Cultivation of patience.

[Vinayaka]

A few weeks ago I arrived at my local store right at 7 AM as my effort to avoid people during the pandemic. My car clock said 6:58 when I got my cart, shifted to the door. There was another man in front of me, and he was cursing to an invisible person at the door, as the store hadn't yet opened. Something like, 'if these stupid blanks say they're gonna open at 7, then these dumb blanks ought to open at 7, and not let people stand outside all day ... blah blah blah. At about 7 the girl came and opened the door, and he stopped.

I though to myself ... "Really? You're get get yourself all angry over a debatable two minutes? What?"

I wonder how high is heart rate goes when he has to deal with waiting in a queue on a phone? Does he take his anger out on his spouse or kids? (assuming he has them).

So then, in meditation, I start reflecting on patience. Am I ever like this guy? What am I doing to stop this sort of irrational behaviour in myself? I admit I'm better at age 67 than I was at age 25, and that there are certain circumstances like waiting 2 hours for your food at a restaurant that are indeed unreasonable. But half an hour isn't.

So ... what do you do to cultivate patience? How do you determine when to get upset, or say something?

 

[Secret Chief]

A few weeks ago I arrived at my local store right at 7 AM as my effort to avoid people during the pandemic. My car clock said 6:58 when I got my cart, shifted to the door. There was another man in front of me, and he was cursing to an invisible person at the door, as the store hadn't yet opened. Something like, 'if these stupid blanks say they're gonna open at 7, then these dumb blanks ought to open at 7, and not let people stand outside all day ... blah blah blah. At about 7 the girl came and opened the door, and he stopped.

I though to myself ... "Really? You're get get yourself all angry over a debatable two minutes? What?"

I wonder how high is heart rate goes when he has to deal with waiting in a queue on a phone? Does he take his anger out on his spouse or kids? (assuming he has them).

So then, in meditation, I start reflecting on patience. Am I ever like this guy? What am I doing to stop this sort of irrational behaviour in myself? I admit I'm better at age 67 than I was at age 25, and that there are certain circumstances like waiting 2 hours for your food at a restaurant that are indeed unreasonable. But half an hour isn't.

So ... what do you do to cultivate patience? How do you determine when to get upset, or say something?

tl;dr

 

[sun rise]

So ... what do you do to cultivate patience? How do you determine when to get upset, or say something?

You've put your finger on one of my "works in progress" items. I still feel a flash of impatience when someone in a checkout line fumbles for a card or cash. I still have a flash of impatience when a light turns green and someone takes 2 seconds to hit the gas.

I've gotten better by first recognizing that I'm impatient (self-observation) and then a flash of remembering with some combination of a deep breath, remembering when I've been the slow one, noting that an extra minute is ok and other thoughts.

It's a combination of self-reflection, knowing that patience is my goal and a bit of patience at how long it's taking me to learn patience.

 

[JustGeorge]

Years ago, I was taking my husband and our neighbor(who worked with my husband) to work. I drive the speed limit. Maybe even slightly below. An agitated woman peeled out from behind me, and sped up into oncoming traffic just to not have to be behind me.

And then came a stoplight. Our neighbor, who was a rather assertive fellow, stuck his head out the window, and very casually said "Really? That big production just to sit up here with us at the stoplight?" She was rather horrified, and rolled up her window so she couldn't hear him anymore.

Having kids has required I develop patience or go insane. I can't afford the cost of an insane asylum, so that's that. Though I still get irritable when its time to go. Once I'm out the door, I want to go, not wait for cigarettes to be finished(on part of husband), or for someone to find just the right shoes, or to grab items out of other cars... I'll have to work on that.

 

[Vinayaka]

Years ago, I was taking my husband and our neighbor(who worked with my husband) to work. I drive the speed limit. Maybe even slightly below. An agitated woman peeled out from behind me, and sped up into oncoming traffic just to not have to be behind me.

And then came a stoplight. Our neighbor, who was a rather assertive fellow, stuck his head out the window, and very casually said "Really? That big production just to sit up here with us at the stoplight?" She was rather horrified, and rolled up her window so she couldn't hear him anymore.

Having kids has required I develop patience or go insane. I can't afford the cost of an insane asylum, so that's that. Though I still get irritable when its time to go. Once I'm out the door, I want to go, not wait for cigarettes to be finished(on part of husband), or for someone to find just the right shoes, or to grab items out of other cars... I'll have to work on that.

