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Do you like your lifestyle?

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Trailblazer, Aug 8, 2021.

  1. Meow Mix

    Meow Mix Chatte Féministe

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    I have a lifestyle a lot of people would raise eyebrows at. I drink prolifically on weekends, when I’m not in a relationship I’m pretty openly promiscuous, I smoke (though I’m going to quit when I bridge my Masters to PhD). I have the mouth of a sailor (though this is mitigated by aphonia, I still type very “colorfully”).

    Yet at the same time I have more stereotypically good lifestyle habits like working out regularly (I do yoga, barre, running, etc.), I study and take my Masters/PhD seriously, when not in school I do a lot of activism (political and charity).
     
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  2. Trailblazer

    Trailblazer Veteran Member

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    Ditto on some of that.
    I like parts of it. Parts of it I don't. I like that I have the guts to be me.

    I do not blend well but I never cared that I don't blend well, or that I find myself on the outside most of the time.

    I like my husband some of the time but not all of the time. I like my cats all of the time. I like that I can work from home instead of working in the office. I never want to go back to that office and be around people I have nothing in common with all day long and listen to their small talk. the good news is that I don not think I will ever have to go back there because my boss just approved my continuing to work from home.

    Iowa, I feel for you. I love Washington state and would never want to live anywhere else. I have lived in nine states so I know what other states are like. I lived in Indiana and Wisconsin so I know what the Midwest is like.

    I don't like the fake smiles. I'd rather have a genuine insult than a fake smile. That is why I hated working in the office. I worked on an office for 43 years. Hopefully I am finally free of it yet I can still work. Had it not been for Covid which forced everyone to work at home I don't know what i would have done, I might have retired.

    I don't like that I cannot drive for hours to go anywhere anymore because I would have to go alone since my husband won't leave the house I really have nowhere I want to go by myself. I do not like driving alone except to the grocery store. I don't like that I am afraid to drive on the Interstate so I cannot go very far.

    I don't like that if I want to see another Baha'i it has to be on a Zoom meeting. I don't really mind having only one good friend who I only talk to on the forum and in e-mails.

    Would I change some of this? Yeah, but I'm just one member in the family. There's not much I can do about a lot of that currently. As long as my husband is the way he is I am very limited in what I can do to change our lifestyle. But I just got a new counselor so we will be discussing this. I cannot discuss it with my husband because it just turns into a fight and I don't like fighting. I'd rather just grin and bear it than fight.
     
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  3. Trailblazer

    Trailblazer Veteran Member

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    Thanks for sharing. I like to hear about other lifestyles. :)
    That is about the most opposite to my lifestyle as possible.

    I never drink, I never smoked, and I never had sex with anyone except my husband of 35 years.
    I always exercised a lot until lately but my lifestyle has changed since I now work from home and not in the office since I no longer have to ride my bike 24 miles a day, and it is hard to force myself to go out and walk, jog, or bike when I am busy doing things in the house.

    I was never sociable or politically active and I never even attended Baha'i activities when they had them, before Covid. I am a classic introvert. Before I started getting back into religion my life was all about academics, so we at least have that in common.
     
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  4. JustGeorge

    JustGeorge Retired Ruler
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    You and I seem to have some things in common. :)

    I think as I've gotten older, I've liked being on the outside less as its meant less friends. I'm quiet, but I'm extroverted. When I was younger, it seemed folks cared less, but as I've gotten older it seems as if you don't fit an exact mold, people don't want to talk to you. I'm not sure if this is age related, or if the culture changed.

    I'm glad you get to work from home! That sounds like it will be the best thing for you, and your cats probably enjoy having you there, too.

    I have a friend that moved to Washington and loved it, too. What do you like there? What things did you find in the Midwest that were less than acceptable?

    I won't drive alone out of town more than a half hour or so. I fear I'll fall asleep at the wheel. I didn't like the interstate at all for many years... I am not sure when it changed that it didn't bother me, but I still prefer the backroads, even if it takes more time. Its just more interesting.

    I know you're pretty introverted and sometimes struggle with a Baha'i community you've said is typically more extroverted. Do you feel poorly about having to only see other Baha'is online? If there were more nearby and it was a convenient drive, would you associate in person?

    I don't like fighting, either. I grin and bare a lot of things. Plus... it makes it that much more effective when I finally do blow, because no one saw it coming. I stunned a roommate once when he finally pulled the last straw and I picked up the chair I was sitting in and threw it at the wall. He'd never seen me get more than mildly annoyed...

