Companionship or Sexual Contact?

[savagewind]

Here is a question for older folks. Actually, women folks who are not able to reproduce anymore. But, also men, even though they might still be able to reproduce still.

I understand sexual intercourse for reproduction. I understand sex because of love. But, I don't understand sex for only pleasure. I think it might make me feel naked, spiritually speaking.

I understand that companionship is an intrinsic human longing. I think I might be OK alone. Not all alone. I have YOU people. Or, you have me. Haha

I have imagined advertising for a companion who likes what I like, but then sex..............It is scary. I don't want to be scared of it. So, I'm asking. I do not know the question. Some of you might.

A little background. I have always gone with the flow. I got pregnant and married the man who got me that way. It didn't work out. We are getting divorced. Now I am free to nurture another relationship. But, I am afraid. I do not want to be afraid. And, yes, I have broken my resolution.

 

[Polymath257]

Sex is a continuation of touch. It is a deeper way to touch. And touch is a vitally important aspect of being human, even if it is often not mentioned. It is important for both our physical and our mental health. Sex can do the same.

 

[savagewind]

My resolution? No more drinking. Now, see, you probably know that I still will drink water. Right?

 

[savagewind]

Sex is a continuation of touch. It is a deeper way to touch. And touch is a vitally important aspect of being human, even if it is often not mentioned. It is important for both our physical and our mental health. Sex can do the same.

I am trying to tell myself that. I believe it. But, I still feel that it might be some kind of unholy.

 

[savagewind]

1 Peter 1:16
Isaiah 35:8

Maybe what I need is for someone to convince me for sure that there is no way I am on the holy way and never will be on it no matter if I get naked or not.

 

[Enoch07]

Back in my teens/twenties sex solely for the sake of pleasure was a thing. In my 30's sex alone was no longer enough. I started craving companionship, someone I could confide in. So I can't really offer any advice from my own life.

Now a friend of mine on the other hand did the same as you. Him and his girlfriend at the time both in their teens, got pregnant. They married and raised 4 children together, but eventually after 15 years it fell apart and they divorced. Since both of them never had their wild teens/twenties to sow their oats they both went a bit crazy sleeping with just about anyone they could. And still to this day they prefer sex with no attachments.

You know what's best for your life so just go out and live it.

 

[savagewind]

It is about The Conscience. Sex for reproduction is innate. Sex because of a legal union is allowed and encouraged.
I cannot reproduce. Haha Despite the Biblical precedent ie Sarai. And I think that I will not marry. OMG! I am not going back to jail. Ever! Did you ever see those people on Law and Order who might go back there? I have. I have never been to jail, I mean real jail, and I don't want to.

My conscience is getting too big to fit. Can it be shrunk? Please, and thank you.

 

[suncowiam]

I actually had a period of dating experience where I preferred an NSA approach, "No Strings Attached."

I just wanted to have fun and not be in a relationship. I was always upfront with the partners I had. Practicing safe sex is a must and always communicate your relations with your all your partners. Anything can work as long as you are responsible and civil. If others do not want to be involved in such a life style, then at least they know up front and can decide on their own.

That ended when I realized that I was ready for a relationship and bigger commitments like family, marriage and kids. Nothing I would have changed differently.

All, I can say is try to have an open mind. You can try it, if you don't like it then just walk away. I'm very liberal when it comes to sex and religion does not influence me. No matter how liberal, we all have to practice safe sex and be responsible for our actions. Obviously, if you're religious, you're going to have to resolve certain aspects of such practices against your religious beliefs. That I have no suggestions for.

 

[Polymath257]

1 Peter 1:16
Isaiah 35:8

Maybe what I need is for someone to convince me for sure that there is no way I am on the holy way and never will be on it no matter if I get naked or not.

It's not my belief system, so I'm not sure I can help with the holy/unholy aspect.

 

[Mindmaster]

I got pregnant and married the man who got me that way. It didn't work out. We are getting divorced. Now I am free to nurture another relationship. But, I am afraid. I do not want to be afraid. And, yes, I have broken my resolution.

There is simply no comparison between sex for the desire of it and having that with someone you truly love, IMHO. Anyway, I think you worry about too much - if you find the right person you'll naturally want sex with them for the additional closeness. I had a period before I found my wife where I just wanted sex, didn't really want long term relations, etc... I got burned out on it, decided I wouldn't actively seek anything more than companionship since it seemed what I wanted really anyway. Took a couple years of dating people, hooking up, or whatever and then I ran into her - none of my worries were a problem... We started off just hanging out and doing things together... We didn't have sex for months, even though we were really attracted to each other. Sure, there was kissing/petting the whole nine yards otherwise... When we finally got around to doing it, we both sort of laughed that we waited that long. (Neither of us were sexual prudes, virgins, or whatever... We'd both "hooked up" with people before, and both had relationships where we had sex in days / weeks.) Mostly, because since that experience was so meaningful it was the best sex either of us had... Anyway, I'd just focus on finding a good friend first - if it naturally leads that way it's fine, but if it doesn't it's fine too. If you aren't attracted to that persons mind as much as their body it's all wasted time anyway...

