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Dating ,romance and sexism and men journal
- Thread starter Riders
- Start date
Riders
Well-Known Member
Ok so yea its weird,my New World Order and religious thing people holding me hostage.It may not make sense but its really related to BDSM
My obsession with conspiracy theories,a illuminati being in control enters my fantasy then it becomes a part of a BDSM fantasy.
You might be wondering how I can e involved with BDSM at presently I'm 270 ls use to be 350.I am addicted to fantasy though which does not require a partner. I was with a guy for a week who was my master but I found out he was on drugs taking advantage of me I got rid of him.
I only had 3 face to face BDSM situations.
Another one was an older man gave me a spanking session I made him stop after 10 minutes. Then once I paid a giggolo one for a BDSM session,I got too high from it, with bipolar I have high highs and on low lows.
Then I had a few guys try to dom me through email it did not workout. Then a few on the phione here and there.
And my biggest thing was 2nd Life, I had several guys who mastered me for a day or 2 here and there,its a virtual reality game. I animated my avatars to be hung upon crosses chained uphung up upside down spanked whipped all sorts of stuff.
I'm off of BDSM. EVentually sense I am bipolar I will need to go to counseling for the fact that I still have issues with fantasizing about BDSM.
The thing about BDSM is this. Many people will say its bad abusive or Liberal folks like me sometimes say its bad because it teaches women to be slaves and to submit to men.
The thing is its wrong for me, I am mentally ill and I believe its destructive for me. I can notudge anyone else life.
I can say this I believe some folks
in BDSM are sex addict or mentally ill or addicted to BDSM. Its like drinking and drugs,if you hang out with others who drink alot and or do drugs, some of them are addicts some will end up in jail and some of them will be ok because they are not addicts and not mentally ill.
I have been to 2 BDSM groups who socialized together and a few Polyamorous group meet ups with BDSM folks there.
The thing is this.I have talked to people and known folks although I can judge some stuff is questionable.I know some who live the BDSM life style 24 hours a day and have a sex slave and obsess on it all the time.
It seems questionable to me and I question in m mind if there isnot addiction involved in that.
But then again I have met other who are healthy. I met married couples at the group who go to a group meet up once a week and get spanked and tied up a few hours Friday night with an underground group around them.
They are being watched to make sure they are safe and the rest of the week they do not indulge in it they live healthy normal lives. I do not see anything wrong with that.
So as for the question as too weather or not is it wrong or right,I can not judge but I donot believe there is any one right answer, its a grey area. I think it depends on the person weather they are mentally ill, addicted to drugs or sex,or if there's abuse going on and stuf like that so.
My obsession with conspiracy theories,a illuminati being in control enters my fantasy then it becomes a part of a BDSM fantasy.
You might be wondering how I can e involved with BDSM at presently I'm 270 ls use to be 350.I am addicted to fantasy though which does not require a partner. I was with a guy for a week who was my master but I found out he was on drugs taking advantage of me I got rid of him.
I only had 3 face to face BDSM situations.
Another one was an older man gave me a spanking session I made him stop after 10 minutes. Then once I paid a giggolo one for a BDSM session,I got too high from it, with bipolar I have high highs and on low lows.
Then I had a few guys try to dom me through email it did not workout. Then a few on the phione here and there.
And my biggest thing was 2nd Life, I had several guys who mastered me for a day or 2 here and there,its a virtual reality game. I animated my avatars to be hung upon crosses chained uphung up upside down spanked whipped all sorts of stuff.
I'm off of BDSM. EVentually sense I am bipolar I will need to go to counseling for the fact that I still have issues with fantasizing about BDSM.
The thing about BDSM is this. Many people will say its bad abusive or Liberal folks like me sometimes say its bad because it teaches women to be slaves and to submit to men.
The thing is its wrong for me, I am mentally ill and I believe its destructive for me. I can notudge anyone else life.
I can say this I believe some folks
in BDSM are sex addict or mentally ill or addicted to BDSM. Its like drinking and drugs,if you hang out with others who drink alot and or do drugs, some of them are addicts some will end up in jail and some of them will be ok because they are not addicts and not mentally ill.
I have been to 2 BDSM groups who socialized together and a few Polyamorous group meet ups with BDSM folks there.
The thing is this.I have talked to people and known folks although I can judge some stuff is questionable.I know some who live the BDSM life style 24 hours a day and have a sex slave and obsess on it all the time.
It seems questionable to me and I question in m mind if there isnot addiction involved in that.
But then again I have met other who are healthy. I met married couples at the group who go to a group meet up once a week and get spanked and tied up a few hours Friday night with an underground group around them.
They are being watched to make sure they are safe and the rest of the week they do not indulge in it they live healthy normal lives. I do not see anything wrong with that.
So as for the question as too weather or not is it wrong or right,I can not judge but I donot believe there is any one right answer, its a grey area. I think it depends on the person weather they are mentally ill, addicted to drugs or sex,or if there's abuse going on and stuf like that so.
Riders
Well-Known Member
Here is another huge issue with making judgments against te BDSM movement.
The kink and BDSM community also embraces fetishes,folks with obsessions with certain sexual pleasures,like some men say they have a fetish for big ladies? What does fetish mean?
