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Computer Jokes.

Discussion in 'Games / Pics / Jokes / Stories' started by mrscardero, Sep 25, 2009.

  1. mrscardero

    mrscardero Kal-El's Mama

    Nov 7, 2004

    For those computer beer lovers.


    UltraViolet's Tower.


    OMG!!! This would be great for Sunstone, Quagmire, Mister_T and other beer drinkers!


    I placed an order. I want to make sure things are taken care
    of when I pass.

    • Like Like x 1
  2. Mestemia

    Mestemia Advocatus Diaboli
    Premium Member

    Jul 23, 2005
    I do not know who the original author is but here you go:
    #2 Mestemia, Sep 25, 2009
    Last edited: Sep 25, 2009
    • Like Like x 1
  3. freethinker44

    freethinker44 Well-Known Member

    Apr 11, 2009
    Here is a joke for you.

  4. Mestemia

    Mestemia Advocatus Diaboli
    Premium Member

    Jul 23, 2005
    I don't get it...

    nor do I want it
  5. Mestemia

    Mestemia Advocatus Diaboli
    Premium Member

    Jul 23, 2005
    Proper Diskette and Care Usage

    (1) Never leave diskettes in the drive, as the data can leak
    out of the disk and corrode the inner mechanics of the
    drive. Diskettes should be rolled up and stored in
    pencil holders.

    (2) Diskettes should be cleaned and waxed once a week.
    Microscopic metal particles may be removed by waving a
    powerful magnet over the surface of the disk. Any
    stubborn metal shavings can be removed with scouring
    powder and steel wool. When waxing a diskette, make sure
    the surface is even. This will allow the diskette to
    spin faster, resulting in better access time.

    (3) Do not fold diskettes unless they do not fit into the
    drive. "Big" Diskettes may be folded and used in
    "Little" drives.

    (4) Never insert a diskette into the drive upside down. The
    data can fall off the surface of the disk and jam the
    intricate mechanics of the drive.

    (5) Diskettes cannot be backed up by running them through a
    photo copy machine. If your data is going to need to be
    backed up, simply insert TWO diskettes into your drive.
    Whenever you update a document, the data will be written
    onto both disks. A handy tip for more legible backup
    copies: Keep a container of iron filings at your desk.
    When you need to make two copies, sprinkle iron filings
    liberally between the diskettes before inserting them
    into the drive.

    (6) Diskettes should not be removed or inserted from the
    drive while the red light is on or flashing. Doing so
    could result in smeared or possibly unreadable text.
    Occasionally, the red light remains flashing in what is
    known as a "hung" or "hooked" state. If your system is
    hooking, you will probably need to insert a few coins
    before being allowed to access the slot.

    (7) If your diskette is full and needs more storage space,
    remove the disk from the drive and shake vigorously for
    two minutes. This will pack the data enough (data
    compression) to allow for more storage. Be sure to cover
    all openings with scotch tape to prevent loss of data.

    (8) Data access time may be greatly improved by cutting more
    holes in the diskette jacket. This will provide more
    simultaneous access points to the disk.

    (9) Periodically spray diskettes with insecticide to prevent
    system bugs from spreading.....

    Author Unknown
  6. Mestemia

    Mestemia Advocatus Diaboli
    Premium Member

    Jul 23, 2005
    QUESTION: Where do the characters go when I use my backspace or delete
    them on my PC?

    ANSWER: The characters go to different places, depending on whom you
    * The Catholic Church's approach to characters: The nice characters go to Heaven, where they are bathed in the light of happiness. The naughty characters are punished for their sins. Naughty characters are those involved in the creation of naughty words, such as "breast," "sex" and contraception."

    * The Buddhist explanation: If a character has lived rightly, and its karma is good, then after it has been deleted it will be reincarnated as a different, higher character. Those funny characters above the numbers on your keyboard will become numbers, numbers will become
    letters, and lower-case letters will become upper-case.

    * The 20th-century bitter cynical nihilist explanation: Who cares? It doesn't really matter if they're on the page, deleted, undeleted, underlined, etc. It's all the same.

