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Chuck Norris

Feathers in Hair

Feathers in Hair

World's Tallest Hobbit
Luke Wolf and I began telling Chuck Norris tales in another thread, and I thought it deserved one of its own!

What do you know about Chuck Norris that you should enlighten the world with? (All of the following are from other sites.)


  • Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

  • There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
  • When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
  • Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly 'get out of jail free' card.
 
Bishka

Bishka

Veteran Member
Feathers in Hair said:
  • When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
Click to expand...
This is my favorite one so far!
 
A

angellous_evangellous

Guest
Remember this:

branskik.jpg


...could be you!
 
F

FatMan

Well-Known Member
- When Chuck Norris falls in water he doesn't get wet, the water gets Chuck Norris.

- If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

- Chuck Noris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".

- One time a baby goat died and Chuck Norris brought it back to life. He killed it shortly there after. Just goes to show, the good Chuck giveth and the good Chuck taketh away.

- The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
 
A

angellous_evangellous

Guest
Feathers in Hair said:
Also, there's no such thing as evolution. There's only a list of animals that Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
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Survival of the kick-fest.
 
Booko

Booko

Deviled Hen
Oh wow...if only you'd started this yesterday when MdmSzdWhtGuy was here!

I miss seeing him and his avi. :)
 
Zephyr

Zephyr

Moved on
Steven Seagal only uses the hide of the Ninja. Chuck Norris uses every part.
Chuck Norris has tears that can cure cancer. Too bad he doesn't cry. Ever.

Yeah, Chuck is alright, but Mr T is the man!
Let's face it. When Mr T dies, he won't just die. He will explode in one mega-pity. There will be no survivors.
 
Feathers in Hair

Feathers in Hair

World's Tallest Hobbit
Zephyr, you're on to something there. (Although my personal favorite A Team member is Murdock, naturally.) MacGuyver and Jack Bauer also seem to be on the List of Extremely Cool People.

I like the ones that Chuck Norris himself has "approved"

  • Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
  • There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
  • Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
AE, have I mentioned how grateful I am that you're the Forum's Daddy? Would you save us if Chuck ever came into town?
 
yuvgotmel

yuvgotmel

Well-Known Member
Each individual hair in Chuck Norrises beard spends 2 hours a week using a Bowflex.

If you stare at Chuck Norris' bicepts for too long, you will go blind or develop testicular cancer.

You know sometimes you feel kinda depressed but you don't know why? That's because Chuck Norris is asleep.

Chuck Norris, when clean-shaven, radiates the heat of three suns.

Chuck Norris doesn't shave...he stares at his beard in the mirror and the hair jumps off his face.

In Indo-China, Chuck Norris' left testicle is worshiped as the God of Love, whereas his right testicle is viewed as fire breathing demon from hell.

Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal.


Even Chuck Norris has a sense of humor. Nobody dares to test it, though.
 
A

angellous_evangellous

Guest
AE, have I mentioned how grateful I am that you're the Forum's Daddy? Would you save us if Chuck ever came into town?
Click to expand...

Ah, thanks! No need to save RF from such a good friend.:p
 
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