So they also embrace those who have foot fetishes, people who like to give foot messages and licking of toes kissing feet..........not dangerous. They also embrace those who like to be blindffolded or blindfold their partner and feed them strange foods.
There are those who use handcuffs and do nothing else. If they know how to use them safely (you can buy a how to book and use beginners handcuffs that are soft) and do nothing else that's kinky.
I do not see that kind of thing as dangerous. They also embrace as kinky role play people who dress up as doctor and patient cheerleaders whatever..........that's a part of the BDSM world too.
Also there is a huge issue with the definition of BDSM.
I have been told by kink leaders that give me the definition of BDSM bondage domination sadism masochism is just the power play that goes on in relationships,and really whips chains spankings all that does not have to even be involved.
Its not a part of the definition. They say everyone has it in their relationship. There is also emotional and mental bdsm which is not physical at all.
But to be honest a lot of people call themselves dominant or submissive in personality. I am not submissive outside of the bedroom.
But inside the bedroom I tend to e naturally submissive without chains no spankings no hand cufs none of that, But I tend to appreciate direction, men who like to pose my body tell me what they want be the one who pleases giver of pleasure with out anything back.
I mean its all about the personality,BDSM folks say its ust that the power play in relationships.
The kink and BDSM community also embraces fetishes,folks with obsessions with certain sexual pleasures,like some men say they have a fetish for big ladies? What does fetish mean?
So they also embrace those who have foot fetishes, people who like to give foot messages and licking of toes kissing feet..........not dangerous. They also embrace those who like to be blindffolded or blindfold their partner and feed them strange foods.
There are those who use handcuffs and do nothing else. If they know how to use them safely (you can buy a how to book and use beginners handcuffs that are soft) and do nothing else that's kinky.
I do not see that kind of thing as dangerous. They also embrace as kinky role play people who dress up as doctor and patient cheerleaders whatever..........that's a part of the BDSM world too.
Also there is a huge issue with the definition of BDSM.
I have been told by kink leaders that give me the definition of BDSM bondage domination sadism masochism is just the power play that goes on in relationships,and really whips chains spankings all that does not have to even be involved.
Its not a part of the definition. They say everyone has it in their relationship. There is also emotional and mental bdsm which is not physical at all.
But to be honest a lot of people call themselves dominant or submissive in personality. I am not submissive outside of the bedroom.
But inside the bedroom I tend to e naturally submissive without chains no spankings no hand cufs none of that, But I tend to appreciate direction, men who like to pose my body tell me what they want be the one who pleases giver of pleasure with out anything back.
I mean its all about the personality,BDSM folks say its ust that the power play in relationships.
Riders
Well-Known Member
I saw a reference in Political debates somewhere to a Lesbian group that lives away from men, doesn't want anything to do with men except to have a few slave men around for making babies. yea right like that's a realistic world, i guess its their Utopia.
Even though I am sex addict between, 13 and 17 years ago I was angry with God and men for awhile.
Of course I was not lesbian looking for a manless world, and back then I still was addicted to the attention I got from men.
However having got out of a Pentecostal church that was abusive to women sexually had us dress up like Amish ladies and the strict dress code,and we were like slaves yea I had some anger.
I also believed women were not to have joy in sex.
I questioned God, why did he make men and women different so women were to hate sex or be disgusted by it and have children in pain while men got got have a joyful nasty good time.
I was angry about the way God made women and men.
But when I got so addicted to men and sex I think in my mind it was a way to make up for it.
Its like I was proving to myself I could have as much fun with sex as men do.
But the reality of my addiction is this. Men and women who are addicted to porn and game porno in virtual reality games, maybe addicted to sex that way but not quite so addicted in person, you become isolated with Porn, other do not or can not act the sex scene out the way you have envisioned it so its not easy to have sex in person.
I was addicted to BDSM in porn on the net on the phone phone sex porn and second life porn and also meeting men. But I did not have a lot of physical pleasure from being sexual( mostly it was oral sex) in person with men, it was rather I liked not being alone and the attention I got.
So as a person getting well from it sex addiction, i think more of my addiction came from the game and porn and internet sex and love addiction then just to pure sex.
So even though I was fooling myself, truly I never proved to myself that women are just as sexual as men.
However, there are women here who say they do have a sexual appetite for men, so I guess some women are as sexual as men, and some are not.
Truthfully I have come to a point of peace with it.
On the one hand Pentecostals taught me it was natural for women to not like sex and disgusted by it, I don't fall into that category.
But I am not as sexually motivated as men are either, unless I'm being addicted to porn or the game or internet sex.
However I don't feel anything in particular about oral sex, its ok, I don;'t get pleasure from it but it doesn't hurt or disgust me either, so if the man likes it why not? Its not hurting me so.
Also with intercourse, at this weight if I drop some weight the same thing, I don't like being touched to the point of being too turned on because of my sex addiction, but with weight loss its neither here nor there, if the guy is sweet to me and is gentle likes to kiss hug yea its ok for me but its not great. But if I can do it easily no pain why not give the guy more pleasure?
But on the other hand, I like kissing, wet kissing, hugging holding holding hands some erotic touch is cool, being touched. SO I like the emotional romantic part an I get pleasure that way, plus I get pleasure from getting attention from men in general.
