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Chocolate and Its Enjoyment is the Purpose of Our Existence

Discussion in 'Games / Pics / Jokes / Stories' started by lewisnotmiller, Oct 8, 2018.

  1. lewisnotmiller

    lewisnotmiller Grand Hat
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    I've often been accused of being purposeless. Without purpose.
    What is the meaning of life, they* say, if there is no objective meaning? What is the meaning of life if life ends, and we're just worm food?

    (* 'they' are basically the straw people I've invented for this thread. Oh, and maybe @Deeje !! Don't overthink it, it's a joke thread.)

    I have conducted exhaustive experiments on various possible meanings for life. Whilst the title of this thread is clearly a massive spoiler, you might be surprised to hear that I found the meaning of life. And it's chocolate. Chocolate is, in fact, the living embodiment of how we should be living.

    Consider the following completely scientific points;

    Just like people, chocolate comes in a range of colors, including dark, white, and some sort of blend we refer to as milk. Please consider the life lesson that Top Deck teaches us...

    [​IMG]

    What's that you say?
    No, of course the lesson is not that white people have traditionally put themselves above brown people. And no, smarty-pants, it's not that white and brown are neatly segregated.
    No. The lesson, obviously, is that the whole can be made of all of us, whatever our backgrounds.

    Sorry, what? My hearing is getting a little dodgy in my old age. What's that you say? Asians? Well...ummm...I mean, I'm sure the metaphor could use some more work...but...look at this...

    [​IMG]

    See? Now it speaks not only of how the various colours on earth can co-exist to form a delicious whole, but how some random green foreigners (possibly aliens from outer space) can be introduced into our harmonious combined reality.

    And these lessons, whilst obviously important, are not the only things chocolate can teach us.
    Here, in the humble little town of Melbourne there are clearly people who have recognized the religious significance of chocolate...consider the following;

    The Ministry of Chocolate - Handmade in Melbourne Delivery Australia Wide

    And, for those of you of the more skeptical bent, I'm sure you'd like scientific evidence of the miracles of chocolate. Well fine...I can understand your need, you soulless gits...

    Consider;

    The band Hot Chocolate had a massive hit with their song 'You Sexy Thing'. The first line of the song? 'I believe in miracles...' Coincidence? I don't think so. (emphasis mine)

    Chocolate is sold by businesses, and everyone knows that big business (at least) is there to make money. If a customer is willing to pay double for a product, they'd jump at that, right? Wrong. The power of chocolate cannot be underestimated...
    This Famous Chocolate Brand Offered Customers a Terrible Deal. Here's What Happened to Those Who Accepted It

    And, the final piece of amazingly compelling evidence of chocolate-based miracles is how it combines with other food-stuffs. It's truly miraculous. Take any old piece of rubbish food, dip it in chocolate, and it IMMEDIATELY becomes binge-worthy. You're just a Netflix subscription and a dozen bottles of red away from a sofa-coma. Err...or is that only me? Anyways...consider the following amazeballs foods, not possible without the power of chocolate...mostly because they are chocolate-covered...

    [​IMG]

    Squidtacular.

    [​IMG]

    It'll worm it's way into your favourite foods list...

    [​IMG]

    You'll regret not trying these!
    (and also trying these!!)

    In closing, I'd like to address the elephant in the room (unfortunately NOT a chocolate-covered elephant...)

    Whilst some might look at these foods and say 'Sure, they look AMAZING, but wouldn't they also look amazing wrapped in bacon?' I'd remind you to take care listening to false prophets. On these very boards there are people like @Revoltingest peddling their dubious messages about the 'saviour' that is bacon. To them, I heap scorn.

    Bacon is a false prophet, dripping with fat and unclean. But even bacon, that most ignominious of foods, can be saved. And so I call on the miracle of chocolate, of the one True Purpose in our otherwise meaningless little lives, to show it's graceful face one last time...

    [​IMG]

    And in the words of a famous preacher at a Nascar event...
    Boogety-boogety-boogety.
    Amen.
     
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  2. Deeje

    Deeje Avid Bible Student
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    I love your Aussie sense of humor LnM.....but the funny thing is I don't like chocolate....its only good for covering things like ice-cream or nuts (especially peanuts)....not scorpions or squid though. [​IMG]

    If chocolate is the meaning of life....I'm done for. [​IMG]
     
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  3. Shadow Wolf

    Shadow Wolf Crazy Diamond

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    I love chocolate. But I think I'll pass on the chocolate worms, scorpions, and bacon.
    I think I'll just stick to regular dark chocolate, with an occasional indulgence in a Spaceman Mint bar.
     
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  4. beenherebeforeagain

    beenherebeforeagain Rogue Animist
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    I have only this to offer in reply...someone beat you to it!

     
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  5. Revoltingest

    Revoltingest Greased up & ready for action!
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    The only chocolate is dark chocolate.
     
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  6. Stanyon

    Stanyon WWMHD?

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    Chocolate and good coffee... I became a believer in the French press, late bloomer I guess, nothing between you and your coffee like plastic tubes and paper filters. Every once in a while I will put a piece of orange or lemon peel and a piece of dark chocolate in my espresso.
     
  7. JoshuaTree

    JoshuaTree Flowers are red?

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    a6612fdeeaae1811e4fed01cfe8551cb.jpg
    Chocolate... yum. :)
     
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