    I hope you have good luck with your new counsellor. I had to call mine early this week... I'm grateful people actually counselling for a living.
     
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  5. Trailblazer

    Trailblazer Veteran Member

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    Thanks for sharing. Unfortunately, not everyone is as fortunate as you are.[​IMG]
     
  6. Meow Mix

    Meow Mix Chatte Féministe

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    All of this is valid too ^.^

    I am open about my traits that people consider negative (not saying you did) because I think context always matters. There are people that smoke and drink and do things that spiral out of control, I am very much in control of my life.

    Your lifestyle sounds very peaceful. I share your interest in other lifestyles ^.^
     
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  7. Snow White

    Snow White Veteran Member

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    My typical day consists of we'll say 4 hours on RF, 8 hours sleep, 2 hours meditation, 1 hour religious study, 1 hour Photoshop, 1 hour personal care like hair removal. Before I got sick, I went to GameStop every other day and spent 1 hour or so there. I know it sounds weird but I like games and figures. I didn't say I could justify it :p . Then I'd spend 1 hour at Walmart or a grocery store every other day. But for now, I don't do Walmart or GameStop. I'm continuing to quarantine myself just in case, probably for a few more days. I realized that I named 7 hours still where I didn't list things I've been doing. That time is mostly spent lollygagging. If I had a significant other, I'd spend it on them, but for now, it's just lollygagging.
     
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  8. JustGeorge

    JustGeorge Retired Ruler
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    I get that...

    I don't drink heavily, but sometimes I have a drink after a long day. There was some confusion with someone, and she thought I never drank. When she found out I did, she said "so you have a vice after all!" I explained that I didn't really consider it a vice; food is my vice. That's hard for some to understand, though, because alcohol has a bit of a taboo on it, while food doesn't.

    In my mind, I choose when or if I will have a drink, and I choose what I will drink and how much. I feel out of control with food. Sometimes I don't want any more, but I seem unable to leave a bit in the bowl, or to turn away extras. With alcohol, I am in control. With food, I'm not.
     
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  9. Meow Mix

    Meow Mix Chatte Féministe

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    Yes, this! Whether or not a thing is a vice is dependent.

    Mine is cigarettes. Though I only smoke about a pack a week.
     
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  10. JustGeorge

    JustGeorge Retired Ruler
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    That's not bad! Do you have any desire to quit, or not at this point?
     
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  11. InChrist

    InChrist Free4ever

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    Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences. I was just reading and thinking about the following passage today. I find keeping an eternal perspective helps me.

    Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. 17 For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, 18 while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen aretemporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.
    2 Corinthians 4:16–18
     
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  12. Meow Mix

    Meow Mix Chatte Féministe

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    Oh yeah. Going to quit when I bridge from Masters to PhD. So that’s relatively soon (end of this year, womp womp).
     
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  13. sun rise

    sun rise "This is the Hour of God"
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    Now yes. I'm retired but very active in volunteer work. I have a better relationship with my wife than ever. Our dog is a great source of helping us exercise and fun.

    Over the decades, things changed. I was in college studying for a PhD in Chemistry. That went up in smoke and I next thought I'd be a psychotherapist but that never materialized. And I finally wound up with computers. Along the way, there were a bunch of moves and other changes.

    I never deliberately sat down and thought about change. Things happened that needed to be dealt with and change was part of dealing.
     
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  14. Thirza Fallen

    Thirza Fallen Crazy Cat Lady

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    I like it more or less I guess.
    I am happy with my husband, pets, house and friends. That's all I need. I need to start working out more, like I was doing last year though. I feel kind of lazy. I also want to travel more, and if my husband's job permits, we will do that.
    I think about it all the time, but something else always gets my attention.
    If I get a schedule down I can usually stick to it, but I am working on some house projects now and it takes up some time. Downsizing, organizing, etc. It's work.
    I have changed it and I loved it. I just have to balance working out, house chores and travel.
     
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  15. Trailblazer

    Trailblazer Veteran Member

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    Yes we do have some things in common. :) What is different is that you have children and I don't.

    I do think that the culture has changed since the advent of the electronic age as people do much more online and with their cell phones and other gadgets whereas people used to see other people in person in the old days.

    I lived in the Midwest a very long time ago, when I was from ages 5 to 12, but what I would not like is the weather because I do not like really hot or cold weather or snow. I would also not like people being more conservative as I am more liberal. Where we have many different kinds of people and not many religious people compared to the Midwest. I am not really that religious so that would be uncomfortable.

