Do We Marry Our Parents?

[egroen]

For those of you in marriages and serious relationships, does your mate possess many of the same charecteristics (physical and/or emotional) as your mother/father?

Though my husband looks nothing like my father (swarthy iranian vs. pale swede), they do share many charecteristics: Gentle, open-minded, introspective, empathetic, intelligent and slow to judge or anger.

I think everyone grows up with a certain set of values derived from their parents and it is only natural to look for those similar values in a mate... but are you aware of it? I never was.

For those with kids of dating or marrying age: Are you disappointed if your child's love is very different from the type of person you are?

-Erin

 

[Scuba Pete]

No,

my wife is nothing like my mother.

 

[Lintu]

I guess there are some characteristics my husband shares with my dad, such as being no-nonsense, practical, and resourceful. They get along well. And I get along very well with my mother-in-law. I could see it happening when you really jive with your own parents. You love them a lot and identify familial love and warmth with their characteristics, perhaps.

 

[Purple Thyme]

Oh yes we do marry our parents or in my case my grandmother. I was raised by my grandmother and Majikthise is soooo like her sometimes. It's scary. They even have some of the same tastes in food and colors not to mention their anal characteristics about house cleaning.:run: Hope he doesn't see this.

 

[egroen]

For those who have ended up with someone completely opposite of your mother/father: I'm curious if you believe it could be a conscious or unconscious reaction to who your mother or father is?

I do think I went through years of unconsciously "rebeling" against my father. I dated men who were quite the opposite of him, perhaps trying to 'right' what I felt were his character flaws: His lack of ambition and passion at times, but they often simply ended up being chauvinistic macho types... which I do not think really attracts me.

I do find it interesting to think about.

-Erin

 

[Sunstone]

I think people have a strong tendency to date and marry folks who have the same basic way of dealing with intimacy as their parents did. That is, if their mother, for instance, was a warm and expressive person in her treatment of them when they were growing up, they will most likely date and marry folks who treat them more or less the same way as their mother treated them.

A friend of mine who is a marriage counselor first pointed that out to me. He told me that most of his clients had found people to marry who were very much like their parents in regards to treating them as their parents had.

 

[Bishka]

Oh my yes, I married a version of my father. It's quite hilarious at times, but I'm glad I did. He's not my father, but reminds me of the traits and things that I admireded and loved in my father.

 

[Crystallas]

Not my other, but Im like her dad.. so in some cases, people like to settle with people that they are used to maybe?

 

[sparc872]

Well, I am not married, but I intend to be. The woman I plan to marry is nothing at all like my mom. They are two completely different personalities in nearly every aspect.

 

[jamaesi]

My SO is nothing like my father.