disclosing a diagnosis to potential friends

[Eddi]

Hi RF, I need some advice, and you have always given me helpful advice in the past

In a few weeks I will be going on a kind of spiritual retreat for a few days, at a rural location

My primary interest in doing this is to make friends

However, I have Schizophrenia

I was wondering if people had any ideas how I should disclose this important fact to the other participants?

I don't want to hide it and be dishonest

But on the other hand, it is not something that defines me as a person

I normally just say that I'm "mentally ill" or "have a mental illness" but I think that just makes people more curious

Any ideas how I should manage this?

And the thing is, I think that anyone this may bother is not worth me bothering with

 

[ChristineM]

My brother in law will mention he has a mental illness if the relationship requires it. If it's not that close he won't bother. It sometimes transpires that people he does tell want to know more. Then he will tell them he has schizophrenia.

 

[Brian2]

Hi RF, I need some advice, and you have always given me helpful advice in the past

In a few weeks I will be going on a kind of spiritual retreat for a few days, at a rural location

My primary interest in doing this is to make friends

However, I have Schizophrenia

I was wondering if people had any ideas how I should disclose this important fact to the other participants?

I don't want to hide it and be dishonest

But on the other hand, it is not something that defines me as a person

I normally just say that I'm "mentally ill" or "have a mental illness" but I think that just makes people more curious

Any ideas how I should manage this?

And the thing is, I think that anyone this may bother is not worth me bothering with

Schizophrenia is quite common I have found,,,,,,,,,,,,,,or at least I have met quite a few people with schizophrenia and other mental illnesses.
If you think it would be plain that you have a mental illness then it might be good to say so when/if there is a group introduction where people introduce themselves and say something about themselves.
It should not be a problem, especially in this age and at a spiritual retreat.
You may even encourage others to reveal things about themselves that they would not otherwise have done and you may even find friends this way.
Not revealing this would not be dishonest imo however and it would depend on if you are comfortable with telling others.
By revealing it you may actually be defining yourself that way, so it would be good to say other things about yourself and say your schizophrenia is not who you are.
I hope you have a good time on the retreat.

 

[Eddi]

My brother in law will mention he has a mental illness if the relationship requires it. If it's not that close he won't bother. It sometimes transpires that people want to know more. Then he will tell them he has schizophrenia.

The thing is though, as soon as anyone asks "what's your job?" (which is a very basic question) I have to say that I don't have one, because I have a "severe and enduring mental illness" (as they call it) so it often comes up quite early on

 

[Eddi]

Schizophrenia is quite common I have found,,,,,,,,,,,,,,or at least I have met quite a few people with schizophrenia and other mental illnesses.
If you think it would be plain that you have a mental illness then it might be good to say so when/if there is a group introduction where people introduce themselves and say something about themselves.
It should not be a problem, especially in this age and at a spiritual retreat.
You may even encourage others to reveal things about themselves that they would not otherwise have done and you may even find friends this way.
Not revealing this would not be dishonest imo however and it would depend on if you are comfortable with telling others.
By revealing it you may actually be defining yourself that way, so it would be good to say other things about yourself and say your schizophrenia is not who you are.
I hope you have a good time on the retreat.

Thank you

You are entirely right

I suppose it should be something I'm open with and relaxed about and if I'm open and relaxed about it then others would be more accepting and relaxed about it

 

[ChristineM]

The thing is though, as soon as anyone asks "what's your job?" (which is a very basic question) I have to say that I don't have one, because I have a "severe and enduring mental illness" (as they call it) so it often comes up quite early on

Ahh. Yes i see that could be a barrier to you. Brother in law is able to work remotely at a job he loves so doesn't have that problem.

I suggest mentioning you are not working because you have a disability. Only if it requires it (what sort of disability?) would you need to mention schizophrenia.

Although understanding has increased terrifically in the last 20 years or so many people who don't understand the illness and take it badly. Only you can decide what sort of person you are talking to.

 

[Eddi]

Ahh. Yes i see that could be a barrier to you. Brother in law is able to work remotely at a job he loves so doesn't have that problem.

I suggest mentioning you are not working because you have a disability. Only if it requires it (what sort of disability?) would you need to mention schizophrenia.

Although understanding has increased terrifically in the last 20 years or so many people who don't understand the illness and take it badly. Only you can decide what sort of person you are talking to.

At the very beginning there will be a session in which everyone introduces themselves to the group

I was thinking of using that opportunity to mention my illness, as it is a part of who and what I am - without going into details. I was thinking that I cold actually say that I'd be happy to talk about it in greater detail later on (which I would be) once a degree of familiarity has been established

 

[Laika]

I don't want to hide it and be dishonest

That's very sweet.

