Corporal punishment

[SkepticThinker]

Congratulations.

My children are also respectful, sweet, kind, mindful and empathic adults. Probably more complicated than just "did you or did you not spank".

Yes, there is definitely more to it than that.

I would say, however, that being a Nanny isn't the same as being a parent. (Not saying that parenting must include loving spanks) just that spanking doesn't equate to psychological damage (unless done wrong)

Spanking can and does cause psychological damage though, as do all forms of physical violence.

Spending all day long with the kids as a nanny means I had to discipline them at times, of course. My nephew could get quite unruly on occasion. Never did it cross my mind to lay my hands on him though. We spent a lot of time talking and walking through how he would feel if someone treated him the same way. How when we do wrong to someone, we need to apologize to the person(s) we wronged and make up for it. A little lesson on empathy can go a long way. Anyway, the rest of our conversation looked somewhat similar to what you described with you and your kids, excluding all the religious stuff, of course. I just don't think any hitting at all is necessary. And I don't think it prepares kids for "adult life" because no where in adult life is it legal to hit another adult.

At my old office I used to work at, there was this really nice woman who cleaned for us after hours and sometimes I'd get to talking to her. Like my brother-in-law,. she's from Trinidad and Tobago. I remember her telling me that her grandson often acted up by hitting or punching his little sister and she'd have to "swat him about the legs" to get him to stop. I asked her if he would stop after that, and she thought about it for a sec and said, 'No, he's just go hit his sister again." And I thought to myself, gee, I wonder why. Where on earth did he learn to use violence like that?

 

[SkepticThinker]

I'm not advocating abuse. Get real.

If you're advocating physical "discipline" against children, you are advocating for abuse. Get real.

And once again, you've avoided the point about how hitting adults is illegal. Nobody who advocates physically hitting kids ever addresses that. Ever. It's pretty obvious why, I think.

 

[SkepticThinker]

Considering how life will hit us, the loving correction of a parent is a blessing. We have a lot of spoiled people trying to exist in the real world today and failing by the millions. Especially young men.... They never learned that actions have consequences, and were never given the tools to man up.

Ugh, more euphemisms.
Life doesn't physically hit us. In fact, it's illegal for adults to hit other adults.

As their parents, you are the two people on earth who are supposed to protect them. What kind of message do you think it sends them if you physically hit them, ya think?
Oh wait, we don't need your opinion, we actually have a bunch of evidence indicating that physical "discipline" is detrimental to a child's physical, emotional and psychological well-being.

Why teach your kids that it's okay to hit people when they don't do what you want? That's not at all applicable to real life. Children can be taught that actions have consequences without anyone ever having to hit them. And again, in adult life, if you hit another adult you can be charged with a crime. So you're not actually teaching them anything useful that they can apply to their adult lives.

 

[SkepticThinker]

I'm not at all insensitive. I understand all too well how spoiling a child messes up their life.

Spoiled?

So, not hitting kids is spoiling them? Or ... huh?

 

[mikkel_the_dane]

Spoiled?

So, not hitting kids is spoiling them? Or ... huh?

Well, you don't have to hit children to teach them limits to their behavior, but you still have to limit their behavior in some cases.

 

[SkepticThinker]

Letting your child be a terror will not serve them well in life.
You are actually helping them by using discipline.

One of mine went into the military...can you imagine how he would have fared if he had never learned beforehand that authority must be respected?

Nobody is saying anything about letting children be little terrors. Apparently you aren't aware that there are a ton of effective ways to raise healthy children that don't involve hitting them at all. Ever.

If you do actually want to raise little terrors, one of the first things you should do is physically abuse them. Violence begets violence.
The main predictor of violent behaviour in adolescents is violence in their direct and surrounding environment during their childhood.

 

[mikkel_the_dane]

Nobody is saying anything about letting children be little terrors. Apparently you aren't aware that there are a ton of effective ways to raise healthy children that don't involve hitting them at all. Ever.

If you do actually want to raise little terrors, one of the first things you should do is physically abuse them. Violence begets violence.
The main predictor of violent behaviour in adolescents is violence in their direct and surrounding environment during their childhood.

The other ones are curling and laissez faire, though they can get different results.

