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Dating, chapter 3,127

PoetPhilosopher

Veteran Member
I wanted to share my personal experience with you. For a significant period, I identified as a trans female, but eventually made the difficult decision to detransition. Since then, re-entering the dating scene has proven to be a challenge, and I would like to shed light on the hurdles I am currently facing.

One of the main difficulties I encounter is that women often have their barriers up when it comes to men on dating sites, in my experience. Understandably, past negative experiences, etc, etc, can lead to caution and guardedness.

What is also new to me is the nervousness I experience in relation to dating lately. I find myself grappling with a sense of uncertainty and self-doubt that I have not encountered before. Though, it takes time to adjust and readjust while/after detransitioning and find comfort in it.

The influence of natural testosterone dominance adds another layer of complexity to my experience. Hormonal changes can affect our emotions and perspectives. I must admit that I struggle to put myself in women's shoes as effectively as I did during my previous time. (And yes @John53 I slipped in a pun. :) )

I share my experience with you, hoping that it sheds light on the challenges I am currently facing in the dating realm after detransitioning. And I want to clarify, that I believe women tend to have greater personal barriers in general when it comes to dating men than dating trans women. Women's personal barriers, (my) heightened nervousness, and the influence of natural testosterone are all factors that shape my experience today, I feel. Yet, I'm not really becoming devastated or overwhelmed by this, either, and lately, other areas of my life have been blossoming pretty well despite. That being said, although I can try to blame others for this, I'm not, just admitting my latest 'dating challenges'.

I have been posting about my dating experiences off and on, and I just wanted to say that, despite having some success at times in the past, seems like I'm actually going backward in progress with it lately. Lol.

Another factor is that I'm working on some very precise and technological projects lately, and I find it hard to 'turn my brain off' enough to sit down and focus on 'dating' even when trying to apply myself to it. Which could be a factor.

Thanks for reading.
 
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John53

I go leaps and bounds
I can offer no advice, grew up with my first wife then when we divorced and I was single for 5 years I was usually in some sort of relationship most of the time even though most didn't last more than a couple of months and I don't really recall how they started. Then I met my current wife online playing backgammon, I got sick and they expected me to die so she came over from America to visit me before I left the planet, I fooled everyone by not dying. She fell in love with the tanned, chiselled Aussie but fortunately he wasn't available and she married me.
 

Shadow Wolf

Certified People sTabber
I can offer no advice, grew up with my first wife then when we divorced and I was single for 5 years I was usually in some sort of relationship most of the time even though most didn't last more than a couple of months and I don't really recall how they started. Then I met my current wife online playing backgammon, I got sick and they expected me to die so she came over from America to visit me before I left the planet, I fooled everyone by not dying. She fell in love with the tanned, chiselled Aussie but fortunately he wasn't available and she married me.
I remember how my ex and I got together. We were both socially awkward, bith never dated anyone before, so a mutual friend called us in the same room and asked us if we wanted to go out with each other. And we became a couple at that moment.
 

JustGeorge

Not As Much Fun As I Look
Staff member
Premium Member
I've never really dated. In high school, you just typically, like @Shadow Wolf says here, ask a person if "they wanna go out", and then you're a couple. You don't actually go out anywhere...

I got into a longterm relationship that resulted in my oldest son at 19. Jumped right into another relationship when that ended, with a person that was an online friend. I was single for a stint when that failed, and my husband was the friend of a friend on the other side of the country, and he wouldn't stop calling me(apparently, he liked my picture).

I don't think I'd be able to figure out dating.
 

PoetPhilosopher

Veteran Member
I've never really dated. In high school, you just typically, like @Shadow Wolf says here, ask a person if "they wanna go out", and then you're a couple. You don't actually go out anywhere...

Must be nice. I never really saw that in High School in quite that way. There were things that happened like this, but no one uttered the statement, "Wanna go out?" Usually it was just if the two people were in the same room a lot, kissed before, etc, that sometimes things led to that assumption - even between the 'couple'.
 

JustGeorge

Not As Much Fun As I Look
Staff member
Premium Member
Must be nice. I never really saw that in High School in quite that way. There were things that happened like this, but no one uttered the statement, "Wanna go out?" Usually it was just if the two people were in the same room a lot, kissed before, etc, that sometimes things led to that assumption - even between the 'couple'.
I think in a way, the statement was uttered to clarify "yes, I'm interested in you, yes, its fine if you kiss me(and please do)". Perhaps it was a way of avoiding embarrassment(though, there was always a chance of rejection).

Though, I was/am a rigid person physically, so perhaps things ran more formally with me.
 
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