But you can afford to take your time with this one. You're not letting anyone down or betraying anyone by not telling them. You just being economically with information, choosing your moment and making sure it goes only to where it needs to. This means you have a bit of control on how the information is used and keep some privacy.

I'd prioritise with the people who would need to know if you were having an episode, i.e. people who either will help you, would contact a doctor for you or know you well enough and spend enough time around to you to notice personality changes. Then maybe a few people who you want to know because you care about them and you care about you. So boyfriend/girlfriend, best friends, close friends and family would be the priority. It may be around five people altogether. After that, you do it on a case by case basis only if the need arises.

The thing is though, as soon as anyone asks "what's your job?" (which is a very basic question) I have to say that I don't have one, because I have a "severe and enduring mental illness" (as they call it) so it often comes up quite early on

I have this problem with depression. But with practice I've got used to saying "I'm unemployed because I have depression". It takes two seconds to say and the conversation will change almost immediately. Some may ask if you are ok and how you manage the symptoms, whilst others will just change the subject. It still has a certain sting, but it does get easier with practice. It's not as scary as it seems.

 

[ChristineM]

At the very beginning there will be a session in which everyone introduces themselves to the group

I was thinking of using that opportunity to mention my illness, as it is a part of who and what I am - without going into details. I was thinking that I cold actually say that I'd be happy to talk about it in greater detail later on (which I would be) once a degree of familiarity has been established

At that stage i would not mention schizophrenia but rather disability.

As i suggested, only if people dig deeper.

But its to to you, how you feel at the time

 

[stvdv]

Hi RF, I need some advice, and you have always given me helpful advice in the past
I don't want to hide it and be dishonest

But on the other hand, it is not something that defines me as a person

Below are my ideas to your question in the OP (most important is that you follow your conscience; you know what is best for you):
Exactly ... you are a son of God, at least this type of language I read in the Bible ... Father, my children etc

Hence you are NOT schizophrenic, but you pray to God as "our Father in Heaven (I think)", hence this makes you "a child of God"

Telling others "I am a schizophrenic" would be dishonest towards the truth "I am a child of God"

Tell them "I am a child of God", and don't tell them "I am a schizophrenic" (IMO)

Note: That what you don't tell, can't be used against you
Some might think you are crazy/schizophrenic when you say "I am a child of God". In such case, better keep silent
Sometimes I like to know how others think, then I throw in some 'crazy lines' to see their reactions; so just do whatever you think is best, and most importantly ... enjoy your "spiritual retreat", spreading love and joy, and when you come back here, you can talk about the other stuff, if you want

 

[sun rise]

At that stage i would not mention schizophrenia but rather disability.

As i suggested, only if people dig deeper.

But its to to you, how you feel at the time

I tend to agree especially with 'at the time'. An introduction circle can be started with different questions not necessarily specifically about jobs. So I'd be alert to what is really asked and if possible not go first.

I'd also keep in mind that you can be honest but not blunt. You could speak of a disability or mental issue that you hope someday to be over, for example and that's true. Most people won't probe for more details but the group's background documents might tell you more.

 

[Secret Chief]

Personally, unless a physical cause is identified, I'm not a fan of "changes in emotion, thinking or behavior* " being labelled as an illness. If it was they wouldn't need to keep rewriting the DSM / ICD.


* American Psychiatric Association.

 

[an anarchist]

However, I have Schizophrenia

From my personal experience with the disease, most people do not understand it and will have some preconceived notion about you once you disclose it. I’m not being helpful, I’m sorry, but I’ve tried being open about my condition such as in the workplace, and it has always led to me being treated different imo. I understand the need to be open about it. I haven’t found a good way to be open about it. I just advise that perhaps you be extremely selective with who you tell at this retreat. Get a good feel for the person. Even the nicest person might equate schizophrenia with rabid insanity, and that’s not necessarily their fault, that is society’s fault.
Not disclosing the disease doesn’t mean you are being dishonest, I advise you don’t commit yourself to revealing you have schizophrenia until you meet the people at least. Anyways best of luck eddi, hope you can make some friends.

 

[Heyo]

Hi RF, I need some advice, and you have always given me helpful advice in the past

In a few weeks I will be going on a kind of spiritual retreat for a few days, at a rural location

My primary interest in doing this is to make friends

However, I have Schizophrenia

I was wondering if people had any ideas how I should disclose this important fact to the other participants?

