Does the bible teach us to forgive, if so should I

[Dream Angel]

I have put this story of mine in debates as different religions may have different perspectives on whether i should forgive. I have split it as comp is being slow and is too long....

Hi all,
I have a very very very long story to tell, so please bear with me while I try and explain it as easily and as short as possible. Its difficult to include every detail as its so long and some really hurt me and upset me! There will be some questions at the end, I will appreciate any help andbody from any religion can give. My family have got fed up of me talking about this, but I find it difficult to forget as it hurt and upset me soooo much!!!!

 

[Dream Angel]

Right the facts first....

• I have a life long friend Edward - I consider him to be a brother to me, he is part of my family, I have known his parents and him since birth. They come to our xmas gatherings etc. I even used to call his parents aunt/uncle!
• Jules is a friend from school since 14
• Nell and Taj are mutual friends of Jules and I who we know from school.

 

[Dream Angel]

Let us begin!!!!
At my 18th birthday party, Jules and Edward became involved - no problems there. I began to realise that Jules was a player, a liar and there was just somethng about her I didnt trust - our friendship started to waver. She also had a past ex (forbidden by her parents - Romeo and Juliet like!). She cheated on Ed with this ex. The relationship broke down - as well as our friendship for other reasons also!!!
Two years past......

 

[Dream Angel]

(I hope your still awake!)
Last year (I was 20) Jules contacted me through nell asking for eds number to ask if he was alright (he had had a medical problem) i said I would have to ask him and he said no. She continued to talk to me and I decided as two years had past and we had supposedly grown up to forgive and forget!
Jules and I started to go to the cinemas etc and hang out. Ed still hated her and refused to come to my 21st if she was going.... this went on for months!!!! Jules was saying nasty things about Ed and I said although I was a friend she must realise I will not stand for it to which she accepted! Jules was having problems with her drama college (she was lazy didnt turn up, and already had a year out!) and they were saying if she didnt start to do some work she would get kicked out! She also said her parents were threatening to kick her out and stop her allowance and wouldnt pay for her posh flat in London if she didnt continue. Mum and I tried to help as best we could and witnessed her cry about it on many occassions!

 

[Dream Angel]

At my 21st both Ed and Jules turned up (great) and they started to talk (even better!!!!) it seemed the romantic bond (if there is one) was starting off again! (please bear in mind I already knew at this point that Jules was a player in the bed and had had 10 sexual acts with 10 different men within the two years - got pregnant twice!) so I told ed to be careful! but it wa shis choice! At this point Jules started to be funny with me (I was wondering if my friendship was a path to Ed)
I told them both it was there choice but if they wanted my honest opinion I would give it to them!
Jules constantly spoke to me about acting as if I didnt know ed
"I only want to date the bloke"
"The sex is great - hes good for that at least"
As my "brother" I was worried, Jules asked me why I couldnt be happy for her and I said what do you expect, ed happiness is by far more important. She asked several questions to which I answered honestly but as kindly as possible. She told me how she hated her life etc.
Ed started not to talk to her and Jules blamed me! After the talk Jules and I had one night, she lashed out at me on msn (I was ill in bed!!!) saying I had said things I hadnt and telling me I have no friends, saying she had been drinking since 4pm and was typsy!!! we stopped speaking (well she cut off) so I emailed her friends to ask her to have a word (I cant remember the content, I was upset and angry so it may have been more hurtful than I intended!!!) I sent her one nasty text and the rest of the week spent trying to get her to speak to me saying "this is petty" "for goodness sake talk" " I dont understand"

 

[Dream Angel]

I recieved a letter saying she was disapointed at how I had acted (in other words I hadnt told her what she wanted to hear) and some other horrid things which were not trues " I called her a drunk, pyscho, etc" she also satted I had told our friends which I hadnt until I recieved the letter - they knew because she had told them! she also said "my ideas with sex and relationships were obserd and noone would agree with them and she could tell people things that would shock" not sure what she meant there... I have had one sexual partner which I regret and now have a traditional view which I would like to wait til I am married now! sorry if thats a bit open for anyone.....
The worst bit was she had also said a copy to nell, taj and ed! "to make up their own minds"
Mum replied to her letter reminding her of how we helped her, her mum replied calling my mum every name under the sun and said her daughter had not got a problem and I had (she has never met me!) and if we were to contact them again they would seek legal advice!!!
Ed shockingly (which reall upset me as I found out the other day ) still talks to her even after al the horrid things he knows she said about me, him and our family!!

