Don`t

[Spirit of Light]

Do not give an answer that the other person WANT`s to hear, Give the answer accordance with your understanding. If your understanding is not the answer the other person WANT`s to hear, it is not your fault.

 

[Nakosis]

Do not give an answer that the other person WANT`s to hear, Give the answer accordance with your understanding. If your understanding is not the answer the other person WANT`s to hear, it is not your fault.

With the exception being when that other person happens to be your wife.

 

[Spirit of Light]

With the exception being when that other person happens to be your wife.

Why would it be different to say your understanding to your wife than to someone else?

 

[Nakosis]

Why would it be different to say your understanding to your wife than to someone else?

I don't know.
Just something I've learned from experience.

If you want more peace and less drama in your life this is what I have found to work.

"Yes honey, that Tucker Carlson sure is a smart fellow."

 

[ChristineM]

Do not give an answer that the other person WANT`s to hear, Give the answer accordance with your understanding. If your understanding is not the answer the other person WANT`s to hear, it is not your fault.

I always say what i mean to say, not necessarily what the other person want's to hear... It's part of my charm

 

[Vinayaka]

Heck, I passed a couple of English courses giving answers I figured the prof wanted to hear. With one high school teacher, we (friends who wanted to pass) purposely asked questions so we had more clues about what she thought of the story, essay, or poem in question.

 

[Unveiled Artist]

Do not give an answer that the other person WANT`s to hear, Give the answer accordance with your understanding. If your understanding is not the answer the other person WANT`s to hear, it is not your fault.

Oh. I actually disagree with the last part, to tell you honestly. If someone doesn't accept what you say, it's not their fault (or yours), just a difference of opinion. Either we can accept it's neither person's fault or we can attempt to understand the other person's view. In other words, when we say it's the other person's fault it's putting ourselves in a "I am right" stance even when questioned the validity of one's "right" statement. We actually could be wrong-just our ego is preventing us from seeing that.

In my opinion, seeing others at fault for not accepting your point of view is putting a wall between your possible errors that you may be uncomfortable facing-especially from a stranger. Instead, maybe assess if the other person has a point, and also think about what you say and/or did that would make the other respond so-it could be the fault of both parties "or" it could be that both people find it hard to agree to disagree without one being right and the other wrong.

In other words, each person should be given the benefit and right to his or her own opinion regardless how we feel about their approach and opinion as such.

You-as in speaking to you about people in general rather than you personally.

 

[Spirit of Light]

Oh. I actually disagree with the last part, to tell you honestly. If someone doesn't accept what you say, it's not their fault (or yours), just a difference of opinion. Either we can accept it's neither person's fault or we can attempt to understand the other person's view. In other words, when we say it's the other person's fault it's putting ourselves in a "I am right" stance even when questioned the validity of one's "right" statement. We actually could be wrong-just our ego is preventing us to see that.

In my opinion, seeing others at fault for not accepting your point of view is putting a wall between your possible errors that you may be uncomfortable facing-especially from a stranger. Instead, maybe assess if the other person has a point, and also think about what you say and/or did that would make the other respond so-it could be the fault of both parties "or" it could be that both people find it hard to agree to disagree without one being right and the other wrong.

In other words, each person should be given the benefit and right to his or her own opinion regardless how we feel about their approach and opinion as such.

You-as in speaking to you about people in general rather than you personally.

It was not meant as it would the other persons fault But if someone disagree with you, it is ok because they have their understanding of the topic, but may see it from an other angle then you.

 

[JustGeorge]

I might say the same thing with different wording to different people. Some people need different kinds of communication...

I have one friend I might say "You're doing something stupid."

To the other, I might "Are you sure that's really the best course of action?"

Sometimes if you don't communicate in a way the person easily understands or accepts, its not worth the trouble communicating at all, because they won't hear a thing you say.

 

[Unveiled Artist]

It was not meant as it would the other persons fault But if someone disagree with you, it is ok because they have their understanding of the topic, but may see it from an other angle then you.

I do get what you mean by the OP, though. If you said X and the other person does not accept it, in one respect it's their responsibility or fault in that (in my opinion) they have control over their own responses. On the other hand, it would not be their fault if they were given the benefit of the doubt they could be right or one can give them credit for their opinion.

In my opinion, when I read on RF "well, if they don't accept what I said, it's on them" type of thing, I read it as "I am right and they can't handle it." Instead, maybe more "they don't have to accept my opinion; and, that's okay."

