Dear Revoltingest

[4consideration]

Dear In Limbo,
Thank you for sharing your request. Alas, we're out of TP, but I can give you singles for a five.
Sincerely,
Revoltingest

Dear Revoltingest,

Please disregard my last letter.

Since sending it I have discovered a backpack that I was just able to reach in the stall next to me. (Had to lean off a bit. I'm not that tall.) Anyway, I rummaged through it and found a very loud Hawaiian shirt.

It's so colorful and active, I don't think anything I might do to it would show much.

I think I should fold it neatly before putting it back. (As a courtesy.)

But...I think I'll feel guilty if I do that. It occurred to me that maybe I should just shove it back in the bag the way I found it. I've been taught one should put things back in the same way one found it.

I'm experiencing a bit of a crisis here. What should I do?

Signed,

Still Holding the Bag

 

[sun rise]

Dear Revoltingest,

As a believer in reincarnation, I believe that in your next lifetime you'll be the toilet sitter rather than the toilet sitee? What do you believe?

Would you change your opinion for a frubal?

 

[lewisnotmiller]

Dear Revoltingest,

I have a theory I'm working on that everyone is either a flusher or a flushee. However, your avatar confuses me, as you seem to be halfway.
This immediately causes me issues. (for example);

• My stance against mixed marriage becomes harder to police.
• It suggests I might have a hint of flushee in me somewhere, which makes me feel uncomfortable.
• I could already be friends with a flushee, and not even realise.

Is there a way we can rollback this blurring of lines, and return to the simpler and better days of my youth, when homicide was more common, women had less of a voice, and no-one would ever dream of doing drugs. Apart from the ones who did.

Yours in hope,
Roll Back the Years

 

[sun rise]

Dear Revoltingest,

I have a theory I'm working on that everyone is either a flusher or a flushee. However, your avatar confuses me, as you seem to be halfway.
This immediately causes me issues. (for example);

• My stance against mixed marriage becomes harder to police.
• It suggests I might have a hint of flushee in me somewhere, which makes me feel uncomfortable.
• I could already be friends with a flushee, and not even realise.

Is there a way we can rollback this blurring of lines, and return to the simpler and better days of my youth, when homicide was more common, women had less of a voice, and no-one would ever dream of doing drugs. Apart from the ones who did.

Yours in hope,
Roll Back the Years

And atheists were stoned if they dared admit it, of course.

 

[lewisnotmiller]

And atheists were stoned if they dared admit it, of course.

Nah, not where I live, and not when I was a kid. They'd just get a funny look, and people would avoid sitting next to them in Church.

 

[Revoltingest]

Dear Revoltingest,
Please disregard my last letter.
Since sending it I have discovered a backpack that I was just able to reach in the stall next to me. (Had to lean off a bit. I'm not that tall.) Anyway, I rummaged through it and found a very loud Hawaiian shirt.
It's so colorful and active, I don't think anything I might do to it would show much.
I think I should fold it neatly before putting it back. (As a courtesy.)
But...I think I'll feel guilty if I do that. It occurred to me that maybe I should just shove it back in the bag the way I found it. I've been taught one should put things back in the same way one found it.
I'm experiencing a bit of a crisis here. What should I do?
Signed,
Still Holding the Bag

Dear Still Holding The Bag,
Thank you for sharing your backpack perplexion. Unless you believe the backpack is wayward, in which case it should be given to a lost-&-found, you should return other people's property to where you found it. But if exigent circumstances necessitate using the shirt for a purpose not intended by its maker or owner, then you should first evaluate it. Is it a significant vintage shirt? Look for horizontal button holes, a triangularish maker's tag, a vintage name, a vintage theme, Hawaiian origin, & rayon material. If it's vintage, then it should remain inviolate. In this case you might consider using the backpack itself. If the shirt is a garden variety "island shirt" made in China, then it is fair game for the maintenance of one's nether regions.
Sincerely,
Revoltingest

Note: Your last letter is now forgotten, as requested.

 

[Rick O'Shez]

Dear Revoltingest,
Are we all just lock socks in the laundromat of oblivion?

 

[Revoltingest]

Dear Revoltingest,
Are we all just lock socks in the laundromat of oblivion?

Dear Seeking Significance,
Thank you for asking the age old question which concerns all my dear readers. Yes.
Sincerely,
Revoltingest

 

[4consideration]

Dear Revoltingest,

Once again I have found myself in a quandary. This time it isn't about the lack of butt wipes, but the proliferation of them.

You see, once again it's political season here, and I find I'm surrounded by nothing but butt wipes Just when I think maybe I can escape them, it seems they are multiplying at a dizzing pace.

What should I do? Do I just ignore them and hope everything works out in the end? What do you think will happen? Will it be a clean sweep? Will we end with a sticky situation? Is it all just a lot of hot air, and nothing to really worry about?