    * The Mac user's explanation: All the characters written on a PC and then deleted go to straight to PC hell. If you're using a PC, you can probably see the deleted characters, because you're in PC hell also.

    * Stephen King's explanation: Every time you hit the (Del) key you unleash a tiny monster inside the cursor, who tears the poor unsuspecting characters to shreds, drinks their blood, then eats them, bones and all. Hah, hah, hah!

    * Dave Barry's explanation: The deleted characters are shipped to Battle Creek, Michigan, where they're made into Pop-Tart filling; this explains why Pop-Tarts are so flammable, while cheap imitations are not flammable. I'm not making this up.

    * IBM's explanation: The characters are not real. They exist only on the screen when they are needed, as concepts, so to delete them is merely to de-conceptualize them. Get a life.

    * PETA's (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) explanation:
    You've been DELETING them??? Can't you hear them SCREAMING??? Why don't you go CLUB some BABY SEALS while wearing a MINK, you pig!!!!
    Author Unknown
  7. Mestemia

    Mestemia Advocatus Diaboli
    Premium Member

    Jul 23, 2005
    31 Signs That Technology Has Taken Over Your Life
    -- Joe Mullich, AmericanWay Magazine, 11/15/94.

    1. Your stationery is more cluttered than Warren Beatty's address book.
    The letterhead lists a fax number, e-mail addresses for two on-line
    services, and your Internet address, which spreads across the breadth of
    the letterhead and continues to the back. In essence, you have conceded
    that the first page of any letter you write *is* letterhead.

    2. You have never sat through an entire movie without having at least one
    device on your body beep or buzz.

    3. You need to fill out a form that must be typewritten, but you can't
    because there isn't one typewriter in your house -- only computers with
    laser printers.

    4. You think of the gadgets in your office as "friends," but you forget
    to send your father a birthday card.

    5. You disdain people who use low baud rates.

    6. When you go into a computer store, you eavesdrop on a salesperson
    talking with customers -- and you butt in to correct him and spend the
    next twenty minutes answering the customers' questions, while the
    salesperson stands by silently, nodding his head.

    7. You use the phrase "digital compression" in a conversation without
    thinking how strange your mouth feels when you say it.

    8. You constantly find yourself in groups of people to whom you say the
    phrase "digital compression." Everyone understands what you mean, and
    you are not surprised or disappointed that you don't have to explain it.

    9. You know Bill Gates' e-mail address, but you have to look up your own
    social security number.

    10. You stop saying "phone number" and replace it with "voice number,"
    since we all know the majority of phone lines in any house are plugged
    into contraptions that talk to other contraptions.

    11. You sign Christmas cards by putting :) next to your signature.

    12. Off the top of your head, you can think of nineteen keystroke symbols
    that are far more clever than :).

    13. You back up your data every day.

    14. Your wife asks you to pick up some minipads for her at the store and
    you return with a rest for your mouse.

    15. You think jokes about being unable to program a VCR are stupid.

    16. On vacation, you are reading a computer manual and turning the pages
    faster than everyone else who is reading John Grisham novels.

    17. The thought that a CD could refer to finance or music rarely
    enters your mind.

    18. You are able to argue persuasively the Ross Perot's phrase
    "electronic town hall" makes more sense than the term "information
    superhighway," but you don't because, after all, the man still uses
    hand-drawn pie charts.

    19. You go to computer trade shows and map out your path of the exhibit
    hall in advance. But you cannot give someone directions to your house
    without looking up the street names.

    20. You would rather get more dots per inch than miles per gallon.

    21. You become upset when a person calls you on the phone to sell you
    something, but you think it's okay for a computer to call and demand that
    you start pushing buttons on your telephone to receive more information
    about the product it is selling.

    22. You know without a doubt that disks come in five-and-a- quarter-and
    three-and-a-half-inch sizes.

    23. Al Gore strikes you as an "intriguing" fellow.

    24. You own a set of itty-bitty screw-drivers and you actually know where
    they are.

    25. While contemporaries swap stories about their recent hernia
    surgeries, you compare mouse-induced index-finger strain with a

    26. You are so knowledgeable about technology that you feel secure enough
    to say "I don't know" when someone asks you a technology question instead
    of feeling compelled to make something up.