 

[lewisnotmiller]

Here is a question for older folks. Actually, women folks who are not able to reproduce anymore. But, also men, even though they might still be able to reproduce still.

I understand sexual intercourse for reproduction. I understand sex because of love. But, I don't understand sex for only pleasure. I think it might make me feel naked, spiritually speaking.

I understand that companionship is an intrinsic human longing. I think I might be OK alone. Not all alone. I have YOU people. Or, you have me. Haha

I have imagined advertising for a companion who likes what I like, but then sex..............It is scary. I don't want to be scared of it. So, I'm asking. I do not know the question. Some of you might.

A little background. I have always gone with the flow. I got pregnant and married the man who got me that way. It didn't work out. We are getting divorced. Now I am free to nurture another relationship. But, I am afraid. I do not want to be afraid. And, yes, I have broken my resolution.

Meh, the older I get, the more I think people are wired a bit differently in this area. More than most, anyway.

Just think of sex as a rollercoaster. Sometimes it can be fun to share the thrill with someone you care about, regardless of it being scary.

Some rollercoasters are slow and steady, some are over all too quick, and some might cause you to regret that fifth cocktail.

Some people want to ride on the rollercoaster all day, others are happy to ride once per year, and some keep their eyes closed.

 

[Nakosis]

Here is a question for older folks. Actually, women folks who are not able to reproduce anymore. But, also men, even though they might still be able to reproduce still.

I understand sexual intercourse for reproduction. I understand sex because of love. But, I don't understand sex for only pleasure. I think it might make me feel naked, spiritually speaking.

I understand that companionship is an intrinsic human longing. I think I might be OK alone. Not all alone. I have YOU people. Or, you have me. Haha

I have imagined advertising for a companion who likes what I like, but then sex..............It is scary. I don't want to be scared of it. So, I'm asking. I do not know the question. Some of you might.

A little background. I have always gone with the flow. I got pregnant and married the man who got me that way. It didn't work out. We are getting divorced. Now I am free to nurture another relationship. But, I am afraid. I do not want to be afraid. And, yes, I have broken my resolution.

You never enjoyed sex? Maybe you were with the wrong guy?

I think some men are only there for their own pleasure. No consideration of their partner at all.

Maybe I'm wrong since I don't know your experience but it'd really suck to have someone use me to satisfy their lust physically and not care about me as a person. I don't think I'd like sex much either in those conditions.

You care deeply about a person and want them to enjoy the physical contact as fully as possible. You pleasure your partner to fulfill a need they have, not to fulfill yourself.

 

[beenherebeforeagain]

really, there are lots of older men who want a companion, maybe with a little sex, but maybe not. There are women who want the same. You need to know what you're comfortable with, and communicate it clearly.

Knew a woman once whose policy was: Never on a first date. EVER. Maybe not on the second or third either, so don't get your hopes up. And the first few dates were "Dutch Treat," so no one could feel guilty or guilt trippy... That really cut down on the number of men wanting to go out with her. Anyway, she knew whether or not the relationship would be worth pursuing by the third date. And she dated A LOT!

But seriously, get out, go places where people you might be interested in are likely to be: arts groups, bookstores, concerts, social clubs...lots of larger churches have single-after-whatever age groups...my sister met her husband in one of those, an absolutely great guy...

 

[Grandliseur]

Here is a question for older folks. Actually, women folks who are not able to reproduce anymore. But, also men, even though they might still be able to reproduce still.

I understand sexual intercourse for reproduction. I understand sex because of love. But, I don't understand sex for only pleasure. I think it might make me feel naked, spiritually speaking.

I understand that companionship is an intrinsic human longing. I think I might be OK alone. Not all alone. I have YOU people. Or, you have me. Haha

I have imagined advertising for a companion who likes what I like, but then sex..............It is scary. I don't want to be scared of it. So, I'm asking. I do not know the question. Some of you might.

A little background. I have always gone with the flow. I got pregnant and married the man who got me that way. It didn't work out. We are getting divorced. Now I am free to nurture another relationship. But, I am afraid. I do not want to be afraid. And, yes, I have broken my resolution.

Loneliness, being totally alone, for that is what happens to many as they grow older, is no fun at all. Since I am male, and old, I cannot really put myself in your shoes. However, most males, even old, need the physical part of marriage.

If you are beyond child bearing age, why sex would scare you, I cannot imagine; unless you had a violent previous sex life. Isn't it part of being human?!
What I can understand is getting used to a stranger being very difficult, especially after decades of having become one with another, that now takes his leave.

