If your parents were stricter and more critical towards you, do you think you would be a tougher person mentally or emotionally?
I think it really depends on the parents and the kids involved. You're dealing with unique personalities...so you're going to find unique mixes and scenarios, here.
For me personally, I was blessed with parents who managed find a balance when raising us. They were strict in that we were expected to do certain things and to behave in a certain way but even in their punishment, there was no doubt in our minds, they loved us.
They also, despite their often super conservative notions, gave us just enough freedom to express ourselves and make certain decisions for ourselves, while reiterating the importance of morality and respect for others (which they were adament about).
My emotional quirks are chemical...not the result of my upbringing. And considering what I went through during with alcoholism in my family and witnessing the emotional abuse that an alcoholic can inflict...I think my sisters and I have much to celebrate over.
We're pretty functional and have pretty level heads on our shoulders.
Does the maximization of parental love and kindness cause a weaker personality later in life?
Again, it depends.
My parents found a balance. They expected respect from us and expected us to do as we were supposed to do but they raised us in a way that we never questioned their motives. We didn't have to. We knew that when we were punished, our punishment was jutified because of our actions.
The encouragement and motivation that love often evokes can make for a stronger person, I think. Despite the ups and downs of my childhood, I never doubted that my folks love me. And it's a blessing to never have to doubt that.
How difficult should parents be to their children?
Totally depends on the kid and the parents' discipline style.
Emily, my oldest is totally unresponsive to physical discipline and I don't like to use it if I don't have to...so positive and negative reinforcement goes a long way. She can be a toughie at times. She's strong willed and sometimes my husband and I have no choice but to be as firm as possible.
But while firmly correcting her...we make sure that she understands what our intent is...not to hurt or upset her but to teach her right from wrong because we love her so very much.
The baby isn't even two yet, so she's at the age where you can place diversions in front of her path to steer her away from negative behaviours. She's much more laid back than her older sis. But you know...we haven't formally made it into the terrible twos yet, so we'll see...