Cycle of Shame

[JerusalemBull]

Hey y’all. Wanted to make this post looking for some advice and support. . I know this is my all day night things. My dad and mom has certain relation with mulsim man which ended with conversion and return back . Me and sister for years ’ve found or get caught in this endless cycle of denial, emergence, acceptance, shame and then denial again for years. Anytime we finally feel comfortable with my self I’ll have a day of horrible shame and then I revoke it and deny it until the cycle starts again. I know there’s nothing to be ashamed of, but in this Arab society it’s hard to not slip back into feeling shame. My question is if anyone from experience can share what they do to help them fully embrace it and not feel shame? Thanks!

 

[King Phenomenon]

Shame because?

 

[bobhikes]

I'm 58 now and only over the last few years have I realized there is no need for feeling shame. What's done is done you can only move forward, apologize and correct your future self if needed and even if they don't accept it that's on them. You can't help or change others if they don't want to change. It wasn't easy to get this way, I had to challenge all my beliefs even my core beliefs but It was worth it. I still respect and engage politely with those that want me to change but I understand that it is their beliefs that make them that way and they are entitled to their beliefs as am I. I can only be me, as long as I am willing to correct my faults, I am always good. In short understand yourself first and always be willing to grow.

 

[Brickjectivity]

Hey y’all. Wanted to make this post looking for some advice and support. . I know this is my all day night things. My dad and mom has certain relation with mulsim man which ended with conversion and return back . Me and sister for years ’ve found or get caught in this endless cycle of denial, emergence, acceptance, shame and then denial again for years. Anytime we finally feel comfortable with my self I’ll have a day of horrible shame and then I revoke it and deny it until the cycle starts again. I know there’s nothing to be ashamed of, but in this Arab society it’s hard to not slip back into feeling shame. My question is if anyone from experience can share what they do to help them fully embrace it and not feel shame? Thanks!

I was ashamed for a long time. I know how that feels.

Do not blame anyone. Do not blame yourself. Do not blame other people. The reason I say not to do this, is that you may not be able to blame someone else without blaming yourself. Shame is a connected feeling. It connects to more than one part of you. If someone (such as this man you mention) has caused you problems, avoid thinking about him at all. Do not imagine his face. Forget. If he appears in your mind distract yourself. Try snapping your fingers, pinching your ear or other means. ( For me I sometimes will slap my cheek to get my mind off of something. This has proven effective sometimes -- but I don't do in in front of people . ) If you start to think about things you are ashamed of, stop and distract yourself immediately. Practice this. Exercise your ability to forget everything that brings the feeling of shame.

There are other techniques which will strengthen you and allow you feel normal sooner rather than later. Use proper posture. Do not slouch. Do not shuffle your feet. Hold your head up. Do not cross your arms over your chest or curl yourself or hunch. Instead assume an open posture, back slightly bent back, ready to take on the world.

Think about positive things. If you listen to music, notice if it makes you feel bad. If you watch films or TV notice the music, and turn down music that makes you feel bad.

Practice smiling in the morning. Use both your mouth and eye muscles. This helps to train your emotions. Emotions are like pets that have to be kept trained, or they will try to control you. Emotions are in us and are a little bit schizophrenic. They don't always match the situation appropriately, and so you have to correct them sometimes. They also can be smart or stupid, fast or slow. For example if your emotions are smart and fast you may be very emotionally intuitive and may be able to learn things about people through your emotions. On the other hand your emotions can be wrong and can deceive you.

Sleep is very important. Eating some protein is important. Water is important. You need mental strength to train your emotions.

 

[JustGeorge]

I was ashamed for a long time. I know how that feels.

Do not blame anyone. Do not blame yourself. Do not blame other people. The reason I say not to do this, is that you may not be able to blame someone else without blaming yourself. Shame is a connected feeling. It connects to more than one part of you. If someone (such as this man you mention) has caused you problems, avoid thinking about him at all. Do not imagine his face. Forget. If he appears in your mind distract yourself. Try snapping your fingers, pinching your ear or other means. ( For me I sometimes will slap my cheek to get my mind off of something. This has proven effective sometimes -- but I don't do in in front of people . ) If you start to think about things you are ashamed of, stop and distract yourself immediately. Practice this. Exercise your ability to forget everything that brings the feeling of shame.

There are other techniques which will strengthen you and allow you feel normal sooner rather than later. Use proper posture. Do not slouch. Do not shuffle your feet. Hold your head up. Do not cross your arms over your chest or curl yourself or hunch. Instead assume an open posture, back slightly bent back, ready to take on the world.

Think about positive things. If you listen to music, notice if it makes you feel bad. If you watch films or TV notice the music, and turn down music that makes you feel bad.

Practice smiling in the morning. Use both your mouth and eye muscles. This helps to train your emotions. Emotions are like pets that have to be kept trained, or they will try to control you. Emotions are in us and are a little bit schizophrenic. They don't always match the situation appropriately, and so you have to correct them sometimes. They also can be smart or stupid, fast or slow. For example if your emotions are smart and fast you may be very emotionally intuitive and may be able to learn things about people through your emotions. On the other hand your emotions can be wrong and can deceive you.

Sleep is very important. Eating some protein is important. Water is important. You need mental strength to train your emotions.

I hit myself to see if it helped.

Much to my surprise, it did.

 

[Brickjectivity]

I hit myself to see if it helped.

Much to my surprise, it did.

Awe. That's kind of funny but sad, too.

 

[JustGeorge]

Awe. That's kind of funny but sad, too.

Its that shock factor...

 

[Brickjectivity]

Its that shock factor...