So the way i think about men and women now, yes its true I am not as sexual as men, however nature makes up for it and balances everything out because I get pleasure from men in other ways. So I do not believe its uneven, or I do not have the need to catch up with men sexually put it that way.
So I am at a lot more piece with it these days.
Even though I am sex addict between, 13 and 17 years ago I was angry with God and men for awhile.
Of course I was not lesbian looking for a manless world, and back then I still was addicted to the attention I got from men.
However having got out of a Pentecostal church that was abusive to women sexually had us dress up like Amish ladies and the strict dress code,and we were like slaves yea I had some anger.
I also believed women were not to have joy in sex.
I questioned God, why did he make men and women different so women were to hate sex or be disgusted by it and have children in pain while men got got have a joyful nasty good time.
I was angry about the way God made women and men.
But when I got so addicted to men and sex I think in my mind it was a way to make up for it.
Its like I was proving to myself I could have as much fun with sex as men do.
But the reality of my addiction is this. Men and women who are addicted to porn and game porno in virtual reality games, maybe addicted to sex that way but not quite so addicted in person, you become isolated with Porn, other do not or can not act the sex scene out the way you have envisioned it so its not easy to have sex in person.
I was addicted to BDSM in porn on the net on the phone phone sex porn and second life porn and also meeting men. But I did not have a lot of physical pleasure from being sexual( mostly it was oral sex) in person with men, it was rather I liked not being alone and the attention I got.
So as a person getting well from it sex addiction, i think more of my addiction came from the game and porn and internet sex and love addiction then just to pure sex.
So even though I was fooling myself, truly I never proved to myself that women are just as sexual as men.
However, there are women here who say they do have a sexual appetite for men, so I guess some women are as sexual as men, and some are not.
Truthfully I have come to a point of peace with it.
On the one hand Pentecostals taught me it was natural for women to not like sex and disgusted by it, I don't fall into that category.
But I am not as sexually motivated as men are either, unless I'm being addicted to porn or the game or internet sex.
However I don't feel anything in particular about oral sex, its ok, I don;'t get pleasure from it but it doesn't hurt or disgust me either, so if the man likes it why not? Its not hurting me so.
Also with intercourse, at this weight if I drop some weight the same thing, I don't like being touched to the point of being too turned on because of my sex addiction, but with weight loss its neither here nor there, if the guy is sweet to me and is gentle likes to kiss hug yea its ok for me but its not great. But if I can do it easily no pain why not give the guy more pleasure?
But on the other hand, I like kissing, wet kissing, hugging holding holding hands some erotic touch is cool, being touched. SO I like the emotional romantic part an I get pleasure that way, plus I get pleasure from getting attention from men in general.
So the way i think about men and women now, yes its true I am not as sexual as men, however nature makes up for it and balances everything out because I get pleasure from men in other ways. So I do not believe its uneven, or I do not have the need to catch up with men sexually put it that way.
So I am at a lot more piece with it these days.
Riders
Well-Known Member
Anyways so, I met this guy was my taxi driver 2 years ago. He is African American, I had not dated any non white guys except one Jewish guy. I went out on a date with him. He was really sweet. He says hes Christian. Hes been driving his whole life. Hes in his mid 50s close to my age.
He likes to talk about people and watching people going places in the neat parts of Dallas. I liked talking to him. Hes not rich, he took me to Dennys and we ate off the value menu. But it was good.
He does not drink or do party or do drugs and says he would be happy just kissing and hugging with no sex. I was going to date him but I think I started dating Randal back then.
Randal wanted to see other people and swing I gave him permission but he knew about my addiction and could not find a play partner, couple who would just play with him without me. Swinger groups and couples and Polys who play together always require the man to bring a woman, also if you go to porn theatres that have rooms for people swing in its the same thing.
Anyways long story short he was not happy that he was not able to find another lady to play with and it made me mad that he blamed me for that when I told him he could be the king of the hill, have sex with whomever and Id be true to him.
Anyways so Darrel is a taxi drver hes kind of slow like me and we mesh well.
I went to cash my check yesterday he picked me up was happy to see me and telling me how pretty i looked how good I looked. So I told him Id go out with him.
But the truth is I need to get to know myself and know me before I can be in a relationship. I need to be involved with my meditation group and AA and then work at my appointment setting job at home( setting appointments for roofers its boring but it keeps me busy and helps me set goals in the daytime and brings in money).
SO I may have to break it off. He is just so cute though. I said Id go out with him.
A part of me wants to and a part is just saying why is it that I cant stay away from men?
He likes to talk about people and watching people going places in the neat parts of Dallas. I liked talking to him. Hes not rich, he took me to Dennys and we ate off the value menu. But it was good.
He does not drink or do party or do drugs and says he would be happy just kissing and hugging with no sex. I was going to date him but I think I started dating Randal back then.
Randal wanted to see other people and swing I gave him permission but he knew about my addiction and could not find a play partner, couple who would just play with him without me. Swinger groups and couples and Polys who play together always require the man to bring a woman, also if you go to porn theatres that have rooms for people swing in its the same thing.
Anyways long story short he was not happy that he was not able to find another lady to play with and it made me mad that he blamed me for that when I told him he could be the king of the hill, have sex with whomever and Id be true to him.