    I don't like boring scenery, all flat and with not many trees, as in the Midwest. Washington has many trees of all kinds even in the fall and winter, and we have lakes and mountains and of course the ocean is not far away unless one lives in Central or Eastern Washington. Of course we have the long rainy season but I like rain, and I like the contrast between the rainy season and the dry season.

    I also cannot drive for more than an hour without faling asleep. I much prefer the back-roads to the interstate or even two lane highways. I find the scenery and the little towns I go through on the back-roads much more interesting, and the traffic is much lighter. Anymore, I only go out of town when i am going to pick up a new cat.

    I do not even do Zoom meetings with Baha'is. Once I called in for a Feast, but I only heard the voices. I do not like being seen on a computer screen or seeing others on one so i have this far avoided that even for work meetings by using my land line corded phone. :D

    I do not know if I would want to attend Baha'i activities in person because it is not an option right now. This month the Baha'is are having a big outdoor picnic for a bunch of different Baha'i communities throughout the county but I don't think I will go because the unvaccinated have to wear a mask, and that way everyone knows their status. The whole Covid thing is so out of control, it is just easier to stay home with the animals.

    It is really difficult to schedule an appt with a counselor in Kaiser because counselors are so much in demand, but the new counselor I got schedules ahead for several months so I was able to book appts every 3 weeks starting in September through November. I cannot get appts more frequently than that because I really don't have a serious psychological problems, only generalized anxiety over my sordid lifestyle! :eek:
     
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  16. Trailblazer

    Trailblazer Veteran Member

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    A expensive as cigarettes are these days that's probably a good thing. :eek:
    My mom and dad were smokers and my husband was a smoker till he was in his early 50s.
     
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  17. Meow Mix

    Meow Mix Chatte Féministe

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    Yep! I will be done with that expense.
     
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  18. JustGeorge

    JustGeorge Retired Ruler
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    I thought so, regarding culture and electronics, but haven't been around long enough to say for sure. I think I'd like to see people more.

    I don't like the cold or snow, either. There is nothing worse than feeling your nosehairs freeze... I do hear people are more conservative here, but I'm in a liberal area. The one thing I find is, whichever side people sit on, they're more extreme about it. That doesn't work well for me(I'm somewhat of a middle grounder). A few years ago, being in the middle meant everyone was okay with you. Now it means no one is okay with you.

    Washington does look beautiful. I've never been there, but recently, I did a unit on the 50 states with my middle son, and we 'explored' via Randomstreetview.com. It was a lovely area. I can see why so many are happy to live there. I am scared of the volcanoes, though!

    When you did drive more, where were your favorite backroads?

    I don't blame you for wanting to stay home. We are considering going to the temple at the end of the month. Covid was going down for a long time, but now its going back up. We'll see...

    Wow! I'm surprised the counsellors are that booked up! I messaged mine, and she set me up for the next day. I used to have generalized anxiety disorder, but it went away. I think the reason my counsellor keeps me on weekly is because I am so isolated and because my kids are so challenging. It gives me a chance to talk voice to voice with someone once a week.
     
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  19. Trailblazer

    Trailblazer Veteran Member

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    The Bible has much that can help us in our daily lives but I am not that familiar with the Bible since I was not raised as a Christian. Given all the suffering I have endured and still do, what helps me in keeping an eternal perspective is this passage.

    “O My servants! Sorrow not if, in these days and on this earthly plane, things contrary to your wishes have been ordained and manifested by God, for days of blissful joy, of heavenly delight, are assuredly in store for you. Worlds, holy and spiritually glorious, will be unveiled to your eyes. You are destined by Him, in this world and hereafter, to partake of their benefits, to share in their joys, and to obtain a portion of their sustaining grace. To each and every one of them you will, no doubt, attain.”
    Gleanings From the Writings of Bahá’u’lláh, p. 329
     
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  20. Trailblazer

    Trailblazer Veteran Member

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    I have been thinking about retiring since I do not need the money but because of Covid we were all required to work at home beginning in March 2020. Now they are allowing people to return to the office but my boss said I can continue working at home so I am in no hurry to retire because I like my job and I don't have any activities I plan to do in retirement.
    Same here. I started out with a BA and an MA in Geography and I have worked as a cartographer my whole life, but along the way I went back to school and got a MA in Counseling Psychology and a DHom. degree in homeopathy. I never used either one of those degrees for a career because life happened and I needed to retain my state job for the income and security and now I am glad I retained it.
    Same here. Life has a way of doing that. :)
     
    #40 Trailblazer, Aug 8, 2021
    Last edited: Aug 8, 2021
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