    27. You rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile

    28. You have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you
    own turns bread into charcoal.

    29. You have ended friendships because of irreconcilably different
    opinions about which is better -- the track ball or the track *pad*.

    30. You understand what Geordi is talking about on Star Trek:The Next
    Generation, and can correct him when he says something that is ovbviously

    31. You understand all the jokes in this message. If so, my friend,
    technology has taken over your life. We suggest, for your own good, that
    you go lie under a tree and write a haiku. And don't use a laptop.
  8. Mestemia

    Mestemia Advocatus Diaboli
    Premium Member

    Jul 23, 2005
    Support, Santa Cruz Style or Where Do These People Come From?
    by Jeff Liebermann 07/09/94
    (All these really happened to me since 1983.)

    1. "My hard disk won't boot". I suggest they take the floppy
    out of drive A:. Later when I arrive, they have successfully
    removed the floppy drive from the machine (with the floppy disk
    still inside).

    2. "My dog goes nuts when I run Windows. No problem with any
    DOS programs". Her monitor had a cracked flyback transformer.
    When the multisync monitor switched scan rates upon entering
    Windows, the high frequency audio produced by the broken flyback
    was heard by the dog.

    3. "Michaelangelo virus ate my hard disk, but I have a tape
    backup. Can you help me restore the system". No problem.
    When I arrive, I find the data on the tape was 18 months old and
    that she had never run a backup. "I thought you just shoved
    in the tape and it sucked up the data".

    4. "How do I get on the national data information super highway?".
    I ask if he has accounts on any bbs's. He has Netcom, Compuserve,
    and others. I tell him he's already on the highway.
    "Is that all there is?" I hangup.

    5. "What's the fastest way to move 500MBytes of data daily
    from Santa Cruz to Los Angeles?". Answer: FedEx.

    6. How many RJ45 connector does it take to build 8ea 10baseT cables?
    Answer: 45. I put the first 16 connectors on with one end backward.
    I then chopped off the good ends. Chopping off the other 8 connectors
    and effectively starting over consumed another 16 connectors. The
    2nd try resulted in one end being mirror-imaged. Chopping of 8 more
    connectors I finally got them wired correctly. Then I tested them
    for continuity and found 5 bad crimps. Total=45.

    7. "What kind of hard disk do you have?" Well... It's black
    with a little red light ... (groan).

    8. Most common support call. "I lost my CMOS setup. How many
    heads, cylinders, and sectors does a _______ drive have?".

    9. "I move the mouse in any direction and the cursor only moves
    an inch or so on the screen and stops".
    Take the foam shipping ring out from around the mouse ball.

    10. "My systems on fire. What do I do?".
    Ummmmm. Turn it off? "(Click)"

    11. Most hated support call: "I'm not sure if we need a computer
    system. Can you give me the relative advantages of Unix, DOS,
    Windows, Novell, MacIntosh, Sun, etc...?".

    12. Favorite software support call: "I just installed Word 6.0
    for Windows. It's really big and slow. How much will it cost
    to upgrade my machine?"

    13. "My floppy drive won't read disks". I suggest they clean out
    the dust from the drive. "I can't". Huh? "The dust won't move".
    I find that they were using spray glue near the machine and that
    all the dust was glued in place.

    14. How to impress a new customer: I walk into the computer room
    and knock the fire extinguisher off the wall which immediately
    sprays everything with dust.

    15. "My printer stopped working". Turn it upside down and shake
    out the staples and paper clips. Works every time.

    16. "Can you teach me how to use a computer?".
    I answer: No. I just fix the machines, I don't use them.

    17. The company motto: "If this stuff worked, you wouldn't need me".

    18. From one of my smarter clients:
    "Why is something broken every time you're here?"

    19. "I'm trying to install a 2nd IDE drive. Support told me to
    take out ALL the jumpers". How many did you take out? "12".
    (What they meant were the two easily accessible jumpers).