Anyways so Darrel is a taxi drver hes kind of slow like me and we mesh well.
I went to cash my check yesterday he picked me up was happy to see me and telling me how pretty i looked how good I looked. So I told him Id go out with him.
But the truth is I need to get to know myself and know me before I can be in a relationship. I need to be involved with my meditation group and AA and then work at my appointment setting job at home( setting appointments for roofers its boring but it keeps me busy and helps me set goals in the daytime and brings in money).
SO I may have to break it off. He is just so cute though. I said Id go out with him.
A part of me wants to and a part is just saying why is it that I cant stay away from men?
Riders
Well-Known Member
But anyways no I need to stay on track so I don't know if I can hold a friendship with this guy or not. I may have to say no touching except for holding hands and he may not like it.Its just hard, one thing leads to another. Thats why i broke up with Cody. We were platonic the first time we met but by the second time oh well.
Riders
Well-Known Member
so I have decided to say no to my new man friend. I am also going to say no to the new job offer I got. I have a job setting appointments for a roofing company.
I'm suppose to be able to get free residence leads from the library reference USA for some reason my computers not picking it up. But I'm pretty sure I can go into the library and get it off their computer and pay for printed up leads. SO I am going to do it tomorrow.
I put an ad up for home based phone job and got an offer to set appointments and book jobs for bdsm kinks to get hooked up with BDSM models, most likely bdsm sex,It would make me good money.
I'm not doing it though. I'd start having sex again and guess what also have daddy doms calling me at midnight to hook up with submissives and hey how do I know, they might be able to detect my phone number even though Ill probably be hooked into their lines.
Its my sisters house anyways, even if I could hide it it would not be fair.
No and more men . I'm still sober. I got to stay sober. I need to be alone at least for a year or longer, maybe a couple of years.
I'm suppose to be able to get free residence leads from the library reference USA for some reason my computers not picking it up. But I'm pretty sure I can go into the library and get it off their computer and pay for printed up leads. SO I am going to do it tomorrow.
I put an ad up for home based phone job and got an offer to set appointments and book jobs for bdsm kinks to get hooked up with BDSM models, most likely bdsm sex,It would make me good money.
I'm not doing it though. I'd start having sex again and guess what also have daddy doms calling me at midnight to hook up with submissives and hey how do I know, they might be able to detect my phone number even though Ill probably be hooked into their lines.
Its my sisters house anyways, even if I could hide it it would not be fair.
No and more men . I'm still sober. I got to stay sober. I need to be alone at least for a year or longer, maybe a couple of years.
Riders
Well-Known Member
Ok I've got 9 and a half weeks of sobriety from sex addiction. I've got a cold infection I'm sick. I need to be back on my diet so I can start losing weight again. My food plan, I need one. I think Im gonna go back to weight watchers this month. I want to get straightened out.
I want to lose weight go without sex or men this year, and work my program and go to meditation. I'm scared, my addiction freaks me out. I could always run into an obsessive compulsive psycho who could kill me. If my sisters get fed up enough with it,Id lose my family.
I don't want to do that. I'm a chicken. I need my family and my AA group and my meditation group. I need a relationship with God. I watched a movie called ,A Beautiful Boy, I'm so freaked out. Watching others struggle with drug addiction knowing what I could lose. I need my spirituality.
You want to know what I did today?I was tempted to take a job working for BDSM group fetish models setting up BDSM sessions, making appointments for BDSM actors to have kinky sex. So I had had an issue with trying to get my leads off the internet for my job setting appointments for a roofing company had to go pay for them at the library decided that would be too much trouble.
So I found a way to pick up library residences off of the net ,my computer my new one my sister got me cant connect with the free residences web sight, so I used my cell phone and am able to email my leads to myself on the net so I can pick it up.
That way I wouldn't be tempted to take the other job. I don't mind picking up my leads off my cell phone, just also I can work at home.
There's a lot of darkness that goes along with addictions, and its like I'm not Christian but I can see why there are those of us who go to church. Its scary, my addiction is scary. So its easy to fall on religion, it brings comfort for some of us to think about Jesus whoever he was the so called messiah of the bible or other beliefs.
I'm not Christian but I want to go to Unity or the Quakers and my meditation group and meditate and pray all year and seek out God.
The 23 rd Psalm is one of my favorites I still have it memorized: The Lord is my shepherd I shall not want he makes me to lie down in the green pastures he leads me beside the still waters,he restores my soul,he leads me through the paths of righteousness for his name sake,yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil for thou art with me thy rod and thy staff they comfort me thou prepares a table before me int he presence of mine enemies my cup runs over surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the house of the lord forever.
I want to lose weight go without sex or men this year, and work my program and go to meditation. I'm scared, my addiction freaks me out. I could always run into an obsessive compulsive psycho who could kill me. If my sisters get fed up enough with it,Id lose my family.
I don't want to do that. I'm a chicken. I need my family and my AA group and my meditation group. I need a relationship with God. I watched a movie called ,A Beautiful Boy, I'm so freaked out. Watching others struggle with drug addiction knowing what I could lose. I need my spirituality.
You want to know what I did today?I was tempted to take a job working for BDSM group fetish models setting up BDSM sessions, making appointments for BDSM actors to have kinky sex. So I had had an issue with trying to get my leads off the internet for my job setting appointments for a roofing company had to go pay for them at the library decided that would be too much trouble.