 

[Dream Angel]

1. 
   [*]How should I forget?
   [*]If she was to contact me should I forgive?
   [*]What would you do?

I would be grateful for any advice!!!! please!!!
Many Thanks
PS Sorry if it was a little to open and long for some of you!!!

 

[Dream Angel]

Im sorry if this has doubled! I have spent an hour trying to get it on and decided to split everything instead!!!! sorry!

 

[lunamoth]

Hi Laws,

Yes, we are to forgive but that does not mean you need to let yourself go being put in the middle here or continue to be abused by Jules. She obviously has some deeper issues that keep popping up in various ways. You do not need to take those troubles on yourself...they are hers, not yours, to deal with.

If you wish to be her friend be honest with her and don't take those troubles nor the blame on yourself. If that's difficult to do and stay close to her, it's also OK to keep distance between the two of you until you can have a more balanced friendship.

I wish you well...you seem like a dear to be so concerned about both of your friends here. Concern and love is wonderful, but as I said...don't take this on yourself...not good for you or for them.

All my best,
luna

 

[Halcyon]

If you want my honest opinion, i'd say forgive her as it'll stop any guilt you may feel about not forgiving her, it'll also bring the matter to a close from your POV.

Then leave her alone, be civil but don't engage her in depth.

There's a part of, i think, a Wiccan Rede that i've never forgotten;
"With a fool no season spend, nor be counted as his friend."
Or in this case her friend. You don't need "friends" like that.

You can't be responsible for Ed's actions, so if you can, try not to get involved and be the "shoulder to cry on" only, if necessary.

Again, this is just my opinion and what i would try to do.

 

[Dream Angel]

If you want my honest opinion, i'd say forgive her as it'll stop any guilt you may feel about not forgiving her, it'll also bring the matter to a close from your POV.

Then leave her alone, be civil but don't engage her in depth.

There's a part of, i think, a Wiccan Rede that i've never forgotten;
"With a fool no season spend, nor be counted as his friend."
Or in this case her friend. You don't need "friends" like that.

You can't be responsible for Ed's actions, so if you can, try not to get involved and be the "shoulder to cry on" only, if necessary.

Again, this is just my opinion and what i would try to do.

Well many thanks.. honestly, forgiving her is easier said than done, but if there is a God I am hoping he will help me on that one!

 

[Super Universe]

The thing I found most symbolic is that Jules was having problems with her drama college.

Maybe it's because she fills her life with so much unnecessary drama that pretend drama just isn't as interesting.

She's certainly a wild one, living to the extreme, testing relationships instead of building them, purposely trying to sabotage some to see if friends will stick around and be true to her wishes instead of true to themselves and others.

How should you forget? You don't.

Should you forgive? Forgiveness is yours to issue as you see fit. Most people require others to earn it by becoming more mature. You determine the specifics that will suit you.

What should you do? I don't know. What I would do is avoid (politely ignore) this drama queen and let her manipulate others.

 

[gingernater]

Forgive and move on. The bible teaches that we should forgive no matter what happens or how many times it happens. Its hard and i struggled with it for many years untill sevral months ago when i forgave a whole heap of people(i got picked on at school). Youll feel so much beater and feel free from this issue if you turley forgive them.

 

[gmelrod]

I agree with some of the previous posts. I only want to add that forgive and forget does not mean you do not learn. From your account you have demonstrated patience and concern for everyone involved. But I would not advise having any contact with Jules. If you feel that your relationship with Ed can take the potential strain you might consider sharing your concerns with him. But do not let it drag you down. Sometimes you just have to walk away and let people struggle for themselves and learn things the hard way.

I wish you the best of luck no matter what happens though.

 

[Moey]

If it were me I would forgive her but I wouldn't speak to her again unless I had to. Talk about a drama queen!