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Clean Jokes.

DawudTalut

DawudTalut

Peace be upon you.
Mother shaking sleeping son: Wake up wake up, you are late for school.
Son: Mother I will not go to school. I have no interest in school. Children do not like me, teachers hate me, even junior staff turn their faces away from me.
Mother: Oh no! do not say that. You have to go to school.. You are head-teacher (master) now.
 
DawudTalut

DawudTalut

Peace be upon you.
ipaid.jpg
 
DawudTalut

DawudTalut

Peace be upon you.
Teacher: Draw a train on paper in 10 minutes.
After 15 minutes......
Teacher: Where is the train? paper is blank!
Boy: You are late, train has gone.
 
Jedster

Jedster

Well-Known Member
As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Traffic Warden’s funeral, .... a voice from inside screams:"I'm not dead, I'm not dead. Let me out!" The Vicar smiles,leans forward sucking air through his teeth and mutters: "Too bloody late pal, I've already done the paperwork."
:cool:
 
Daemon Sophic

Daemon Sophic

Avatar in flux
Two men walk into a bar. The third guy ducks.


Why wouldn't the skeleton cross the road?
He didn't have any guts.


Lawyer: Doctor. You performed the autopsy on the victim?
Doctor : Yes.
Lawyer: Isn't it possible that he in fact had NOT been murdered, but in fact was still alive when you began the autopsy?
Doctor: No. That would be impossible.
Lawyer: How can you be so sure?
Doctor: Because his brain was out of his body and sitting in a jar by the table.
Lawyer: Isn't it conceivable that some aspect of the victim was still alive.
Doctor: I suppose that he could have been practicing law somewhere.
 
Jedster

Jedster

Well-Known Member
A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defence: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offence committed by his limb."

"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses." The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.:rolleyes:
 
DawudTalut

DawudTalut

Peace be upon you.
Peace be on all.
A Traveller was passing through a desert. He saw a man dug in sand, only his face was visible:
T: Do not worry, I dig you out.
Man in sand: Go and get tractor, I am sitting on my camel.


Two persons were arguing. Eventually debate became hot:
1: I thought you was a gentle person.
2: I thought same for you.
1: You was right. Sorry, I was wrong.


Lawyer: So you want me to defend you. What do you have for my fee?
Accused: A horse, few hen and two goats.
L: Enough, what are charges.
A: Taking away, a horse, few hens and two goats.


Guest was waiting since long. Sounds - as if something was being tossed on roof -- came from roof.
Guest to host's child: What is that sound.
Child: Do not worry, mama is hitting laundry on floor.
Guest: But that sound?
Child: maybe father is inside the clothes, it happens sometimes during arguments.


Doctor talking to neighbouring clergy: You know that famous lawyer living at the end of our street, he needs you more than me these days.
Clergy: Oh, is he that much sick that he need more prayers than medicine?
Doctor: He has been unable to sleep since many days. You speak well, he will surely fall asleep if you speak to him.
 
Jedster

Jedster

Well-Known Member
A chemist walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, "Do you have any acetylsalicylic acid?"

"You mean aspirin?" asked the pharmacist.

"That's it, I can never remember that word."
 
DawudTalut

DawudTalut

Peace be upon you.
Peace be on all.
Police officer stopped three men riding a motorcycle:
P.O: Why three people are riding?
Men: Because our fourth friends has gone to village on leave.
 
L

limitedyoke

Member
so a young cowboy walks into a saloon and sees an older cowboy staring at a bowl of stew. the younger says " Hey if your not going to eat that mind if I do?" Old cowboy says " help yourself sonny boy." so the younger cowboy eats the stew all gone and at the bottom is a rat and he hurls all the stew right back into the bowl. old cowboy says "bout as far as I got."
 
DawudTalut

DawudTalut

Peace be upon you.
Poultry farm owner to potential helper who came to be interviewed:
So do you have any interest in chickens?
Person: Yes sir, I am poor fellow, I do not mind having chicken-curry every day.
 
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