    20. I call a manufacturer to order a manual on some junk I picked up
    surplus. The receptionist asks my name and company. She notes
    that I'm not in their database and could she have my address and phone
    numbers. No problem. I'm then transfered to the customer service
    department which notes that I'm not in the database and asks for the
    same information. The customer service person transfers me to the
    the parts department which notes that I'm not in the database etc...
    Since the manual will take a few days to arrive, I ask for tech
    support who notes that I'm not in the database etc... The manual
    arrived promptly followed by 4 identical envelopes of promotional
    literature with exactly the same name and address.

    21. Question LEAST likely to be answered correctly by support:
    "What is the current version of your software/hardware/firmware?"

    22. Pacific Telephone Support Dept (Dial 611 for repair service),
    now asks you to punch in your phone number, and then warns you that
    you will be asked to verbally recite the same number when the
    service operator answers. I wonder what happens if they're different?

    23. Email from a friend: "CanYouFixTheSpaceBarOnMyKeyboard?"

    24. Fax back information service for additional information from
    one vendor requesting just one item returns a copy of their catalog
    page plus 10 pages of promotional garbage.

    25. Email autoreply from [email protected]_______.com
    Thank you for your support request.
    (drivel deleted)
    Please refer to support request number:
    Error: cannot create /u/something/filename
    (4 lines of garbage deleted)
    in future correspondence. Your request will be processed
    in the order received.
    (more garbage with Out of space on hd(1,41) mixed in.)

    26. Conversation with support at a certain controller manufacturer.
    "I can't answer that, please call your dealer".
    "I am the dealer."
    "Then call your distributor"
    "He said for me to call you"
    "Then have the customer call us"
    "AAAAAGH!" <click

    27. Modems and payphones don't mix. I hotwired my laptop into the
    mouthpiece of a payphone and proceeded to do system maintenance on
    a customers machine. The sheriff arrived shortly and proceeded to
    interrogate me. Someone called complaining that I was using a computer
    to steal money from the payphone.

    28. Having my system page me when it does an unscheduled reboot
    was a good idea. Having all my customers machines do the same
    was a mess after a power failure and 100+ pages.

    29. "My hard disk has a virus!". How can you tell, I ask?
    "When I type DIR, it says VIRUS <DIR and some date stuff".
    (Hint: Never name the directory for virus scanning software VIRUS).

    30. Some monitor manufacturers suggest using alchohol to clean the
    screen. They forget to mention that the monitor should be off. (Boom).

    31. I told a customer to take his machine to a gas station and
    have them blow the dust out. The gas station hands him a 150psi
    air nozzle that belches rusty water and oil. I got to clean up
    the mess for free. He also mangled the floppy heads with the
    high pressure.

    32. Oxymoron candidate: Disk Protector. That's the cardboard
    disk they shove in the floppy drive for shipping. More drives
    have been mangled by shoving in the wrong shape, backwards, or bent
    than have ever been protected by them. Use a floppy disk instead.

    33. What's the difference between a Van DeGraf static generator
    and a belt driven vacuum cleaner? Answer: Not much. Don't use
    a vacuum to clean your computer.

    34. After the cleaning service crashed the computer for the 4th
    time by plugging the floor sweeper into the UPS, I decided to take
    action. I suggested they install "child proof" plastic plugs in
    any outlets deemed worthy of protection. The order went though the
    chain of confusion, and I was soon blessed with 1000 child proof
    plugs hot stampled with "Protected". I gave instructions to
    install about 10 of them on the protected outlets. However, the
    maintenance person assigned to the task knew nothing and proceeded
    to plaster every outlet in the building with the plugs. Mutiny
    was averted by spending all night removing the monsters. Three
    years later, they are still appearing.

    35. Hint: Do not allow long hair black cats to sleep atop laser
    printers and tape drives. The black hair is almost invisible in
    black pattens, gears, and rollers.

    36. Forensic filth analysis is a new part of computer repair. I
    now carry a microscope and some chemicals which are used to determine
    the exact nature of the filth I remove from keyboards, mice, computers,
    light pens. While nobody pays me to do this, it definately adds
    to the entertainment value.

    37. Why do customers think that I maintain a document and device
    driver library for every conceivable board ever made?

