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Coming Out!

Discussion in 'General Debates' started by Lightkeeper, Aug 3, 2004.

  1. Lightkeeper

    Lightkeeper Well-Known Member

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    What would you tell a loved one, a friend or a family member, if they came out to you? Keep in mind you will impact them with your reactions and they are taking a big risk in telling you they are gay.
     
  2. Nga_Believe

    Nga_Believe Member

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    I would embrace them for who they are, tell them that my feelings for them haven't changed, and then I'd introduce them to my gay best friend.
     
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  3. Ardhanariswar

    Ardhanariswar I'm back!

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    *snorts* my parents said, dont brand yourself, you are too young. they were right, i was 13 when i told them. actually i told them because i got an F in a religion quiz. i said it to get out of being grounded. ^-^. but good thing i did it that early, so i wouldnt have to do it when im an adult. i think it was just a warning, just in case if do turn out to be gay as an adult. no hugs, but a LOT of tears. my mom was upset, but they got over it the next day, life goes on.
    my friends dont care. well at least they dont show it. i guess its obvious, but i think its a test to see if your true friends will stand by.
     
  4. Green Gaia

    Green Gaia Veteran Member

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    I'd give them a big hug and say, "ME TOO!" :p
     
  5. Jayhawker Soule

    Jayhawker Soule <yawn> ignore </yawn>
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    I'd tell them it's their turn to buy the pizza.

    I remember a close friend coming out to me some 35 years ago. She was clearly nervous, and it took her the longest time to say what she had to say. I had actually known she was a lesbian for some 3 years. When she learned that fact, she began crying convulsively - concealment is such a waste. It was one of the saddest encounters of my life.

    It pleases me that we're still good friends.
     
  6. Pah

    Pah Uber all member

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    I said I was highly supportive. But then, it wasn't a "coming out" but an "informing" before I met her, as if that makes a difference. I was the one of the last to offer support.in the family and joined the rest of the family in loving her and understanding her life as best we can without living it. Having her in the family has heightened my liberal tendancies but has greatly increased the motive to learn more and fight the bigotry she faces/faced. I think she knows that I defend her and all her community for the right to live without social hinderance.

    -pah-
     
  7. Bastet

    Bastet Vile Stove-Toucher

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    Awww, that's exactly what I was gonna say lol. :p

    My own experiences coming out to family, friends, and co-workers has, for the most part, been positive and supportive. Some were not surprised at all, and most figured it didn't make any difference: I was still me, regardless. My mum has just been great...when I first told her, she laughed, and said "Well, I always said I was gonna have one of each - and the jury's still out on your little brother!". I had to spell it out to my stepfather - he just stared blankly at me when I said "I've got a girlfriend...you know...a girlfriend girlfriend..." My mum told my older sister in an IM conversation, and she said "Well, I was so surprised by that that I didn't even pause in my typing". One of my friends said she was glad I'd finally figured it out myself lol. One of my little sisters thought it was "cool" (she's 19...everything is cool lol). My co-workers gossiped about it for about 2 weeks, then I was old news. They figured if I'd wanted people to know, I'd have told them myself (I was outed by a co-worker...not that I cared really). And really, they were just happy that I was happy. And part of the reason I was happy, was because I no longer had to hide myself from the world. I didn't have to guard my comments anymore...and now the guys even point out hot chicks for me to perv on lol. ;)

    So, if someone I knew came out to me, I could be nothing other than positive and supportive, regardless of who they were. Hell, my own mother could tell me she's gay and I wouldn't bat an eye lol. Not that she is, but...you know what I mean. :p
     
  8. Mr Spinkles

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    "and now the guys even point out hot chicks for me to perv on lol."

    To think in this day and age, sexual harassment in the workplace continues...
     