You triggered some memories ... leaving the house was often a challenge, with kids. There seemed to always be somebody who forgot something, needed another bathroom break, another snack ...

 

[Vinayaka]

You've put your finger on one of my "works in progress" items. I still feel a flash of impatience when someone in a checkout line fumbles for a card or cash. I still have a flash of impatience when a light turns green and someone takes 2 seconds to hit the gas.

I've gotten better by first recognizing that I'm impatient (self-observation) and then a flash of remembering with some combination of a deep breath, remembering when I've been the slow one, noting that an extra minute is ok and other thoughts.

It's a combination of self-reflection, knowing that patience is my goal and a bit of patience at how long it's taking me to learn patience.

I worked as a courier for about a year. I had downtown traffic route at afternoon rush hour. After getting upset for like 20 straight days in a row, I had an epiphany that I couldn't change it. After that it was much better emotionally.

 

[Trailblazer]

So ... what do you do to cultivate patience? How do you determine when to get upset, or say something?

Not to brag or anything because I have a lot of bad qualities of character, but patience is not something I lack.
How many people do you think would STILL be waiting for a tenant to pay a rent debt that is now over 13,000 dollars? Admittedly, I am getting really tired of waiting so if he does not at least make a good faith effort to start paying down that debt I am going to hire an attorney and it won't be pretty.

Mind you this tenant has been renting my house for nine years now and he has been behind on the rent in various degrees most of that time, so I have learned when and how to say something and when to lay low. I am really angry right now but I am still planning my strategy.

 

[Secret Chief]

Meditation. It seeps into your life.
My attitude is not universally or continuously appreciated.

 

[Trailblazer]

Having kids has required I develop patience or go insane. I can't afford the cost of an insane asylum, so that's that.

Having as many cats as we have had has required the same patience for the same reasons!
Yesterday Busia got up on the kitchen counter and knocked the cake on the floor and it landed face down. Then she went for straws. What does a cat want with straws? She got into the new package of straws and took a few out of the package to the floor.... Later my husband found a straw in the bedroom under the bed... talk about the last straw.

 

[JustGeorge]

You triggered some memories ... leaving the house was often a challenge, with kids. There seemed to always be somebody who forgot something, needed another bathroom break, another snack ...

I have one kid that's running circles around the car before we're ready to go, even if he does not have all the items he intended to have, another one that happily walks along next to me, and another that's still dragging behind in the house because he has to do this, that, and the other thing. Husband always has to pee(he's worse than a child) and take one last puff off that cigarette...

 

[Unveiled Artist]

A few weeks ago I arrived at my local store right at 7 AM as my effort to avoid people during the pandemic. My car clock said 6:58 when I got my cart, shifted to the door. There was another man in front of me, and he was cursing to an invisible person at the door, as the store hadn't yet opened. Something like, 'if these stupid blanks say they're gonna open at 7, then these dumb blanks ought to open at 7, and not let people stand outside all day ... blah blah blah. At about 7 the girl came and opened the door, and he stopped.

I though to myself ... "Really? You're get get yourself all angry over a debatable two minutes? What?"

I wonder how high is heart rate goes when he has to deal with waiting in a queue on a phone? Does he take his anger out on his spouse or kids? (assuming he has them).

So then, in meditation, I start reflecting on patience. Am I ever like this guy? What am I doing to stop this sort of irrational behaviour in myself? I admit I'm better at age 67 than I was at age 25, and that there are certain circumstances like waiting 2 hours for your food at a restaurant that are indeed unreasonable. But half an hour isn't.

So ... what do you do to cultivate patience? How do you determine when to get upset, or say something?

That's a good question. I write in my journal or go for a run. Lately, I bought a meditation futon since sitting on the floor hurts my bottom. I've done it twice so far, so I'm just getting a habit of morning and evening sitting-nothing formal. Other times I just talk to my loved ones if push comes to shove.

I don't get out much to face anything outside of my control. Once in a blue moon I have an angry visitor at work who doesn't want to park on the main street but wants to sit in the fire zone for thirty minutes then get mad when I'm about to tow. When I'm about to tow, they come in at the last minute. One guy got lucky cause it was dark and the tow truck went right by the car right in front of the building! Then the visitor came out five minutes later.

I have a hard time handling emotions and stuff for control and uncontrollable reasons. So, its more figuring how to adapt to what I can't control rather than try to force. But, anyway, I haven't found any thing I can do immediately during or immediately after a stressful event. If I were in your shoes, closest I would do is, after the guy left, wait till all my thoughts go haywire, then think "don't let anyone steal my joy."