Yes, and just to make sure both brain hemispheres are paying attention I also talk and say to myself don't think about that. Right after the slap. But maybe consult a doctor before you try it.

 

[Kenny]

Hey y’all. Wanted to make this post looking for some advice and support. . I know this is my all day night things. My dad and mom has certain relation with mulsim man which ended with conversion and return back . Me and sister for years ’ve found or get caught in this endless cycle of denial, emergence, acceptance, shame and then denial again for years. Anytime we finally feel comfortable with my self I’ll have a day of horrible shame and then I revoke it and deny it until the cycle starts again. I know there’s nothing to be ashamed of, but in this Arab society it’s hard to not slip back into feeling shame. My question is if anyone from experience can share what they do to help them fully embrace it and not feel shame? Thanks!

That is a process for sure.

Ultimately, I found complete freedom when I understood the total work of the Cross. I speak seeing that your profile says you are a Christian.

Shame is connected to guilt and condemnation. These three are connected to the Law. The Law gives us the understanding of sin and death (shame, guilt and condemnation included).

When we really have a face to face love relationship and understand what He did on the Cross and the power of His blood to erase all sin, then the power of sin, guilt, shame and condemnation has no power. It is when we meditate on what we did in our past that guilt, shame and condemnation resurfaces and begins to control our lives so we must get the revelation of His grace to overcome those thoughts.

John 15:3 You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you.

Col 2:12 buried with Him in baptism, in which you also were raised with Himthrough faith in the working of God, who raised Him from the dead. 13 And you, being dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, He has made alive together with Him, having forgiven you all trespasses, 14 having wiped out the handwriting of requirements that was against us, which was contrary to us. And He has taken it out of the way, having nailed it to the cross.

Hebrews 9:14 how much more shall the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered Himself without spot to God, cleanse your conscience from dead works to serve the living God?

Romans 8: There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.

Jude 1:24 Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling, And to present you faultless Before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy,

So, meditate on the things that are good, lovely, good report, virtuous and full of praise and shame will leave.

God's love is not based on performance but on forgiveness.

 

[JustGeorge]

Yes, and just to make sure both brain hemispheres are paying attention I also talk and say to myself don't think about that. Right after the slap. But maybe consult a doctor before you try it.

I'll make a point to smack my left cheek sometime later today.

 

[syo]

In big brother area there is no shame.

 

[Truthseeker]

I hit myself to see if it helped.

Much to my surprise, it did.

By the way, you have such outlandish avatars. A voodoo figure this time?

 

[JustGeorge]

By the way, you have such outlandish avatars. A voodoo figure this time?

You got it!

I'm impressed with how many of them you recognize.

 

[Truthseeker]

You got it!

I'm impressed with how many of them you recognize.

I use Google lens or "search image with google". The one today, I am informed is "AUSTEJA THE BEE GODDESS". Mine is just an interfaith T-shirt that I got shopping online, and imaged it later. As this is the Interfaith Discussion forum, I've found just the place for this T-shirt.

 

[Bird123]

Everybody wants to rule the world. Are they attempting to use blame and guilt in order to shame you into altering your choices? Does this really sound like the Higher Level of God? Of course not!!

God gave everyone free choice for very important reasons. One's free choice is far too important to allow others to make choices for one. God gave everyone a different view to guaranty mankind a larger view than any one person could have. I say listen to the advice of others but make your own choices. Life's lessons are best learned that way.

I have found no religion that actually understands God at all. If one follows blindly any religion, can one ever hope to really understand God? I think not!!

Everything about God and this world adds up perfectly. So much is said about God that simply isn't true. Perhaps one should question those trying to convert you about the sea of so many things that simply does not add up about those beliefs. Clearly, they do not speak for God.

People can be blind to so very much when they value beliefs above all else. Justifying their beliefs by getting you to believe is more important to them than walking at a Higher Level.

I have many many people trying to convert me. Do I feel shame? Of course not. I lovingly point them to the light and the Higher Level of Unconditional Love and Kindness. I never want to make their choices for them, however I can place Real Truth in their lives.

It comes down to what is it you really want to choose? Choose it happily and without shame knowing it is part of your journey to Discover what the best choices really are. This is what God really wants of us all. It is the true path to a Higher Level.

That's what I see. It's very clear!!

 

[JustGeorge]

I use Google lens or "search image with google". The one today, I am informed is "AUSTEJA THE BEE GODDESS". Mine is just an interfaith T-shirt that I got shopping online, and imaged it later. As this is the Interfaith Discussion forum, I've found just the place for this T-shirt.

It is Austeja. And here I thought you were a deity expert...

Its a nice shirt.

 

[JerusalemBull]

I'll make a point to smack my left cheek sometime later today.

 

[JerusalemBull]

Shame because?

Being Christian and dating muslim and then conversion and return back

 

[SomeRandom]

I think I kind of outgrew whatever shame I had.
But in saying that, I was always a little bit defiant to my mother’s religious teachings. Not that I necessarily disagreed or rebelled against them.
Just that my father instilled in me a strong sense of self comfort. Didn’t always work (especially as an awkward geeky teen lol.)
But it did mean that I pushed back against any sense of “shame” that may have incidentally come with what she taught me.
It’s a bit hard to explain, but eh

 

[JerusalemBull]

I think I kind of outgrew whatever shame I had.
But in saying that, I was always a little bit defiant to my mother’s religious teachings. Not that I necessarily disagreed or rebelled against them.
Just that my father instilled in me a strong sense of self comfort. Didn’t always work (especially as an awkward geeky teen lol.)
But it did mean that I pushed back against any sense of “shame” that may have incidentally come with what she taught me.
It’s a bit hard to explain, but eh

True