  9. Bastet

    Bastet Vile Stove-Toucher

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    It really is!! And it takes such a toll on you - emotionally and physically. It really is like a huge weight to have to carry around. I only managed to keep it from my immediate family for around 4 months, and that was hard enough. Mind you, I think the fact that I was (and am), head over heels in love, made the telling a lot easier. It wasn't an "I'm gay, and I'm miserable" speech, so much as an "I'm gay and I'm the happiest I've ever been" speech. I don't know how people stay in the closet for years, or even their entire lives...I think I'd literally kill myself. It's not healthy to feel you have to conceal a major part of your life, from the people you're closest to. And for me, it was an impossible thing to do...no matter what I thought their reactions might be. Each time I came out to someone new, I was terrified of how they would react, absolutely convinced it would mean doom for the relationship. Only one person has lived up to that fear though. These days, (close to 2 years later), telling people is not such a big deal. It comes up in conversation sooner or later, and I would rather be honest than lie about a part of who I am. :cool:
     
  10. Bastet

    Bastet Vile Stove-Toucher

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    Oh please...if I took everything that was said to me seriously (or had everything I've ever said taken seriously), I'd have sexual harassment suits up to my eyeballs. :rolleyes: Is it PC to perv? Doubt it. Will it stop people doing it if you sue them? Nope. There's a line, and we know where it is and not to cross it, but if we guarded every single thing we said in case it could be construed as sexual harassment, then it would be a very boring place.
     
  11. Mr Spinkles

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    "if I took everything that was said to me seriously (or had everything I've ever said taken seriously), I'd have sexual harassment suits up to my eyeballs."

    Well, given your earlier comments this hardly surprises me. :D
     
  12. Bastet

    Bastet Vile Stove-Toucher

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    Where's a mooning smiley when you need one? :p
     
  13. dolly

    dolly Member

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    Same response as I had when my sister came out to me.


    For family.. I haven't really told anyone else except my cousin. My sister came out to them and... it wasn't pleasant, not at all. : ( I probably won't come out to them ever, or at least until I am much, much, much older.
     
  14. Ceridwen018

    Ceridwen018 Well-Known Member

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    This is kind of a different 'coming out', but I think it fits with a lot of what you've all been saying. I sorta recently 'came out' to my diehard Catholic mom that I'm an Atheist. I hid it from her for awhile because I thought she'd be mad and 'shun' me,lol. She's not exactly cool with it, but she's accepting. She still holds out that I'm just on a 'spiritual journey' and that I'll come around. Boy is she in for a surprise!
     
  15. Mr Spinkles

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    My parents still don't know that I'm an atheist.
     
  16. Irenicas

    Irenicas high overlord of sod all

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    When I came out to my parents, I did it during dinner. I just casually slipped it into the conversation. "Oh, peas again, ha ha! By the way I'm bisexual. DO anything interesting today?"
    It sounds silly but that was the way I did it. My parents are really cool about it. My dad just doesn't care, and my mum's reaction really tells you all you need to know about it:
    "Now I can buy him dresses!" No mum. Different thing.

    On the other hand, my grandparents and my aunts and uncles don't know. My grandparents wouldn't understand (the generation gap is soooooooo big) and my uncle is a strict muslim, so eek!

    Hiding it away is damn silly. You are who you are, so come out!
     
  17. Nga_Believe

    Nga_Believe Member

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    My best friend is gay, and I've come to learn that even though he came out to his parents almost 3 years ago, it's like he's still coming out, like it's a process. Facing your parents with you sexuality isn't just a one-time thing. His parents are hard-core Christians, the kind who think it's immoral, so everytime he brings is boyfriend home it's the same drama all as coming out over again, so he stopped bringing them home. And last Sunday at church there was an anti-gay marriage petition going around and his mom signed it and there was fighting. It's like just because you come out and they say they accept you for who you are, that doesn't mean that you can be comfortable being who you are. As my best friend put it, "They say they love me, but they still don't want to come to my wedding."
     
  18. Ceridwen018

    Ceridwen018 Well-Known Member

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    Oh lord, that's funny!

    Oh my god that's awful! I can't even imagine what that would be like. He's lucky to have a friend like to to lean on.
     
  19. dolly

    dolly Member

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    It's not that simple unless you are in a loving environment. Not everyone is that lucky. Personally, I'm too afraid to come out.

    Mine didn't even say that to my sister, quite the contrary. They told her that they can't accept her and have a difficult time loving her because she's bi. Recently they've completely denied her being bi, said it was a "phase," and say that she's straight. My sis doesn't even bother correcting them, there is no point.
     
  20. Irenicas

    Irenicas high overlord of sod all

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    Well... I have my own ideas about gender... but maybe this isn't the place - they're quite controversial, and I guess it would be a bit off topic. You think we should start a new thread?
     
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