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Day in the life of an alcoholic....

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by gnomon, Jun 12, 2016.

  1. gnomon

    gnomon Well-Known Member

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    You awake in the morning without a headache but the body aches.....

    And the first thought is what did I say last night?

    Crawling out of bed you enter the shower
    Take a bar of soap
    Wrap it in a washcloth and
    Proceed to scrub yourself as hard as you can.....

    After that you wash yourself in a scented soap
    Get out of the shower
    Dry off
    And apply a decent cologne....

    Then comes the drive to work...
    "What did I say to her last night?
    Did I log on to Facebook and post something?
    What exactly did I say on the forum I know I was on last night?"

    It dwells upon your mind.
    What did I say!

    The anxiety sets in and you get the first phone call from your girlfriend.
    It goes great.
    Anxiety lessens immensely. But it's only been three hours.

    You walk into the bathroom.
    Shaking.
    Wash your arms, your face and use the towels to dry yourself off to rub down your neck and chest.

    You smell alright. Even knowing you must revisit this process again.
    You cannot read any fine print
    All you see is a blur
    But you have to deal.

    And there is still the niggling anxiety of what did you post on the forum last night?
    Will you be lambasted or did you actually post nothing of consequence?
    And why should it matter in any sense.

    The lunch half hour comes and you are feeling better....
    Attempt to eat something.
    Impossible. At this point your are at the midpoint of rejection and acceptance of denial.
    In the morning was never again but at this point maybe......again.

    One last time. After a few hours of regret becomes
    A few hours of planning.

    You do not understand what you do alone....
    Coping.
    But every morning seems so painfully clear in the literal sense.

    But as each day drags on you only know one way
    To find a cease to that day....

    And all things are cyclical.

    So there you are. Not knowing what you did the day before.....

    But once again on a forum attempting the same old concept
    Without a care and dreading what the dawn may bring.

    That bottle never cared.......

    And here the **** I am.
    On a forum.
    Regretting what I might have said before
    And not actually caring at this very moment.

    And the the moment hits......

    It never actually mattered in the first place.

    But there's the bottle.

    And it punches you in the gut.

    Because it was her that mattered all along.

    Never this. This useless selfishness.

    This egotistic need to project upon phantoms.

    It was always her.

    Yet here I was.......

    Posting a stupid poem on a forum.

    Time to turn all the power off as the bugs fly towards the only light in this
    Forsaken room.

    Time now...she is waiting.

    I am waiting.

    Time now......

    Turn off.

    Goodbye.

    What a garbage poem.
     
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  2. Sw. Vandana Jyothi

    Sw. Vandana Jyothi Truth is One, many are the Names
    Premium Member

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    Lucky me, having other foes, I know not the battle
    with a bottle's bluster ~


    The Truth yet is...

    A diamond fallen in the filth
    never loses its luster.
     
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  3. Kapalika

    Kapalika EDM dancing gaygirl mystic
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    lol I know that feeling.

    Like reading my mind....

    Hm. *nods in agreement*

    Well this took a turn.

    Damn sounds like how I've ended some of my poems... and the sudden shift too. Do you write like this often?
     
  4. BSM1

    BSM1 Who's a good boy?

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    45 years sober, g, but I still remember these days.
     
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  5. Vinayaka

    Vinayaka devotee
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    The alcoholics I knew started their day with a drink, not a shower. Not an ordinary drink, but a mickey or so. If you can write at all, it ain't rock bottom yet.
     
  6. BSM1

    BSM1 Who's a good boy?

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    Usually it's not how much you drink, or how you drink, but why you drink that determines most of the alcoholics in this world. There is no true template.
     
  7. Lyndon

    Lyndon "Peace is the answer" quote: GOD, 2014
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    Saw an alcoholic at the supermarket ahead of me, a gallon of vodka, 10 bottles of mineral water and a small bag of asparagus, I'd say he's getting most of his calories from alcohol!!
     
    #7 Lyndon, Jun 15, 2016
    Last edited: Jun 15, 2016
  8. gnomon

    gnomon Well-Known Member

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    Rock bottom is so subjective......

    And when you wake up in the morning still drunk......the shower is meaningless. It only takes the stink off for a couple of hours.

    And then there's Bukowski, Hemingway.....wrote to the end until the shotgun.......wrote all the way through his rock bottom?

    Anything else?
     
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  9. BSM1

    BSM1 Who's a good boy?

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    Very subjective. Plus, as I was told, some rock bottoms are shallower than others.
     
  10. Vinayaka

    Vinayaka devotee
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    Very true.
     
  11. Kapalika

    Kapalika EDM dancing gaygirl mystic
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    Ya, I mean, being a successful writer is hardly rock bottom to most people. Someone can be functional but just cruising along to escape the pain...
     
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