Put your quandaries in prayer. Ask God to guide you in this, even for help finding a new believer mate that would be good for you for the rest of your life.Be aware though that no matter the church you might attend, need for caution and being a bit critical about people is needed. Don't fall off one horse to get on another worse than the first.

 

[savagewind]

Loneliness, being totally alone, for that is what happens to many as they grow older, is no fun at all. Since I am male, and old, I cannot really put myself in your shoes. However, most males, even old, need the physical part of marriage.

If you are beyond child bearing age, why sex would scare you, I cannot imagine; unless you had a violent previous sex life. Isn't it part of being human?!
What I can understand is getting used to a stranger, especially after decades of having become one with another, that now takes his leave.

Put your quandaries in prayer. Ask God to guide you in this, even for help finding a new believer mate that would be good for you for the rest of your life.Be aware though that no matter the church you might attend, need for caution and being a bit critical about people is needed. Don't fall off one horse to get on another worse than the first.

Good advice. Thank you. I imagine having sex without marriage and so God may leave me to my own devices. It is almost as though I have to choose between natural consequences and supernatural consequences. I do not like consequences.

 

[Grandliseur]

I have to choose between natural consequences and supernatural consequences. I do not like consequences.

Neither do I. But, please be aware that marrying a believer does not have to be one from the church you are used to. There might be nicer believers in other churches. You need to look out for #1 now. But, don't get God angry. It never pays.

 

[sun rise]

My wife's desire for sex went away with menopause and she was not interested in trying to change that. I've missed sex. But the bond between us is stronger than the urges of my body. She's a dear, dear friend and companion and that's the most important thing.

I hope you can find someone to be a dear friend and companion. What else happens, happens or does not happen.

 

[dfnj]

Here is a question for older folks. Actually, women folks who are not able to reproduce anymore. But, also men, even though they might still be able to reproduce still.
I understand sexual intercourse for reproduction. I understand sex because of love. But, I don't understand sex for only pleasure. I think it might make me feel naked, spiritually speaking.
I understand that companionship is an intrinsic human longing. I think I might be OK alone. Not all alone. I have YOU people. Or, you have me. Haha
I have imagined advertising for a companion who likes what I like, but then sex..............It is scary. I don't want to be scared of it. So, I'm asking. I do not know the question. Some of you might.
A little background. I have always gone with the flow. I got pregnant and married the man who got me that way. It didn't work out. We are getting divorced. Now I am free to nurture another relationship. But, I am afraid. I do not want to be afraid. And, yes, I have broken my resolution.

Being afraid is not a good thing. You should feel safe with someone.

From a man's perspective, a lot about sex is visual and behavioral. There are things a woman can say, do, and pose that are extremely erotic, at least to me. But there's another side to relationship that has to do with intimacy. Intimacy is very good too. I like both sides of the sex equation. What I really like is when the woman feels comfortable and safe enough to ask me what works for me. And also, I like it when the woman is strong enough to tell me what works for her. But again, intimacy is much more than I ever imagined it would be than just simple on the surface sex.

You say you are "free to nurture another relationship" but are you really. Here's a scary thought. I once heard a comedian say we are not like our parents, WE ARE OUR PARENTS. We have all their strengths and weaknesses. We love them for their strengths and we hate them for their weaknesses. The funny thing about relationship is our character baggage has a lot to do with how successful we are in relationship. The first step is to be very aware of anything that makes you emotional in a relationship. Things that make you angry with someone probably have more to do with your own self-loathing of your own flaws. Before you get into another relationship, try to make peace with all your baggage.

Here's a really good song I like talking about baggage:

Times are far between, and few I bet, when we can look upon our lives without regret
Of all the things I have done, you think I'm proud of everyone without exception?
'Till you make your peace with yesterday, you'll never build a future
I swear by what I say
Whatever penance you do, decide what it's worth to you and then respect it
However long it will take to weather your mistakes, why not accept it?
My hands, for now, are tied
I'm a body frozen
I'm a will that's paralyzed
When will you ever set aside your pain and misery?
No matter how I beg, no matter how I wish or plead, you'll never be more than alive
You'll never do more than survive until you expect it
Do you want to build a world with our lives?
You better soon decide or you can forget it
My hands, for now, are tied
I'm a body frozen
I'm a will that's paralyzed
'Till you drop that heavy baggage you're dragging behind,
there won't be room for us to both go this ride

 

[savagewind]

Thanks all!

I have just read on Facebook, "When a female eagle meets a male eagle, she tests him for commitment*..... One should test the commitment of people for partnership."

I do not know how to test a person.



*I do not know how anyone knows that.

 

[Polymath257]

Thanks all!

I have just read on Facebook, "When a female eagle meets a male eagle, she tests him for commitment*..... One should test the commitment of people for partnership."

I do not know how to test a person.



*I do not know how anyone knows that.

It's called courtship. It takes a while.