    38. From a hard disk drive manufacturer: "The drive stopped working.
    I poped the little plug and noticed it was awful dry inside.
    I added some oil but it didn't help".

    39. Which arrow key? There are 17 arrows on the keyboard.

    40. Favorite error message: "Out of paper on drive D:"
    This was produced by a timeout error on a slow WORM drive and
    a defective AT/IO card.

    41. At one time, I was into antique furniture. When I purchased
    my first computer (IBM 4.77 PC), I decided that it deserved a suitable
    antique table. I ask the local antique dealer: "Do you have an
    antique computer desk?". He looks at me with a strange look and
    says: "They didn't have computers when this stuff was made".

    42. When 3.5" floppies first appeared, some users were confused
    with the operation of the write protect window. One user wanted
    to be doubly sure that the disk would be safe from his mistakes.
    He correctly opened the window and just to be sure, covered it
    with one of the magic write protect tabs from a 5.25" floppy.

    43. Favorite Windoze game: "Guess what this icon does?"
  9. Mestemia

    Mestemia Advocatus Diaboli
    Premium Member

    Jul 23, 2005
    Microsoft Corporation has just announced a new PC keyboard designed
    specifically for Windows. In addition to the keys found on the
    standard keyboard, Microsoft's new design adds several new keys which
    will make your Windows computing even more fun! The final specs are
    not yet set, so please feel free to make suggestions. The keys
    proposed so far are:

    1) GPF key--This key will instantly generate a General Protection
    Fault when pressed. Microsoft representatives state that the purpose
    of the GPF key is to save Windows users time by eliminating the need to
    run an application in order to produce a General Protection Fault.

    2) $$ key--When this key is pressed, money is transferred
    automatically from your bank account to Microsoft without the need for
    further action or third party intervention.

    3) ZD key--This key was developed specifically for reviewers of
    Microsoft products. When pressed it inserts random superlative
    adjectives in any text which contains the words Microsoft or Windows
    within the file being edited.

    4) MS key--This key runs a Microsoft commercial entitled "Computing
    for Mindless Drones" in a 1" x 1" window.

    5) FUD key--Self explanatory.

    6) Chicago key--Generates do nothing loops for months at a time.

    7) IBM key--Searches your hard disk for operating systems or
    applications by vendors other than Microsoft and deletes them.

    Author Unknown
  10. Mestemia

    Mestemia Advocatus Diaboli
    Premium Member

    Jul 23, 2005
    Subject: VIRUS ALERT

    BOBBITT VIRUS: Removes a vital part of your hard disk then re-attaches
    it. (But that part will never work again.)

    OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200MB.

    AT&T VIRUS: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you're

    MCI VIRUS: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too
    much for the AT&T virus.

    PAUL REVERE VIRUS: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It
    warns you of impending hard disk attack:
    Once, if by LAN; twice, if by C:

    POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS: Never identifies itself as a "virus," but
    instead refers to itself as an "electronic micro-organism."

    RIGHT-TO-LIFE VIRUS: Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of
    how young it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first
    see a counselor about possible alternatives.

    ROSS PEROT VIRUS: Activates every component in your system, just before the whole damn thing quits.

    MARIO CUOMO VIRUS: It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.

    TED TURNER VIRUS: Colorizes your monochrome monitor.

    ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGAR VIRUS: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.

    DAN QUAYLE VIRUS (#2): Their is sumthing rong with yor komputer, ewe jsut cant figyour outt watt!

    GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic
    software says everything is fine.

    NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS: Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.

    FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of
    little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which
    claim to be the most important part of your computer.

    GALLUP VIRUS: Sixty percent of the PC's infected will lose 30 percent
    of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin
    of error).

    RANDALL TERRY VIRUS: Prints "Oh no you don't" whenever you choose
    "Abort" from the "Abort, Retry, Fail" message.

    TEXAS VIRUS: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.

    ADAM AND EVE VIRUS: Takes a couple bytes out of your Apple.

    CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS: The computer locks up, and the screen splits in half with the same message appearing on each side of the screen. The message says that the blame for the gridlock is caused by the other side.