So I found a way to pick up library residences off of the net ,my computer my new one my sister got me cant connect with the free residences web sight, so I used my cell phone and am able to email my leads to myself on the net so I can pick it up.
That way I wouldn't be tempted to take the other job. I don't mind picking up my leads off my cell phone, just also I can work at home.
There's a lot of darkness that goes along with addictions, and its like I'm not Christian but I can see why there are those of us who go to church. Its scary, my addiction is scary. So its easy to fall on religion, it brings comfort for some of us to think about Jesus whoever he was the so called messiah of the bible or other beliefs.
I'm not Christian but I want to go to Unity or the Quakers and my meditation group and meditate and pray all year and seek out God.
The 23 rd Psalm is one of my favorites I still have it memorized: The Lord is my shepherd I shall not want he makes me to lie down in the green pastures he leads me beside the still waters,he restores my soul,he leads me through the paths of righteousness for his name sake,yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil for thou art with me thy rod and thy staff they comfort me thou prepares a table before me int he presence of mine enemies my cup runs over surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the house of the lord forever.
Riders
Well-Known Member
I'm going to go to the Zen temple regular this year too,I am going on a me exploration. Just me, me no men no sex no sensuality,I'm breaking away from sex this year. That's it .
Zen meditation, my group and the Quakers getting to know my inner light, its going to be a me exploration. No more unhealthy foods, just me myself and I. I want to get to know me this year. That's my new years resolution self exploration.
I've read where some religious people, like I don't know if it was the Quakers or the Shakers back in old times, but they lived together in communes, women with women men with men, and stayed single. Maybe it was the Shakers, but still getting to know my sisters zen sisters and Quaker sisters, that's a goal. I'm going on a self quest to know me.
I want to get into prayer too get close to God, spend lots of time in prayer and meditation learn to listen to Gods voice.
Zen meditation, my group and the Quakers getting to know my inner light, its going to be a me exploration. No more unhealthy foods, just me myself and I. I want to get to know me this year. That's my new years resolution self exploration.
I've read where some religious people, like I don't know if it was the Quakers or the Shakers back in old times, but they lived together in communes, women with women men with men, and stayed single. Maybe it was the Shakers, but still getting to know my sisters zen sisters and Quaker sisters, that's a goal. I'm going on a self quest to know me.
I want to get into prayer too get close to God, spend lots of time in prayer and meditation learn to listen to Gods voice.
Riders
Well-Known Member
So I'm having a rough time right now. 10 weeks ago I relapsed and became sexual. The thing of it is, that I have odd problems regarding my addiction, its like sometimes I have very bad Urology pain. I need to see a Urologist, I have bad UTI infections and just like now i'm having jabbing pain in my private parts.
My sponsor says I need to make a Dr's appointment so I guess I will. I just have always depended on getting sex out of my life, it improves after I get a long time in sobriety 4 to 6 months of sobriety and it starts feeling better.
I have been told some of it maybe linked to a surgery I had at 8 years old to get my urinary tract stretched out. I guess my parents had me get it because of similar issues then not sure.
I also need to get checked for breast cancer.
Anyways yes there is pain that has gone with this addiction, namely fantasy part I do to myself alone.
I use to could like 20 years ago with frame from that go without for 3 or 6 or 9 months, kind of dry myself out and go back to it. Like any addiction it progressed and I got to where I could not do it anymore.
Anyways, it hard to stay on my food plan with pain, I ordered plain wings which had no carbs int hem today but I also got coke, i'm hoping not to have a 4 pound weight gain I usually get when I order pizza coke and family size desert so.
But the coke is bad. Ill be back on it tomorrow. All I can do right now to stay on a food plan, is stay off the carbs, one whole wheat or 1 bread made from corn a day and 1 fruit that's it for carbs. But I am eating high fat meats and cheeses and eating too much of it but believe it or not I still lose 3 or 4 pounds a week that way. Its the best I can do now.
If I were on a lowfat diet low carb low fat and eating 3 small meals a day, I lose between 7 and 15 pounds a week, I lose a lot.
My sponsor says I need to make a Dr's appointment so I guess I will. I just have always depended on getting sex out of my life, it improves after I get a long time in sobriety 4 to 6 months of sobriety and it starts feeling better.
I have been told some of it maybe linked to a surgery I had at 8 years old to get my urinary tract stretched out. I guess my parents had me get it because of similar issues then not sure.
I also need to get checked for breast cancer.
Anyways yes there is pain that has gone with this addiction, namely fantasy part I do to myself alone.
I use to could like 20 years ago with frame from that go without for 3 or 6 or 9 months, kind of dry myself out and go back to it. Like any addiction it progressed and I got to where I could not do it anymore.
Anyways, it hard to stay on my food plan with pain, I ordered plain wings which had no carbs int hem today but I also got coke, i'm hoping not to have a 4 pound weight gain I usually get when I order pizza coke and family size desert so.
But the coke is bad. Ill be back on it tomorrow. All I can do right now to stay on a food plan, is stay off the carbs, one whole wheat or 1 bread made from corn a day and 1 fruit that's it for carbs. But I am eating high fat meats and cheeses and eating too much of it but believe it or not I still lose 3 or 4 pounds a week that way. Its the best I can do now.
