalist
  13. Geoff-Allen

    Geoff-Allen Resident megalomaniac

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2014
    Messages:
    10,627
    Ratings:
    +2,127
    Religion:
    Universalist
    “We have this default assumption that happiness is a calculus of pleasure and pain, and if you get rid of pain and multiply pleasures then you’ll be happy, but it doesn’t work that way,” says Darrin McMahon, a history professor at Dartmouth College and author of Happiness: A History. What’s more, he explains, “The idea of happiness as our natural state is a peculiarly modern condition that puts a tremendous onus on people. We blame ourselves and feel guilty and deficient when we’re not happy.”

    The rest of it is at mindful site -

    What Is Happiness Anyway? - Mindful

    Enjoy!
     
    • Like Like x 1
  14. exchemist

    exchemist Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2018
    Messages:
    4,063
    Ratings:
    +2,924
    Religion:
    RC (culturally at least)
    Absolutely. The emptiness of pursuit of happiness through pleasure is one of the disturbing themes of Aldous Huxley's "Brave New World".
     
    • Like Like x 1
  15. Geoff-Allen

    Geoff-Allen Resident megalomaniac

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2014
    Messages:
    10,627
    Ratings:
    +2,127
    Religion:
    Universalist
    Have yet 2 read that book. I have read 1984 a long time ago which paints a less-than-ideal world of the future.

    Here's a site that may be of interest - it's called trans4mind -

    Words of Wisdom ~ Happiness & Wellbeing

    Cheers
     
  16. exchemist

    exchemist Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2018
    Messages:
    4,063
    Ratings:
    +2,924
    Religion:
    RC (culturally at least)
    Brave New World is worth a read. Written in the 1930s but still with a good deal of prescience about how society might evolve. 1984 is a more political book about a more recognisable totalitarianism: Stalin first and foremost but also Hitler, can be applied to N Korea etc. Brave New World is more social, about how an affluent society could end up, using science but being controlled without realising it.
     
  17. Geoff-Allen

    Geoff-Allen Resident megalomaniac

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2014
    Messages:
    10,627
    Ratings:
    +2,127
    Religion:
    Universalist
    Thanks for the summary! Makes me keen to check it out 4 myself.

    Have a hap-hap-happy day!

    :)
     
  18. Geoff-Allen

    Geoff-Allen Resident megalomaniac

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2014
    Messages:
    10,627
    Ratings:
    +2,127
    Religion:
    Universalist
  19. Geoff-Allen

    Geoff-Allen Resident megalomaniac

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2014
    Messages:
    10,627
    Ratings:
    +2,127
    Religion:
    Universalist
    “Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking.”

    ~ Marcus Aurelius Antoninus
     
  20. Geoff-Allen

    Geoff-Allen Resident megalomaniac

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2014
    Messages:
    10,627
    Ratings:
    +2,127
    Religion:
    Universalist
    Leunig has a few cartoons too -

    [​IMG]

    Enjoy!
     
Loading...