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Defiant behavior

Subduction Zone

Veteran Member
With my oldest, he does it to try to intimidate me out of doing his chores. (He has three; scoop the cat boxes every other day, take out any trash as needed, and see that his dirty clothes make it into the proper baskets. Not challenging things.) When he was younger, he'd hit along with his potty talk, but has largely moved away from that(thank goodness, he's bigger than me).
Sooner or later you will be doing him a favor to introduce him to household chores. Cooking and doing dishes might be a good place to start.

And for $15.95 my new book tells you how a staple gun can help.
 

JustGeorge

Not As Much Fun As I Look
Staff member
Premium Member
Sooner or later you will be doing him a favor to introduce him to household chores. Cooking and doing dishes might be a good place to start.

And for $15.95 my new book tells you how a staple gun can help.

If you only knew how long it took me to get these three going...

Little by little, more will be added.

Laundry used to be a chore, and he kept ruining stuff. I can't afford for him to do laundry...

He's on the spectrum and has OCD, which sometimes complicates things. He has all these worries before he can even get to the task at hand... some of that's improved, but he's still slow as molasses.

I will say he's really helpful with his toddler brother. Those two enjoy each other's company, which can be a blessing at times. I can run to the grocery store or do other outdoor tasks if he's around.

I'll look into the book if it has a chapter on how to keep the kids from using said staple gun on each other...
 

Subduction Zone

Veteran Member
If you only knew how long it took me to get these three going...

Little by little, more will be added.

Laundry used to be a chore, and he kept ruining stuff. I can't afford for him to do laundry...

He's on the spectrum and has OCD, which sometimes complicates things. He has all these worries before he can even get to the task at hand... some of that's improved, but he's still slow as molasses.

I will say he's really helpful with his toddler brother. Those two enjoy each other's company, which can be a blessing at times. I can run to the grocery store or do other outdoor tasks if he's around.

I'll look into the book if it has a chapter on how to keep the kids from using said staple gun on each other...
Ah, my ignorance abounds.

And how to keep the staple gun away from kids will be in the sequel. You are on your own until then.
 

Wildswanderer

Veteran Member
Hitting/spanking a child is abuse. It doesn't work. It made me rebellious, opposed to authority and stubborn.
Why You Shouldn't Spank Your Kids – Cleveland Clinic
The Effect of Spanking on the Brain
Effect of Spanking on Kids' Brains Similar to Abuse
Nothing makes you what you are but you, IMO.

I have seen the difference between the results from my parents who certainly spanked us, but never abused us and my wife's parents who did practice various forms of abuse.
But I have come to believe that they were all doing the best they could with the resources life had given them. There is sometimes a difference between people who take wrong actions and evil people. Most people are just doing what they were shown to do... And to my father-in-law's credit, he certainly was a lot less abusive than the people that raised him.
I have always had utmost respect for my parents, and I never doubted their love, even when I was being disciplined. That's how proper discipline works.
Abuse, however sparks anger and resentment.
But again, we are all still responsible for our reactions to what happened to us, and the brain is a malleable tool that can be reset to forgive and let go of anger.
 

Shadow Wolf

Certified People sTabber
Nothing makes you what you are but you, IMO.
I didn't make myself autistic.
And science resoundly disagrees with your claim. Such as, we know children who are abused or come from authoritarian frequently will have various problems as adults such as mental illness, drug abuse and either being oppositional towards authority or pleasing others at their own expense.
And keep in mind, you are providing anecdotals that are no different than people swearing cannabis helps for a hundred different ailments. It doesn't. It helps with a few things with the rest appearing to be anecdotal and not something that we see in research.
 

Wildswanderer

Veteran Member
I didn't make myself autistic.
And science resoundly disagrees with your claim. Such as, we know children who are abused or come from authoritarian frequently will have various problems as adults such as mental illness, drug abuse and either being oppositional towards authority or pleasing others at their own expense.
And keep in mind, you are providing anecdotals that are no different than people swearing cannabis helps for a hundred different ailments. It doesn't. It helps with a few things with the rest appearing to be anecdotal and not something that we see in research.
Of course, abused kids have an initial disadvantage, but science indeed confirms that one need not be controlled by their past experiences. Its possible to take another path.
 