If I were on a lowfat diet low carb low fat and eating 3 small meals a day, I lose between 7 and 15 pounds a week, I lose a lot.
Riders
Well-Known Member
So here's another reason I don't like Over Eaters anonymous.I get completely creeped out by it. Its creepy because there's mostly women there, of course I don;t do well in all mostly women groups go figure.Then a lot of them are conservative Christians ,
I was always hanging out with women at the church. Makes me feel like I'm back at church, They're all in church a good portion of them, like seems like most of them are sexually anorexic the opposite of me in some ways, and kind of goody goodys who hang out at church,.
I feel like I'm in a religious group , like theyre gonna hand me my menonite head covering to wear any minute yuck bleh barf!They are not suppose to talk about Christianity near as much as they do, but then being a group of women too, yea I might as well go back to church YIKES CREEPY!
I was always hanging out with women at the church. Makes me feel like I'm back at church, They're all in church a good portion of them, like seems like most of them are sexually anorexic the opposite of me in some ways, and kind of goody goodys who hang out at church,.
I feel like I'm in a religious group , like theyre gonna hand me my menonite head covering to wear any minute yuck bleh barf!They are not suppose to talk about Christianity near as much as they do, but then being a group of women too, yea I might as well go back to church YIKES CREEPY!
Riders
Well-Known Member
I have had one or 2 people tell me any young guys I slept with and maybe other men is because they are scam artists or psycho killers. Well I have not been scammed or killed.
I have run into many scam artists before. But I cut them off before they could get me. I have been with probably a few or nearly been with a few psychos, some I figured out before I went out with them.
Scam artists at ok cupid and other romance web sights work like this. In order to scam you in person it does not work unless your a professional and you are with someone who has a lot of money. So I have never found any scam artists who wanted to meet me face to face.
They want to trick you into thinking they are in a relationship with you just chatting on the phone without meeting them, then they tell you they live a long way away and need your money to get them over here to the USA.
I have had a few guys who tried to convince me they were soldiers n the military at war in Afganistan.
The first one who tried it actually got my email from me and I asked him for his address so I could write him. He said it was top secret he was on a secret mission LMAO. His profile said he was a white guy raised up in Texas. But I recognized his words to be broken English, he wasn't speaking clear English.
So got rid of him, but yea soldiers and military men are usually scams, they don't need to use ok cupid.
I have had sex with young men who were not scams or psychos but many of them just wanted one night stands and lied to me about it. Some of them may have been married men.
I have had I imagine a few men who were telling me the truth about being attracted to me. People mistake my age for being around 30 or 35. Older men who like younger women I believe some of them are genuine. Robert was 13 years older then me, we went out for 2 and a half years.
I went out with guy 5 years ago named Mitch who was 56 when I was 47. He was real and we broke up after 5 months, I found him on the net.
I tend to trust older men more with being real about being attracted to me and I like older men.
I had a n 18 year old guy whom I carded before I let in my apartment named Michael who walked me to my apartment after I swam in the pool. He came to my apartment for boody every 5 to 6 weeks for about a year and a half. He wa son heavy drugs sometimes came to my apartment and would be wound up on drugs ,I didn't want him there but I was scared of him. Hed stay up all night talking in my apartment.
He told me he was on drugs and smelled like drugs when he came over. he was somewhat abusive to me.
But what some people don't understand is that some of these guys were on drugs or sex addicts like me, bottom line is that addicts are attracted to other addicts.
I imagine I've been with quite a few addicts. I've also dated a few alcoholics and drug addicts.
I have run into many scam artists before. But I cut them off before they could get me. I have been with probably a few or nearly been with a few psychos, some I figured out before I went out with them.
Scam artists at ok cupid and other romance web sights work like this. In order to scam you in person it does not work unless your a professional and you are with someone who has a lot of money. So I have never found any scam artists who wanted to meet me face to face.
They want to trick you into thinking they are in a relationship with you just chatting on the phone without meeting them, then they tell you they live a long way away and need your money to get them over here to the USA.
I have had a few guys who tried to convince me they were soldiers n the military at war in Afganistan.
The first one who tried it actually got my email from me and I asked him for his address so I could write him. He said it was top secret he was on a secret mission LMAO. His profile said he was a white guy raised up in Texas. But I recognized his words to be broken English, he wasn't speaking clear English.
So got rid of him, but yea soldiers and military men are usually scams, they don't need to use ok cupid.
I have had sex with young men who were not scams or psychos but many of them just wanted one night stands and lied to me about it. Some of them may have been married men.
I have had I imagine a few men who were telling me the truth about being attracted to me. People mistake my age for being around 30 or 35. Older men who like younger women I believe some of them are genuine. Robert was 13 years older then me, we went out for 2 and a half years.
I went out with guy 5 years ago named Mitch who was 56 when I was 47. He was real and we broke up after 5 months, I found him on the net.
I tend to trust older men more with being real about being attracted to me and I like older men.