    AIRLINE LUGGAGE VIRUS: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.

    FREUDIAN VIRUS: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its
    own motherboard.

    PBS VIRUS: Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money.

    ELVIS VIRUS: Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy, then self
    destructs; only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations
    across rural America.

    OLLIE NORTH VIRUS: Causes your printer to become a paper shredder.

    NIKE VIRUS: Just does it.

    SEARS VIRUS: Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables, power
    supply, and a set of shocks.

    JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS: Your programs can never be found again.

    KEVORKIAN VIRUS: Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy.

    STAR TREK VIRUS: Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.

    HEALTH CARE VIRUS: Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong,
    and sends you a bill for $4,500.

    GEORGE BUSH VIRUS: It starts by boldly stating, "Read my docs...no new files!" on the screen. It proceeds to fill up all the free space on
    your hard drive with new files, then blames it on the Congressional

    CLEVELAND INDIANS VIRUS: Makes your 486/50 machine perform like a 286AT.

    CHICAGO CUBS VIRUS: Your PC makes frequent mistakes and comes in last in the reviews, but you still love it.
    Linda Anderson
  11. Mestemia

    Mestemia Advocatus Diaboli
    Premium Member

    Jul 23, 2005
    DOS Air: All the passengers go out onto the runway, grab hold of
    the plane, push it until it gets in the air, hop on, jump off
    when it hits the ground again. Then they grab the plane again,
    push it back into the air, hop on, et cetera.

    Mac Airways: The cashiers, flight attendants and pilots all look
    the same, feel the same and act the same. When asked questions
    about the flight, they reply that you don't want to know, don't
    need to know and would you please return to your seat and watch the

    Windows Airlines: The terminal is very neat and clean, the
    attendants all very attractive, the pilots very capable. The
    fleet of Learjets the carrier operates is immense. Your jet
    takes off without a hitch, pushing above the clouds, and at
    20,000 feet it explodes without warning.

    OS/2 Skyways: The terminal is almost empty, with only a few
    prospective passengers milling about. The announcer says that their
    flight has just departed, wishes them a good flight, though there
    are no planes on the runway. Airline personnel walk around,
    apologizing profusely to customers in hushed voices, pointing from
    time to time to the sleek, powerful jets outside the terminal on the
    field. They tell each passenger how good the real flight will be
    on these new jets and how much safer it will be than Windows
    Airlines, but that they will have to wait a little longer for
    the technicians to finish the flight systems. Maybe until
    mid-1995. Maybe longer.

    Fly Windows NT: All the passengers carry their seats out onto the
    tarmac, placing the chairs in the outline of a plane. They all sit
    down, flap their arms and make jet swooshing sounds as if they are

    Unix Express: all passenger bring a piece of the airplane and a
    box of tools with them to the airport. They gather on the tarmac,
    arguing constantly about what kind of plane they want to build
    and how to put it together. Eventually, the passengers split into
    groups and build several different aircraft, but give them all
    the same name. Some passengers actually reach their destinations.
    All passengers believe they got there.

    Wings of OS/400: The airline has bought ancient DC-3s, arguably
    the best and safest planes that ever flew, and painted "747" on
    their tails to make them look as if they are fast. The flight
    attendants, of course, attend to your every need, though the
    drinks cost $15 a pop. Stupid questions cost $230 per hour, unless
    you have SupportLine, which requires a first class ticket and
    membership in the frequent flyer club. Then they cost $500, but
    your accounting department can call it overhead.

    MVS Air Lines: The passengers all gather in the hangar, watching
    hundreds of technicians check the flight systems on this immense,
    luxury aircraft. This plane has at least 10 engines and seats over
    1,000 passengers; bigger models in the fleet can have more
    engines than anyone can count and fly even more passengers than
    there are on Earth. It is claimed to cost less per passenger
    mile to operate these humungous planes than any other aircraft
    ever built, unless you personally have to pay for the ticket.
    All the passengers scramble aboard, as do the 200 technicians
    needed to keep it from crashing. The pilot takes his place up in
    the glass cockpit. He guns the engines, only to realize that the
    plane is too big to get through the hangar doors. -
    Author Unknown