Sorry if I seem hot under the collar. I feel flushed.

Signed,

Shredded to Pieces and Stuck to the Bottom of Shoes

 

[Rick O'Shez]

Dear Seeking Significance,
Thank you for asking the age old question which concerns all my dear readers. Yes.
Sincerely,
Revoltingest

Thank you, oh great one, I shall now preach your timeless message of lost socks at great length to the huddled masses, though I fear many of these poor souls are giddy and confused after many aeons in the laundromat of oblivion and will not heed your words.

 

[Revoltingest]

Dear Revoltingest,
Once again I have found myself in a quandary. This time it isn't about the lack of butt wipes, but the proliferation of them.
You see, once again it's political season here, and I find I'm surrounded by nothing but butt wipes Just when I think maybe I can escape them, it seems they are multiplying at a dizzing pace.
What should I do? Do I just ignore them and hope everything works out in the end? What do you think will happen? Will it be a clean sweep? Will we end with a sticky situation? Is it all just a lot of hot air, and nothing to really worry about?
Sorry if I seem hot under the collar. I feel flushed.

Signed,
Shredded to Pieces and Stuck to the Bottom of Shoes

Dear Shredded to Pieces and Stuck to the Bottom of Shoes,
Thank you for your timely tussle with tedium, and for reanimating this long forgotten advice column.

The most important consideration when dealing with butt wipes is that they be compatible with
one's plumbing. This means they should continue their journey without hanging up in drain lines.
Otherwise, one could face a fixture revolution, wherein they all simultaneously regurgitate one's
"deposits". Is there any greater horror than seeing yesterday's corn on the cob clashing with one's
lime green shag bathroom carpeting? Heavens, no!
Moreover, this can cost one thousands of dollars per year in cleaning services & Roto Rooter reamings.

To avoid this unpleasantness, consider your home's age. If you have a modern well constructed
dwelling with PVC waste lines, you should have no worries. But older abodes are often afflicted with
rusting & scaling cast iron lines. And if you have silver maple trees nearby, their roots will seek out
every crack & crevice leading to this moisture source.
In this case, you should avoid brands like Charmin Ultra-Tough & Cottonelle Everlast.
Instead, buy a quickly disintegrating product like Scotts Cheaporama.

As a final caution, ensure that all feminine product users place them in the trash. The infamous
"red bellied whitefish" is particularly prone to taking up permanent residence in one's drain lines.

For more information, please purchase my book, "The Effluent Society".
Sincerely,
Revoltingest

 

[Rick O'Shez]

Thank you, oh great one, you truly are a master of rodding out.

 

[Revoltingest]

Thank you, oh great one, you truly are a master of rodding out.

Thank you for expressing your appreciation, dear reader.
I am flushed with pride.

 

[Rick O'Shez]

Thank you for expressing your appreciation, dear reader.
I am flushed with pride.

I am drained with adoration.

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

Dear Revoltingest,

Lately I've been noticing my period. I wrote this post. And I've already had two. Now three - what should I do?

Sincerely,

Postless in Seattle

 

[Revoltingest]

Dear Revoltingest,

Lately I've been noticing my period. I wrote this post. And I've already had two. Now three - what should I do?

Sincerely,

Postless in Seattle

Dear Postless in Seattle,
Thank you for your question about periods.
This book will address the first one, & likely the ones following.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

Dear Postless in Seattle,
Thank you for your question about periods.
This book will address the first one, & likely the ones following.

Dear Revoltingest:
Why does that look like it reads The Period Polog? What's a polog?
Sincerely:
Confuzzled.

 

[Revoltingest]

Dear Revoltingest:
Why does that look like it reads The Period Polog? What's a polog?
Sincerely:
Confuzzled.

Dear Confuzzled,
Thank you for this excellent query. It should've been "Blog",
but the cover's designer is from an area of northwest Macedonia,
& thought it was about young girls' interest in vintage fashion
of the region.

 

[dybmh]

Dear Revoltingest,

I have a car question. Is the emergency brake in a car connected to different brake pads than the conventional brake pedals? In the event of catastrophic failure ( like the brake pads melting when overused on a long steep hill ), will the emergency brake still work?

Thank you,

 

[Revoltingest]

Dear Revoltingest,

I have a car question. Is the emergency brake in a car connected to different brake pads than the conventional brake pedals? In the event of catastrophic failure ( like the brake pads melting when overused on a long steep hill ), will the emergency brake still work?

Thank you,

Dear achy brakey,
Thank you for asking the same very important automobile safety
question as in the other thread.
Emergency brakes use the same rear service brakes. If heated
too much, you'll see reduced braking force. I recommend using
your engine to provide supplemnetal braking, thereby reducing
the load on your service brakes. If your brakes do fail, then I
recommend taking the precaution of wearing clean underwear,
just in case you go to the emergency room or mortician.