I had a n 18 year old guy whom I carded before I let in my apartment named Michael who walked me to my apartment after I swam in the pool. He came to my apartment for boody every 5 to 6 weeks for about a year and a half. He wa son heavy drugs sometimes came to my apartment and would be wound up on drugs ,I didn't want him there but I was scared of him. Hed stay up all night talking in my apartment.
He told me he was on drugs and smelled like drugs when he came over. he was somewhat abusive to me.
But what some people don't understand is that some of these guys were on drugs or sex addicts like me, bottom line is that addicts are attracted to other addicts.
I imagine I've been with quite a few addicts. I've also dated a few alcoholics and drug addicts.
Riders
Well-Known Member
Well I talked to my sponsor today Angie, Shes dying now. Got breast cancer. She will have treatments may live a year but if she qualifies for all the meds and treatments she may live between 2 and 4 years.I hope that she gets them.
It makes me sad I told her I loved her. I;m not gonna cry in front of her.
The truth is she recommended me try one the eating disorder 12 step proirams instead of OA. I might do that one day. The truth about OA is that I have never been when the meeting was not plum full of conservative ladies very few if any men at all. Mostly Evangelical Christians a few Jews and 1 or 2 non believers but mostly conservatives.
I just feel completely rejected ever single time I walk into the room rejected and not liked, Im evil, the evil sex addict.
Anyways I might take her up on the other groups,
Angie is lesbian. I have heard sexist people talk predjudice about Gay people in SAA which is a shame. New woman the other day was saying she did not want a gay sponsor thought they would make a move on her.
I told her I preffered it. I'm heterosexual but a heterosexual man will tempt me to relapse and a heterosexual woman, I have had 2 of them as sponsors and I felt like they were competing with me and being superior to me looking down their noses not accepting of me.
I have big woman issues with my sisters, I talked to Angie about it today. But I will not go back to heterosexual sponsor.
They have like eating type disorders, 2 of them sort of, one of them told me tonight why do you go out so much to eat if you have food at home. I ordered in twice last week, She things I'm an ugly fat slob who orders pizza 10 times a week and spends 400 a week on pizza. Where that money comes from where she thinks I'm getting i have no idea.
My other sister rebuked me for ordering healthy from fastfood places last week even though I went all they way down to 288 from 310 last week. She has weight issues, pretends like she a vegan even though she eats meat and goes out to eat with her husband sometimes she starves and loses the weight sometimes.
She goes up and down between normal weight and 50 pounds over weight and Id be surprised if she did not have an eating disorder.
Kathy lost about 80 pounds while back and has been 25 pounds away from her target weight even though she thinks shes 40 pounds over weight, Shes addicted to trying different diets, I would not be surprised if she was somewhat bulimic or anorexic.
They are both perfectionistic Evangelicals Christians who believe the words I accept Jesus as Lord and Savior are a magic spell .They look down their noses at me let me know what a failure ugly fat slob I am.
I am the devils child.
I told them tonight of course they are right I'm just a worthless ugly fat slob and a nasty word mean men use for women.
I wanted to go out and relapse have myself a man its easy to use sex to feel worth while, at least I]m doing something worthwhile to men.
It makes me sad I told her I loved her. I;m not gonna cry in front of her.
The truth is she recommended me try one the eating disorder 12 step proirams instead of OA. I might do that one day. The truth about OA is that I have never been when the meeting was not plum full of conservative ladies very few if any men at all. Mostly Evangelical Christians a few Jews and 1 or 2 non believers but mostly conservatives.
I just feel completely rejected ever single time I walk into the room rejected and not liked, Im evil, the evil sex addict.
Anyways I might take her up on the other groups,
Angie is lesbian. I have heard sexist people talk predjudice about Gay people in SAA which is a shame. New woman the other day was saying she did not want a gay sponsor thought they would make a move on her.
I told her I preffered it. I'm heterosexual but a heterosexual man will tempt me to relapse and a heterosexual woman, I have had 2 of them as sponsors and I felt like they were competing with me and being superior to me looking down their noses not accepting of me.
I have big woman issues with my sisters, I talked to Angie about it today. But I will not go back to heterosexual sponsor.
They have like eating type disorders, 2 of them sort of, one of them told me tonight why do you go out so much to eat if you have food at home. I ordered in twice last week, She things I'm an ugly fat slob who orders pizza 10 times a week and spends 400 a week on pizza. Where that money comes from where she thinks I'm getting i have no idea.
My other sister rebuked me for ordering healthy from fastfood places last week even though I went all they way down to 288 from 310 last week. She has weight issues, pretends like she a vegan even though she eats meat and goes out to eat with her husband sometimes she starves and loses the weight sometimes.
She goes up and down between normal weight and 50 pounds over weight and Id be surprised if she did not have an eating disorder.
Kathy lost about 80 pounds while back and has been 25 pounds away from her target weight even though she thinks shes 40 pounds over weight, Shes addicted to trying different diets, I would not be surprised if she was somewhat bulimic or anorexic.
They are both perfectionistic Evangelicals Christians who believe the words I accept Jesus as Lord and Savior are a magic spell .They look down their noses at me let me know what a failure ugly fat slob I am.
I am the devils child.
I told them tonight of course they are right I'm just a worthless ugly fat slob and a nasty word mean men use for women.
I wanted to go out and relapse have myself a man its easy to use sex to feel worth while, at least I]m doing something worthwhile to men.
