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Christians: I need your advice.

Discussion in 'Christianity DIR' started by YeshuaRedeemed, May 16, 2019.

  1. YeshuaRedeemed

    YeshuaRedeemed Revelation 3:10

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    I am in love with a married man. I refuse to tell him how I feel, I just want to get over him. I was abused by my father, and this man is old enough to be my father. Do you think that is why I'm in love with this man? I would never act on how I feel, because of Jesus, and I really hate myself for this. I just want a husband of my own, to love, and I know this is wrong, please tell me how to stop feeling this way. Thank you.
     
  2. Estro Felino

    Estro Felino Believer in free will
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    At work I am enamored of more than one taken man.

    I guess Jesus wants us to look for single available men.:)
     
  3. YeshuaRedeemed

    YeshuaRedeemed Revelation 3:10

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    Yeah, He really does. I really hate myself for this. i love you, though.
     
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  4. Enoch07

    Enoch07 It's all a sick freaking joke.
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    You craving the attention of an older man is your subconscious mind way of dealing with the abuse from your father. But this time you are the one initiating and thus gives you the sense of control your mind needs to help deal with the abuse.

    Because of this even if you found an attractive older man that was single more than likely the relationship will fail. So my advice is to stay away from older men all together. Find you someone closer to your age. I'd say no more than 10 years older than you.

    Prayer never hurts, but you probably should look into some therapy. As a victim of abuse myself as a child, I didn't seek therapy as soon as I should have which lead down some difficult paths for me. You can find Christian counseling if you wish. But definitely look into it before the anger and resentment take hold. Trust me you do not want to live with that rage for very long, it will devour from the inside, and effect every relationship you have for the rest of your life (friends, lovers, family, everyone).

    In the meantime concentrate on work or school whichever is your path. Take advantage of as many social functions at your work/school/community as you can, because that's gonna be your best bet at meeting someone decent. Build from the foundation of your faith, friendship, love, and trust. That's the best advice I can give as an old man who wasted a good part of his life focusing on the wrong parts of life.
     
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  5. YeshuaRedeemed

    YeshuaRedeemed Revelation 3:10

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    Fair enough. What you are saying makes sense. i accept your advice.
     
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  6. Brickjectivity

    Brickjectivity Veteran Member
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    I don't know about why girls fall in love with whomever they do. I only have a little advice on getting over him which is to get as much distance as possible. If he goes to your church, change churches. If you work with him, get transferred or job search. Don't be friends.
     
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  7. metis

    metis aged ecumenical anthropologist

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    Note what you like/love so much about that married man, and then keep your eye out for those that aren't married who may have the same qualities.

    I always told our children and grandchildren to "play the field", not allowing yourself to just be with one person at a time. After I got painfully dumped by a woman I was "going steady" with during my sophomore year at college, I made a pledge to myself never to go with just one woman at a time again, and I didn't. Even the evening before I decided to ask my wife for her hand in marriage, I have a date with another woman whom I also loved to a certain extent, just to make certain I was making the right move. She said "yes", and we've been married for 52 years-- undoubtedly the best decision of my life.

    Again, look for those qualities you admire in that married man that you love, but please don't "touch".
     
  8. tosca1

    tosca1 Member

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    If it is at all possible - try not to see this man. It's like being a moth to a flame.

    Pray to God to help you fight the temptation to succumb, to give you the strength,
    to protect you. Pray that you get over this man.
    You wrote: "I just want a husband of my own, to love,"
    Repeat that in your prayers! Talk to Him as you would to a father.
    I've heard some people say in their testimonies that God led them to their spouses!
    Put your trust in God.

    I don't know if analyzing why you fell for him will be of any help.
    On the contrary, it might lead you to "justify" your feelings for him, and that may lead to downfall.
     
    #8 tosca1, May 16, 2019
    Last edited: May 16, 2019
  9. YeshuaRedeemed

    YeshuaRedeemed Revelation 3:10

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    Thank you, I will. I want to please Jesus.
     
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