Defiant behavior

[VoidCat]

I've been doing school work. Right now I got to figure out how adults react to a 2 year old displaying defiant behavior how they deal with such challanging behavior.
I already have ideas on how I'm going to go about answering the question. But I want to be realistic in how I answer. So I figured I'd ask. How have you seen parents/childcare folk react to defiant behavior in young children? Im only asking so i get a few more ideas on how im going to answer a question on the assignment and to make sure my answer is realistic.

Im not asking how adults should act in these types of situations. Just how you've seen them act.


Edit: Any parents or childcare folk out there feel free to say how you've dealt with defiant behavior in young children.

 

[Kenny]

I've been doing school work. Right now I got to figure out how adults react to a 2 year old displaying defiant behavior how they deal with such challanging behavior.
I already have ideas on how I'm going to go about answering the question. But I want to be realistic in how I answer. So I figured I'd ask. How have you seen parents/childcare folk react to defiant behavior in young children? Im only asking so i get a few more ideas on how im going to answer a question on the assignment and to make sure my answer is realistic.

Im not asking how adults should act in these types of situations. Just how you've seen them act.


Edit: Any parents or childcare folk out there feel free to say how you've dealt with defiant behavior in young children.

Dealing strictly with defiance and not simply a child who is tired and hungry.

1) In grocery store where the parents give whatever they child wants (a 2 year old defiance birthed from experience that he/she can get what she wants)
2) Parent ends up acting more childish that the child itself - frustrated, shouting, out of control
3) Parent who simply stands their ground and establishes who is the parent and who is the child

In the case of my daughter who was very defiant at that age, we would simply sit her on our lap and hold onto her arms until she became normal again.

 

[Heyo]

I've been doing school work. Right now I got to figure out how adults react to a 2 year old displaying defiant behavior how they deal with such challanging behavior.
I already have ideas on how I'm going to go about answering the question. But I want to be realistic in how I answer. So I figured I'd ask. How have you seen parents/childcare folk react to defiant behavior in young children? Im only asking so i get a few more ideas on how im going to answer a question on the assignment and to make sure my answer is realistic.

Im not asking how adults should act in these types of situations. Just how you've seen them act.


Edit: Any parents or childcare folk out there feel free to say how you've dealt with defiant behavior in young children.

I've seen all kinds of reactions, so, as an example, I'll give you mine.
I treat all humans at first presuming they are thinking, responsible adults - until proven otherwise. So, if someone is defying my orders, I question if they have a reason (and if I have the authority to order them around in the first place). That usually ends up in me tolerating their behaviour (if it isn't dangerous). A two-year-old who is tolerated (ignored) will follow your orders within five minutes when they realize that that is what is the social behaviour that is expected from them and get them the attention they expect from me.

 

[ChristineM]

I've seen people slap their children, this never works.

I always did one of 3 things.

Act totally out of character, something so unusual it distrated the child. examples, sit on the floor and pretend to cry or whoop with joy and/or do a jig
Another, sternly stand my ground while explaining why they cannot have their way
And the judicious use of the naughty finger while saying 'no'. Interestingly this also (sometimes) works on cats ;-)

 

[Rival]

I'm with Christine on this. I haven't much experience with kids under 4, so this isn't really my area

 

[Subduction Zone]

I've seen people slap their children, this never works.

I always did one of 3 things.

Act totally out of character, something so unusual it distrated the child. examples, sit on the floor and pretend to cry or whoop with joy and/or do a jig
Another, sternly stand my ground while explaining why they cannot have their way
And the judicious use of the naughty finger while saying 'no'. Interestingly this also (sometimes) works on cats ;-)

I never thought of giving children the finger. Oh well live and learn.

Probably better than my idea of sitting on them anyway.

 

[dybmh]

bribery: otherwise known as rewarding the good behavior when it happens
begging: "please, please stay in bed and go to sleep"

 

[VoidCat]

bribery: otherwise known as rewarding the good behavior when it happens

This got a chuckle out of me. Most people call that positive reinforcement.

 

[Samael_Khan]

I've been doing school work. Right now I got to figure out how adults react to a 2 year old displaying defiant behavior how they deal with such challanging behavior.
I already have ideas on how I'm going to go about answering the question. But I want to be realistic in how I answer. So I figured I'd ask. How have you seen parents/childcare folk react to defiant behavior in young children? Im only asking so i get a few more ideas on how im going to answer a question on the assignment and to make sure my answer is realistic.

Im not asking how adults should act in these types of situations. Just how you've seen them act.


Edit: Any parents or childcare folk out there feel free to say how you've dealt with defiant behavior in young children.