Wildswanderer

Veteran Member
Simple logic.
Spanking is bad and has bad influences on people.
You advocate spanking.
You have been spanked.
Spanking had bad influence on you.
Only logical if you believe the party line.
It's like people saying meat is bad for you.
It all depends how it's applied.
 

Shadow Wolf

Certified People sTabber
Of course, abused kids have an initial disadvantage, but science indeed confirms that one need not be controlled by their past experiences. Its possible to take another path.
We know that it is a long, hard and difficult path. So hard that those abused as children also tend to live shorter lives. The brain also malforms and puts the abused in a constant state of hyper vigilance.
And as I've been showing spanking is abuse.
 

lewisnotmiller

Grand Hat
Staff member
Premium Member
I've been doing school work. Right now I got to figure out how adults react to a 2 year old displaying defiant behavior how they deal with such challanging behavior.
I already have ideas on how I'm going to go about answering the question. But I want to be realistic in how I answer. So I figured I'd ask. How have you seen parents/childcare folk react to defiant behavior in young children? Im only asking so i get a few more ideas on how im going to answer a question on the assignment and to make sure my answer is realistic.

Im not asking how adults should act in these types of situations. Just how you've seen them act.


Edit: Any parents or childcare folk out there feel free to say how you've dealt with defiant behavior in young children.

How people act runs the full gamut.

For some, it's a perfect chance to judge others. This judgement will include the child (bad child) and the parents (bad parents).
Others will feel empathy, most often because they've been in a somewhat analogous situation.
And a few will find the whole thing either annoyingly loud, and leave, or amusing.

How to deal with defiant behaviour is quite the tricky question, and it varies a lot between one's own children, and other people's children (eg. as a teacher, or coach).

For one's own kids, you need to be building consistent approaches to rules and discipline from birth. You should have an understanding of your kid's triggers, and some feel for whether their defiance is normally 'reasonable' or not.
For other people's kids it is much more about setting acceptable boundaries of behaviour for the space you're in control of, and consistently applying whatever the agreed discipline is at the time of poor behaviour.

Generically, I'd usually be;
1) Trying to assess the root cause of the defiant behaviour.
2) Trying to establish a consistent rule that kids can push back, disagree, and communicate without the need for digging in their heels and being defiant.
3) Where they are defiant, establishing a clear rule that there are consequences in this environment.
4) Ensuring that after whatever consequence, they are given a chance to communicate their issue, since they would have lost this (point 2) due to their defiance.
 

lewisnotmiller

Grand Hat
Staff member
Premium Member
There's lots wrong. Such as you are actually hitting a child. It doesn't work and is damaging to children.
Be a man and hit someone your own size who can defend himself.

Wait, wait, wait...someone's kid plays up, so he'll walk across the street and punch me?

(I know this isn't what you meant...just having fun...)
 

lewisnotmiller

Grand Hat
Staff member
Premium Member
Depends on the situation. Such as, my youngest nephew used to frequently resort to telling people either "I hate you" or "I'll kill myself" as a means of gaining control over a situation. Most adults would give in, subject changed, topic reversed and adults left powerless when they'd give more normal responses.

I've been known to get myself an ice-cream for myself and some other random who didn't say they hate me, and then eat it calmly in front of them.
 

JustGeorge

Not As Much Fun As I Look
Staff member
Premium Member
I've been known to get myself an ice-cream for myself and some other random who didn't say they hate me, and then eat it calmly in front of them.

For awhile, with my middle son, a Dilly Bar(Dairy Queen treat) was purchased for each day. Each time Mom had to put up with negative behavior from him, Mom got to take a bite off that Dilly Bar. At the end of the day, he got what was left.
 
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