Riders
Well-Known Member
So this is an add placed under groups at craigslist for consensual non monogamy which is another word for poly. This is why its so easy for even obese ladies like me to get into these groups.
CNM Group forming hide this posting
We are an experienced couple Starting a group for Consensual Non Monogamy. We need like minded ladies and couples who would like to explore their options and just get information. Please realize this is not an existing group. We are still trying to gather couples together (and the occasional lady). Single guys may be added once the group is established and requests will be made at that time.
We realize that there are haters out there. Don't flag us just because we don't follow your beliefs. We don't flag your Come to Jesus Bingo group.
So I took the map off so you can not find it. Single men are often left out because the men involved in this lifestyle far outweigh the women.
Women wives of men who do this often let their men do this stay out of it so theres always a shortage of women so I can get free rides and free food for being a date for one of these men yep.
CNM Group forming hide this posting
We are an experienced couple Starting a group for Consensual Non Monogamy. We need like minded ladies and couples who would like to explore their options and just get information. Please realize this is not an existing group. We are still trying to gather couples together (and the occasional lady). Single guys may be added once the group is established and requests will be made at that time.
We realize that there are haters out there. Don't flag us just because we don't follow your beliefs. We don't flag your Come to Jesus Bingo group.
So I took the map off so you can not find it. Single men are often left out because the men involved in this lifestyle far outweigh the women.
Women wives of men who do this often let their men do this stay out of it so theres always a shortage of women so I can get free rides and free food for being a date for one of these men yep.
Milton Platt
Well-Known Member
Odd that she would kill him for his money if he was giving everything she wanted. Having lots of money doesn't make him immune from bad judgement. As far as spending the money on her, it was his money to dispose of in any manner he wished. If he wanted to buy a pretty girl with it, and she was okay with that, then it isn't anyone else's business. Sure, most of us who can only dream of having such a fortune see it as a horrible waste, but it just isn't our business.
Riders
Well-Known Member
I know its crazy isnt it?But his friends say its because in part she was not attracted to him so she started seeking divorce When he would not let her take half the money is when she plotted it.
Riders
Well-Known Member
Well Im tempted to go out find a man. Im stuck living in my Mom and dads house alone in Mesquite Tx with no dart bus and no car so i cant go anywhere to look for a job.
I have 3 older sisters who run my life for me and argue anout my money and worried about me working making too much and watching the government weather or not they take my money away when in reality i need a job to take my Mind of things. They drive me crazy about other stuffl.
They dominate my life I lead a manless life because of my sisters.I have an infection and allergy attacks thats driving em crazy my hernia has come back got a ton of pain.
I had to cancel to drs appointments last week one with my wound care dr my wound has gone away but she needs to see it and my hernia dr had to be canceld infection made me too weak to get out of bed,not ot mention the fact that Im about to have to go through the process again of possibly going back to surgery.
My weight its still down to 290 but because of my hernia and pain and need for weight loss Ive got to get strict and get down to 200 or at least 225.
Despite that I took another job anyways still waiting to hear if they got things set up. Working helps.
But I'm about to blow, blow up. Im a froobe happy all the time and when Im upset I blow up. I just would really like to have a man here that I could jump kkkkkkkkkkyadada so fast........................
I have 3 older sisters who run my life for me and argue anout my money and worried about me working making too much and watching the government weather or not they take my money away when in reality i need a job to take my Mind of things. They drive me crazy about other stuffl.
They dominate my life I lead a manless life because of my sisters.I have an infection and allergy attacks thats driving em crazy my hernia has come back got a ton of pain.
I had to cancel to drs appointments last week one with my wound care dr my wound has gone away but she needs to see it and my hernia dr had to be canceld infection made me too weak to get out of bed,not ot mention the fact that Im about to have to go through the process again of possibly going back to surgery.
My weight its still down to 290 but because of my hernia and pain and need for weight loss Ive got to get strict and get down to 200 or at least 225.
Despite that I took another job anyways still waiting to hear if they got things set up. Working helps.
But I'm about to blow, blow up. Im a froobe happy all the time and when Im upset I blow up. I just would really like to have a man here that I could jump kkkkkkkkkkyadada so fast........................
Riders
Well-Known Member
Ok so I have choices here. i am going to wait till i get well. Then Im going to have one of my vices which is a harmless addiction, Gaming. I I'm gonna try this next week to go out and join a d and d group at the gaming center . Its a vice, I;m addicted to my cell phone my games on my cell phone but I never have any consequences, so I can use it as my escape. There's a place close to hear that has all kinds of games.
Maybe I can meet some men there and socialize too would be nice, socializing with men is not off limits. They have board games too board games are not board games, the highly intelligent kind that you have to use science with it might sit in on it sometimes and watch that would be fun.
Maybe I can meet some men there and socialize too would be nice, socializing with men is not off limits. They have board games too board games are not board games, the highly intelligent kind that you have to use science with it might sit in on it sometimes and watch that would be fun.
Riders
Well-Known Member
I had a bad relapse dream.Relapse dreams in sex addiction, means dreaming about sexual situation the lust is there and I woke up feeling like I had had sex but this time when i woke up I was still feeling the lust thing, it was so terrible. I ended up over eating on burger king yikes!