 

[Trailblazer]

Once I'm out the door, I want to go, not wait for cigarettes to be finished(on part of husband), or for someone to find just the right shoes, or to grab items out of other cars... I'll have to work on that.

I hear you. My husband takes soooooo long to get ready just to go just to the grocery store.... You'd think we were going to China or something. I finally figured about how long it would take from when I tell him we are going to when he will be ready and I ride the elliptical machine until he is completely ready to go. That way I don't have to keep getting mad at him.

 

[JustGeorge]

I hear you. My husband takes soooooo long to get ready just to go just to the grocery store.... You'd think we were going to China or something. I finally figured about how long it would take from when I tell him we are going to when he will be ready and I ride the elliptical machine until he is completely ready to go. That way I don't have to keep getting mad at him.

That's a really good idea. If it were just me and husband, I think I'd do that, too. In reality, I end up spending most of that 'excess time' keeping Ares in one piece while he waits for his dad.

 

[SomeRandom]

A few weeks ago I arrived at my local store right at 7 AM as my effort to avoid people during the pandemic. My car clock said 6:58 when I got my cart, shifted to the door. There was another man in front of me, and he was cursing to an invisible person at the door, as the store hadn't yet opened. Something like, 'if these stupid blanks say they're gonna open at 7, then these dumb blanks ought to open at 7, and not let people stand outside all day ... blah blah blah. At about 7 the girl came and opened the door, and he stopped.

I though to myself ... "Really? You're get get yourself all angry over a debatable two minutes? What?"

I wonder how high is heart rate goes when he has to deal with waiting in a queue on a phone? Does he take his anger out on his spouse or kids? (assuming he has them).

So then, in meditation, I start reflecting on patience. Am I ever like this guy? What am I doing to stop this sort of irrational behaviour in myself? I admit I'm better at age 67 than I was at age 25, and that there are certain circumstances like waiting 2 hours for your food at a restaurant that are indeed unreasonable. But half an hour isn't.

So ... what do you do to cultivate patience? How do you determine when to get upset, or say something?

Lol as someone who’s worked retail this is such a mood.
The amount of times I bent over backwards to help customers (who, to be fair were usually very grateful) only to be spat in the face because I took an extra minute too long, in their opinion

 

[Vinayaka]

Lol as someone who’s worked retail this is such a mood.
The amount of times I bent over backwards to help customers (who, to be fair were usually very grateful) only to be spat in the face because I took an extra minute too long, in their opinion

Sadly, we remember the idiot, and forget all the nice people. Weird psychological trait, that.

 

[Trailblazer]

That's a really good idea. If it were just me and husband, I think I'd do that, too. In reality, I end up spending most of that 'excess time' keeping Ares in one piece while he waits for his dad.

Yeah, you have a much more complicated situation since you have kids.

 

[SalixIncendium]

So ... what do you do to cultivate patience?

In my earlier years, I took life far too seriously. I’ve learned over time to relax and take things more in stride, as I found my impatience was hurting me from a health perspective more than my actions as a result of my impatience were hurting others.

How do you determine when to get upset, or say something?

I don’t get upset at much anymore, and when I do, it’s quite brief before it passes. Getting upset is an unproductive emotion, in my experience.

As far as when to say something, I put myself in the shoes of the person that is causing my impatience to assess if my expectations are unreasonable. If they aren’t then I’ll say something.

 

[SomeRandom]

Sadly, we remember the idiot, and forget all the nice people. Weird psychological trait, that.

Too true lol
But to be fair the idiot is often also amusing. At least with my demented sense of humour

 

[Secret Chief]

How do you determine when to get upset, or say something?

It can be the case that the feeling is felt immediately; the initial mental response is visceral, but then the "determination" can follow an assessment of that feeling and deciding how or whether to react (verbally and/or behaviourally). I suppose the old age "count to ten" is what I'm referring to. We all have angry feelings, it's a matter of rationally basing any response to that feeling or else being "carried away" by it.

 

[Mock Turtle]

I very rarely lose patience with people these days, apart from those behind the inadequate products I seem to come across, and who have designed, produced, allowed to be for sale, etc., all such. They are all destined for Hell to use such products in eternity - or so is my wish. As one ages it usually dawns on one not to get too involved with others who tend to show anger, frustration, or other such - given that this might rebound on one - and leave any teaching as to how to behave to others. If patience is rewarded I'm still waiting for mine.