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Chuck Norris
- Thread starter Feathers in Hair
- Start date
Shadow Wolf
Certified People sTabber
I love that one.
Chuck Norris did defeat Bruce Lee once.
Bob Barker also studies under Chuck Norris. Fear the old game show host!
Feathers in Hair
World's Tallest Hobbit
One of my favorites: Others people wear Superman pyjamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pyjamas!
Feathers in Hair
World's Tallest Hobbit
Chuck Norris uses a nightlight. This is not because he's afraid of the dark- it's because the dark is afraid of him.
MaddLlama
Obstructor of justice
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up
Shadow Wolf
Certified People sTabber
If Chuck Norris is running late, then time better slow the **** down.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a guy so hard, his foot broke the space-time continium, and he ended up roundhouse kicking Amelia Earrheart while she was flying over the pacific island.
Whats on the mind of someone Chuck Norris is roundhouse kicking? Chuck's foot.
The Boogeyman checks his closet for Chuck Norris every night before he goes to bed.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names of his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris the reason Waldo is hiding.
The Great Wall of China was originally built to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserable.
In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. Chuck Norris then turned that wine into beer.
Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.
There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decendents now have white hair.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a horse. Today, the descendants of that horse are known as giraffes.
As a teen, Chuck Norris had sex with every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a guy so hard, his foot broke the space-time continium, and he ended up roundhouse kicking Amelia Earrheart while she was flying over the pacific island.
Whats on the mind of someone Chuck Norris is roundhouse kicking? Chuck's foot.
The Boogeyman checks his closet for Chuck Norris every night before he goes to bed.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names of his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris the reason Waldo is hiding.
The Great Wall of China was originally built to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserable.
In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. Chuck Norris then turned that wine into beer.
Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.
There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decendents now have white hair.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a horse. Today, the descendants of that horse are known as giraffes.
As a teen, Chuck Norris had sex with every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.
Quoth The Raven
Half Arsed Muse
Chuck Norris' heart does not beat. His blood cells circulate because they are constantly looking for a way out.
Similar to a Russian Nesting Doll, if you were to break Chuck Norris open you would find another Chuck Norris inside, only smaller and angrier.
Similar to a Russian Nesting Doll, if you were to break Chuck Norris open you would find another Chuck Norris inside, only smaller and angrier.
A
angellous_evangellous
Guest
more!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hQekqTCHh7kLuke Wolf said:
ALifetimeToWaitFor....
Myriad
Chuck Norris can only use condoms made out of titanium. Otherwise his sperm will roundhouse kick their way out of the latex.
Shadow Wolf
Certified People sTabber
Chuck Norris invented the C-section when he roundhouse kicked his way out of his mothers womb.
A
angellous_evangellous
Guest
Luke Wolf said:
The awful mental picture ruins the joke.
:cover: :ignore:
Feathers in Hair
World's Tallest Hobbit
Quoth The Raven said:
I hadn't heard these two yet! I especially love the Nesting Doll one!
Guitar's Cry
Disciple of Pan
When the going gets tough, it gets Chuck Norris.
Feathers in Hair
World's Tallest Hobbit
When Chuck Norris opens a can of whup- (fanny), there's a mirror inside.
(This is also one that tends to get used for Jack Bauer facts, which I'm loving, too.)
(This is also one that tends to get used for Jack Bauer facts, which I'm loving, too.)
Shadow Wolf
Certified People sTabber
One of my friends actually has a Chuck Norris facts shirt.
MdmSzdWhtGuy
Well-Known Member
Booko said:Oh wow...if only you'd started this yesterday when MdmSzdWhtGuy was here!
I miss seeing him and his avi.
A tip of the Resistol to you Booko, and a big thanks to Robtex for letting me know that this thread was here. Ahh, so glad to see others getting on the bandwagon that is Chuck Norris. Let me add a couple of legends to the already fantastic array we have seen thus far.
Chuck Norris, in spite of being in numerous films where he has killed people in a variety of gruesome ways has never won a "Best Actor" award. . . Chuck Norris was not acting.
Chuck Norris can impregnate a woman by pointing at her and saying "booyah"
Chuck Norris' wife once said to him "How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?" to which Chuck Norris screamed "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS?" and promptly ripped her throat out shouting, again, "DON'T &UCK WITH CHUCK!!!" . . . 2 years and 5 months later he realized the irony of this situation and laughed so hard that everyone in a 100 mile radius went deaf.
Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will take yours too. . . you may be thinking this is impossible because you are already not a virgin, but you are dead wrong.
Introduce your mother to Chuck Norris, and she will introduce you to your biological father.
When Chuck Norris was informed by the International Olympic Committe that his urine had tested positive for steroids Chuck replied "What do you think they make steroids from?"
I could literally go on for pages and pages, but this will have to do for now, cause I gotta get some work done. Great idea for a thread.
B.
Feathers in Hair
World's Tallest Hobbit
Whoohoooo! I was missing you when I thought of this thread! The steroids one is one of my favorites so far!
Shadow Wolf
Certified People sTabber
In the beginning, God said "Let thier be light." Chuck Norris said "Say Please."
Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting, because hunting implies a chance of failure. Chuck Norris goes KILLING.
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of Pi.
Chuck Norris is not Politically Correct. He is just Correct. Always.
They were going to release a Chuck Norris edition of Clue, but the answer always turns out to be "Chuck Norris. In The Library. With a Roundhouse Kick."
In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Chuck Norris was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.
"Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.
Most people know that Descarte said, "I think, therefore I am." What most people don't know is that that quote continues, "...afraid of Chuck Norris."
Remember The Ultimate Warrior? He quit wrestling because Chuck Norris wanted his nickname back. (I can't believe I forgot about that one.)
When Chuck Norris spits out watermelon seeds, he puts a machine gun to shame
Chuck Norris let the dogs out.
Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Chuck Norris while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.
Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting, because hunting implies a chance of failure. Chuck Norris goes KILLING.
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of Pi.
Chuck Norris is not Politically Correct. He is just Correct. Always.
They were going to release a Chuck Norris edition of Clue, but the answer always turns out to be "Chuck Norris. In The Library. With a Roundhouse Kick."
In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Chuck Norris was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.
"Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.
Most people know that Descarte said, "I think, therefore I am." What most people don't know is that that quote continues, "...afraid of Chuck Norris."
Remember The Ultimate Warrior? He quit wrestling because Chuck Norris wanted his nickname back. (I can't believe I forgot about that one.)
When Chuck Norris spits out watermelon seeds, he puts a machine gun to shame
Chuck Norris let the dogs out.
Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Chuck Norris while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.