I have heard parents repeatedly say no to the child but not actually escalate the matter. They just repeat saying no without explaining to the child why what they are doing is wrong.

Or they laugh the defiance off and say that it is cute.

 

[JustGeorge]

I'm also with @ChristineM on the acting out of character.

As you know, my 8 year old is extremely defiant. Acting out of character is probably my main method. Mom-mom will run away, throw a tantrum, go to the kitchen to eat all of the ramen... I basically morph into the child, so he has to morph into the adult. It stops the brain process of trying to get a reaction. He becomes the reactor instead of the seeker.

If he's simply not wanting to do something and is acting out because of that(doesn't want to change his clothes or do his math, are two big ones), a reward will be offered, usually some sort of food treat(because he's obsessed with food). If, after some time, that still hasn't worked, mom may threated to consume the treat(and sometimes does).

When my older one was young, he was not as openly defiant, but he could be a quiet bully. For example, you'd say we weren't going to the park because its raining. He'd appear to be fine with it, but then he'd come up behind you, and bite you. I found the best way to handle that was simply announce it. He'd be shocked and a little embarrassed, and then would move on to better behavior.

 

[Mock Turtle]

No experience as to children of my own, but I think the distraction technique often works, and was probably what my mother used with me when younger - me being an expert at sulking for quite a while.

 

[SomeRandom]

I've been doing school work. Right now I got to figure out how adults react to a 2 year old displaying defiant behavior how they deal with such challanging behavior.
I already have ideas on how I'm going to go about answering the question. But I want to be realistic in how I answer. So I figured I'd ask. How have you seen parents/childcare folk react to defiant behavior in young children? Im only asking so i get a few more ideas on how im going to answer a question on the assignment and to make sure my answer is realistic.

Im not asking how adults should act in these types of situations. Just how you've seen them act.


Edit: Any parents or childcare folk out there feel free to say how you've dealt with defiant behavior in young children.

My friend usually uses her stern “Mum voice” saying to the little one that only good girls get good things and bad girls get nothing. This usually works on my niece.
My “niece” on my ma’s side has a 2 year old and seems to do the same from what I’ve seen. A stern voice and a “be a good girl now” in Hindi and the little one seems to respond. Incidentally her parents have told her to call me grandma. Indian family trees are weird lol

 

[Quagmire]

Sell them to gypsies.

 

[Subduction Zone]

Sell them to gypsies.

Hmm, maybe we should write a parenting book together.

 

[Wildswanderer]

Kids need chores to do in order to learn responsibility... If they're acting up, simply add more chores.

Taking away privileges can work also.
Nothing wrong with a smack on the rump either.

 

[Quagmire]

Hmm, maybe we should write a parenting book together.

Chapt. 1: using just the right amount of animal tranquilizer.

 

[VoidCat]

Sell them to gypsies.

I know you probably don't know this being american like me but gypsy is actually an ethnic slur and Romani people have asked people to stop using it. I didnt know either I didn't even know that word referred to an actual group of people. Here's a link on that
The “G” Word Isn’t for You: How “Gypsy” Erases Romani Women | National Organization for Women

Edit: the Romani people are still discriminated against in Europe and have a long history of being discriminated against including genocide

 

[Subduction Zone]

Kids need chores to do in order to learn responsibility... If they're acting up, simply add more chores.

Taking away privileges can work also.
Nothing wrong with a smack on the rump either.

Good point.

@VoidCat , do you have any extra buckets and mops? Kids are notoriously sticky. You could put those two year old kids to work mopping the floor and each other.

 

[Subduction Zone]

Chapt. 1: using just the right amount of animal tranquilizer.

Chapt. 2: the correct use of a staple gun.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

Depends on the situation. Such as, my youngest nephew used to frequently resort to telling people either "I hate you" or "I'll kill myself" as a means of gaining control over a situation. Most adults would give in, subject changed, topic reversed and adults left powerless when they'd give more normal responses.
But I'd have fun. "But I don't hate you," "I know," or my favorite following an "I hate you" because he realized well it wasn't working with me and just replied with "EEEEERRRRRRRRRR!!!," and all I said was "all right!"
Or another nephew, we was playing a game with family, wasn't winning so the temper and other bad behaviors started amd when he wouldn't stop I got up, picked up his chair and carried him to another room to blow his steam off and rejoin when we calm and able to understand what happened.
I'm also big into letting kids face the consequences of their actions. Throwing a tantrum and slowing things down? That comes from their planned time for doing things because I won't let the others have to stand aside as a tantrum eats away at the time they had for things (this works well at places like theme parks where you may have to divide time up among the kids so they can see/do what they want).