Of course, I have problems doing this-but ideally, I think that's how it should be seen: it's not their fault they don't accept my opinion, it is their choice that they don't.

 

[Spirit of Light]

I do get what you mean by the OP, though. If you said X and the other person does not accept it, in one respect it's their responsibility or fault in that (in my opinion) they have control over their own responses. On the other hand, it would not be their fault if they were given the benefit of the doubt they could be right or one can give them credit for their opinion.

In my opinion, when I read on RF "well, if they don't accept what I said, it's on them" type of thing, I read it as "I am right and they can't handle it." Instead, maybe more "they don't have to accept my opinion; and, that's okay."

Of course, I have problems doing this-but ideally, I think that's how it should be seen....it's not their fault they don't accept my opinion, it is their choice that they don't.

In your example of "if they do not accept what i say, it is on them" that would be a form of selfishness, so then it would be "wrong" too

 

[Unveiled Artist]

I might say the same thing with different wording to different people. Some people need different kinds of communication...

I have one friend I might say "You're doing something stupid."

To the other, I might "Are you sure that's really the best course of action?"

Sometimes if you don't communicate in a way the person easily understands or accepts, its not worth the trouble communicating at all, because they won't hear a thing you say.

Hmm. How do you approach this when talking to strangers (say on RF)?

We can make intelligent guesses on their method of communication, but then to try to figure it out would be kind of hard.

 

[JustGeorge]

Hmm. How do you approach this when talking to strangers (say on RF)?

We can make intelligent guesses on their method of communication, but then to try to figure it out would be kind of hard.

Personally, I err on the side of caution, assuming the person is easily offended/hurt until I figure out what the best method to communicate with that person is.

I do the same off in the 'real world', though my body language sometimes works against me. (I struggle with my own body language and facial expression sometimes.)

 

[Unveiled Artist]

In your example of "if they do not accept what i say, it is on them" that would be a form of selfishness, so then it would be "wrong" too

True. It's been said. Usually what I say (and wish to change) is that they accept what I say because I said X wrong or wasn't clear or so have you. It takes time to realize I do have a right to my own opinion regardless if the other person accepts it or not.

But yes, that way of putting it wouldn't be productive. Maybe it could be your fault (using you as a placeholder for those who may think similar to you) but it's hard for you to see that when someone is challenging the validity of your statement or maybe you feel it's unnecessary and uncomfortable to be a skeptic to validity of your opinion.

For me, it's hard to tell when it is my fault do to many extra factors, but in general, it's a catch-22. It could be your fault but maybe phrase it to where you take responsibility for your mistake not blame yourself for it.

 

[Spirit of Light]

True. It's been said. Usually what I say (and wish to change) is that they accept what I say because I said X wrong or wasn't clear or so have you. It takes time to realize I do have a right to my own opinion regardless if the other person accepts it or not.

But yes, that way of putting it wouldn't be productive. Maybe it could be your fault (using you as a placeholder for those who may think similar to you) but it's hard for you to see that when someone is challenging the validity of your statement or maybe you feel it's unnecessary and uncomfortable to be a skeptic to validity of your opinion.

For me, it's hard to tell when it is my fault do to many extra factors, but in general, it's a catch-22. It could be your fault but maybe phrase it to where you take responsibility for your mistake not blame yourself for it.

If we say wrong or lack understanding of the topic in discussion, if we realize we said wrong and correct it, it means we gained wisdom about our self in this situation we never stop learning

 

[Unveiled Artist]

If we say wrong or lack understanding of the topic in discussion, if we realize we said wrong and correct it, it means we gained wisdom about our self in this situation we never stop learning

Yep. We know it in our noggin' but doing it is quite different story.

 

[Nimos]

Do not give an answer that the other person WANT`s to hear, Give the answer accordance with your understanding. If your understanding is not the answer the other person WANT`s to hear, it is not your fault.

Never crossed my mind to do that

 

[ADigitalArtist]

Imo be honest, but pick your battles. If my truth would cause a needless argument or hurt someone's feelings unnecessarily then it's not a time where my truth is necessary. I'll just 'okay' and move on.

 

[darkskies]

Do not give an answer that the other person WANT`s to hear, Give the answer accordance with your understanding. If your understanding is not the answer the other person WANT`s to hear, it is not your fault.

Sometimes it's okay to give an answer that the other person would be comfortable with. Always being truthful can be risky, even when it's no fault of yours. Not everyone can handle truths especially when they have emotional connect to something.

 

[Revoltingest]