 

[Wildswanderer]

T

They removed drill Sargent "shark attack" methods years ago. They can't touch you anymore. If they do, they're subject to removal and lawsuit. And what do you know, teamwork scores and criteria much improved by not having NCO's screaming and beating people. What a concept.

They removed drill Sargent "shark attack" methods years ago. They can't touch you anymore. If they do, they're subject to removal and lawsuit. And what do you know, teamwork scores and criteria much improved by not having NCO's screaming and beating people. What a concept.

There's lots of ways to physically punish that are a lot more intense than smacking someone.

 

[Wildswanderer]

If you do actually want to raise little terrors, one of the first things you should do is physically abuse them. Violence begets violence.

Funny how my kids have not become violent terrors as adults then. They are, in fact, often much more mature than others their age.

 

[mikkel_the_dane]

Funny how my kids have not become violent terrors as adults then. They are, in fact, often much more mature than others their age.

Evidence.

 

[Wildswanderer]

Like what?

Like if you are crossing certain boundaries. Basically adults that act as immature children are punished by physical restraint and whatever is required. .. try crossing boundaries with the police and you get tear gassed. I would rather have learned to respect authority as a child than be that person.

 

[SkepticThinker]

Funny how my kids have not become violent terrors as adults then. They are, in fact, often much more mature than others their age.

You forgot the rest of it:

The main predictor of violent behaviour in adolescents is violence in their direct and surrounding environment during their childhood.

If what you say is true, they are the exception.

 

[SkepticThinker]

Like if you are crossing certain boundaries. Basically adults that act as immature children are punished by physical restraint and whatever is required. .. try crossing boundaries with the police and you get tear gassed. I would rather have learned to respect authority as a child than be that person.

It's illegal for adults to hit other adults. Even "immature" adults.

Why do you think that hitting children instills respect for authority? Why do you equate hitting with discipline? Are you not aware of the much more effective methods of discipline available to parents?

 

[Wildswanderer]

Evidence.

The one who received the least discipline, and was pretty much allowed to do her own thing for a long time really struggles with self motivation.

The others are generally some of the hardest workers among their peers.

 

[mikkel_the_dane]

The one who received the least discipline, and was pretty much allowed to do her own thing for a long time really struggles with self motivation.

The others are generally some of the hardest workers among their peers.

Not your words. Actual evidence.

 

[Wildswanderer]

It's illegal for adults to hit other adults. Even "immature" adults.

Why do you think that hitting children instills respect for authority? Why do you equate hitting with discipline? Are you not aware of the much more effective methods of discipline available to parents?

Whatever works for you...I found that a smack on the rear was sometimes what works. I really think you all have weird conceptions of what spanking is... I know well the difference between measured corporal punishments and child abuse.

 

[sayak83]

One of the core concepts of Hinduism is ahimsa. How can you say we say nothing about it?

I was thinking more on the line of specific child rearing advise given anywhere in our griha sutras.

But you are correct. Ahimsa is a fundamental principle and any social change that moves us towards this is welcome.

 

[Wildswanderer]

Not your words. Actual evidence.

No I'm not going to give you personal information about my children online, sheesh.

 

[mikkel_the_dane]

No I'm not going to give you personal information about my children online, sheesh.

So your children are all children and you have checked all other variants in an objective sense. Yeah, anecdotal evidence is a kind of evidence, but only very limited.

 

[SkepticThinker]

Whatever works for you...I found that a smack on the rear was sometimes what works. I really think you all have weird conceptions of what spanking is... I know well the difference between measured corporal punishments and child abuse.

Hitting doesn't work for anyone.

I think you have a weird idea about what spanking is, if you don't think it counts as physical violence.
Do we spank adults? Nope. We can't even treat dogs that way anymore. Why spank kids then? Why teach them it's okay to hit people?

You didn't address my questions ...

Why do you think that hitting children instills respect for authority? Why do you equate hitting with discipline? Are you not aware of the much more effective methods of discipline available to parents?

 

[Vinayaka]

Like if you are crossing certain boundaries. Basically adults that act as immature children are punished by physical restraint and whatever is required. .. try crossing boundaries with the police and you get tear gassed. I would rather have learned to respect authority as a child than be that person.

Yes, they use physical restraint, and they have to, but you said you'd hit somebody in certain circumstances. Which circumstances? I've used physical restraint as a teacher.