I don't want to hide it and be dishonest

But on the other hand, it is not something that defines me as a person

I normally just say that I'm "mentally ill" or "have a mental illness" but I think that just makes people more curious

Any ideas how I should manage this?

And the thing is, I think that anyone this may bother is not worth me bothering with

Would you say you are early retired because of "a physical illness"?
I see no need to be vague. On the contrary, I'd even add some specifics like which symptoms you experience the most.

(Btw: I'm early retired because of recurring, strong, depressive episodes.)

 

[Firelight]

Personally, unless a physical cause is identified, I'm not a fan of "changes in emotion, thinking or behavior* " being labelled as an illness. If it was they wouldn't need to keep rewriting the DSM / ICD.
* American Psychiatric Association.

What does that have to do with the OP? Are you implying that Schizophrenia may not be an illness?

Symptoms and behavior of Schizophrenia have been recognized for at least 4000 years. When mental illness was finally beginning to be acknowledged, it was diagnosed as a type of dementia in 1887. In 1911 it was given its name.

In the 1980s, the technology to perform brain scans gave doctors the ability to compare the brain tissue and activity of a normal brain to a schizophrenic brain. This provided valuable information into the understanding and treatment/management of the illness.

Schizophrenia was a recognized illness long before the first DSM
was written in 1952. There have only been five DSM books with the current fifth volume written in 2012. I’m not sure why you say they “keep being rewritten.” It is common for a reference book to be updated as more knowledge is gained.

ICD coding is needed in order for insurance to pay for a doctor visit or therapy visit. Early diagnosis and treatment of problems often provide quicker and better outcomes. Even though everything in DSM may not seem like or be an actual “illness,” early disruptive symptoms— “changes in emotions, thinking, behavior”— need to be recognized and treated before a serious illness/disorder develops costing more money for treatment, recovery, management, or the unthinkable— a funeral.

 

[Firelight]

Hi RF, I need some advice, and you have always given me helpful advice in the past
In a few weeks I will be going on a kind of spiritual retreat for a few days, at a rural location
My primary interest in doing this is to make friends
However, I have Schizophrenia
I was wondering if people had any ideas how I should disclose this important fact to the other participants?
I don't want to hide it and be dishonest
But on the other hand, it is not something that defines me as a person
I normally just say that I'm "mentally ill" or "have a mental illness" but I think that just makes people more curious
Any ideas how I should manage this?
And the thing is, I think that anyone this may bother is not worth me bothering with

I agree with post #3. It seems you really want to be open from the beginning about it and that seems reasonable. Introducing yourself, telling them you just want to be open about it and don’t want to make anyone feel uncomfortable, and you’ll answer any questions later, sounds good to me. I think people may be a little shocked to hear it at first, but will be more accepting of your openness, than if you were reserved and nervous because you felt like you were hiding something.

Consider how many people you might be saying it to. A smaller group of 10-15 people would seem more reasonable to tell at introductions than a group of 30-40.

 

[Brinne]

I would repeat what Laika said pretty much! I wouldn't say it's bad to be vague either if you feel more comfortable just leaving it as "I have a mental illness" - or comfortable leaving it off the table to some people you aren't as close to. I don't personally think its something that there's any rush to disclose (unless in certain relationships where they're someone who is close who could help you - as Laika mentioned!)

Praying you have a wonderful retreat and meet some friendly people.

 

[Secret Chief]

What does that have to do with the OP?

I'm suggesting there may not be an illness to "declare."

Are you implying that Schizophrenia may not be an illness?

As I said, if there is a physical cause it is an illness. If not, it isn't.

There have only been five DSM books with the current fifth volume written in 2012. I’m not sure why you say they “keep being rewritten.” It is common for a reference book to be updated as more knowledge is gained.

It is. According to the DSM, until 1980 there was an illness attributed to women, called hysteria.

ICD coding is needed in order for insurance to pay for a doctor visit or therapy visit.

From a health perspective, irrelevant.

PS You are an ape

 

[dybmh]

Hi Ed,

I think you've gotten some good advice so far. But here's my input incase it's useful.

And the thing is, I think that anyone this may bother is not worth me bothering with

I would be cautious about using this as a test for your friends.

In general, I don't see any reason to bring it up unless you're currently struggling with it. Regarding asking about your job; I would simply say unemployed.

 

[Eddi]

I would be cautious about using this as a test for your friends.

How come?

It seems reasonable enough to me

The way I see it, being cool with me is a prerequisite for being one of my friends