an anarchist
Your local anarchist.
I got promoted at work (a restaurant) recently. Got moved to "back up cook", which consists of making all the sides in bulk as well as constant biscuits and muffins for consumption. Came with plenty of more hours and a pay raise.
Was a "Prep cook" before hand, the easiest and lowest paying cooking position at my work. And before that I was a "Dishwasher", entry level pay and often not much hours.
When I got hired initially, the hiring manager wanted me to start right away as a "line cook" which is the highest paying job in the kitchen, but the reason being it's the most stressful. I have plenty of cooking experience all around including line cooking. But I told the lady that if she put me on as a cook I'd be liable to get sometimes uncontrollably infuriated, over big things or small things don't matter, and I would walk out. That's what happened at most my past jobs.
So they put me as a dishwasher to start with 2-3 days a week.
The year of starting my new job I also started psychiatric services consistently for the first time. I was eventually diagnosed with Schizoaffective disorder (Schizophrenia + Bipolar). Among other meds, I was prescribed anti manics which chilled me tf out. No longer was I getting furious all the time.
As I started adjusting to my meds and got to proper dosages, I felt it benefited myself at work. I was egged on by one of the shift lead to ask the GM to be promoted to Prep. The shift lead is a funny guy, just your traditional hard working Mexican. Just that he is a bit dense when it comes to certain things. Like during that convo where he convinced me to go for a promotion I explained to him that I was on a lot of medicine and that I was quite sedated, so I was unsure if I could keep up with the restaurant as a cook. He said "Man, you don't even need medication!" At this point in time he only knew me while I was medicated. Just hes not so mental health aware, ya know what I mean. I got a laugh out of his naivety. I'm sure he sees my need for the meds now I been off them all year, just like the rest of my coworkers.
Anyways, prep cooking was going well for a while. I decided to leave mental health services at the beginning of the year and stopped all my medications. I thought I would be fine.
Went for another promotion at the encouragement of the same shift lead and became backup cook beginning of July.
I was noticing that my temper was becoming an issue again before my promotion, but I paid that no mind. But since I've been promoted, every single shift I've worked I've lost my sh*t. Just the constant pressure, literally half of my steam kettles (where I bulk cook the sides) do not work at all, then I'll frigging drop a bag of flour or something and go absolutely livid. Screaming and cussing, hooting and hollering. I end up concerning all of my coworkers in the immediate vicinity. It is so embarrassing when I cannot chill out and I don't like people seeing me like that.
So yesterday I went to the GM and asked her to demote me. I have a psychiatrist appointment in the middle of August, but even then if I get prescribed my anti manics after my initial appointment, it'll take a few months for me to be brought up to a proper dosages, as I have to start off at a minor dose and slowly increase it over the months. Then that's not even accounting for the other meds that I'll probably be put on again. It's not like I can start everything all at once, different medications have to be implemented at different times often times. Just it's gonna be a whole process to stabilize myself mentally again.
I am a bit suspicious now that the bosses were gonna demote me whether I asked for it or not because I asked for my demotion yesterday, and my replacement, a new hire, was being trained today already.
Back to being a dishwasher. It's what I started as, when I was 18, and it's where I am currently at once again. Perhaps they'll promote me once again once I'm on my meds, but idk if they'd want to give it another go.
I was thinking just this past month how I wanted to learn all the positions at my work, including the customer service ones, so I can eventually become shift lead. That's what I had going for me in my professional life. The possibility of moving up some corporate ladder at some mediocre chain restaurant. And now I am doubtful I can even do that.
Hell, I'd have to be able to be a server amd I can't do customer service really on account of my social phobia. So it was a pipe dream the whole time I guess.
My buds from highschool I run into or hear about occasionally. One of my old besties was telling me about after a successful stint in the real estate business he bought his own auto shop in town. Many are happily married with kids, graduating with college degrees, successful careers, moving so far in life, and good for them. Shiiiieeet my ex-wife has a mortgage on a beautiful house and a legit career now.
Yet then I observe myself and see if anything I have lost progress. I started off strong I think, worked full time as a baker by the time I was 19, had a nice car and renting out a decent condo with the then wife. But that has been my peak.
I work side by side with high schoolers and fresh out of high school kids, who dishwashing is their first job. And that's where I'm at now. Living in a crap trailer where the walls and ceiling don't even connect so there is no way for me to actually cool off my trailer as all the air conditioning just leaves through the walls/ceiling. No working stove even.
My psychiatrist has told me before that he has had patients with cases a lot less severe than mine successfully get disability. But I don't want disability. I'm 25, I don't want to retire. I'm supposed to be starting my work career in earnest at this age. Not ending it.
But currently I feel like the only thing I'm stable enough to do is dishwashing. All other entry level jobs you have to deal with the public, I can't do that.
Idk where I'm going with this thread. Just venting really.
Was a "Prep cook" before hand, the easiest and lowest paying cooking position at my work. And before that I was a "Dishwasher", entry level pay and often not much hours.
When I got hired initially, the hiring manager wanted me to start right away as a "line cook" which is the highest paying job in the kitchen, but the reason being it's the most stressful. I have plenty of cooking experience all around including line cooking. But I told the lady that if she put me on as a cook I'd be liable to get sometimes uncontrollably infuriated, over big things or small things don't matter, and I would walk out. That's what happened at most my past jobs.
So they put me as a dishwasher to start with 2-3 days a week.
The year of starting my new job I also started psychiatric services consistently for the first time. I was eventually diagnosed with Schizoaffective disorder (Schizophrenia + Bipolar). Among other meds, I was prescribed anti manics which chilled me tf out. No longer was I getting furious all the time.
As I started adjusting to my meds and got to proper dosages, I felt it benefited myself at work. I was egged on by one of the shift lead to ask the GM to be promoted to Prep. The shift lead is a funny guy, just your traditional hard working Mexican. Just that he is a bit dense when it comes to certain things. Like during that convo where he convinced me to go for a promotion I explained to him that I was on a lot of medicine and that I was quite sedated, so I was unsure if I could keep up with the restaurant as a cook. He said "Man, you don't even need medication!" At this point in time he only knew me while I was medicated. Just hes not so mental health aware, ya know what I mean. I got a laugh out of his naivety. I'm sure he sees my need for the meds now I been off them all year, just like the rest of my coworkers.
Anyways, prep cooking was going well for a while. I decided to leave mental health services at the beginning of the year and stopped all my medications. I thought I would be fine.
Went for another promotion at the encouragement of the same shift lead and became backup cook beginning of July.
I was noticing that my temper was becoming an issue again before my promotion, but I paid that no mind. But since I've been promoted, every single shift I've worked I've lost my sh*t. Just the constant pressure, literally half of my steam kettles (where I bulk cook the sides) do not work at all, then I'll frigging drop a bag of flour or something and go absolutely livid. Screaming and cussing, hooting and hollering. I end up concerning all of my coworkers in the immediate vicinity. It is so embarrassing when I cannot chill out and I don't like people seeing me like that.
So yesterday I went to the GM and asked her to demote me. I have a psychiatrist appointment in the middle of August, but even then if I get prescribed my anti manics after my initial appointment, it'll take a few months for me to be brought up to a proper dosages, as I have to start off at a minor dose and slowly increase it over the months. Then that's not even accounting for the other meds that I'll probably be put on again. It's not like I can start everything all at once, different medications have to be implemented at different times often times. Just it's gonna be a whole process to stabilize myself mentally again.
I am a bit suspicious now that the bosses were gonna demote me whether I asked for it or not because I asked for my demotion yesterday, and my replacement, a new hire, was being trained today already.
Back to being a dishwasher. It's what I started as, when I was 18, and it's where I am currently at once again. Perhaps they'll promote me once again once I'm on my meds, but idk if they'd want to give it another go.
I was thinking just this past month how I wanted to learn all the positions at my work, including the customer service ones, so I can eventually become shift lead. That's what I had going for me in my professional life. The possibility of moving up some corporate ladder at some mediocre chain restaurant. And now I am doubtful I can even do that.
Hell, I'd have to be able to be a server amd I can't do customer service really on account of my social phobia. So it was a pipe dream the whole time I guess.
My buds from highschool I run into or hear about occasionally. One of my old besties was telling me about after a successful stint in the real estate business he bought his own auto shop in town. Many are happily married with kids, graduating with college degrees, successful careers, moving so far in life, and good for them. Shiiiieeet my ex-wife has a mortgage on a beautiful house and a legit career now.
Yet then I observe myself and see if anything I have lost progress. I started off strong I think, worked full time as a baker by the time I was 19, had a nice car and renting out a decent condo with the then wife. But that has been my peak.
I work side by side with high schoolers and fresh out of high school kids, who dishwashing is their first job. And that's where I'm at now. Living in a crap trailer where the walls and ceiling don't even connect so there is no way for me to actually cool off my trailer as all the air conditioning just leaves through the walls/ceiling. No working stove even.
My psychiatrist has told me before that he has had patients with cases a lot less severe than mine successfully get disability. But I don't want disability. I'm 25, I don't want to retire. I'm supposed to be starting my work career in earnest at this age. Not ending it.
But currently I feel like the only thing I'm stable enough to do is dishwashing. All other entry level jobs you have to deal with the public, I can't do that.
Idk where I'm going with this thread. Just venting really.
